Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[EFCPaul]

A few things happened in work today that has me bemused.

Was in with the girl I asked out but hardly spoke to her apart from the odd acknowledgement. Then at dinner time as I'm getting ready to finish she and an older co-worker walk in. The other bloke goes in the other room to get something, she sits down. We make small talk for a second as I pack up and then I walk out back to work. When I'm still in earshot I hear the co-worker walk back into the kitchen and say in a loud, P-taking sort of way "so when are you letting me take you on a DATE then (insert her name)". I kept walking pretending I didn't hear.

Then later on in the day when I'm on my afternoon break and on the phone she walks in again, alone, sees just me and then walks out again. When I next see the co-worker he gives me a slightly off-putting grin, not the normal way he lets on to me.

I know I am extremely paranoid a lot of the time but surely all that isn't just in my head? My common sense is telling me they are clearly talking about me behind my back. I don't let it bother me much, I know they're spineless. Just it's made me think something that I presumed dead isn't, it's become gossip like I feared. Gits.

 

[COYBL25]

A few things happened in work today that has me bemused.

Was in with the girl I asked out but hardly spoke to her apart from the odd acknowledgement. Then at dinner time as I'm getting ready to finish she and an older co-worker walk in. The other bloke goes in the other room to get something, she sits down. We make small talk for a second as I pack up and then I walk out back to work. When I'm still in earshot I hear the co-worker walk back into the kitchen and say in a loud, P-taking sort of way "so when are you letting me take you on a DATE then (insert her name)". I kept walking pretending I didn't hear.

Then later on in the day when I'm on my afternoon break and on the phone she walks in again, alone, sees just me and then walks out again. When I next see the co-worker he gives me a slightly off-putting grin, not the normal way he lets on to me.

I know I am extremely paranoid a lot of the time but surely all that isn't just in my head? My common sense is telling me they are clearly talking about me behind my back. I don't let it bother me much, I know they're spineless. Just it's made me think something that I presumed dead isn't, it's become gossip like I feared. Gits.

You did exactly the right thing by ignoring them mate, pair of horrors.

You need to get out of that place and no you're not being paranoid.

 

[EFCPaul]

You did exactly the right thing by ignoring them mate, pair of horrors.

You need to get out of that place and no you're not being paranoid.

I feel the same mate, that's them being arseholes to me. There's banter and then there's needlessly ripping someone over something meaningless. What have I done to merit that sort of sly mocking? Of course they aren't to know how bad my current mental state has been but it's still needless poo-stirring, utter fanny behaviour.

 

[granter79]

A few things happened in work today that has me bemused.

Was in with the girl I asked out but hardly spoke to her apart from the odd acknowledgement. Then at dinner time as I'm getting ready to finish she and an older co-worker walk in. The other bloke goes in the other room to get something, she sits down. We make small talk for a second as I pack up and then I walk out back to work. When I'm still in earshot I hear the co-worker walk back into the kitchen and say in a loud, P-taking sort of way "so when are you letting me take you on a DATE then (insert her name)". I kept walking pretending I didn't hear.

Then later on in the day when I'm on my afternoon break and on the phone she walks in again, alone, sees just me and then walks out again. When I next see the co-worker he gives me a slightly off-putting grin, not the normal way he lets on to me.

I know I am extremely paranoid a lot of the time but surely all that isn't just in my head? My common sense is telling me they are clearly talking about me behind my back. I don't let it bother me much, I know they're spineless. Just it's made me think something that I presumed dead isn't, it's become gossip like I feared. Gits.

Ignore them pal
Good rule of thumb I live by
Don't let things stress you out that you have no control over. Can apply in a lot of situations but works for me

 

[Billy Dean]

 

[chrismpw]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

Sorry, mate, I've only just read this.
Judgements on teachers and schools are a pile of qualitative tosh. I speak from 28 years in the profession. I was at one of the first schools in the country to go through an ofsted, a right rough school, with poor results. It was so early that the ofsted fella himself was being observed by an Hmi and our head was watching the Hmi. I was in my 3rd year if teaching or something. His criticism of me (they weren't supposed to speak to us in those days) was that the concept I was trying to get over was far too difficult for year 7. I agreed, and walked over to the newly produced shiny national curriculum volume for science and pointed to the lesson. Given I was given the opportunity to enter a dialogue I respinded: "The government who are making you judge me, also tell me to teach this crap". The Hmi and the head agreed with me. I've never paid attention to ofsted since, whether they say I'm good bad or indifferent. Their idea of "good" changes ever day or with every change in minister. There's no science behind what they look at or how they analyse teaching. Ofsted are simply the hammer the government use to enforce its daft ideas.

The most important judges are the kids. If you can make a rapport with them (and it sounds like you could, before you got tangled in the observation web) , and enthuse them into your subject then you've won.

The trick is to find a school where the management know this, and appreciate your skills. After that school, I went to a school where the management and I shared a mutual hatred - because I wouldn't teach the way they wanted, filling in boxes, following an ofsted formula etc and would never jump through hoops. I get the best results in the school, though and was so unrewarded I was depressed and about to leave teaching. I leapt at a chance to go to another school where the attitude was totally different. IT'S NOT YOU IT'S THE SYSTEM YOU'RE IN. Have faith, have belief in the outstanding teacher you were and look for another job.
I have two close mates who were superb teachers for years, in different schools, then a change of head and suddenly they were worthless. Heads are under a huge amount of pressure, and most have been promoted there above their capabilities. Trust me.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

A few things happened in work today that has me bemused.

Was in with the girl I asked out but hardly spoke to her apart from the odd acknowledgement. Then at dinner time as I'm getting ready to finish she and an older co-worker walk in. The other bloke goes in the other room to get something, she sits down. We make small talk for a second as I pack up and then I walk out back to work. When I'm still in earshot I hear the co-worker walk back into the kitchen and say in a loud, P-taking sort of way "so when are you letting me take you on a DATE then (insert her name)". I kept walking pretending I didn't hear.

Then later on in the day when I'm on my afternoon break and on the phone she walks in again, alone, sees just me and then walks out again. When I next see the co-worker he gives me a slightly off-putting grin, not the normal way he lets on to me.

I know I am extremely paranoid a lot of the time but surely all that isn't just in my head? My common sense is telling me they are clearly talking about me behind my back. I don't let it bother me much, I know they're spineless. Just it's made me think something that I presumed dead isn't, it's become gossip like I feared. Gits.

That's just nasty and they are not worthy of your friendship. Don't get too upset though- they'll move on to the next bit of gossip very soon.

 

[Durham Toffee]

Coping strategies have been working well lately. Never went to see a shrink (probably should have done as it would've been quicker) and didn't ask a GP for tablets.

I did a lot of reading, reflecting and talking with people I loved and whose opinions I valued.

As a result, I'm in a much better place. I can cope with immense levels of stress these days and I'm simply happier.

I have a girlfriend who I am falling in love with and I'm pretty sure she loves me too.

My daughter (who is now 6!) and I are really close and she has met my girlfriend. I've buried the hatchet with the ex wife and accepted that she was almost certainly having an affair, but that's all in the past.

My mam and dad are the bravest, strongest, loyalest people I've ever had the fortune to meet and they have dragged me out of pits whose depths weren't measurable at times.

My new job is working out and I'm growing into my leadership role.

But most significantly...I like who I am again. I love my life.

I sleep now, knowing 90% of my life is under control and accepting that 10% never will be.

I am not here to boast or pontificate.

I reached such depths that I never imagined possible. I was drunk for 5 straight days in October and my dad had literally shower me naked in cold water to snap me out of it. I admitted I was alcohol dependent to him. I didn't think there was any light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.

But I've emerged. I know why some people feel as though they have been born again.

I only hope some people here realise it's possible for them too.

But I also know how hard it is; how frustrating and patronising it is when someone tells you to suck it up and that you'll get over it or through it. So I'm not here to do that.

Hope anyone here, going through this tripe, is simply given hope by the fact that there is always a chance. I haven't drank alcohol now for 3 months. I will drink again. I wasn't an alcoholic; but I realised that if I kept drinking, I soon would be.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Coping strategies have been working well lately. Never went to see a shrink (probably should have done as it would've been quicker) and didn't ask a GP for tablets.

I did a lot of reading, reflecting and talking with people I loved and whose opinions I valued.

As a result, I'm in a much better place. I can cope with immense levels of stress these days and I'm simply happier.

I have a girlfriend who I am falling in love with and I'm pretty sure she loves me too.

My daughter (who is now 6!) and I are really close and she has met my girlfriend. I've buried the hatchet with the ex wife and accepted that she was almost certainly having an affair, but that's all in the past.

My mam and dad are the bravest, strongest, loyalest people I've ever had the fortune to meet and they have dragged me out of pits whose depths weren't measurable at times.

My new job is working out and I'm growing into my leadership role.

But most significantly...I like who I am again. I love my life.

I sleep now, knowing 90% of my life is under control and accepting that 10% never will be.

I am not here to boast or pontificate.

I reached such depths that I never imagined possible. I was drunk for 5 straight days in October and my dad had literally shower me naked in cold water to snap me out of it. I admitted I was alcohol dependent to him. I didn't think there was any light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.

But I've emerged. I know why some people feel as though they have been born again.

I only hope some people here realise it's possible for them too.

But I also know how hard it is; how frustrating and patronising it is when someone tells you to suck it up and that you'll get over it or through it. So I'm not here to do that.

Hope anyone here, going through this tripe, is simply given hope by the fact that there is always a chance. I haven't drank alcohol now for 3 months. I will drink again. I wasn't an alcoholic; but I realised that if I kept drinking, I soon would be.

That is freaking awesome. Absolutely brilliant- so pleased for you x

 

[Blue Cheese]

Coping strategies have been working well lately. Never went to see a shrink (probably should have done as it would've been quicker) and didn't ask a GP for tablets.

I did a lot of reading, reflecting and talking with people I loved and whose opinions I valued.

As a result, I'm in a much better place. I can cope with immense levels of stress these days and I'm simply happier.

I have a girlfriend who I am falling in love with and I'm pretty sure she loves me too.

My daughter (who is now 6!) and I are really close and she has met my girlfriend. I've buried the hatchet with the ex wife and accepted that she was almost certainly having an affair, but that's all in the past.

My mam and dad are the bravest, strongest, loyalest people I've ever had the fortune to meet and they have dragged me out of pits whose depths weren't measurable at times.

My new job is working out and I'm growing into my leadership role.

But most significantly...I like who I am again. I love my life.

I sleep now, knowing 90% of my life is under control and accepting that 10% never will be.

I am not here to boast or pontificate.

I reached such depths that I never imagined possible. I was drunk for 5 straight days in October and my dad had literally shower me naked in cold water to snap me out of it. I admitted I was alcohol dependent to him. I didn't think there was any light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.

But I've emerged. I know why some people feel as though they have been born again.

I only hope some people here realise it's possible for them too.

But I also know how hard it is; how frustrating and patronising it is when someone tells you to suck it up and that you'll get over it or through it. So I'm not here to do that.

Hope anyone here, going through this tripe, is simply given hope by the fact that there is always a chance. I haven't drank alcohol now for 3 months. I will drink again. I wasn't an alcoholic; but I realised that if I kept drinking, I soon would be.

Excellent mate. Good luck going forward, seems you are in a good place.

 

[Prevenger17]

Coping strategies have been working well lately. Never went to see a shrink (probably should have done as it would've been quicker) and didn't ask a GP for tablets.

I did a lot of reading, reflecting and talking with people I loved and whose opinions I valued.

As a result, I'm in a much better place. I can cope with immense levels of stress these days and I'm simply happier.

I have a girlfriend who I am falling in love with and I'm pretty sure she loves me too.

My daughter (who is now 6!) and I are really close and she has met my girlfriend. I've buried the hatchet with the ex wife and accepted that she was almost certainly having an affair, but that's all in the past.

My mam and dad are the bravest, strongest, loyalest people I've ever had the fortune to meet and they have dragged me out of pits whose depths weren't measurable at times.

My new job is working out and I'm growing into my leadership role.

But most significantly...I like who I am again. I love my life.

I sleep now, knowing 90% of my life is under control and accepting that 10% never will be.

I am not here to boast or pontificate.

I reached such depths that I never imagined possible. I was drunk for 5 straight days in October and my dad had literally shower me naked in cold water to snap me out of it. I admitted I was alcohol dependent to him. I didn't think there was any light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.

But I've emerged. I know why some people feel as though they have been born again.

I only hope some people here realise it's possible for them too.

But I also know how hard it is; how frustrating and patronising it is when someone tells you to suck it up and that you'll get over it or through it. So I'm not here to do that.

Hope anyone here, going through this tripe, is simply given hope by the fact that there is always a chance. I haven't drank alcohol now for 3 months. I will drink again. I wasn't an alcoholic; but I realised that if I kept drinking, I soon would be.

That's really brilliant to hear mate, I meant to PM you to see how you were doing. Great that you did it without meds too. Not that they can't help, but always better to find your own equilibrium. Congrats to you and your new GF, who is very lucky

 

[granter79]

Coping strategies have been working well lately. Never went to see a shrink (probably should have done as it would've been quicker) and didn't ask a GP for tablets.

I did a lot of reading, reflecting and talking with people I loved and whose opinions I valued.

As a result, I'm in a much better place. I can cope with immense levels of stress these days and I'm simply happier.

I have a girlfriend who I am falling in love with and I'm pretty sure she loves me too.

My daughter (who is now 6!) and I are really close and she has met my girlfriend. I've buried the hatchet with the ex wife and accepted that she was almost certainly having an affair, but that's all in the past.

My mam and dad are the bravest, strongest, loyalest people I've ever had the fortune to meet and they have dragged me out of pits whose depths weren't measurable at times.

My new job is working out and I'm growing into my leadership role.

But most significantly...I like who I am again. I love my life.

I sleep now, knowing 90% of my life is under control and accepting that 10% never will be.

I am not here to boast or pontificate.

I reached such depths that I never imagined possible. I was drunk for 5 straight days in October and my dad had literally shower me naked in cold water to snap me out of it. I admitted I was alcohol dependent to him. I didn't think there was any light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.

But I've emerged. I know why some people feel as though they have been born again.

I only hope some people here realise it's possible for them too.

But I also know how hard it is; how frustrating and patronising it is when someone tells you to suck it up and that you'll get over it or through it. So I'm not here to do that.

Hope anyone here, going through this tripe, is simply given hope by the fact that there is always a chance. I haven't drank alcohol now for 3 months. I will drink again. I wasn't an alcoholic; but I realised that if I kept drinking, I soon would be.

Great post. Why I love this thread. That's all

 

[Deleted member 24970]

After three years i finally admitted to someone a few weeks ago that im really struggling with what can only be described as anxiety and depression.

Basically since my Nan passed away i have become something of a hermit. Weight gain and a general conscience feeling of paranoia, anxiety and depression have followed. The only thing keeping me going was playing football with friends to take my mind off things until i had ligament/knee issues in my left knee which stopped me playing at 100% sometimes altogether.

I went from going out with friends on weekends to just hiding from everyone, i dont know why but i always felt like being alone. My whole attitude just changed from an outgoing, pleasent young lad to that of mistrust and almost hate for everything of the outside world. I went 'to the darkside' if you will. (Sorry for the star wars reference) just been to see rogue one !

I have been blaming the weight gain as a reason for not going out, without realising that the weight issues was a product of the real issues. The loss of such a influential woman in my life. Often during times of conflict or maybe a situation where i thought my temper would win the situation but ultimately ruin my life such as potential criminal records etc i always turned to my Nan. Now that she isnt here anymore i just have a constant thought trail of ifs, buts and maybes.

I have swore to myself that i will seek some sort of help in the new year and attempt to address the issues that have taken over my life, the constant sweatiness, panic attacks, weird little mannerisms - if thats the right word, that have all come about at the thought of social interaction needs to stop. Its not making me happy and its not making those around me happy when they know one mispoken word can cause me to simply lash out and potentially hurt someone. Thats not the type of person i am and not the type of person i want to be.

I guess i just look for someone to blame for watching a loved one go through so much pain and suffering, not realising that im hurting myself for not letting go and moving on.

After all im 6ft+ 20st eldest grandchild capable of handling himself with no fear of anything. Except its not true, i fear losing another loved one. Living my life in the past and future but not living in the present day with those who are here.

The only bit of advice i can give to anyone feeling the same way is to talk. Speak to someone you trust, someone who will listen to you and not look at you as some sort of 'headcase or freak', someone who will help you through the dark times and show you that life goes on - but only when your ready to do so. I know thats what i will be doing soon enough, keeping it all caged up is not going to solve anything.

Just thought I would give everyone a update regarding this post.
If anybody is going through the same stage of anxiety/depression as I am (im about to address the issues which I have had for 3 years) then hopefully this can assure people that getting help is actually less daunting than you may expect.

I visited the doctor about a week ago, told her my issues and she was really supportive.
She has arranged for me to start a anger management course and also some counselling to try to get to the bottom issues of my state of mind.

I will have my initial telephone assessment today at 1pm, followed by the arranging of the 1 to 1 counselling. Anger management comes separately via my doctor.

All was done really quickly and simply, the initial fear of being branded as some sort of head case trying to explain something you cannot see was quickly dismissed.

Hopefully after todays assessment I can start rebuilding myself up.
I also need to speak to my boss as I think I have been paid well below the average salary for a person in my position. Are there any company directors or people involved in the solicitors/lawyers game that can help me with this ? The pay dispute is another little piece of the puzzle that needs addressing for me to move on.

 

[brieverton]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties mate. You do come across as considered and thoughtful in your post, and you express yourself very well. THese qualities will stand you in good stead even though times are hard.

You are better off not being in a job where there is so much stress and your efforts clearly go unrecognised and unappreciated.

Try to take care of yourself physically, this is very important, and if you feel the need, seek professional help if you feel your drinking is of concern.

One thing I do know is that your judgement will be impaired and you will not be able to assess things and take rational decisions if you are drinking and not feeling good physically at least. Maybe see your GP as a first step.

 

[COYBL25]

Just thought I would give everyone a update regarding this post.
If anybody is going through the same stage of anxiety/depression as I am (im about to address the issues which I have had for 3 years) then hopefully this can assure people that getting help is actually less daunting than you may expect.

I visited the doctor about a week ago, told her my issues and she was really supportive.
She has arranged for me to start a anger management course and also some counselling to try to get to the bottom issues of my state of mind.

I will have my initial telephone assessment today at 1pm, followed by the arranging of the 1 to 1 counselling. Anger management comes separately via my doctor.

All was done really quickly and simply, the initial fear of being branded as some sort of head case trying to explain something you cannot see was quickly dismissed.

Hopefully after todays assessment I can start rebuilding myself up.
I also need to speak to my boss as I think I have been paid well below the average salary for a person in my position. Are there any company directors or people involved in the solicitors/lawyers game that can help me with this ? The pay dispute is another little piece of the puzzle that needs addressing for me to move on.

Well done mate.

From experience the first stages are the hardest, due to the seemingly inbuilt fears we all seem to have that mental illness is a weakness and something to be ashamed of / hidden.

Once you've broached this, everything should get much easier and this alone takes a massive weight off you mentally.

@anjelikaferret any advice / help re the pay issues ?