Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Going through it at the moment.

Bear with me and sorry if this story sounds ridiculous.

My long term partner and I were told we'd find it difficult to have kids.

We were both pretty down about it. Decided we'd take less precaution down the line with trying to stop pregnancy but never really had a plan.

4 days ago we've found out she's pregnant. Now I know this should sound like amazing news but it's like a bus has hit us. I've suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression in the past and it has all flared up at once with this news.

There's a feeling we should be thankful but we both feel absolutely terrified and unsure how to proceed. We can't even confide in close family and friends in case we decide to not go through with it.

I've been crying for 4 days straight with worry and catastrophising going through with it, and not going through with it. My appetite is also completely gone and I can't stop sleeping to find reprieve from my thoughts.

I just needed to get that out somewhere so decided to post on GOT.

I think you’ll find a lot of fellas bottle goes when the reality of having a baby hits them mate.

I can’t say what’s the right or wrong thing to do, as that’s down to you and your missus, but whatever you decide, make sure you take your time and look at the whole picture before making a decision.

Whatever you decide to do mate, I wish you all the best

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Going through it at the moment.

Bear with me and sorry if this story sounds ridiculous.

My long term partner and I were told we'd find it difficult to have kids.

We were both pretty down about it. Decided we'd take less precaution down the line with trying to stop pregnancy but never really had a plan.

4 days ago we've found out she's pregnant. Now I know this should sound like amazing news but it's like a bus has hit us. I've suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression in the past and it has all flared up at once with this news.

There's a feeling we should be thankful but we both feel absolutely terrified and unsure how to proceed. We can't even confide in close family and friends in case we decide to not go through with it.

I've been crying for 4 days straight with worry and catastrophising going through with it, and not going through with it. My appetite is also completely gone and I can't stop sleeping to find reprieve from my thoughts.

I just needed to get that out somewhere so decided to post on GOT.

I’m sorry mate, this sounds rough. FWIW I’m pretty sure the catastrophising kicks in with every expectant parent, regardless of MH history!!

Ultimately, you guys talked about it at some juncture and decided you wanted to take this risk together. Things can obviously change, but maybe just worth the two of you sitting down and trying to recall the reasons you wanted to try (or at least stop not trying) in the first place; if it was merely to prove wrong the medical professionals who said you couldn’t do it, then maybe it’s not the right thing to do. If there were other reasons then explore those together and see if they still hold true in light of your news.

Good luck and keep us informed if it’ll help. No judgement here, regardless of how you guys decide to move forward.

 

[Charro]

Going through it at the moment.

Bear with me and sorry if this story sounds ridiculous.

My long term partner and I were told we'd find it difficult to have kids.

We were both pretty down about it. Decided we'd take less precaution down the line with trying to stop pregnancy but never really had a plan.

4 days ago we've found out she's pregnant. Now I know this should sound like amazing news but it's like a bus has hit us. I've suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression in the past and it has all flared up at once with this news.

There's a feeling we should be thankful but we both feel absolutely terrified and unsure how to proceed. We can't even confide in close family and friends in case we decide to not go through with it.

I've been crying for 4 days straight with worry and catastrophising going through with it, and not going through with it. My appetite is also completely gone and I can't stop sleeping to find reprieve from my thoughts.

I just needed to get that out somewhere so decided to post on GOT.

My mrs is pregnant gone eight weeks now.

I feel the same as you, although I imagine your feelings are a lot more rational than mine considering what you have been told in the past.

Do what’s right for you and your mrs. You’ll know deep down what the right decision is.

We had an abortion a few years back. It was a few months after my mum passed away with terminal cancer and I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to go through the stress of bringing a child into the world.

We made the right decision then and I know we’re making the right decision now to go through with it.

Despite my anxieties I’am really excited and happy.

You have plenty of time to think about this and talk it over with your mrs.

All the best to both of you.

 

[coollino]

Going through it at the moment.

Bear with me and sorry if this story sounds ridiculous.

My long term partner and I were told we'd find it difficult to have kids.

We were both pretty down about it. Decided we'd take less precaution down the line with trying to stop pregnancy but never really had a plan.

4 days ago we've found out she's pregnant. Now I know this should sound like amazing news but it's like a bus has hit us. I've suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression in the past and it has all flared up at once with this news.

There's a feeling we should be thankful but we both feel absolutely terrified and unsure how to proceed. We can't even confide in close family and friends in case we decide to not go through with it.

I've been crying for 4 days straight with worry and catastrophising going through with it, and not going through with it. My appetite is also completely gone and I can't stop sleeping to find reprieve from my thoughts.

I just needed to get that out somewhere so decided to post on GOT.

We had two pretty horrible miscarriages, one on my around my gf's bday that was dealt with in a hospital and the other the docs said it wasnt one, my gf convinced it was...and then it happened in a pub toilet on Christmas eve

So on the third (successful) time, none of it was enjoyable at all, despite everyone telling you how good you should feel. My gf didn't know if she want to go through with it all too with the fear, but she did, and our baby was fully healthy but it is really is difficult if you are not enjoying the pregnancy stage when dealing with other people because you're told your meant to enjoy every minute and if you don't, you are bad

This all sounds a bit convoluted but I think I'm trying to say it's fine to be terrified, and very normal, and the people who sail through pregnancy first time really don't know how lucky they are

 

[COYBL25]

We had two pretty horrible miscarriages, one on my around my gf's bday that was dealt with in a hospital and the other the docs said it wasnt one, my gf convinced it was...and then it happened in a pub toilet on Christmas eve

So on the third (successful) time, none of it was enjoyable at all, despite everyone telling you how good you should feel. My gf didn't know if she want to go through with it all too with the fear, but she did, and our baby was fully healthy but it is really is difficult if you are not enjoying the pregnancy stage when dealing with other people because you're told your meant to enjoy every minute and if you don't, you are bad

This all sounds a bit convoluted but I think I'm trying to say it's fine to be terrified, and very normal, and the people who sail through pregnancy first time really don't know how lucky they are

Factor social media into all that too.

All the “ wonderful “, “ fairytale “ pregnancies “ portrayed by people on the likes of Facebook, when the reality is much different and it’s just people posting “ look at me “ crap, to hide their own fears and I insecurities.

Without trying to sound like an arl arse hear, I remember growing up as a kid, all the women in the family would rally around whoever was pregnant and a self appointed leader would take control of managing the pregnancy - usually the matriarch Nana.

So whether the pregnant girl liked it or not, there was always a big support network there, which in turn provided that blanket of support that doesn’t really seem to be there anymore.

 

[wainy]

You know you wonder if things get easier? Today is one of them days.

My wife recently had a stroke/blood clot on her brain, which was terrifying as she’s only in her late 30s. She hasn’t lost any bodily function but her quality of life has certainly took a drastic turn for the worse, she can be in bed for days on end in agony with her head. We have 3 kids, 2 of which are autistic which obviously brings its own challenges. Then I have work on top of that, and now pretty much have to do most things about the house, take/pick the kids up from school. Don’t get me wrong, there is people in here with way bigger problems but you know when you are just running completely on empty, that’s how I am right now.

 

[COYBL25]

You know you wonder if things get easier? Today is one of them days.

My wife recently had a stroke/blood clot on her brain, which was terrifying as she’s only in her late 30s. She hasn’t lost any bodily function but her quality of life has certainly took a drastic turn for the worse, she can be in bed for days on end in agony with her head. We have 3 kids, 2 of which are autistic which obviously brings its own challenges. Then I have work on top of that, and now pretty much have to do most things about the house, take/pick the kids up from school. Don’t get me wrong, there is people in here with way bigger problems but you know when you are just running completely on empty, that’s how I am right now.

Do you get any help from your family mate ?

Sounds like you could do with some help to take some of the load off.

 

[coollino]

Factor social media into all that too.

All the “ wonderful “, “ fairytale “ pregnancies “ portrayed by people on the likes of Facebook, when the reality is much different and it’s just people posting “ look at me “ crap, to hide their own fears and I insecurities.

Without trying to sound like an arl arse hear, I remember growing up as a kid, all the women in the family would rally around whoever was pregnant and a self appointed leader would take control of managing the pregnancy - usually the matriarch Nana.

So whether the pregnant girl liked it or not, there was always a big support network there, which in turn provided that blanket of support that doesn’t really seem to be there anymore.

I think 'bad pregnancies', miscarriages have been a bit more normalised a lot more recently, it could be because of lockdown really. Quite a lot of celebs have said they have had them but a lot of people don't really speak about it to each other still in real life. I think the stats are 1 in 3 or something, obviously some of these are so early they are probably not known, but before we knew that we genuinely thought it was something like 1 in 100

My girlfriend and I went out with some of my friends from work, and she knows one of the girls quite well. They were talking and my gf told her she had two, and it turned out she had two as well and the only person who knew was her husband, it's wild really but people are still obviously 'embarrassed' by not enjoying everything

I was reading somewhere that the lack of support circles is a very UK/US thing. Apparently in the middle east half the family pretty much moved in with the pregnant person

 

[wainy]

Do you get any help from your family mate ?

Sounds like you could do with some help to take some of the load off.

Her mum helps us out, bless her, when she can. I’m sure we’ve all been there with kids and that though. Just need a day to myself I think, somehow!

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

You know you wonder if things get easier? Today is one of them days.

My wife recently had a stroke/blood clot on her brain, which was terrifying as she’s only in her late 30s. She hasn’t lost any bodily function but her quality of life has certainly took a drastic turn for the worse, she can be in bed for days on end in agony with her head. We have 3 kids, 2 of which are autistic which obviously brings its own challenges. Then I have work on top of that, and now pretty much have to do most things about the house, take/pick the kids up from school. Don’t get me wrong, there is people in here with way bigger problems but you know when you are just running completely on empty, that’s how I am right now.

Oh man, that's awful mate. So sorry to hear it.

I never like to see the "there are people with bigger problems" line trotted out in here. If it is negatively affecting your MH then it is of the utmost importance.

As for whether it'll get easier, I haven't got a clue about this kind of stuff, but what is evident is your collective ability to work through tough situations. Raising 3 kids by itself is hard graft, let alone when 2 have additional needs. I have no doubt this will be another challenge you will meet head on, and conquer.

Is there anything that can be done to alleviate your wife's symptoms? Anyone that may be able to help with school runs, housework, etc?

 

[wainy]

Oh man, that's awful mate. So sorry to hear it.

I never like to see the "there are people with bigger problems" line trotted out in here. If it is negatively affecting your MH then it is of the utmost importance.

As for whether it'll get easier, I haven't got a clue about this kind of stuff, but what is evident is your collective ability to work through tough situations. Raising 3 kids by itself is hard graft, let alone when 2 have additional needs. I have no doubt this will be another challenge you will meet head on, and conquer.

Is there anything that can be done to alleviate your wife's symptoms? Anyone that may be able to help with school runs, housework, etc?

Thanks for your comment mate… I’ve learnt how to deal with my own MH luckily over the years, I’ve been at rock bottom and learnt that bottling it up is never good. That’s why I posted here, even if nobody sees it and says anything, I still feel like I’ve got it off my chest without burdening family members or friends etc.

We are a good unit at home like, me and her are very strong together and as you say, we’ve faced other challenges and come out the other side. This is just another one to deal with. She’s on blood thinners, anti seizure meds, pain killers amongst other things. As it was only recent (january) we just need to wait for a follow up MRI to see how these meds have affected the condition. We are just more worried that this clot happened with no cause, so she’s been through the mill with tests looking for a reason but all come back negative. I don’t mind the housework tbh, it’s more just juggling the kids with work, can be a challenge but luckily my work are great and never question me if I need to work weird hours or shoot off for an hour or two to sort them.

Thanks for the reply mate, nice to get it all off me chest.

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Thanks for your comment mate… I’ve learnt how to deal with my own MH luckily over the years, I’ve been at rock bottom and learnt that bottling it up is never good. That’s why I posted here, even if nobody sees it and says anything, I still feel like I’ve got it off my chest without burdening family members or friends etc.

We are a good unit at home like, me and her are very strong together and as you say, we’ve faced other challenges and come out the other side. This is just another one to deal with. She’s on blood thinners, anti seizure meds, pain killers amongst other things. As it was only recent (january) we just need to wait for a follow up MRI to see how these meds have affected the condition. We are just more worried that this clot happened with no cause, so she’s been through the mill with tests looking for a reason but all come back negative. I don’t mind the housework tbh, it’s more just juggling the kids with work, can be a challenge but luckily my work are great and never question me if I need to work weird hours or shoot off for an hour or two to sort them.

Thanks for the reply mate, nice to get it all off me chest.

That's the beauty of talking to anonymous people on here mate, weirdly it can really help.
U mentioned needing time to yourself...thats vital mate. Take a leave day when your kids are in school. Get out and do something u enjoy. Gives u that head space.
All the best to you and Mrs Wainy

 

[wainy]

That's the beauty of talking to anonymous people on here mate, weirdly it can really help.
U mentioned needing time to yourself...thats vital mate. Take a leave day when your kids are in school. Get out and do something u enjoy. Gives u that head space.
All the best to you and Mrs Wainy

Thanks mate, I think I’ll probably do what you suggested and have a cheeky day off at some point, get myself down the driving range or something and just relax for a few hours. And thanks for the good wishes dude, much appreciated x

 

[dave n]

Thanks mate, I think I’ll probably do what you suggested and have a cheeky day off at some point, get myself down the driving range or something and just relax for a few hours. And thanks for the good wishes dude, much appreciated x

Keep fighting mate Hopefully things improve shortly for you and your family.
A long walk helps me clear my head.
I work with a bloke who had a stroke a couple of years a go. He is back driving trucks now after a year out and loving his job again. Hopefully your wife will be fighting fit again soon.

 

[Gwladysover]

You know you wonder if things get easier? Today is one of them days.

My wife recently had a stroke/blood clot on her brain, which was terrifying as she’s only in her late 30s. She hasn’t lost any bodily function but her quality of life has certainly took a drastic turn for the worse, she can be in bed for days on end in agony with her head. We have 3 kids, 2 of which are autistic which obviously brings its own challenges. Then I have work on top of that, and now pretty much have to do most things about the house, take/pick the kids up from school. Don’t get me wrong, there is people in here with way bigger problems but you know when you are just running completely on empty, that’s how I am right now.

Really sorry to read this. I do so hope things will get easier for you and your family soon. A few years ago a friend had a stroke at quite a young age. She has made a full recovery and has lived a normal life ever since. Hold on to the thought that things will improve but make sure to take time for yourself. Best wishes.