Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

RetroCat said:
Mate, I don’t think anyone’s going to be upset if you’re not smiling 24/7 and there are better things to use your energy for than maintaining that mask. When my mum was dying it didn’t make me feel any worse when she would talk about how she felt and now I’m glad she was honest.

I hope you got some decent sleep last night and feel more rested today. There’s some beautiful colours starting on the trees here and the weather looks like it might be quite bright over Wales way :)
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I have started opening up to my wife and my dad and it is quite hard. but I don't like worrying people so to others I say I'm fine thank you when asked how i'm doing. the sun is shining here and I might drag myself into the garden later to sit and try to get a tan.:)
 
COYBL25 said:
Came into this late, so apologies.

For what it's worth I think every relationship reaches a kind of cross roads during the first few years. It happens when you've beeen with each other a while and thoughts naturally start to turn towards whether " this is the one " or " do I move on ".

It's only natural that you feel the way you've been feeling and fellas think like this too, but don't put it is eloquently as you. A fellas version would be - " she's doing my head in " !!!!!!

As others have said the " spark " goes, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It either means one of two things in my experience - you've moved into the being comfy stage or it's time to move on. Only you can decide which one it is.

From what I've read it doesn't sound to me like you want to split up at all. I had a patch like this with my missus and what it was down to in the end was that she wanted proper commitement and I couldn't see it and thought everything was fine. What you have to take into account is most fellas are useless at reading the signals women send to them, which must be incredibly frustrating for the woman and leads to tension / arguments.

Sit down and have a good talk with him. Make sure there's no ale involved as if it gets all emotional that won't help !

Ps - those fellas in the pub are just that " fellas in the pub ". After they leave they go home to their partners too !
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Just to pick up on one point there.

Just been through the exact same thing, the wedding stuff. I just put it to one side with everything else going on and then it just blew up massively and it turned out that is what it was about. So we booked a December wedding just so i could prove to her that i was interested in that commitment.

So it does definitely exist!
 
wbn61 said:
I have started opening up to my wife and my dad and it is quite hard. but I don't like worrying people so to others I say I'm fine thank you when asked how i'm doing. the sun is shining here and I might drag myself into the garden later to sit and try to get a tan.:)
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Stay strong mate. You are an inspiration!;) Enjoy the sunshine matey
 
Ashtonian said:
Ok. Going to be a little different in this response so i don't mean any disrespect or anything by anything i say, i type from my head in here lol

Are you sure you want to be with him then? If you doubt you want to be with him then that is usually the answer. You are worried because you are concerned about being all alone or potentially seeing him with someone else? If this is the case then push past it. I was with my best friend for 3 years, inseparable we were, she doubted me, now she is gay and living the life she probably wanted and i have the life i would have wanted. Her doubt ended up being spot on about it, not that it helps my view of the whole thing.

So if this lad was the one you wanted to commit to and go off and be married to and stuff, you wouldn't doubt it as much. Trust your doubt rather than question it, if you know what you want deep inside then you will see the answer. Sparks do last, they form a very important part of a long term relationship when you look at that other person 30 years later and still see the same person you fell for.

What you want is the attention you feel like you deserve and you aren't getting that anymore from your BF. One question i have there is, why do you think he isn't paying as much attention as he did before? not every relationship is built to last, sometimes you put it down to a good couple of years and part ways. These things happen.


Disclaimer, the above is hopefully trying to play the other side to any responses you get. I don't mean it in a harsh way whatsoever and if i am wrong then disregard anything i have said. But i think perhaps it might be helpful to get told the other side of the story and then make your own mind up?
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Only you could see a girl for three years and turn her gay.

You brighten up my day no end :D
 
wbn61 said:
I have started opening up to my wife and my dad and it is quite hard. but I don't like worrying people so to others I say I'm fine thank you when asked how i'm doing. the sun is shining here and I might drag myself into the garden later to sit and try to get a tan.:)
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IMHO, that's great. Personally, I'd want to know how you're traveling & what I can do (or not do) to be helpful. I think it's a good move.

As for the Sun, get out there if you can. Winter is fighting a losing battle here & I'm looking forward to the sunny baton being passed to us from up North. Grab some while it's still there otherwise, you'll have to hang on for another 6 months!!!! ;):p
 

BiggyRat said:
IMHO, that's great. Personally, I'd want to know how you're traveling & what I can do (or not do) to be helpful. I think it's a good move.

As for the Sun, get out there if you can. Winter is fighting a losing battle here & I'm looking forward to the sunny baton being passed to us from up North. Grab some while it's still there otherwise, you'll have to hang on for another 6 months!!!! ;):p
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I am not sure what you mean by travelling, I get about by walking if its not too far, if we go shopping or its far I have a wheelchair.
 
COYBL25 said:
Only you could see a girl for three years and turn her gay.

You brighten up my day no end :D
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I didn't turn her gay haha

it was a mid life crisis for her at 21. She had been with me for 3 years, and because she didn't have the freedom her friends had she got itchy feet so to speak, used things against me that were petty in the end when telling her version. Her best mates one was gay and the other was sleeping around for fun, think she wanted that.

Incedentally, she went with (after cheating) a guy with asbergers, as she could then do what she wanted and he wouldn't tell her no. After that, gay lol
 

wbn61 said:
Think my mask is slipping now. Finding it hard to keep my happy face and people are starting to notice. I have tried doing more things, I have been out twice this weekend but it takes its toll and I feel lousy as hell. I just want to go to bed all the time but fight it and stay up until it gets unbearable then I have to relent and go up to bed. Took some painkillers tonight for the 1st time in months because it was just wearing me down.
I am not being defeatist but it's horrible feeling like this everyday and I know there is nothing I can do but just put up with it. Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is ok.:)
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How are things today? You are the least defeatist person I have ever come across. We are all here for you. X
 
wbn61 said:
Think my mask is slipping now. Finding it hard to keep my happy face and people are starting to notice. I have tried doing more things, I have been out twice this weekend but it takes its toll and I feel lousy as hell. I just want to go to bed all the time but fight it and stay up until it gets unbearable then I have to relent and go up to bed. Took some painkillers tonight for the 1st time in months because it was just wearing me down.
I am not being defeatist but it's horrible feeling like this everyday and I know there is nothing I can do but just put up with it. Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is ok.:)
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Brother, you are the very antidote of defeatism.
 

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