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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

I love this chain reaction idea- I'm going to call it "releasing my inner Diana Ross" (showing my age) :D

It's true though, those random acts make a difference. On Sunday night I had to come back to London after a wonderful week walking in the Yorkshire Dales. I could literally feel the depression sliding over me the closer I got to the city, but then, when I got to my tube station, a lovely man helped me lug my ridiculous luggage up the stairs. Those moments are worth hanging onto. I'm really trying to focus on sending out happy vibes, in the hope that some might bounce back...

Also, big wave and hug to @wbn61 - glad you're still posting:) Sending you some extra energy :celebrate:
 
Must remember Groucho's advice, NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING! Broken this rule several times this week and stressed myself out worrying about things. At the time you think you can get information that will put your mind at rest but it just stresses you more. Just went through my Google searches on my phone and deleted all the stupid ones. There were at least 10. I must stop it. If I can take a deep breath and try and think about something else the feeling will pass, but I need to realise it's my brain trying to bully me and not a "real" problem.
 
hallamblue said:
Must remember Groucho's advice, NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING! Broken this rule several times this week and stressed myself out worrying about things. At the time you think you can get information that will put your mind at rest but it just stresses you more. Just went through my Google searches on my phone and deleted all the stupid ones. There were at least 10. I must stop it. If I can take a deep breath and try and think about something else the feeling will pass, but I need to realise it's my brain trying to bully me and not a "real" problem.
Click to expand...

Dr Google is an evil thing...
 
hallamblue said:
Must remember Groucho's advice, NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING! Broken this rule several times this week and stressed myself out worrying about things. At the time you think you can get information that will put your mind at rest but it just stresses you more. Just went through my Google searches on my phone and deleted all the stupid ones. There were at least 10. I must stop it. If I can take a deep breath and try and think about something else the feeling will pass, but I need to realise it's my brain trying to bully me and not a "real" problem.
Click to expand...
I'm not usually one for corporate BS but a few years ago our managers brought in somebody to talk about stress (the cynical Union rep inside me thought "oh yes, covering their backs") It was predictably useless apart from one thing that I have always remembered. The person spoke a lot about FEAR which they said was False Evidence Appearing Real. Basically worrying yourself to death about something that has not happened and might not ever happen. The example they gave was a parent waiting for their child to get their exam results. Parent worrying along the lines of "If he fails his exams he won't be able to go to uni, he won't get a decent job, his life will be ruined" None of which has happened and might not happen. I quite often think of this when I'm stressing about stuff. I find it helps me to sort out what is worth stressing over and what is the FEAR the person talked about.
 

hallamblue said:
Must remember Groucho's advice, NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING! Broken this rule several times this week and stressed myself out worrying about things. At the time you think you can get information that will put your mind at rest but it just stresses you more. Just went through my Google searches on my phone and deleted all the stupid ones. There were at least 10. I must stop it. If I can take a deep breath and try and think about something else the feeling will pass, but I need to realise it's my brain trying to bully me and not a "real" problem.
Click to expand...
Excellent advice by @Groucho, and the wonderful synopsis by @anjelikaferrett is evidence indeed.
Don't Google. Those sites are self perpetuating arenas for a mixture of those who possibly might know, to those who probably think they do know.

Post on this site and receive advice from those, while they might not all have the answers, are always available and have experienced much and pass on first rate and first hand empathy and guidance.

This thread is THE finest curative anybody could wish for.
 
just wondering if anyone can relate to this. iv posted on here a few times i would say im in alot better place than i was a year back. I still get down from time and again but not as bad as last year.

im 30 next year and i still feel like im in the same situation as nearly 10 years ago. i have a god job but all my money goes on following everton. Im the oldest of three kids and im the one that has nothing to show from my job or life to date basically. my brother and sister have familys and their own houses and i have nothing.. so you can see i feel abit of let down to my family. i have zero confidence with woman after suffering from depression the last few years basically scared of getting hurt again.. sad i know. as stupid as it is when i see young familys out and about it gets to me thay il probably never get to have a family because of how i am.

its hard to be positive lately but im still gradually feeling better. has anyone had similar troubles ?
 

broughy said:
just wondering if anyone can relate to this. iv posted on here a few times i would say im in alot better place than i was a year back. I still get down from time and again but not as bad as last year.

im 30 next year and i still feel like im in the same situation as nearly 10 years ago. i have a god job but all my money goes on following everton. Im the oldest of three kids and im the one that has nothing to show from my job or life to date basically. my brother and sister have familys and their own houses and i have nothing.. so you can see i feel abit of let down to my family. i have zero confidence with woman after suffering from depression the last few years basically scared of getting hurt again.. sad i know. as stupid as it is when i see young familys out and about it gets to me thay il probably never get to have a family because of how i am.

its hard to be positive lately but im still gradually feeling better. has anyone had similar troubles ?
Click to expand...
I can relate in a way. I was 26 & still living at home when I met my first girlfriend, who became my wife. I'd started to think that there wasn't anyone for me but, there she was. Totally out of the blue. We met on a flight out of Honolulu so, don't think that there's a formula to find a relationship, just remember to be open when it happens.

Now, that brings me to your second bit. Sacred of getting hurt again. Well, I reckon it sucks. There's no two ways about it. Whilst I said I only had one girlfriend, there were many candidates (they just didn't know they'd applied...should've told 'em...) Anyway, that's all part of the process I'm afraid. If you go into a relationship not being yourself, then they may fall for the wrong person. You just have to trust your instincts & be prepared to be hurt because one day, when you least expect it, the person you let in could be the person who was looking for you.

Finally, don't beat yourself up about the family. I bet they don't see you as having let them down. There's not enough info on your family (not that you need to elaborate further!) to determine how you interact with them. Perhaps it was you that inspired your siblings to knuckle down & get homes & start families? That may sound like a backwards compliment but you never know. My Sister is in a similar boat to you, oldest, single, and never owned property. I still love her to bits & would do anything for her. If she's struggling for accommodation, there's always a spot here for her.

Allow your family to surprise you. ;)
 
Morning all, just catching up on reading posts, Ash Cloud hope you are feeling a bit more positive, I am the worlds expert on relationship break ups, since getting divorced in 2010 I have been through more than is normal. Take time for yourself, if you can let the grief wash over you without panicking then it will heal you, I spent 6 months staying in and only going to the work and the gym and it helped me define who I am. I like my own company, I'm reasonably happy, depression aside. Wont be long before you feel ready to spread your wings again so to speak, and like football, when your favourite player leaves, generally a better one takes his place.
 
broughy said:
just wondering if anyone can relate to this. iv posted on here a few times i would say im in alot better place than i was a year back. I still get down from time and again but not as bad as last year.

im 30 next year and i still feel like im in the same situation as nearly 10 years ago. i have a god job but all my money goes on following everton. Im the oldest of three kids and im the one that has nothing to show from my job or life to date basically. my brother and sister have familys and their own houses and i have nothing.. so you can see i feel abit of let down to my family. i have zero confidence with woman after suffering from depression the last few years basically scared of getting hurt again.. sad i know. as stupid as it is when i see young familys out and about it gets to me thay il probably never get to have a family because of how i am.

its hard to be positive lately but im still gradually feeling better. has anyone had similar troubles ?
Click to expand...
I think it is natural mate. Openly, if i had not been with my soon to be wife back when i was 21 then my life would have gone a little differently in more ways than one. I wasn't confident talking to women either, amazed me to be honest in hindsight for a average looking fella like me seemed to be able to attract women in the first place! haha Still can't get my head around that.

but in your position i can understand, but the main thing is that you follow your passion in life. If you step away from the whole family thing for a minute, do you enjoy spending your money on everton? Is it something that makes you genuinely happy to do? If so then that is more important than what others think. If you had thew whole family thing then you would find having that opportunity to do what you want is a little bit harder to come by without compromising being there for them. So take stock of that, because i wish sometimes over the past 9 years that i could have had chance more to do what i wanted rather than going the family route, and have that little bit more freedom.

as for talking to women, probably be suggested to you but try dating sites. Not things like tinder or whatever they are called but actual dating sites. It allows you to talk to them without having to meet them first. Build your confidence up that way, and i would imagine if you get in touch with someone who you connect with then you can establish that connection long before you even meet for the first time. I would imagine makes the process easier if you are scared of being hurt by rushing into things?

Sorry if none of this helps mate. but i would definitely try the dating websites, even do it in secret, don't tell anyone. You never know, you might come across a fellow blue who would share the clubs passion with you!
 

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