Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Little update from me and advice for others.... 2sessions of CBT in so far (had it 2 years back when anxiety got horrendous) it's already made a big impact on me, someone telling me why I am thinking like I am and how to address it. If there is anyone out there who has been offered it (and are very sceptical like I was) my advice is try it. I am a burly 36 yr old dad who has a 'manly' job, I dismissed it as rubbish at first and thought I could just stop the way I was feeling. I realise now what is going on with me is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to a therapist works wonders for me. It was like the therapist could read my mind. Now I know (again) what is going on in my head I can address it much better.
 
TX Bill said:
Had a family friend, 51 yrs old, take his life a few weeks back. Hit us (and everyone else) like a ton of bricks.

Left behind wife and four kids, youngest of which is ten and is good friends with my youngest son. He was the one who found him.

Issues with anxiety and depression and from what I understand, his medication.

We went from shock to anger to sadness in a very short time span. Memorial service was SRO. Just crushed by such a selfish act.
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mrs the esk said:
Gosh, I always though suicide was the final act of desperation not selfishness.

What state can a man (or woman's) mind be in that they think suicide is the only option, particularly when they have a family? They must know the devastation they will leave behind but believe that is better than dealing with the situation they face.

This thread is about helping people who may or may not be suicidal but have problems. It's an attempt to stop the situation that your friend faced without a solution or help. It's not about labeling someone as selfish.
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Can I perhaps suggest Tx Bill is grieving big time and part of that is frustration and anger? It's definitely not the right forum to be posting those comments Bill but I can see what you are saying as you are in pain and trying to rationalise something awful. You want to lash out.
In my line of work sadly I have much experience of suicide. We would all refer to it as 'the cowards way out' and it would anger me seeing the devastation of family. Having now suffered anxiety and depression myself (luckily on a minor scale) all I now feel is total sadness and a growing sense of frustration that MH issues are still taboo (to an extent). Mrs Esk hits the nail on the head when she says about the awful state someone must be in to do this especially when they have family.
I would like to think the fella will reflect on his comments when he's a bit less raw
 
Tim's tourettes said:
Little update from me and advice for others.... 2sessions of CBT in so far (had it 2 years back when anxiety got horrendous) it's already made a big impact on me, someone telling me why I am thinking like I am and how to address it. If there is anyone out there who has been offered it (and are very sceptical like I was) my advice is try it. I am a burly 36 yr old dad who has a 'manly' job, I dismissed it as rubbish at first and thought I could just stop the way I was feeling. I realise now what is going on with me is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to a therapist works wonders for me. It was like the therapist could read my mind. Now I know (again) what is going on in my head I can address it much better.
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Well said my man. Great to read that update ;)
 
cbpointblank said:
I guess in light of where the discussion has gone, I'll expand a little. The reason why I didn't make that "terrible last decision"? I hadn't locked my door. My friend walked in and found me with about 75 anxiety and sleeping pills neatly arranged on my table next to a (very) large amount of alcohol. This person has known me for almost 20 years, and is basically the only friend who really knew how low I get when these episodes happen. I can tell you right now that if I'd locked that front door - I wouldn't be here right now to post this.

I can't speak for anyone else, obviously - but for me (and I'm assuming others), you're not in your right mind when you come to that point. Not saying that you've lost your marbles or anything, but things are just wrong. And I didn't think of it as selfish, I was thinking of it as removing a burden upon those around me. Now, clearly that's not the case but you just aren't thinking that way when you're staring at that pile of meds and booze and smoking what you think will be your last cigarette.
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Thank you for sharing mate, really brave post. Mental health has so many misconceptions around it as it has been taboo for so long, posts like yours are very valuable at breaking some of those barriers down. Hope you are well x
 
kithnou said:
Well said my man. Great to read that update ;)
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Thank you mate, us blokes really suffer I think from a lack of talking about this. I am lucky in that got a few mates who have been through similar so can relate. I have to admit 5 years ago I thought it was a load of sh1t and would pour scorn on hearing colleagues were off with stress related illness. It so easy to be ignorant of it all
 

Tim's tourettes said:
Thank you mate, us blokes really suffer I think from a lack of talking about this. I am lucky in that got a few mates who have been through similar so can relate. I have to admit 5 years ago I thought it was a load of sh1t and would pour scorn on hearing colleagues were off with stress related illness. It so easy to be ignorant of it all
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That says it all really. Ignorant, or unaware, as I put it in a post above was what I was until I found this thread and did some reading.
Keep posting your updates :)
 
Tim's tourettes said:
Can I perhaps suggest Tx Bill is grieving big time and part of that is frustration and anger? It's definitely not the right forum to be posting those comments Bill but I can see what you are saying as you are in pain and trying to rationalise something awful. You want to lash out.
In my line of work sadly I have much experience of suicide. We would all refer to it as 'the cowards way out' and it would anger me seeing the devastation of family. Having now suffered anxiety and depression myself (luckily on a minor scale) all I now feel is total sadness and a growing sense of frustration that MH issues are still taboo (to an extent). Mrs Esk hits the nail on the head when she says about the awful state someone must be in to do this especially when they have family.
I would like to think the fella will reflect on his comments when he's a bit less raw
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Well said, this is such an insightful post, I don't think any of us considered that @TX Bill might be suffering also, thankfully we have discussed it privately and made up x
 
cbpointblank said:
I guess in light of where the discussion has gone, I'll expand a little. The reason why I didn't make that "terrible last decision"? I hadn't locked my door. My friend walked in and found me with about 75 anxiety and sleeping pills neatly arranged on my table next to a (very) large amount of alcohol. This person has known me for almost 20 years, and is basically the only friend who really knew how low I get when these episodes happen. I can tell you right now that if I'd locked that front door - I wouldn't be here right now to post this.

I can't speak for anyone else, obviously - but for me (and I'm assuming others), you're not in your right mind when you come to that point. Not saying that you've lost your marbles or anything, but things are just wrong. And I didn't think of it as selfish, I was thinking of it as removing a burden upon those around me. Now, clearly that's not the case but you just aren't thinking that way when you're staring at that pile of meds and booze and smoking what you think will be your last cigarette.
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I think this shoots down the whole 'selfish' thing. It isn't, but it is and yet it isn't.
It didn't seem selfish as you say, yet some might perceive it to be
If we all knew how others perceived things and talked about these differences, there more than likely wouldn't be a need for this thread.

I try, but my default reply to mrs degsy when she does worm stuff out of me is more often than not, you had no 'need to know'
 
Can I just add a little bit to this. It's in no way meant to be inflammatory and I apologise if anyone thinks of it like that.

One of my oldest friends is a community physchiatric nurse of some thirty plus years. I always remember something that he he told me about male suicide. He said that for a man to commit suicide he really has reached the end of the road mentally and unless there is a dramatic intervention a man will generally succeed in carrying it out. The perception of the act is one of gross selfishness but the reality is that suicidal thoughts take over all others and over rule all feelings of guilt and shame.

Again apologies if this comes across as crass, but hopefully it can shed a bit more light on why men do this .
 
COYBL25 said:
Can I just add a little bit to this. It's in no way meant to be inflammatory and I apologise if anyone thinks of it like that.

One of my oldest friends is a community physchiatric nurse of some thirty plus years. I always remember something that he he told me about male suicide. He said that for a man to commit suicide he really has reached the end of the road mentally and unless there is a dramatic intervention a man will generally succeed in carrying it out. The perception of the act is one of gross selfishness but the reality is that suicidal thoughts take over all others and over rule all feelings of guilt and shame.

Again apologies if this comes across as crass, but hopefully it can shed a bit more light on why men do this .
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It doesn't come across as crass at all mate, don't worry.

I can see the logic in that as well, I was stopped by phone calls twice, had that not happened I won't be here or be severely injured in the least...
 

Tim's tourettes said:
Little update from me and advice for others.... 2sessions of CBT in so far (had it 2 years back when anxiety got horrendous) it's already made a big impact on me, someone telling me why I am thinking like I am and how to address it. If there is anyone out there who has been offered it (and are very sceptical like I was) my advice is try it. I am a burly 36 yr old dad who has a 'manly' job, I dismissed it as rubbish at first and thought I could just stop the way I was feeling. I realise now what is going on with me is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to a therapist works wonders for me. It was like the therapist could read my mind. Now I know (again) what is going on in my head I can address it much better.
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im asking my dr to refer me for it.
 
Tim's tourettes said:
Little update from me and advice for others.... 2sessions of CBT in so far (had it 2 years back when anxiety got horrendous) it's already made a big impact on me, someone telling me why I am thinking like I am and how to address it. If there is anyone out there who has been offered it (and are very sceptical like I was) my advice is try it. I am a burly 36 yr old dad who has a 'manly' job, I dismissed it as rubbish at first and thought I could just stop the way I was feeling. I realise now what is going on with me is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to a therapist works wonders for me. It was like the therapist could read my mind. Now I know (again) what is going on in my head I can address it much better.
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This has to be said more often really. I went to something similar at uni with the program they were doing and it helped me massively, even if it was just for a few sessions. I'm happy to say I've changed a lot about the way I think and act, to some extent even drastically compared to before.

It doesn't matter how manly you are if your mind's not there, so it's best to get some help, and it's nothing to be ashamed of to ask for help!

Best of luck with it mate!
 
mitchell1996 said:
was going so well for the best part of a month until i pissed my monthly wages away betting and i cant stop drinking again.
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I reckon you need to get part of your wages automatically deducted into some sort of saver account that cannot be easily accessed. That's just a start. I'm sure you know that the drinking & gambling need to be addressed. AA is everywhere but do you have anything like a "Gamblers Helpline" in Blighty? They're really pushing to curb the spiralling gambling problem here in Oz.

http://www.gamblershelp.com.au/

(Just found the self help section... http://www.responsiblegambling.vic.gov.au/getting-help/ways-to-get-help/help-yourself )
 

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