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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Oh Robertor, I'm so sorry to read that. I have been blessed with two children of my own and I can only ever imagine your pain.

I certainly can't help take the pain, or the sense of loss, away for you but I can hope to reassure you that you are a parent. You were some lads Dad. And although you never felt the sheer joy of holding your little one, know that the job of a parent doesn't start when they are born, it's starts much sooner than that. Your little fella was here for a reason & maybe one day, you'll come to realise what reason that was.

Take care of your Wife, take care of yourself, and be there for each other as you work your way through this.
 
BiggyRat said:
Oh Robertor, I'm so sorry to read that. I have been blessed with two children of my own and I can only ever imagine your pain.

I certainly can't help take the pain, or the sense of loss, away for you but I can hope to reassure you that you are a parent. You were some lads Dad. And although you never felt the sheer joy of holding your little one, know that the job of a parent doesn't start when they are born, it's starts much sooner than that. Your little fella was here for a reason & maybe one day, you'll come to realise what reason that was.

Take care of your Wife, take care of yourself, and be there for each other as you work your way through this.
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Thanks for that mate I really appreciate it. I do feel like a parent myself because as silly as it may sound it's like I've formed an idea of what my little boy would be like etc. What I would give though to just be able to hold him in my arms but as you say there was a reason and I'm a strong believer in things happening for a reason. If you would've told me a week ago that I wouldn't be getting much sleep these last couple of nights I'd imagine it would've been due to the baby keeping me up and what I'd give for that to be the reason
 
I'm new to the site and find this a very interesting thread.

I'm in the forces, have been for nearly 14 years so its a very, excuse the word, 'ladish' enviroment, where you can get ripped for pretty much anything you do. I find this cheers me up personally but as i've became more aware of mental health issues, whether this be through advertising or just personal development as you progress through life, it's something I look out for in my colleagues.

It's amazing how many people suffer from it or have family members that have. Fair play to whoever decided to pin this thread, you can tell by reading through it that it's helping people out.
 
This may sound trivial compared to those that I've read on this thread so apologies,

I have recently had to re - apply for my job that I've been doing for the past 8 years,
I have since been told that I was unsuccessful in my application and I can't believe it,
I have had nothing but praise from all of my managers throughout the time there, my work and attendance have never been called into question,
In my department change there was 6 jobs available and without blowing my own trumpet there is only one other candidate who applied and got a job, that was on par with me in terms of length of service and experience in the role,
The feedback that I received regarding my unsuccessful application,I have since pulled to bits in a meeting with HR,
It turns out that because I had the audacity to ask pertinent questions in a meeting with senior management, based on my experience, which they couldn't answer, I have been deemed to have a negative attitude towards work and that was the death knell for my application,
The successful applicants include people who have been dismissed and brought back on appeal, people with no experience of the role and one is a lad that I have personally trained to be my holiday cover!
Since this decision has been made, I have had to carry on in my role until the successful applicants under go their training(1 Month) and then I am just expected to move aside into a different role in the company(In 7 days)
I have given over and above in my job each day and I feel very badly done to,
This has affected me a lot more than I could ever dream of, I can't think of it an other way than a personal attack on my character and have today phoned in sick, as I can't face going into work and putting a brave face on it.
I can't switch off thinking about it, day and night.
If it was the case of the best man gets the job, I'd hold my hand up and say fair enough but it's not.
As the new role is technically for a different branch of the company, there is nothing a Union can do either !
Proper Gutted.
Sorry lads.
 
ically said:
This may sound trivial compared to those that I've read on this thread so apologies,

I have recently had to re - apply for my job that I've been doing for the past 8 years,
I have since been told that I was unsuccessful in my application and I can't believe it,
I have had nothing but praise from all of my managers throughout the time there, my work and attendance have never been called into question,
In my department change there was 6 jobs available and without blowing my own trumpet there is only one other candidate who applied and got a job, that was on par with me in terms of length of service and experience in the role,
The feedback that I received regarding my unsuccessful application,I have since pulled to bits in a meeting with HR,
It turns out that because I had the audacity to ask pertinent questions in a meeting with senior management, based on my experience, which they couldn't answer, I have been deemed to have a negative attitude towards work and that was the death knell for my application,
The successful applicants include people who have been dismissed and brought back on appeal, people with no experience of the role and one is a lad that I have personally trained to be my holiday cover!
Since this decision has been made, I have had to carry on in my role until the successful applicants under go their training(1 Month) and then I am just expected to move aside into a different role in the company(In 7 days)
I have given over and above in my job each day and I feel very badly done to,
This has affected me a lot more than I could ever dream of, I can't think of it an other way than a personal attack on my character and have today phoned in sick, as I can't face going into work and putting a brave face on it.
I can't switch off thinking about it, day and night.
If it was the case of the best man gets the job, I'd hold my hand up and say fair enough but it's not.
As the new role is technically for a different branch of the company, there is nothing a Union can do either !
Proper Gutted.
Sorry lads.
Click to expand...

Totally understand mate why you would be feeling down about that, sounds bloody ridiculous on your companies part that they have treated you this way. Hang in there mate, give it time and i am sure it will be only a matter of time that they realise their mistake and approach you with an apology and an offer to be reinstated in the role you want.
 

Robertor said:
Only recently come on here in the last month or so but I think it's fantastic to have a thread like this so that people have somewhere to turn when they need someone to talk to.

I'm only a fairly young man myself who got married last month to the girl I've been with since I was 14 (26 now) and just a few days ago my wife had a miscarriage. I'm utterly heartbroken after preparing for the last nine months to have my little boy and hold him in my arms to have that taken away in a split second just hurts me to even think about it. I'm a pretty happy and positive guy, but I've understandably taken a huge knock from this, dreaming of taking him to his first match and all the little things which I imagine make parenthood the fantastic honour that it is and which has taken up the majority of my thoughts over the last few months, now it's gone and I just don't know if i will ever be mentally ready to go through it all again after this. Thanks for reading anyway and if anyone has any similar experience and had any helpful tip of getting through it a little easier then it'd be much appreciated, thanks.
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Sorry to hear about your terrible news mate, went through it with my wife 3 years ago. We already had a son but wanted one more. Took us a long time to get over it but we did and we now have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. No one can explain why these things happen, no reason for such heartache to happen but these things are sent to test us and both of you will come out of it stronger. Your day will come mate and you keep telling yourself and your wife that and you will get through it together.
 
maccavennie said:
Totally understand mate why you would be feeling down about that, sounds bloody ridiculous on your companies part that they have treated you this way. Hang in there mate, give it time and i am sure it will be only a matter of time that they realise their mistake and approach you with an apology and an offer to be reinstated in the role you want.
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Thanks very much mate,
I would like to think so, but I very much doubt it.
 
Robertor said:
Only recently come on here in the last month or so but I think it's fantastic to have a thread like this so that people have somewhere to turn when they need someone to talk to.

I'm only a fairly young man myself who got married last month to the girl I've been with since I was 14 (26 now) and just a few days ago my wife had a miscarriage. I'm utterly heartbroken after preparing for the last nine months to have my little boy and hold him in my arms to have that taken away in a split second just hurts me to even think about it. I'm a pretty happy and positive guy, but I've understandably taken a huge knock from this, dreaming of taking him to his first match and all the little things which I imagine make parenthood the fantastic honour that it is and which has taken up the majority of my thoughts over the last few months, now it's gone and I just don't know if i will ever be mentally ready to go through it all again after this. Thanks for reading anyway and if anyone has any similar experience and had any helpful tip of getting through it a little easier then it'd be much appreciated, thanks.
Click to expand...

Sorry to read about this mate, it happened to us, albeit many years ago now, but I can still remember the pain we both felt.

Couple of things, firstly it's far more common than most people think and there will be lots of friends and probably family members that have been through the same awful experience, that may help put some perspective on it, although I understand if you don't think so!

Secondly we decided to buy a magnolia tree and put it in our garden. Nearly 20 years on the tree is nearly as tall as a double decker bus and flowers beautifully in the Spring. It will never bring back our unborn child but it does give us something to remember her by.

Re you both trying for another child in the future, I'm sure you'll reach the point when it makes sense to do so once more - this time, God willing everything will go to plan, and you'll be able to do all the things you wanted to do with your first.

There's plenty of people on this site who can talk more if it helps, myself included - best of luck to you both in the future.
 
maccavennie said:
Sorry to hear about your terrible news mate, went through it with my wife 3 years ago. We already had a son but wanted one more. Took us a long time to get over it but we did and we now have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. No one can explain why these things happen, no reason for such heartache to happen but these things are sent to test us and both of you will come out of it stronger. Your day will come mate and you keep telling yourself and your wife that and you will get through it together.
Click to expand...

Thanks very much mate. Much appreciated.
 
the esk said:
Sorry to read about this mate, it happened to us, albeit many years ago now, but I can still remember the pain we both felt.

Couple of things, firstly it's far more common than most people think and there will be lots of friends and probably family members that have been through the same awful experience, that may help put some perspective on it, although I understand if you don't think so!

Secondly we decided to buy a magnolia tree and put it in our garden. Nearly 20 years on the tree is nearly as tall as a double decker bus and flowers beautifully in the Spring. It will never bring back our unborn child but it does give us something to remember her by.

Re you both trying for another child in the future, I'm sure you'll reach the point when it makes sense to do so once more - this time, God willing everything will go to plan, and you'll be able to do all the things you wanted to do with your first.

There's plenty of people on this site who can talk more if it helps, myself included - best of luck to you both in the future.
Click to expand...

Thanks very much mate. We've decided to start trying again in a few weeks but the idea about the tree sounds great, I might consider doing the same. Much appreciated mate.
 

I've been trying to sort myself out, without the need for medication.

Going for walks with the family, not shutting myself away. So far so good. It's hard when times you just want to be away from everyone and everything but I'm going to get through this.

My manager at work has been excellent. He has weekly meetings with me as he says he wants me to go home without any worries about work.
 
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