Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[kithnou]

How are we lids?

Just checking in on a thread that has brought me to tears of both happiness and sadness in equal measure.

On my way to the game today with some lads who have supported me through some horrific times. This board has been a source of a strength I never knew I had.

Thank you.

Enjoy the game and never stop appreciating how fortunate you are.
As an international supporter, I can't begin to express how much I would love to be enjoying the whole Goodison match day experience all season. Every season

 

[Durham Toffee]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

 

[kithnou]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

Mate. Just my opinion and I hope it helps.
I would stop drinking and go home to your wife and ask her to open up to you again what exactly is making her unhappy. Provide an ear for her here.
Ignoring her right now and returning home drunk won't help.
I'm not married so maybe any married men here may provide you with something different, but to me the best thing you could do is to go home, listen to her, and try and diffuse the situation by finding out what is responsible for her unhappiness and trying to find a mutual solution.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

Go home to her & your daughter, immediately. Stop bevvying and realise what you've just said. Don't let this happen on Easter Sunday, religious or not, kids love it - put it to one side til later, and chop it up with her later.

 

[kithnou]

Forgot to ask if you have discussed some marriage counselling to help? If it is getting to the stage you are thinking she may want to leave?

 

[Durham Toffee]

Mate. Just my opinion and I hope it helps.
I would stop drinking and go home to your wife and ask her to open up to you again what exactly is making her unhappy. Provide an ear for her here.
Ignoring her right now and returning home drunk won't help.
I'm not married so maybe any married men here may provide you with something different, but to me the best thing you could do is to go home, listen to her, and try and diffuse the situation by finding out what is responsible for her unhappiness and trying to find a mutual solution.

I can't have that conversation mate. I can't hear her tell me that she doesn't see it getting any better. I can't have her tell me it's over.

It would kill me.

 

[steken1]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

Start the text with that...

 

[kithnou]

I can't have that conversation mate. I can't hear her tell me that she doesn't see it getting any better. I can't have her tell me it's over.

It would kill me.

Maybe tell her you want to do everything to make it work and would look at some marriage counselling? Show her how much you love her and want it to work.
Does she know?

 

[The Esk]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

Get home mate and tell her what you've written here.

Tell her she amazing and that you are doing your very best but because of your illness it might not always be enough.

If she's any compassion and feelings for you she'll see that she needs to help you in order for you to make her happier than she is presently. Relationships require effort from both partners not one.

 

[kithnou]

Start the text with that...

Yes. Is she aware of your feelings mate?

 

[Deleted member 28206]

I can't have that conversation mate. I can't hear her tell me that she doesn't see it getting any better. I can't have her tell me it's over.

It would kill me.

Is it all about you? you seem to be making it all about you here - this thread is very supportive to those who need it but you seem to have made whatever is going on all about you here mate, i don't want to seem rude, or cutting in in any way but when kids are involved - look from their perspective, and that perspective is her dad is in the boozer getting pissed on Easter Sunday cos he won't talk to her mum.

The difficulty surrounding relationships is the lack of communication, believe me mate - i am absolutely there with you, it's awkward difficult truths you have to face.

 

[kithnou]

Just definitely stop drinking and go home mate.

 

[Durham Toffee]

I've stopped drinking. It's a gutless way to react. I'm sorry.

I need another hour. Just to get my head sorted and the think about what needs to be said.

I'm nothing without them lads. Nothing.

I hate myself right now.

 

[kithnou]

I've stopped drinking. It's a gutless way to react. I'm sorry.

I need another hour. Just to get my head sorted and the think about what needs to be said.

I'm nothing without them lads. Nothing.

I hate myself right now.

Good. Now go home when you are ready and show and tell them.

 

[Bally1960]

Help me out lads. I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from the game yesterday, the wife and bairn spent time at her parents' house. They came back this morning, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument yesterday about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

This morning, when they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and now I'm in a pub slowly getting drunk.

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

If be nothing. Less than nothing.

She keeps texting me. But I can't reply. I don't want to have a conversation where I might lose her.

Women don't get what men get out of relationships, it's been proven we take more out emotionally which is why you often will find women are happier to come out with the "im not happy" line than us fellas.

My only advice is to try your best but don't drain yourself emotionally if things look out of your control. Good luck pal whatever happens you'll get through it.