Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Dymak]

TL;DR - over protective dad has no say in anything, feels worthless, i take it so personal, treated like a babysitter, wondering if over protective is really over sensitive = stress and hopelessness and concern

Hello everyone, this is just a daft thing probably but it affects me more than it probably should,
My little girl is an amazingly loving, caring, funny, kind and very clever girl but she has a habbit of being easily distracted in school. Today was another parent/teacher meeting to discus how she's doing, as expected the topic of her being distracted arose.

Teachers now a days won't mention or even hint at how other kids are but i feel like when he mentioned my daughter being distracted it just gives me the impression (or maybe i'm just over thinking it) that the other 30 kids in class are sitting quietly and being well behaved and working hard but my daughter is like some sort of screaming banshee wreaking havoc on all the good kids.

Now i know at 8 years old that most of the class will be distracted and often misbehave, but how i take hearing it and how it's aimed (or seemingly aimed) at my 8 year old it just makes me feel like she is broken and i've F'd her up. i feel defensive, protective but also very sad that she just won't learn not to mess about in school. When we talk to her about it she gets upset because she doesn't like realising she's been "naughty" and she agrees to try to do better, but then as soon as she goes to school she starts focusing more on what others are doing.

Anyway, today the teacher suggested she should wear ear defenders in class just to stop her listening to what everyone else is doing, i kinda just said out of politeness "yeah we could do, don't know really" even though i knew right away i didn't want her to be singled out and give other kids an excuse to pick on her.

All evening i've been worrying that i should have just said no to him, i don't want him or anyone treating her like she's a nuisance and having her singled out. so i got stressed over her, i'm protective, worried and i just don't know how i'm supposed to react.

i spoke to her mum about it and she agreed not to allow the ear defenders but then she never shuts up about how my feelings about our daughter are just projections and that my awful childhood and the memories i have of being treated like a freak even though i did nothing wrong are not valid.

So, my usual thing is i panic, get anxious and all the rest of it, but i'll be awake all night. i'll be tired and sad and i worry for my daughter as though she's being singled out.

sorry for the long yet hopefully coherent post, i wish i said no to the bloody ear defenders, wish i didn't have to be treated like a baby sitter by my ex and i just want my kid to grow up not feeling like she's broken when she really isn't. in my head she's just an 8 year old being an 8 year old. But it seems now a days that if your 8 year old isn't already in uni or curing an illness then they're a failure....i'm so so so proud of her and i love her so much, but my over protective side and how little my opinion matters really gets to me.

When my ex wants extra shifts in work, i'm great, super convenient, when she needs a lift or something fixing then i'm super handy but how i feel is completely disregarded, for the past 8 years i've felt like a babysitter and it's getting worse.

I can't say anything to the ex because she's one of those women who starts saying i won't get to see my kid if she doesn't like what i say. Sorry lads, stupid post that's not really about anything life or death, i just want my kid to not be labelled yet people seem to want to label any kid who isn't perfect.

When she's with me she's great, when she's with her mum she is a bit more hard work, so of course, that means she has ADHD, and a raft of other things just because she cried after she fell over or something.

When i tell my ex our kid doesn't do anything like that with me, she's so well behaved and awesome to be around she just throws it away like i'm either lying, or i'm the problem. i've got a lot on my plate right now, and everything makes me feel like a failure, feeling like, and being treated like a failure of a dad really upsets me tho....and i want my normal and average 8 year old not to painted with the mad brush.

also, just for no reason other than it broke me earlier this evening, my daughter wrote me the most beautiful letter saying i'm the best dad in the world and that we will always have each other. made me cry.

please tell me to stop being silly if this post seems so ridiculous. i've got no backbone and i probably just need to toughen up

It wouldn't surprise me if the supposedly problematic behaviours that the teacher is moaning about now actually turn out to be valuable life skills in the not too distant future. I mean, she isn't hitting these other kids is she? She's just chatting and involving herself in the social goings-on of her classroom, right?

My sister and her friend are a bit like Mavis and Rita from Coronation Street, and they're always bemoaning how the disruptive kids at their old schools have gone on to do very well for themselves in later life. I have to remind them both that social skills are often more important than academic skills, especially once you leave school.

I would object to the ear defenders. I don't think they're needed, and your daughter needs to hear what's going on! As someone that was born with congenital deafness in my right ear (which is only getting worse) I actually find the teacher's suggestion incendiary. How about he puts the ear defenders on, so he won't be able to hear your daughter having a little chat with her mates!

I can remember my mum coming back from a parent-teacher interview when I was about eight. My mum was fuming because the teacher had showed her my drawing of Bruce Grobbelaar with a pair of breasts on his chest that I had doodled onto the front of my maths exercise book. I miss my mother very deeply, and I won't have a bad word said about her, but I still think she overreacted over that Grobbelaar drawing. It was just a drawing ffs, who cares?

 

[YoboCopter]

I've been suffering with depression, diagnosed 15 years ago. Been through numerous amounts of antidepressants. Last November restarted therapy. I also have had a dual diagnosis. The diagnosed depression came as I stopped smoking hash, and drinking copious amounts of Jack Daniels. Three weeks ago everything turned upside once again. In therapy I had memories of things my mother did to me, sexual abuse. I also had to admit once again my addiction had co.e back and I was abusing steroids, and also injecting such substances as BPC-157 and TB-500 and L-CARNITINE. I've started to attend Narcotics anonymous and I'm also tapering off the steroids. Back to square one. I'm also a bit of lurker on here, as I was on Bluekipper. I think I was banned off bluekipper after telling Mcflurry what I would do with his Mcflurry when I met him. Part of my abuse came from being brought up a Jehovahs Witness and he was telling me they are decent people.

Being a toffee is also hard work at the moment.

Does the bcp and tb work well for injuries? Heard lots of postive stuff about them substances tbh

Sorry to hear about your trauma, hope you can get it sorted

 

[Macker07]

Does the bcp and tb work well for injuries? Heard lots of postive stuff about them substances tbh

Sorry to hear about your trauma, hope you can get it sorted

I didn't get any benefits from thr TB and BPC. The gear I was using was from Underground Labs so not sure of the legitimacy of the products, or again my reconstitution of the products. Thanks for your message.

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

I've been suffering with depression, diagnosed 15 years ago. Been through numerous amounts of antidepressants. Last November restarted therapy. I also have had a dual diagnosis. The diagnosed depression came as I stopped smoking hash, and drinking copious amounts of Jack Daniels. Three weeks ago everything turned upside once again. In therapy I had memories of things my mother did to me, sexual abuse. I also had to admit once again my addiction had co.e back and I was abusing steroids, and also injecting such substances as BPC-157 and TB-500 and L-CARNITINE. I've started to attend Narcotics anonymous and I'm also tapering off the steroids. Back to square one. I'm also a bit of lurker on here, as I was on Bluekipper. I think I was banned off bluekipper after telling Mcflurry what I would do with his Mcflurry when I met him. Part of my abuse came from being brought up a Jehovahs Witness and he was telling me they are decent people.

Being a toffee is also hard work at the moment.

Didn't sound like your back to square one, mate, though it is a setback I'm sure.

Incremental progress is still progress. The desire to change give you upward momentum. Keep your chin up mate.

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

I've been asked to sit in on a redundancy meeting with someone last min, tomorrow. I've had a look at somethings online but it's all very corporate and I'm not really concerned about that part.

Has anyone done it and what's expected me from more of like a personal level, am I meant to just sit there and listen? I've no help from work which has annoyed me a lot

In my experience mate, you give the news as quick as possible, while still maintaining as much empathy as you can without over egging it. Your job there is to let the person understand and process in their own way, not to fix things or relate to them or their feelings. Definitely steer clear of "I know how you must be feeling" and similar things like that.

Redundancy is terrible, and most people are going through a lot of emotions. Keep it brief, to the point, and offer to give (or find out and provide) any clarity that you can. You dont need to have all the answers, but following through on that promise can go a long way.

Just remember that no matter how hard it is to deliver the news, most often it pales to the person receiving it.

 

[Macker07]

Didn't sound like your back to square one, mate, though it is a setback I'm sure.

Incremental progress is still progress. The desire to change give you upward momentum. Keep your chin up mate.

Thanks Big Dunc. NA meeting this evening

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

Thanks Big Dunc. NA meeting this evening

Best of luck!

 

[Bryan+]

I've been asked to sit in on a redundancy meeting with someone last min, tomorrow. I've had a look at somethings online but it's all very corporate and I'm not really concerned about that part.

Has anyone done it and what's expected me from more of like a personal level, am I meant to just sit there and listen? I've no help from work which has annoyed me a lot

My experience was to intervene when any difficult questions where asked to your (I assume subordinates) so if they are offering a package that you don’t think is acceptable then you should intervene on their behalf.

 

[Rita_Poon]

My mum was signed off a few months back after having a fall, got signed off by the GP straight away and just had to send in the note to work, was fairly simple stuff from memory.

I had a mate signed off for depression a while back and that was similar as well so she should be alright mate, might give her the breathing space she needs to relieve the stress and assess things.

You've been about but not super involved for a bit. Hope you are ok.
Pour vous...

 

[anjelikaferrett]

TL;DR - over protective dad has no say in anything, feels worthless, i take it so personal, treated like a babysitter, wondering if over protective is really over sensitive = stress and hopelessness and concern

Hello everyone, this is just a daft thing probably but it affects me more than it probably should,
My little girl is an amazingly loving, caring, funny, kind and very clever girl but she has a habbit of being easily distracted in school. Today was another parent/teacher meeting to discus how she's doing, as expected the topic of her being distracted arose.

Teachers now a days won't mention or even hint at how other kids are but i feel like when he mentioned my daughter being distracted it just gives me the impression (or maybe i'm just over thinking it) that the other 30 kids in class are sitting quietly and being well behaved and working hard but my daughter is like some sort of screaming banshee wreaking havoc on all the good kids.

Now i know at 8 years old that most of the class will be distracted and often misbehave, but how i take hearing it and how it's aimed (or seemingly aimed) at my 8 year old it just makes me feel like she is broken and i've F'd her up. i feel defensive, protective but also very sad that she just won't learn not to mess about in school. When we talk to her about it she gets upset because she doesn't like realising she's been "naughty" and she agrees to try to do better, but then as soon as she goes to school she starts focusing more on what others are doing.

Anyway, today the teacher suggested she should wear ear defenders in class just to stop her listening to what everyone else is doing, i kinda just said out of politeness "yeah we could do, don't know really" even though i knew right away i didn't want her to be singled out and give other kids an excuse to pick on her.

All evening i've been worrying that i should have just said no to him, i don't want him or anyone treating her like she's a nuisance and having her singled out. so i got stressed over her, i'm protective, worried and i just don't know how i'm supposed to react.

i spoke to her mum about it and she agreed not to allow the ear defenders but then she never shuts up about how my feelings about our daughter are just projections and that my awful childhood and the memories i have of being treated like a freak even though i did nothing wrong are not valid.

So, my usual thing is i panic, get anxious and all the rest of it, but i'll be awake all night. i'll be tired and sad and i worry for my daughter as though she's being singled out.

sorry for the long yet hopefully coherent post, i wish i said no to the bloody ear defenders, wish i didn't have to be treated like a baby sitter by my ex and i just want my kid to grow up not feeling like she's broken when she really isn't. in my head she's just an 8 year old being an 8 year old. But it seems now a days that if your 8 year old isn't already in uni or curing an illness then they're a failure....i'm so so so proud of her and i love her so much, but my over protective side and how little my opinion matters really gets to me.

When my ex wants extra shifts in work, i'm great, super convenient, when she needs a lift or something fixing then i'm super handy but how i feel is completely disregarded, for the past 8 years i've felt like a babysitter and it's getting worse.

I can't say anything to the ex because she's one of those women who starts saying i won't get to see my kid if she doesn't like what i say. Sorry lads, stupid post that's not really about anything life or death, i just want my kid to not be labelled yet people seem to want to label any kid who isn't perfect.

When she's with me she's great, when she's with her mum she is a bit more hard work, so of course, that means she has ADHD, and a raft of other things just because she cried after she fell over or something.

When i tell my ex our kid doesn't do anything like that with me, she's so well behaved and awesome to be around she just throws it away like i'm either lying, or i'm the problem. i've got a lot on my plate right now, and everything makes me feel like a failure, feeling like, and being treated like a failure of a dad really upsets me tho....and i want my normal and average 8 year old not to painted with the mad brush.

also, just for no reason other than it broke me earlier this evening, my daughter wrote me the most beautiful letter saying i'm the best dad in the world and that we will always have each other. made me cry.

please tell me to stop being silly if this post seems so ridiculous. i've got no backbone and i probably just need to toughen up

Just to echo what the others have said but also ask the school how they are challenging and stimulating your daughter. Her distracting behaviour might be because she's bored rigid . They need to capture her attention with work that engages her. You sound like an awesome Dad.

 

[bigjonny]

My mother died last Friday ; not totally expected as she was 91 (her birthday was the next day.) The usual emotions, as you would expect, have followed. We brought her home for the last month so she could die in her familiar surroundings, as she wished. It was a slow decline, with unfortunately a rather distressing ending.

I can't speak highly enough of the the medical professionals who cared for her in her final days : her doctor, available 24 hours a day ; the care workers who washed and changed her, and the Macmillan nurses who gave comfort and solace both before and after her death.

The NHS comes in for a lot of criticism, but from this experience I am, to be honest, overawed by the care shown. A large amount of medicines, personal clothing, food, a bed with bedding were provided, free of charge. Labour had better be aware of any radical changes to the care offered to people who are are in their last days of life. I don't know how I would have coped, not only with the care shown, but the expense of the help offered, all free. They should walk very carefully indeed in their zealous pursuit of 'reforms '.

It's been difficult in the following days. Her husband, my stepfather, is 90 and himself not in the best of health. Sympathetic telephone calls, visitors and bereavement cards just add to his despair. He had a fall the day after the death so can't really do much around the house, so I cook his meals and generally look after him. It's not if I'm alone, siblings and friends come to visit and he puts on a veneer of normality. Once were alone it's another matter. A gloom descends upon the house, and it's not easy to cope with. To be honest I can only see one outcome in the coming weeks/months.

I'm a total atheist but something really eerie happened in the last week of my mother's life which has thrown me a touch. She had a personal alarm which she could press which would alert me that she needed something. All three occasions occurred at 03.00 a.m.

The first strange happening was when she pressed the alarm and said, " The train's here but I don't want to get on it. "

A couple of days later she said, " I've missed the train, when is the next one ? "

Then, just before she died, she said, " I've caught the train and it's moving. "

She was on morphine (kept the bottle for my dotage) but only for the preceding day of her life. Maybe it was the fevered dreams due to her condition that made her hallucinate, but there's a nagging feeling...

I've received all the well meaning platitudes from well meaning people, but it does get you down a bit when gloom envelopes you, and you look forward to going to the shop for half an hour, but no longer because you have to get back, in case...

How are you doing mate ?

 

[summerisle]

How are you doing mate ?

It's been a bit tough. I looked after both my mother and stepfather. He is now in a slough of depression, started drinking on the sly. He's 89 and has many and various medical ailments, also prone to falls. One a couple of weeks ago, injured his arse and left leg meaning it's difficult for him to walk. His memory is also faltering.

He goes to a men's group every week for people who have lost their wives. He was telling me that on Monday he was next to someone whose wife died 6 years ago and he talks to his wife's ashes every day. He cried for two hours, enough to depress anyone. He's got an appointment with Age Concern next week about his mental health, but I'm doubtful whether anything will come from it.

He has three daughters, but they're estranged from him because of his shenanigans with my mother. I have two siblings, they help when can, but obviously they're not here, day in, day out. He can't really be left on his own for too long, so I have a couple of afternoons (at best) out to escape the gloom and despair.

He won't get rid of anything that reminds him of her ; she died one day before her birthday, so all her birthday cards are on show, together with a multitude of sympathy cards. Now winter is soon upon us, the night's are drawing in, and summer is but a distant mirage. Life....

 

[Rita_Poon]

It's been a bit tough.

Besides your caring duties, how are you feeling and getting by? you are grieving also. I'm sorry this time is so painful and if you don't want to say anything now then that's no worries.

 

[YoboCopter]

Aaron lennon talking about his mental health

Says sean dyche was amazin at the time at burnley for him

Good episode tbh

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

Out of nowhere two days ago I started getting heart palpitations. Resting heart rate of 130bpm. Nothing that I know has changed, no extra stress at home or work, no spate of full English a week in a row.

Half way through a work day yesterday I forced myself to leave mid meeting and go to an urgent care. Some quick checks and an EKG later I'm on the way to the emergency room with suspected heart damage, where I spent the rest of the day with a battery of tests.

I'm back home. They acknowledge that my heart rate is high but other vitals look fine, so they've referred me to look for an appointment with a cardiologist.

Logically I understand why, but I'm scared. I suppose I could be in a anxiety spiral at this point because the not knowing and such, but also it's come on quite sudden and at 40 I thought I'd be dealing more with dodgy knee or back stuff. Ha.

Anyway, I'm going to see my GP later today because despite (or maybe because) living in New York with a million hospitals and some of the leading cardiologists in the country, the earliest I could get with someone who is a reputable MD specifically was December 23. For all those who wax lyrical about the American healthcare system, my initial visit today was £60, followed by the ER visit of £250, followed by a deductible of ~£800 (so far) for the tests so far. This is with "good" insurance. The NHS really is a modern marvel.

Anyway, just wanted to get my fear out on paper as it were. I expect it's normal with any scares like this, but also to encourage others: don't betray your body, your self or your loved ones if something just doesn't feel right. Take some steps with the experts