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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Durham Toffee said:
I've stopped drinking. It's a gutless way to react. I'm sorry.

I need another hour. Just to get my head sorted and the think about what needs to be said.

I'm nothing without them lads. Nothing.

I hate myself right now.
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I can only echo the advice others have given - simply show here this thread and what you've posted here.

She can read it without you going off track and will see that you want to sort it out rathe than end it.

Hope it goes well.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.
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Youre trying too hard.

You're acting all desperate and totally out of character.

Stop drinking. Alcohol should only be used and enjoyed in moderation and not for chronic stress.


You need to have a sit down with your gf and talk.

A relaxed talk and see if there's anything you can do to make her happy and hopefully you and her happy.

Above all. Relax. You're all over the place. Certainly not rational. You need to chillout. as youll be stressing her out too.

Above all respect her opinion. Disciplining of your daughter is joint responsibility. You should be united in this.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.
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How are you doing today mate ?

As a long term sufferer I,ve had similar issues with my missus. As the others have said the key things at the moment are talking to her and not drinking.

What my missus has told me is that for her it was like watching the person she fell in love with change into someone else and it frightened her - the mood swings, the silences, the slow withdrawal from life in general. Try and look at if from her point of view. Imagine if she was unwell and you were the one supporting her. Maybe that will help you see why she is unhappy.

She sounds like a top girl, she's told you that she's unhappy three times over the past few months . That's her trying to subtly tell you that she wants to talk properly as a couple . I'm a dope when it comes to not being able to read women too, I think most men are tbh. Sit down without distractions and talk properly.

Ps - if you haven't had any yet, I think that some form of taking therapy would be very beneficial- you're GP is the first point of contact for this . Also if you're on meds they may need revising to get you back on track.

You can come through this mate, but the key is talking and being honest.
 
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Durham Toffee said:
Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.
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not being nosey but are any of you working? that can have a big impact on a marriage if both out of work and spending 24/7 together.
 

I think I've lost her.

She is unhappy. Really unhappy.

I'm really not sure she loves me anymore. My heart is aching.

I'm with people who can care for me...I'll be fine. But my heart is in tatters.
 
Good luck my man. Don't give up the fight and don't give up on her until there is no other option.

Check in here to let us know you are ok please.
 

Nothing more to mention about this lads.

Just bury it in the forum pages please. The pain I feel right now is like nothing I've ever experienced before.

I'd rather experience any kind of physical pain than this.

I'm going to hang around on the forums tonight. I just need company. I have people with me, but I feel so isolated right now, it's unreal.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Nothing more to mention about this lads.

Just bury it in the forum pages please. The pain I feel right now is like nothing I've ever experienced before.

I'd rather experience any kind of physical pain than this.

I'm going to hang around on the forums tonight. I just need company. I have people with me, but I feel so isolated right now, it's unreal.
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Hang on in there mate, your fellow Blues are with you if that's any help....
 
Durham Toffee said:
It really is.

I've cried more times today than should be healthy.

This is an ache that can be felt in every inch of my body. FFS lads, hold on to the woman you love.
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Don't know you and never will but I'm really feeling for you right now. Been in a similar situation myself. Guess all I can say is don't do anything desperate. Keep yourself busy and try and keep some focus. Exercise can really help as well. Look at whatever positives remain and try and focus on them. Good luck and take care.
 
Durham Toffee said:
It really is.

I've cried more times today than should be healthy.

This is an ache that can be felt in every inch of my body. FFS lads, hold on to the woman you love.
Click to expand...

Not posted on here before - believe me I've been trough the wringer as I opened up a bit on a different thread. DONT GIVE UP YET! Some time apart and some breathing space may yet be all is needed, relationships are intense as it is never mind going through tough times. Biggest mistake I ever made was not realising how depressed my ex was and anyone who lives with someone suffering from it also suffers emotionally. Just make sure you are there for the little one - see her every day even for a short while and TALK if you can. As others have said don't drink however tempting as it is a depressive and makes things worse. Good luck mate I have always appreciated reading your posts, -you sound a great lad, sort of bloke who would be a mate- try to relax and somehow get back to being what/who got you together in the first place. Having kids puts a massive strain on a relationship. Get yourself out for a long walk with both of them, have some fun and talk! good luck
 

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