Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Goat]

thanks all - yeah i guess its fairly obvious what I should do/not do and you have confirmed it all. Guess that why helps talking about things

It really, really is good to talk.

 

[COYBL25]

thanks all - yeah i guess its fairly obvious what I should do/not do and you have confirmed it all. Guess that why helps talking about things

Christmas work do’s have been the ruin of many a good man / woman.

 

[Gwladysover]

Got in a bit of a weird situation at the Christmas party

a few months ago i mention in here my long term gf were going to split. we didn't, we got things sorted and have been happy since.

at my work Christmas party. a girl who I get on with well when i see her, but i don't see her loads, told me she really liked me and has for a while. i didn't expect it at all and it had never even cross my mind. she is an attorney, pretty good looking and i thought she have higher standards than someone who shaves every two weeks and never irons their clothes but there we go lol. looking back there were a feww signs maybe, but i genuinely thought we were just like work pals

she said didn't actually know I had a gf of 15 years and a kid, i thought that was a little odd at the time, but thinking about it - i don't really talk about kids and 'the girlfriend' loads as i know how boring it can be for other people, so there was a chance she might not have known. she doesn't seem the vindictive type so i think i do believe her here

we were a bit drunk but i thiiiink i handle it fine. just had a chat and a hug and just got on with our evenings and we ended going in a group to a club, but i was well moody at that point and wanted to go home - so i hardly even spoke to her there other than her calling me boring

I have two issues now

1 - do i tell my girlfriend? we've been very open about when we have been chatted up in the past, and it has happened a fair amount to me as well as her (you could argue she is the better looking one). but I know since we have had a kid, she def sees herself as 'just a mum' at times. she barely looks any different to how she did pre-kid, but i can see where she is coming from regarding to free time, getting dressed in clothes she wants to wear etc. also, most have been on nights out in one way or another - or at least social occasions where we'd probably never see the person again. this time its someone i work with, and i do go for the odd lunch/drink with her as part of a group - so its a bit more personal I guess. but at the same time, there isn't really anything to tell her...maybe

2 - i don't really know to handle it at work. I have a few people i am very close to, and i'd like to talk to them about it but i really, really don't want it getting back to her, as i don't want to look like i'm bragging about it. one of my closest mates is actually kind of her boss-ish too, and i stayed at his that night and didn't say anything. she knew i stayed there and she was telling him how drunk she has, and he told me. i'm not sure if she kind of said that on purpose or not. i've not seen or spoke to her since, I don't know if i should bring it up with her or not. I kind of want to acknowledge it and agree to just carry on as normal, but i don't want her to pretend she can't remember or something and for it to get weird (this is probably more my paranoia since). i'm sure we'll go for lunch as a group soon, and i don't know if i should ignore it and let it blow over. i don't really want to be the first to bring it up too

I've felt pretty anxious about the whole thing since, and it's got way over just the next day or two after drink (I did hope it was more the post alcohol thing, but it's not)

help

Just to say there is a lot of truth in the old saying “Least said - soonest mended” and also so good that you and gf got things sorted and now happy.

 

[lieneverton]

Your hearts definitely in the right place about initially considering speaking to your gf - if anything it shows how much you respect her by wanting to always be open. But as others have said, nothings happened, there isn't anything to say and will only lead to awkwardness for no real reason.

Might be worth passing the next work do or 2 - if she's still trying it on after that then you're within your rights to be more blunt with her.

 

[COYBL25]

Your hearts definitely in the right place about initially considering speaking to your gf - if anything it shows how much you respect her by wanting to always be open. But as others have said, nothings happened, there isn't anything to say and will only lead to awkwardness for no real reason.

Might be worth passing the next work do or 2 - if she's still trying it on after that then you're within your rights to be more blunt with her.

She could also be one of those people, who gets off on trying it on with people in steady relationships.

 

[YoboCopter]

She could also be one of those people, who gets off on trying it on with people in steady relationships.

Send her to me then

Haha

 

[shackattack]

Feeling suicidal and depressed are two massive issues that they're very hard to quantify. What would cause one person to become anxious another person may deal with totally different, and not be affected by. The key to me is to talk and release those emotions that cause them, be it on a forum such as this, on the end of a phone, a stranger who will have no judgement of you. The list is endless, but you need that release.
Your mind will run you round in circles, add drugs or alcohol and it's easy to descend into a dark place. Whatever it is, it does get easier and with the right support life can be relatively normal. This forum is living proof of how beneficial it can be to talk, as men we bottle things up and find it hard to express our emotions. You'll be surprised at the friends who will offer support.

 

[COYBL25]

Feeling suicidal and depressed are two massive issues that they're very hard to quantify. What would cause one person to become anxious another person may deal with totally different, and not be affected by. The key to me is to talk and release those emotions that cause them, be it on a forum such as this, on the end of a phone, a stranger who will have no judgement of you. The list is endless, but you need that release.
Your mind will run you round in circles, add drugs or alcohol and it's easy to descend into a dark place. Whatever it is, it does get easier and with the right support life can be relatively normal. This forum is living proof of how beneficial it can be to talk, as men we bottle things up and find it hard to express our emotions. You'll be surprised at the friends who will offer support.

Well said mate, even more so at this time of the year.

 

[shackattack]

Well said mate, even more so at this time of the year.

Cheers, I believe in the inherent goodness of people and this time of year can be a bleak one for some people. I don't contribute as much as I'd like to on here but this is the thread that is easily the most supportive I have seen. There are some great contributors to it and it's testimony that there are some wonderful people who will go out of their way to help others

 

[Spotty]

Some really good posts regarding suicidal thoughts and getting support. It's really important to be honest with people if you're struggling and feeling suicidal. Let you're loved ones and friends know. They WILL support you. Sometimes people don't know what to say when faced with someone who wants to kill themselves but please guys remember this. You don't have to say anything other than this. If possible and doable, just say " come and stay with me, I'll be there for you ". Sometimes being in their company helps massively. It really does. Give them some reassurance. If that's not possible, ask them if it's possible to go and stay with a loved one or friend. You can call the police if you're really concerned. Ask them to do a welfare check. Better than doing nothing and regretting it.
People do recover, do see things differently. They CAN get over the crisis they are experiencing. Every single life matters, it really does, and death is a loss to mankind. So helping someone is the most fantastic life affirming thing we can do. We can all help I promise, never forget that. Take care all.

 

[coollino]

Got in a bit of a weird situation at the Christmas party

a few months ago i mention in here my long term gf were going to split. we didn't, we got things sorted and have been happy since.

at my work Christmas party. a girl who I get on with well when i see her, but i don't see her loads, told me she really liked me and has for a while. i didn't expect it at all and it had never even cross my mind. she is an attorney, pretty good looking and i thought she have higher standards than someone who shaves every two weeks and never irons their clothes but there we go lol. looking back there were a feww signs maybe, but i genuinely thought we were just like work pals

she said didn't actually know I had a gf of 15 years and a kid, i thought that was a little odd at the time, but thinking about it - i don't really talk about kids and 'the girlfriend' loads as i know how boring it can be for other people, so there was a chance she might not have known. she doesn't seem the vindictive type so i think i do believe her here

we were a bit drunk but i thiiiink i handle it fine. just had a chat and a hug and just got on with our evenings and we ended going in a group to a club, but i was well moody at that point and wanted to go home - so i hardly even spoke to her there other than her calling me boring

I have two issues now

1 - do i tell my girlfriend? we've been very open about when we have been chatted up in the past, and it has happened a fair amount to me as well as her (you could argue she is the better looking one). but I know since we have had a kid, she def sees herself as 'just a mum' at times. she barely looks any different to how she did pre-kid, but i can see where she is coming from regarding to free time, getting dressed in clothes she wants to wear etc. also, most have been on nights out in one way or another - or at least social occasions where we'd probably never see the person again. this time its someone i work with, and i do go for the odd lunch/drink with her as part of a group - so its a bit more personal I guess. but at the same time, there isn't really anything to tell her...maybe

2 - i don't really know to handle it at work. I have a few people i am very close to, and i'd like to talk to them about it but i really, really don't want it getting back to her, as i don't want to look like i'm bragging about it. one of my closest mates is actually kind of her boss-ish too, and i stayed at his that night and didn't say anything. she knew i stayed there and she was telling him how drunk she has, and he told me. i'm not sure if she kind of said that on purpose or not. i've not seen or spoke to her since, I don't know if i should bring it up with her or not. I kind of want to acknowledge it and agree to just carry on as normal, but i don't want her to pretend she can't remember or something and for it to get weird (this is probably more my paranoia since). i'm sure we'll go for lunch as a group soon, and i don't know if i should ignore it and let it blow over. i don't really want to be the first to bring it up too

I've felt pretty anxious about the whole thing since, and it's got way over just the next day or two after drink (I did hope it was more the post alcohol thing, but it's not)

help

I'm struggling more with this than I expected tbh. I've felt so distant from everything in the last few days.

I keep thinking things about a fresh start and things, which I really shouldn't be doing. She pretty much looks like my girlfriend but if she was from Romania, and not Portugal which isn't helping. the fact I'm even thinking this makes me feel ill too

I think the fact she was so nice about it once I told her didn't help in a way, I found out she was crying later in the night too

 

[COYBL25]

I'm struggling more with this than I expected tbh. I've felt so distant from everything in the last few days.

I keep thinking things about a fresh start and things, which I really shouldn't be doing. She pretty much looks like my girlfriend but if she was from Romania, and not Portugal which isn't helping. the fact I'm even thinking this makes me feel ill too

I think the fact she was so nice about it once I told her didn't help in a way, I found out she was crying later in the night too

Mate, you’ve got the rose tinted testicles on and you‘re flattered by the attention.

Ffs, she’s a grown up, why is she crying in the bogs like a teenager ???

I’m pretty sure most people, who are in long term relationships have had a carrot dangled in front of them at some point.

 

[Nymzee]

I'm struggling more with this than I expected tbh. I've felt so distant from everything in the last few days.

I keep thinking things about a fresh start and things, which I really shouldn't be doing. She pretty much looks like my girlfriend but if she was from Romania, and not Portugal which isn't helping. the fact I'm even thinking this makes me feel ill too

I think the fact she was so nice about it once I told her didn't help in a way, I found out she was crying later in the night too

You're massively overthinking this bud to be really honest with you. It was a completely nothing moment; don't let it wreck your family life which sounds on the up. These sorts of scenarios happen every 5 minutes at work parties. Even if you did think about moving on never, ever move onto someone you work with lol

 

[wgtwiddle]

I found out she was crying later in the night too

IMO. Bluntly. Not your problem.

Take some time out to look at things objectively. Then leave it alone, in the past. Just my advice, fwiw.

 

[coollino]

Yeah I know I am overthinking it, but I don't really know why I am (which is obviously overthinking). I should just stop thinking about it and get over it. I have also been very bored over the last few days