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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Spotty said:
When I was a younger, I recall my dad saying to me " son, compared to death life is fantastic ". He would refer to the very simple things in life that taken individually, don't mean much. But taken collectively, they are what makes our life so meaningful and rich. Seeing a new mum and her child interact, the look a child gives you when your holding them. The smell - the " baby smell " - that makes you feel warm inside , something I wish I could bottle. The satisfaction of a lovely hot meal, the glass of wine or beer you enjoy with good company, fresh air, nice walks, spending a nice night in with a good movie, cup of milky cocoa before bed, nice warm shower, seeing people happy and yes your part of that, reminiscing when a song your listening to brings back floods of fond memories. Very simple things that make me happy.

I say to the what seems like the many souls on here who appear to be suffering at present, the simple things that make us contented, aren't that far away that we can't grasp them again. Few of us I suspect are solely interested in having lots of money and possessions. For most of us it's the very simple non complicated things in life that we covet and crave. I've alluded to mine above. I hope we can all rediscover the hope we sometimes lose, and again start again to enjoy the little things that for us, make our life worth living. Take care all.
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I know this will sound a little corny, and just to make it clear it is absolutely not my intention to trivialise anyones difficulties. Absolutely not.
Once I was given a task by my therapist to find something to look forward to in life. Not something far-off but something imminently realisable.

I was in quite a low place at the time and I really struggled with this. Eventually I settled on looking forward to trying a new toothbrush with a new brand of toothpaste that I had bought a few days earlier. I was going to come home from work and brush my teeth after dinner and somehow "enjoy" it.

Don't get me wrong here. I was being deliberately cynical. I was not in a good place.

Did it turn out to be all I had hoped? Well, it was about as fulfilling as such an experience could be. I didn't have high hopes.

But anyway, at my next session, I was asked to report on my progress which I duly did.

There was a pause, followed by a bout of coughing on the therapists part until finally she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter which persisted for several minutes. She felt a little embarrassed but I told her there was no need to. I was laughing myself.

It was your post which reminded me of this. So I had another little laugh to myself. Courtesy of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

And indeed, take care all.
 
brieverton said:
I know this will sound a little corny, and just to make it clear it is absolutely not my intention to trivialise anyones difficulties. Absolutely not.
Once I was given a task by my therapist to find something to look forward to in life. Not something far-off but something imminently realisable.

I was in quite a low place at the time and I really struggled with this. Eventually I settled on looking forward to trying a new toothbrush with a new brand of toothpaste that I had bought a few days earlier. I was going to come home from work and brush my teeth after dinner and somehow "enjoy" it.

Don't get me wrong here. I was being deliberately cynical. I was not in a good place.

Did it turn out to be all I had hoped? Well, it was about as fulfilling as such an experience could be. I didn't have high hopes.

But anyway, at my next session, I was asked to report on my progress which I duly did.

There was a pause, followed by a bout of coughing on the therapists part until finally she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter which persisted for several minutes. She felt a little embarrassed but I told her there was no need to. I was laughing myself.

It was your post which reminded me of this. So I had another little laugh to myself. Courtesy of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

And indeed, take care all.
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Its an important point, no matter what it is. To look forward to sommet everyday. When Nikki left us, I probably self medicated by doing just that. A TV programme, a meal, a walk, a new toothbrush. It matters not.

Nearly 2 years later, and losing me Dad early this year, I still do it. Maybe we all do it anyrate, we probably do if you think about it, ("cant wait for the match later"?) but when you are poorly ill with the head stuff, its a small but agreed by you thing with some positive vibe about it.

Embrace it if it works. Or even helps.
 
I've enrolled in an organisation called The Pier Road Project. It's mostly for addiction but can also help address mental problems. In my case it's ADHD and the fact that, when I do drink, I don't stop until it's all gone or I get thrown out of the pub, party or whatever. I've been taking Paroxetine for 15+ years and only now realise its danger when drinking.

The fact that I have (officially undiagnosed) ADHD means I shouldn't be taking anti-depressants because I suffer on anxiety, not depression. The last couple of days have been awful as my wife is near breaking point.

I'd like it if others with ADHD could interact.
 
brieverton said:
I know this will sound a little corny, and just to make it clear it is absolutely not my intention to trivialise anyones difficulties. Absolutely not.
Once I was given a task by my therapist to find something to look forward to in life. Not something far-off but something imminently realisable.

I was in quite a low place at the time and I really struggled with this. Eventually I settled on looking forward to trying a new toothbrush with a new brand of toothpaste that I had bought a few days earlier. I was going to come home from work and brush my teeth after dinner and somehow "enjoy" it.

Don't get me wrong here. I was being deliberately cynical. I was not in a good place.

Did it turn out to be all I had hoped? Well, it was about as fulfilling as such an experience could be. I didn't have high hopes.

But anyway, at my next session, I was asked to report on my progress which I duly did.

There was a pause, followed by a bout of coughing on the therapists part until finally she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter which persisted for several minutes. She felt a little embarrassed but I told her there was no need to. I was laughing myself.

It was your post which reminded me of this. So I had another little laugh to myself. Courtesy of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

And indeed, take care all.
Click to expand...
I believe one of the guys in a post alluded to not showering for a week. " Little things " like personal hygiene - or lack of it as it may be - are not always but often seen as red flags. One of my students asked me what are the signs of someone's mental health deteriorating and I highlighted a lack of personal hygiene. Why are someone not showering, brushing their teeth - why, what's the point " I don't intend being around ". Do people have poor hygiene - of course - but someone who has a history of mental illness and who are usually " spotless ", when their hygiene goes I use it a warning sign. Further to my post, not getting pleasure from the things we used to enjoy is called Anhedonia and something I pay particular attention to. How many times have we said when we are feeling low, down: " I'm not even doing that anymore " or " that used to be good, it isn't anymore ". Just little things that we can keep a keen eye on. Conversely, when someone is rock bottom and you see them in clean clothes having showered, it can be at times be seen as a positive indicator. Don't underestimate folks the small steps we make if we have started to recover. The little steps are real positives, they mean something and give us something to hold on to. NEVER view them as trivial or meaningless.

I'll close on an anecdote because it demonstrates what I mean perfectly. A young girl in the community I used to see, no confidence, zero self esteem, numerous suicide attempts, she was very fragile and had locked herself away, riven with anxiety. I asked her what she wanted, what goal did she have, something we could work towards. She replied " to walk across the road to that shop and buy a pint of milk ". It took me 5 weeks to get to a point where I was stood outside, she walked in by herself and came out with a massive grin holding a pint of milk ". Fantastic. A little inconsequential thing to most of us, to her, a real hard worked for achievement. We can recover, we can get better and yes, we can achieve peace of mind. Really doesn't matter how we get there, small steps, little markers and achievements, we move forward and recover.
 
Lobster Johnson said:
Feel like I only post on here when I want to share which feels a bit selfish. I'll do better when things are less hectic!

Anyway, i finally got my diagnosis which is moderate ADHD. That means I can now get medication and support in adapting to how it effects my life on the NHS. Which is a weight off my mind.

GF has actually been really supportive with it since she realised her best friend's husband deals with a lot of the same issues I do. So feeling pretty upbeat this week.

Thanks again for all the support everybody. You're all special and I appreciate it.
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As soon as I read your opening paragraph I knew you were going to talk about ADHD because I do the same and, although not officially diagnosed, I know I have ADHD too. When you realise that today is my 70th birthday and know (the more I read about it) that I have suffered ADHD since childhood, you can see what a terrible waste of opportunity my life has been.

I have been trying for five years to get help so am very happy for you that you are getting the help you need. Don't beat yourself up about appearing selfish and uncaring, it's not your fault that your brain isn't wired perfectly.
 

TyphooToffee said:
;) As soon as I read your opening paragraph I knew you were going to talk about ADHD because I do the same and, although not officially diagnosed, I know I have ADHD too. When you realise that today is my 70th birthday and know (the more I read about it) that I have suffered ADHD since childhood, you can see what a terrible waste of opportunity my life has been.

I have been trying for five years to get help so am very happy for you that you are getting the help you need. Don't beat yourself up about appearing selfish and uncaring, it's not your fault that your brain isn't wired perfectly.
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Happy Birthday. I really hope that you are able to get the help you need, don’t give up. 1952 was a very good year to be born, I should know.;)?
 
Spotty said:
I believe one of the guys in a post alluded to not showering for a week. " Little things " like personal hygiene - or lack of it as it may be - are not always but often seen as red flags. One of my students asked me what are the signs of someone's mental health deteriorating and I highlighted a lack of personal hygiene. Why are someone not showering, brushing their teeth - why, what's the point " I don't intend being around ". Do people have poor hygiene - of course - but someone who has a history of mental illness and who are usually " spotless ", when their hygiene goes I use it a warning sign. Further to my post, not getting pleasure from the things we used to enjoy is called Anhedonia and something I pay particular attention to. How many times have we said when we are feeling low, down: " I'm not even doing that anymore " or " that used to be good, it isn't anymore ". Just little things that we can keep a keen eye on. Conversely, when someone is rock bottom and you see them in clean clothes having showered, it can be at times be seen as a positive indicator. Don't underestimate folks the small steps we make if we have started to recover. The little steps are real positives, they mean something and give us something to hold on to. NEVER view them as trivial or meaningless.

I'll close on an anecdote because it demonstrates what I mean perfectly. A young girl in the community I used to see, no confidence, zero self esteem, numerous suicide attempts, she was very fragile and had locked herself away, riven with anxiety. I asked her what she wanted, what goal did she have, something we could work towards. She replied " to walk across the road to that shop and buy a pint of milk ". It took me 5 weeks to get to a point where I was stood outside, she walked in by herself and came out with a massive grin holding a pint of milk ". Fantastic. A little inconsequential thing to most of us, to her, a real hard worked for achievement. We can recover, we can get better and yes, we can achieve peace of mind. Really doesn't matter how we get there, small steps, little markers and achievements, we move forward and recover.
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Great post as always mate.

I always saw depression as something that happened to other people until the first lockdown. I remember so vividly trying to explain to my wife how I was very well aware that I’d go a few days without showering, or sat on the couch when I knew I had work to do, and how in my head I’d be screaming at myself to get up and do something about it, but that the feeling was akin to paralysis.

As you quite rightly allude to, some days it is enough to get up, get showered, brush your teeth, and throw on some clean clothes. If you can add a flourish like a little meal or a bit of tidying then fantastic.

You don’t have to address every problem at once, or even solve one completely. Just take a tiny step that you otherwise may not have and you’re on your way.
 
Rich B said:
I just wondered if anyone else is struggling to feel festive, and feeling like Christmas is a lot of pressure (financially, emotionally, family related etc) for a relatively little amount of enjoyment. If so, I'm with you. Be kind to yourselves . ?
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I deal with it by enjoying the fact that other folk find it triffic. To me, it is something that I will endure, but that said, do take the guilt free chance to treat myself to a few treats. Works for me. Then I have to get over a terrible reminder of stuff on NYE.

Regular readers will understand.
 

Rich B said:
I just wondered if anyone else is struggling to feel festive, and feeling like Christmas is a lot of pressure (financially, emotionally, family related etc) for a relatively little amount of enjoyment. If so, I'm with you. Be kind to yourselves . ?
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I normally love Xmas time but cant be that arsed this year. Still made an effort for my lad but think its a mixture of the constant doom and gloom at the moment and the year having flown by lol
 
Dont be sad @Rich B . I have been (probably) painfully open about my life these last 3 years. This place was a wonderful help. But for the accident of chemicals and the knowledge I learnt when Nik was poorly, I have been spared the mental trauma/issues that too many in this thread are affected by.

I am content, will confront NYE next week, will have a lovely Christmas day with Mum. Then get thoroughly annoyed/happy when Everton play. Thats the deal eh?
 
Just thought I’d share part of my story. I was a stay at home Mum during which time I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. but I managed to cope with my condition. One day, out of the blue, I was offered a job in our local post office/corner shop. I thought I‘d give it a go even though I was nervous - the door was in view and I could always “escape” if I needed to. All went well for three years or so until , a couple of weeks before Christmas, we were the target of armed robbers. Every panic attack I had ever had paled into insignificance with the terror I felt. I hoped they never caught the robbers (they didn’t) as the thought of going to court terrified me. I avoided social situations, crowded shops etc. I couldn’t even attend my in laws funerals as the thought of being trapped at the service was just too much. It was a long way back but eventually through relaxation, counselling etc. I was able to return to some semblance of normality. Four years ago my son got two tickets for the Tottenham game at Wembley. He asked me to go with him, I was reluctant at first but as he said “When are you ever going to get the chance to see us play at Wembley?” I agreed to go, if I chickened out I thought my husband could go so the tickets wouldn’t be wasted. He refused saying he had faith that I could do it, even the terror of terrors the Underground. Okay we had to sit with the Spurs fans and the result was rubbish but I did it and had a great time. I still have my “moments” but they are not important and I know they will pass. What I’m trying to say is don’t give up hope, things will get better. Life is always worth living. Thanks for listening.?
 
Gwladysover said:
Just thought I’d share part of my story. I was a stay at home Mum during which time I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. but I managed to cope with my condition. One day, out of the blue, I was offered a job in our local post office/corner shop. I thought I‘d give it a go even though I was nervous - the door was in view and I could always “escape” if I needed to. All went well for three years or so until , a couple of weeks before Christmas, we were the target of armed robbers. Every panic attack I had ever had paled into insignificance with the terror I felt. I hoped they never caught the robbers (they didn’t) as the thought of going to court terrified me. I avoided social situations, crowded shops etc. I couldn’t even attend my in laws funerals as the thought of being trapped at the service was just too much. It was a long way back but eventually through relaxation, counselling etc. I was able to return to some semblance of normality. Four years ago my son got two tickets for the Tottenham game at Wembley. He asked me to go with him, I was reluctant at first but as he said “When are you ever going to get the chance to see us play at Wembley?” I agreed to go, if I chickened out I thought my husband could go so the tickets wouldn’t be wasted. He refused saying he had faith that I could do it, even the terror of terrors the Underground. Okay we had to sit with the Spurs fans and the result was rubbish but I did it and had a great time. I still have my “moments” but they are not important and I know they will pass. What I’m trying to say is don’t give up hope, things will get better. Life is always worth living. Thanks for listening.?
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Tomorrow, I am going to do my best to get out, drive on my own to a new ground, at the mo I feel I can do it, tomorrow is always a tougher challenge :mad:
 
Brendan Janus said:
Tomorrow, I am going to do my best to get out, drive on my own to a new ground, at the mo I feel I can do it, tomorrow is always a tougher challenge :mad:
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You’ve set your intention. That’s a good start mate. Push yourself as far as you feel comfortable to follow through tomorrow but if you can’t manage there’s no point forcing the issue. Just keep trying until you get the breakthrough.
 

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