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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

big bobs beard said:
Not posted on here before - believe me I've been trough the wringer as I opened up a bit on a different thread. DONT GIVE UP YET! Some time apart and some breathing space may yet be all is needed, relationships are intense as it is never mind going through tough times. Biggest mistake I ever made was not realising how depressed my ex was and anyone who lives with someone suffering from it also suffers emotionally. Just make sure you are there for the little one - see her every day even for a short while and TALK if you can. As others have said don't drink however tempting as it is a depressive and makes things worse. Good luck mate I have always appreciated reading your posts, -you sound a great lad, sort of bloke who would be a mate- try to relax and somehow get back to being what/who got you together in the first place. Having kids puts a massive strain on a relationship. Get yourself out for a long walk with both of them, have some fun and talk! good luck
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Excellent post man. Really good.
 
Thanks lads.

You'll never know how much this support has meant.

I feel like I'm staring into an abyss right now. I'm losing the person I thought I was and I'm left with nothing more than a shell right now.

I can't imagine life after this. But any support here is greatly appreciated. It really is.
 
Hi again- without being intrusive - has she told you its definitely over or that she is unhappy still? Don't give up have the most honest talk you have ever had, if its going to end then at least have no regrets about what you wished you had said or done but didn't - that can give you sleepless nights in the years ahead.
Also........ and please don't take this wrong............ on the two occasions my exes suddenly announced they were 'unhappy' there was someone else on the scene giving them attention which led them to ultimately wanting to end the relationship, their unhappiness only came about when somebody else was on their radar. Awful to think about but be on guard!! Absolutely wrecked me emotionally both times and tbh have never recovered as I know I have always been a decent honest and faithful bloke and can now never trust anyone 100% and even now expect the worst.
Also in this situation of tough times people need to realise happiness is a temporary emotion like all the others not a permanent state of being - I mean who is happy all the time????? Please try and make it work and if not be the person you are, you cannot be a person someone else wants you to be - trust me I've tried- if its not good enough then move on with your life slowly taking it day by day as the future can appear bleak. But it can and will get better.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Thanks lads.

You'll never know how much this support has meant.

I feel like I'm staring into an abyss right now. I'm losing the person I thought I was and I'm left with nothing more than a shell right now.

I can't imagine life after this. But any support here is greatly appreciated. It really is.
Click to expand...

Look, typing my thoughts out here so hopefully something will make sense.

Personally i am not in a normal relationship, it is one made out of having a child together and now we have two. i must admit we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the kids and by all means i spend some days wondering why we are anyway! It is kid of a bizarre situation because we love each other and she will do things for me that only a (eventual) wife should but it isn't the same as a previous relationship where it ended badly for me anyway. I turned to drinking then as well and i found out it got me nowhere but whole other story there. But yeah, point of all of that is i'm not in some happy picturesque family environment so i am not wanting to feed you a bunch of nonsense. I spend my life making sacrifices for the good of my kids and being there as a dad so i hope i can offer you some advice.

first of all i don't know what the issues are in your home and certainly between yourself and your wife, but i will ask is it all one way? Sometimes taking a step back and looking at everything has to be an answer in anyones life and as much as it might look bleak, sometimes the problems are further than simply 'i've messed up' type of attitudes. So yeah, hopefully given a bit of time you both can see what is wrong and how to fix it, rather than lay the blame at simply your table. the other thing is always WHY isn't she happy? None of the idealistic crap, what are the bare bones of why isn't she happy? Because from my own perspective nothing better than having a home with kids so find out why she isnt and go from there.

If it isnt going to work out then unfortunatly that is something that we all experience in our lives and myself like many others know and respect how you are feeling right now. Time and space is what is needed, not trying to force an issue that will never lead to anywhere other than where you don't want to be. Make sure you keep in touch with your Wife and escpecially your daughter and just try and soul search between you both to come up with the problem first and foremost before you try and find a solution.

the world is a dark place my friend, its up to us to shine that bit of light for ourselves. sometimes the light will go out but we just have to try that little bit harder to light up the sky again.
 

Ashtonian said:
Look, typing my thoughts out here so hopefully something will make sense.

Personally i am not in a normal relationship, it is one made out of having a child together and now we have two. i must admit we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the kids and by all means i spend some days wondering why we are anyway! It is kid of a bizarre situation because we love each other and she will do things for me that only a (eventual) wife should but it isn't the same as a previous relationship where it ended badly for me anyway. I turned to drinking then as well and i found out it got me nowhere but whole other story there. But yeah, point of all of that is i'm not in some happy picturesque family environment so i am not wanting to feed you a bunch of nonsense. I spend my life making sacrifices for the good of my kids and being there as a dad so i hope i can offer you some advice.

first of all i don't know what the issues are in your home and certainly between yourself and your wife, but i will ask is it all one way? Sometimes taking a step back and looking at everything has to be an answer in anyones life and as much as it might look bleak, sometimes the problems are further than simply 'i've messed up' type of attitudes. So yeah, hopefully given a bit of time you both can see what is wrong and how to fix it, rather than lay the blame at simply your table. the other thing is always WHY isn't she happy? None of the idealistic crap, what are the bare bones of why isn't she happy? Because from my own perspective nothing better than having a home with kids so find out why she isnt and go from there.

If it isnt going to work out then unfortunatly that is something that we all experience in our lives and myself like many others know and respect how you are feeling right now. Time and space is what is needed, not trying to force an issue that will never lead to anywhere other than where you don't want to be. Make sure you keep in touch with your Wife and escpecially your daughter and just try and soul search between you both to come up with the problem first and foremost before you try and find a solution.

the world is a dark place my friend, its up to us to shine that bit of light for ourselves. sometimes the light will go out but we just have to try that little bit harder to light up the sky again.
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Respect my man. Respect.
 
Ashtonian said:
Sometimes taking a step back and looking at everything has to be an answer in anyones life and as much as it might look bleak, sometimes the problems are further than simply 'i've messed up' type of attitudes.
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This resonated with me. Stepping back with her & taking stock of what the problem is might actually surprise you. Marriage counsellors are the obvious people to see but you may not need to go so far.

Most girls I know confide with their Mothers. If you have a good relationship there, why not have a deep and meaningful with your Mother in Law. If she's not an option, perhaps a close friend of your wife's? Whoever it is that is close will tell her about the discussion and it could be the start of some meaningful dialogue.

Of course, this would be my second option to having the conversation directly with your wife...
 
Ashtonian said:
Look, typing my thoughts out here so hopefully something will make sense.

Personally i am not in a normal relationship, it is one made out of having a child together and now we have two. i must admit we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the kids and by all means i spend some days wondering why we are anyway! It is kid of a bizarre situation because we love each other and she will do things for me that only a (eventual) wife should but it isn't the same as a previous relationship where it ended badly for me anyway. I turned to drinking then as well and i found out it got me nowhere but whole other story there. But yeah, point of all of that is i'm not in some happy picturesque family environment so i am not wanting to feed you a bunch of nonsense. I spend my life making sacrifices for the good of my kids and being there as a dad so i hope i can offer you some advice.

first of all i don't know what the issues are in your home and certainly between yourself and your wife, but i will ask is it all one way? Sometimes taking a step back and looking at everything has to be an answer in anyones life and as much as it might look bleak, sometimes the problems are further than simply 'i've messed up' type of attitudes. So yeah, hopefully given a bit of time you both can see what is wrong and how to fix it, rather than lay the blame at simply your table. the other thing is always WHY isn't she happy? None of the idealistic crap, what are the bare bones of why isn't she happy? Because from my own perspective nothing better than having a home with kids so find out why she isnt and go from there.

If it isnt going to work out then unfortunatly that is something that we all experience in our lives and myself like many others know and respect how you are feeling right now. Time and space is what is needed, not trying to force an issue that will never lead to anywhere other than where you don't want to be. Make sure you keep in touch with your Wife and escpecially your daughter and just try and soul search between you both to come up with the problem first and foremost before you try and find a solution.

the world is a dark place my friend, its up to us to shine that bit of light for ourselves. sometimes the light will go out but we just have to try that little bit harder to light up the sky again.
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Not being flippant but sounds like a typical marriage to me!!! Keep at it and great post
 
The pain I feel right now is insurmountable and indescribable. It's an ache. A deep, tearing ache.

I have people. My people. I have you guys. For that, you'll never know how much I appreciate it. It sounds empty when an internet stranger is saying this, but it's sincerely meant.

I slept with this forum open last night.

That might sound desperate, but it got me 2 hours sleep. More than I've had in four nights.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.
 
Durham Toffee said:
The pain I feel right now is insurmountable and indescribable. It's an ache. A deep, tearing ache.

I have people. My people. I have you guys. For that, you'll never know how much I appreciate it. It sounds empty when an internet stranger is saying this, but it's sincerely meant.

I slept with this forum open last night.

That might sound desperate, but it got me 2 hours sleep. More than I've had in four nights.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.
Click to expand...

Whatever gets you through the dark times mate. ( Try ear bud speakers and a talk radio station on really low. I found that eventually my mind would focus on the radio even if I didn't want it to and eventually I would get some sleep.
 
Last edited:

Morning, lids. Just checking in and expressing gratitude again for the last few days. I don't want to make this thread all about me, so I'll stop posting so much after this, but I am very sincerely grateful.

I've stopped crying so much now, I can't change things as they are. I'll just ride out the next 3 weeks or so and collect myself after that to see where I go from there.

I have a lot of things going for me in my life; a lot of people who love me. It's just a shame I don't have the person I love the most.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Morning, lids. Just checking in and expressing gratitude again for the last few days. I don't want to make this thread all about me, so I'll stop posting so much after this, but I am very sincerely grateful.

I've stopped crying so much now, I can't change things as they are. I'll just ride out the next 3 weeks or so and collect myself after that to see where I go from there.

I have a lot of things going for me in my life; a lot of people who love me. It's just a shame I don't have the person I love the most.
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Hang in there mate. Things will get better with a little time and some perspective.
Keep posting in here though.
 

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