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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues


Afternoon peeps.

I don't know any of you guys personally (I don't think...) but I had a bit of a bombshell last night.

Bit of background: I've been with my gf since I was 18, just short of 6 years ago, and we were together throughout uni where we saw eachother pretty much everyday. Since we graduated, we've never lived nearby. Her family home is in Germany and mine in Liverpool. I have a job down near London now and she's been unemployed for the last 12 months or so, she completed 2 years of further study last November. We've been backwards and forwards to see eachother and been on holiday and stuff but we've never settled.

I've been able to handle it, as it's been in the back of my mind that some time soon she will get herself a job and we'll be able to sort out moving closer to eachother and eventually moving in. In an ideal world.

Last night she told me she's been accepted by the Peace Corps. Which will involve a 2 year placement in Liberia, starting in June. 2 years FFS. And I know she's determined to stick it out because a couple of years ago she had to cut a voluntary placement in Liberia short because she caught malaria (ffs) so had to come home and she's always seen that as a 'failure'. Now I'm sitting here thinking can I wait another 2 years? Fair enough we're used to going stretches without seeing eachother, but now the hope of her getting a 'normal' job in the foreseeable future is out the window. But we've been together for 6 years. But by the time she comes home I'll have seen her at absolute most 4 times. I don't know what to do with myself here.
 
Titus Bramble said:
Afternoon peeps.

I don't know any of you guys personally (I don't think...) but I had a bit of a bombshell last night.

Bit of background: I've been with my gf since I was 18, just short of 6 years ago, and we were together throughout uni where we saw eachother pretty much everyday. Since we graduated, we've never lived nearby. Her family home is in Germany and mine in Liverpool. I have a job down near London now and she's been unemployed for the last 12 months or so, she completed 2 years of further study last November. We've been backwards and forwards to see eachother and been on holiday and stuff but we've never settled.

I've been able to handle it, as it's been in the back of my mind that some time soon she will get herself a job and we'll be able to sort out moving closer to eachother and eventually moving in. In an ideal world.

Last night she told me she's been accepted by the Peace Corps. Which will involve a 2 year placement in Liberia, starting in June. 2 years FFS. And I know she's determined to stick it out because a couple of years ago she had to cut a voluntary placement in Liberia short because she caught malaria (ffs) so had to come home and she's always seen that as a 'failure'. Now I'm sitting here thinking can I wait another 2 years? Fair enough we're used to going stretches without seeing eachother, but now the hope of her getting a 'normal' job in the foreseeable future is out the window. But we've been together for 6 years. But by the time she comes home I'll have seen her at absolute most 4 times. I don't know what to do with myself here.
Click to expand...
Tough one lid. I've done the long distance relationship thing and know it's difficulties.

You've got a decision to make but good news is you don't have to make it just yet so give yourself some time to come to that decision.
 
Titus Bramble said:
I don't know what to do with myself here.
Click to expand...
You continue to live your life. Perhaps, also, you could clearly explain your feelings to her & what you were quietly hoping to achieve together. Don't say it in such a way that she thinks you're trying to talk her out of going. You've successfully managed a long distance relationship for this long, it's not too much longer if she feels the same.

The worst thing you could do, IMHO, is to be the person that talked her out of going...or at least having her think that of you. Clearly it's a passion of hers so be a supportive friend, but let her know how you feel.
 
CahillsCornerFlag said:
I've shared my anxiety problems on here in the past, and plenty were supportive which is excellent. It improved quite a lot for a while, and has been going well up until the last few weeks.

You know when the things you should enjoy most end up being the very things which are contributing to your low mood? New dog; ends up biting you constantly and stresses you out. Girlfriend; overseas for long periods and causes you stress, constantly having to reassure her about distance etc. Starting a course to become a nurse; constant workload which is stressful enough ignoring the fact you don't get paid and have to work a side job...among other factors...the list unfortunately goes on.

Feel really low at the minute and something feels like it's got to give, whether it's the dog, the partner or the course, or all 3.
Click to expand...
Know it can be hard to budget for and to schedule the time but have you tried taking the dog to some training sessions? Habits like biting etc can sometimes just be a communication problem such as the dog misreading your signals and it can be quite quick to modify and see improvement.

With humans it can be a little harder to fix those comunication issues unfortunately but hang in there mate.
 

BiggyRat said:
You continue to live your life. Perhaps, also, you could clearly explain your feelings to her & what you were quietly hoping to achieve together. Don't say it in such a way that she thinks you're trying to talk her out of going. You've successfully managed a long distance relationship for this long, it's not too much longer if she feels the same.

The worst thing you could do, IMHO, is to be the person that talked her out of going...or at least having her think that of you. Clearly it's a passion of hers so be a supportive friend, but let her know how you feel.
Click to expand...

We had a chat last night but it was a bit difficult because I was still trying to take it all in. Might be worth having another proper chat later. But believe me, if her mum in tears begging her not to go isn't going to change her mind then I certainly won't be able to.

I guess I just feel like I'm missing out on having a 'normal' live-together relationship. I see a lot of mates/work colleagues my age living with their partners and I can't help but feel jealous as I go home to my 45 year old house mate (not that I have a problem with blokes in their 40s...).
 

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