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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Can I just add a little bit to this. It's in no way meant to be inflammatory and I apologise if anyone thinks of it like that.

One of my oldest friends is a community physchiatric nurse of some thirty plus years. I always remember something that he he told me about male suicide. He said that for a man to commit suicide he really has reached the end of the road mentally and unless there is a dramatic intervention a man will generally succeed in carrying it out. The perception of the act is one of gross selfishness but the reality is that suicidal thoughts take over all others and over rule all feelings of guilt and shame.

Again apologies if this comes across as crass, but hopefully it can shed a bit more light on why men do this .

It's not crass. It's true.
 
Can I just add a little bit to this. It's in no way meant to be inflammatory and I apologise if anyone thinks of it like that.

One of my oldest friends is a community physchiatric nurse of some thirty plus years. I always remember something that he he told me about male suicide. He said that for a man to commit suicide he really has reached the end of the road mentally and unless there is a dramatic intervention a man will generally succeed in carrying it out. The perception of the act is one of gross selfishness but the reality is that suicidal thoughts take over all others and over rule all feelings of guilt and shame.

Again apologies if this comes across as crass, but hopefully it can shed a bit more light on why men do this .

A friend of mine who is a therapist has said to me that she considers suicide to be death caused by the illness of depression - no different than when caused by any other illness. I had never really thought of it that way, but really I think it's true now. People tend to think because it is a mental illness that a person has more control over it than a physical illness. Just think, we always say "this person committed suicide" or "this person took their own life." It is never said that a person died as result of depression or mental disease . But there is really no difference. If it is a severe enough case and you don't seek some kind of treatment, depression can kill you.

*Again no crassness intended, just presenting it in a way that really made me change the way I thought about depression and suicide.
 

was going so well for the best part of a month until i pissed my monthly wages away betting and i cant stop drinking again.
For starters I think you should self exclude yourself from the bookies, and any online accounts you have. They take it really seriously nowadays, I think partly due to pressure from agencies opposed to those fobt machines they have in the bookies now, horrible things. I know there are a billion sites now and you can't do it for all of them, but if you get any open accounts locked down its a good start.


The ale is a problem for me too. I have a beer every day without fail, but when I need a break I find exercise and keeping yourself busy helps. If I get home and take the dog out, clean the house, make the tea, have a bath and by the time I've done all that it's nearly bed time anyway.
Even if I do that three times a week, it's almost halved my ale intake straight away. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, just try again tomorrow.
I'm not saying it's easy, by the way, I know it isn't.
 
was going so well for the best part of a month until i pissed my monthly wages away betting and i cant stop drinking again.

Sorry to hear that mate but I think it's a good idea to focus on the first half of your comment. What was it that defined you doing so well for the best part of a month? What behaviours and routines helped you to feel this way? I think once you get a truly clear idea of that positive state you can hopefully reach it and stay there more often. Make a list of things that you can do, that make you feel good and promote this positivity, that you can look at anytime you need to. Take a breath and remember that positive feeling when you get there again, then think about how much more important that feeling is over the long term, than any short term buzz. Be well.
 
well said mate ;)

cheers, now my therapy sessions have ended its one of my last refuges.

the anonymity helps, my main concern at the moment is simple.

how can i not let this define me, when everyone i know has predetermined who i am based on what i know is a false pretence.

ok its not that simple, but it shows in the reactions of people when i try to discuss my concerns, it varies from them completely ignoring it, to them trying to force thru a fix.

so i read this forum and it helps
 

how can i not let this define me, when everyone i know has predetermined who i am based on what i know is a false pretence.
First & foremost, you need to recover from whatever your ailment is. Let other people think what they want, you can't change that, but you can surprise them when they meet the real you.

Don't let the 'false pretence' become your definition. As long as you know the true you, you can bring it out slowly as you recover and everyone else will catch up as they see the real you emerge.

;)
 
cheers, now my therapy sessions have ended its one of my last refuges.

the anonymity helps, my main concern at the moment is simple.

how can i not let this define me, when everyone i know has predetermined who i am based on what i know is a false pretence.

ok its not that simple, but it shows in the reactions of people when i try to discuss my concerns, it varies from them completely ignoring it, to them trying to force thru a fix.

so i read this forum and it helps


Try to look at it from a different angle mate :

If your leg is broken, you're in plaster and on crutches, everyone can see that your leg is broken due to the cast and the crutches.

If your head is broken, how do people know, they can't see inside your head - there lies the problem with mental illness.

By worrying what other people think, you are at best adding to your already anxious state. At worst making your depression / anxiety worse.

I have been exactly where you are now and in the end I thought f*** it, I'm going to come out and tell everyone that I'm not well. The reaction of some of those around me was similar to what you've described, but also my closest mates told me that they knew already and it was cool. Plus one mate told me in confidence that he'd sufferered from anxiety problems for years and he was being treated it, but asked me not to tell anyone. ( stigma )

What's the difference between a broken leg and a broken head ?. There's no difference other than the stigma that's attached to mental illness.

Get it out in the open mate. Your proper mates will support you and remain your friends. Those who don't, weren't actually really your mates so let them go. I know it's easier said than done, but once it's out in the open you won't have to worry about what people think anymore as they'll all know.

Don't be ashamed mate of what's wrong with you mate, a mental illness is the same as any other type of illness.
 

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