hallamblue
Player Valuation: £40m
This is a great way to keep someone in your thoughts. Every time you make that extra effort to enjoy life, you can think of him and smile. I'm sure he would be very proud knowing he set such a good example of how to live. My condolences.
Sad.
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
I haven't been on this for a good while and seems I only come back when I am suffering some sadness! I must rectify that because you are all good people... But life gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, suffering a lot at the moment with relationship issues. I am currently sat in my mum and dad's house having moved a load of stuff out of my boyfriend's house yesterday (we've been together for 2 1/2 years... Lived together for 1 and a half). We had been going through a crappy patch and trying to fix things and in the end we thought breaking up would be best and see what happens. Something needed to happen in order to find out how we both feel etc. As soon as it happened, I woke up the next day and thought what have we done? He's a good lad (albeit a kopite!), with a good heart and he provides well, works hard, has a great nature... I was just missing some kind of spark... I work in a pub and the attention received off people was making me think why do I not get this attention at home? I understand it won't be on the same level and 'sparks' do not last or whatever... But still, it was getting to me and made me doubt things. I just don't know what to do really. He says he wants a few days to think things over... whereas I am impatient and wanting all of the answers to miraculously appear! I'm 28 in January and getting to the point of wanting a family etc etc (as does he)... I want to make sure I am with the right person and I won't start getting doubts as has happened currently and on a couple of occasions in the past where we just seem to clash. On the other hand, I am wondering if I am just holding on because I am scared I won't find anyone else that can provide what I want out of life etc. Just feeling very lonely and confused and want to make the right decision. My parents are away currently so I am on my own in the house and yesterday went to the game on my own without my dad... I didn't realise I could feel so lonely surrounded by so many people!
Don't suffer in silence on your tod first of all. Youre still only young so don't despair...Are your mates supportive...and good listeners ? Get one of them round for a gab and a bite to eat over a bottle of wine and get another opinion...may help to clear your head with all the upset. I know you say the sparks gone but he sounds as though hes got many good points (apart from being RS !). The one thing you don't say however amidst all the doubts is that you still love him. And him you ?
Hey
don't really feel as though I've got that mate that can come round and I can just vent to!! Everyone always seems to have their own problems and I am a good listener ha ha! I do love him and care about him a lot... as he does with me. I'm not head over heels in love with him... Am I supposed to be? Haha. I was just always happy and content with our set up. I don't know why doubts creep in and I worry that there should be something more. Happiness is all I seek
Hey
Its normal to have doubts...especially when youre contemplating the next stage. Its the level of doubt that will gauge how you go ahead. It needs to be more than just "having someone to provide what you want from life"....its a two way street and compromise oils the wheels as with anything. If what he wants tallies with what you want then you are at least well matched. I would say being in love rather than simply loving could add something you perhaps would see as the spark you are missing...though many people have happy marriages/long term relationships through being an easy fit without that. Happiness is indeed what we all seek....and sometimes the important thing is to know when we actually do have it...often without realising it. Best wishes to you both.
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
IMHO, sparks are the beginnings of relationships. They don't always last the entire time. I've been married 23 years now & I'd say there's no spark here, but we've evolved our relationship beyond sparks...now, of course, that's just us. We have our moments but a good laugh far outweighs a spark for us.
The reason I say this is because your post reads like a couple that's been married for 10 or so years. As you are not married (and I accept that there are now many forms of commitment now) I'm wondering if you still feel like you're in 'dating' mode deep down? This is where its fully understandable to expect a spark or two, the "thrill of the chase" so to speak. You might want to explore each others feelings about where the relationship is at as you may both be at different levels. (Again, this is all just opinion from the other side of the planet!) You might be missing that spark because he's at the contentment phase...you need to find out before making any final decisions.
I should point out that I do still get the occasional tingling in the pit of my stomach when I see my better half, and I do occasionally walk a little taller when we're out together. You could, I guess, quantify these as sparks but for me, they're the cream on top. We're doing just fine.
Good luck.
big bobs beard
Player Valuation: £8m
Getting attention from the blokes you serve in the pub is the cause of these doubts I imagine. Of course it's flattering but can anyone one person really compete with all that at home?? I doubt it. Re-read what you think about him, ( apart from Kopite bit!) isn't that everything you would want in a long term life time relationship? You might be making a huge mistake here, cos if you meet someone with a 'spark' you might be in the same position in two and a half years time. Now I'm not being critical here but reading between the lines ( and in my experience of women) I think there is probably someone else, one specific person who is giving you attention that might be the cause of these doubts, someone you might be thinking could give you a better life? But remember blokes in bars are very different people for the rest of the week, will they be any 'better' than what you have?
Woolly Blue
Player Valuation: £80m
The following applies more to when you're in a relationship rather than when you've just split up, but ...
If you've been apart for a few days or a week or so ( for example due to work commitments ) and you've missed your partner and are made up when they get back home, then the chances are they're a keeper.
D
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