Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Woolly Blue]

I have a team leader on my desk and they did nothing about it. Literally half arsed interference after it got heated. so yeah in terms of pulling them up like you say ideally i would love to do that but it the fact it happens so randomly, it is hard to predict when the next outburst will be. In terms of a new job i am looking after christmas is over, i will go sideways into an area that intrigues me sure, anything to get away from the office. But i will have a chat with my AM when he has time next just to paint out that Mediation isn't an option, been there before, not changed anything, and to be honest it feels like they are condoning his actions as nothing more than a disagreement between us rather than any acts of bullying.

I have even had a response before form a team leader of 'it seems like you are trying to cause trouble' when genuinely asking for support in my issues. The amount my issues have been downgraded is quite amazing, would literally take them pinning me down and hitting me before they would take notice i am having real issues that need support over.

This probably isn't what you want to hear mate, but step back a moment and try to consider if the problem really all lies with your team leader(s).

It generally takes faults on both sides for a working relationship ( or any other relationship for that matter ) to get as bad as you've described. If there are things you've done to make matters worse, or just rub people up the wrong way, then be honest with yourself.

If not, then yea, it's probably time to move on.

 

[Ashtonian]

This probably isn't what you want to hear mate, but step back a moment and try to consider if the problem really all lies with your team leader(s).

It generally takes faults on both sides for a working relationship ( or any other relationship for that matter ) to get as bad as you've described. If there are things you've done to make matters worse, or just rub people up the wrong way, then be honest with yourself.

If not, then yea, it's probably time to move on.

Honestly there is nothing. As much as i would love to discover something about my own personality, there really isn't. Little insight into me, i'm very well mannered, i open doors for people, help anyone out that asks, you know the whole 9 yards. so to have one specific person like that means they have a personal issue and it isn't anything i have done, and sadly i don't think chatting will change that.

 

[Prevenger17]

I have a team leader on my desk and they did nothing about it. Literally half arsed interference after it got heated. so yeah in terms of pulling them up like you say ideally i would love to do that but it the fact it happens so randomly, it is hard to predict when the next outburst will be. In terms of a new job i am looking after christmas is over, i will go sideways into an area that intrigues me sure, anything to get away from the office. But i will have a chat with my AM when he has time next just to paint out that Mediation isn't an option, been there before, not changed anything, and to be honest it feels like they are condoning his actions as nothing more than a disagreement between us rather than any acts of bullying.

I have even had a response before form a team leader of 'it seems like you are trying to cause trouble' when genuinely asking for support in my issues. The amount my issues have been downgraded is quite amazing, would literally take them pinning me down and hitting me before they would take notice i am having real issues that need support over.

This probably isn't what you want to hear mate, but step back a moment and try to consider if the problem really all lies with your team leader(s).

It generally takes faults on both sides for a working relationship ( or any other relationship for that matter ) to get as bad as you've described. If there are things you've done to make matters worse, or just rub people up the wrong way, then be honest with yourself.

If not, then yea, it's probably time to move on.

Aye, that was my thinking though only Woolly was brave enough to say it. Without implying that it's all your fault, I've gotten the impression that you have been stuck in a mode of conflict for a while, and that every minor annoyance is being escalated unnecessarily. No workplace is perfect, you just have to know when to let things slide. If you can't, well, work can be a bit like a relationship. If all those funny little quirks you used to find endearing start becoming a persistent annoyance, it may be time to move on.

 

[Ashtonian]

Aye, that was my thinking though only Woolly was brave enough to say it. Without implying that it's all your fault, I've gotten the impression that you have been stuck in a mode of conflict for a while, and that every minor annoyance is being escalated unnecessarily. No workplace is perfect, you just have to know when to let things slide. If you can't, well, work can be a bit like a relationship. If all those funny little quirks you used to find endearing start becoming a persistent annoyance, it may be time to move on.

I fully understand that perspective and if there was anything i had done then i'd be happy to say fair enough. But generally we don't talk much as it was, and these outbursts over something completely pointless were never instigated, one minute quiet next accusations at me.

I think there isn't much more i want to talk about it though, wrong thread and all that. So cheers for the reponses to you all, certainly everyone has been helpful and made my decision somewhat towards moving forward.

 

[Prevenger17]

I think there isn't much more i want to talk about it though, wrong thread and all that.

I hope you don't feel we're pointing the finger or anything, I certainly have little regard for your colleagues the way you have described it. In my experience, it's just generally worthwhile to look at a situation in which you might have even been 1% wrong in and accept it. It won't change the other 99% that was beyond your control, but it will make you feel better about your decisions in future

 

[TheAlmightyFloater]

Didn't get the job I wanted.

Guy just phoned to let me know and told me it was a close thing etc. Pretty disappointed to be honest but that is life.

I had another temp job lined up until Christmas but now their HR department lost one of my forms, told me to come in for training and then never emailed me with details. Hoping they can sort it out so I can start earning next week.

Gutted about the rejection though, it was close to being a dream job too.

 

[hallamblue]

Didn't get the job I wanted.

Guy just phoned to let me know and told me it was a close thing etc. Pretty disappointed to be honest but that is life.

I had another temp job lined up until Christmas but now their HR department lost one of my forms, told me to come in for training and then never emailed me with details. Hoping they can sort it out so I can start earning next week.

Gutted about the rejection though, it was close to being a dream job too.

So sorry to hear that mate. Do try and take the positives, although I know that's not easy at this time. They don't tell you it was close if it wasn't, and the next time it will be you getting the job.

 

[big bobs beard]

I fully understand that perspective and if there was anything i had done then i'd be happy to say fair enough. But generally we don't talk much as it was, and these outbursts over something completely pointless were never instigated, one minute quiet next accusations at me.

I think there isn't much more i want to talk about it though, wrong thread and all that. So cheers for the reponses to you all, certainly everyone has been helpful and made my decision somewhat towards moving forward.

Hope all goes well mate, in the mean time if I were you, and I know it's easier said than done, is to develop a thicker skin yourself around him and try to adopt the attitude you don't give a toss ( even though you do) as it is obviously affecting you. THere are times and people in any work place that can drive you mad, it's best to try and let it go and just treat the whole place with a sod it mentality, to save your own sanity. Good luck!

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Didn't get the job I wanted.

Guy just phoned to let me know and told me it was a close thing etc. Pretty disappointed to be honest but that is life.

I had another temp job lined up until Christmas but now their HR department lost one of my forms, told me to come in for training and then never emailed me with details. Hoping they can sort it out so I can start earning next week.

Gutted about the rejection though, it was close to being a dream job too.

Sorry to hear that. Don't be too downhearted, you obviously impressed them.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

This probably isn't what you want to hear mate, but step back a moment and try to consider if the problem really all lies with your team leader(s).

It generally takes faults on both sides for a working relationship ( or any other relationship for that matter ) to get as bad as you've described. If there are things you've done to make matters worse, or just rub people up the wrong way, then be honest with yourself.

If not, then yea, it's probably time to move on.

Forgive my disagreement but I have experienced many situations as a Union rep where the aggression was completely one- sided and people were targetted for any manner of spurious reasons. Just by being a little different to the expected norm- and I'm not talking the biggies like racism, homophobia etc. I've seen a manager bully somebody into resigning for no reason other than he was a very mild mannered religious man who didn't join in with "banter". She perceived him as weak and made his life hell. There are some horrible people out there- and some very lovely ones too.

 

[Bungle]

I fully understand that perspective and if there was anything i had done then i'd be happy to say fair enough. But generally we don't talk much as it was, and these outbursts over something completely pointless were never instigated, one minute quiet next accusations at me.

I think there isn't much more i want to talk about it though, wrong thread and all that. So cheers for the reponses to you all, certainly everyone has been helpful and made my decision somewhat towards moving forward.

Bamboozle him by inviting him to your stag do.

 

[Woolly Blue]

Forgive my disagreement but I have experienced many situations as a Union rep where the aggression was completely one- sided and people were targetted for any manner of spurious reasons. Just by being a little different to the expected norm- and I'm not talking the biggies like racism, homophobia etc. I've seen a manager bully somebody into resigning for no reason other than he was a very mild mannered religious man who didn't join in with "banter". She perceived him as weak and made his life hell. There are some horrible people out there- and some very lovely ones too.

We're not really disagreeing, but just because someone posts on here it doesn't mean they can't be at fault ( though plainly it's less likely ). Sometimes you do have to step back and think "Am I at fault ?".

If you do that and can honestly say no ( which plainly Ash has done ) then you know the fault lies elsewhere. But quite often when there's conflict, there are faults on both sides.

 

[cronullasharks]

Didn't get the job I wanted.

Guy just phoned to let me know and told me it was a close thing etc. Pretty disappointed to be honest but that is life.

I had another temp job lined up until Christmas but now their HR department lost one of my forms, told me to come in for training and then never emailed me with details. Hoping they can sort it out so I can start earning next week.

Gutted about the rejection though, it was close to being a dream job too.

Know its probably little consolation but one thing you can take out of it is you'll be even more prepared for the next interview you do. Every interview it's natural to come out of it thinking "i should have said this" or "wish I'd answered that question differently". Now you know what type of questions get asked for the type of job you're after so you can have the base answers ready.

 

[wgtwiddle]

Found this of interest ...
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/10/161018094125.htm

 

[larbert toffee]

Didn't get the job I wanted.

Guy just phoned to let me know and told me it was a close thing etc. Pretty disappointed to be honest but that is life.

I had another temp job lined up until Christmas but now their HR department lost one of my forms, told me to come in for training and then never emailed me with details. Hoping they can sort it out so I can start earning next week.

Gutted about the rejection though, it was close to being a dream job too.

Keep being positive mate your time will come and your luck will change and you'll be able to look back on it all with a wry smile.