Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[anjelikaferrett]

Well done mate.

From experience the first stages are the hardest, due to the seemingly inbuilt fears we all seem to have that mental illness is a weakness and something to be ashamed of / hidden.

Once you've broached this, everything should get much easier and this alone takes a massive weight off you mentally.

@anjelikaferret any advice / help re the pay issues ?

@Paul Bernard you need to amass as much evidence as you can as to why you feel you have been underpaid. Do you have details of other employees pay - have they had bonuses that you didn't get. Does your Company have a structured pay policy? Have a look at jpb adverts for similar jobs- what do they offer? You could try approaching it from an equal pay/equality angle as in:

Employers must give men and women equal treatment in the terms and conditions of their employment contract if they are employed to do:

• 'like work' - work that is the same or broadly similar
• work rated as equivalent under a job evaluation study
• work found to be of equal value in terms of effort, skill or decision making.

Employees can compare any terms in the contract of employment with the equivalent terms in a comparators contract. A comparator is an employee of the opposite sex working for the same employer, doing like work of equal value. However, an employer may defend a claim if they show the reason for the difference is due to a genuine factor and not based on the sex of the employee. (Be prepared for this which is why you need other evidence)

Do you have performance linked pay? Do you consistently meet targets and don't get rewarded for them.

Hope this helps

 

[COYBL25]

@Paul Bernard you need to amass as much evidence as you can as to why you feel you have been underpaid. Do you have details of other employees pay - have they had bonuses that you didn't get. Does your Company have a structured pay policy? Have a look at jpb adverts for similar jobs- what do they offer? You could try approaching it from an equal pay/equality angle as in:

Employers must give men and women equal treatment in the terms and conditions of their employment contract if they are employed to do:

• 'like work' - work that is the same or broadly similar
• work rated as equivalent under a job evaluation study
• work found to be of equal value in terms of effort, skill or decision making.

Employees can compare any terms in the contract of employment with the equivalent terms in a comparators contract. A comparator is an employee of the opposite sex working for the same employer, doing like work of equal value. However, an employer may defend a claim if they show the reason for the difference is due to a genuine factor and not based on the sex of the employee. (Be prepared for this which is why you need other evidence)

Do you have performance linked pay? Do you consistently meet targets and don't get rewarded for them.

Hope this helps

You're a star, thanks x

 

[Deleted member 24970]

@Paul Bernard you need to amass as much evidence as you can as to why you feel you have been underpaid. Do you have details of other employees pay - have they had bonuses that you didn't get. Does your Company have a structured pay policy? Have a look at jpb adverts for similar jobs- what do they offer? You could try approaching it from an equal pay/equality angle as in:

Employers must give men and women equal treatment in the terms and conditions of their employment contract if they are employed to do:

• 'like work' - work that is the same or broadly similar
• work rated as equivalent under a job evaluation study
• work found to be of equal value in terms of effort, skill or decision making.

Employees can compare any terms in the contract of employment with the equivalent terms in a comparators contract. A comparator is an employee of the opposite sex working for the same employer, doing like work of equal value. However, an employer may defend a claim if they show the reason for the difference is due to a genuine factor and not based on the sex of the employee. (Be prepared for this which is why you need other evidence)

Do you have performance linked pay? Do you consistently meet targets and don't get rewarded for them.

Hope this helps

Thanks for the reply Anj, my official role is accounts clerk - basically admin but a little more specialised I guess. I also have the fancy title that everyone wants - Head of archives lol So im basically accounts admin and also general 'go to guy' for the company.

Having looked online the average pay is £16,203.00 and a average bonus of £890 per year.
Our bonuses are basically attendance based, if you turn up every day without sick leave then you get like £250 twice a year which is of course then tax deductible. My salary is only £13,500.00 per annum.
Having looked at similar positions it seems that the going rate on offer is £15-£18k in most places. Bonuses are at the discretion of the company I guess.

In order for me to move on and get out of this mentality of not being worth anything, my salary has to change, I feel that asking for £15,500.00 to £16,000.00 isn't asking too much especially considering the £15/16k is only for the sitting behind a desk and not including all the running around I do. Once I have a answer on this I can move on mentally and have a better opinion of myself.

 

[Deleted member 24970]

Well done mate.

From experience the first stages are the hardest, due to the seemingly inbuilt fears we all seem to have that mental illness is a weakness and something to be ashamed of / hidden.

Once you've broached this, everything should get much easier and this alone takes a massive weight off you mentally.

@anjelikaferret any advice / help re the pay issues ?

Thanks mate, mad how speaking to someone 'ITK' (as in the real ITK's lol) can just lift a massive weight of your shoulders !
I didn't realise that my problems are probably a lot longer than 3 years as I thought, it seems to be a build up of just life in general

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Nearly 12 months later, still had no contact re: councilling.

 

[Jacob]

Thanks mate, mad how speaking to someone 'ITK' (as in the real ITK's lol) can just lift a massive weight of your shoulders !
I didn't realise that my problems are probably a lot longer than 3 years as I thought, it seems to be a build up of just life in general

The more you talk through things with your Counsellor, more will come out - even things you perhaps haven't considered important nor thought about since childhood nor mentioned to anyone else. The fact they come out though shows that they are important. Its like tackling a complicated fiddly jigsaw....the discussions you'll have will at least clarify and magnify the picture on the lid for you to follow if you choose. Good luck.

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Nearly 12 months later, still had no contact re: councilling.

Hi mate, have a look back through my posts.... My bro in law is a therapist and gave me a link to a free on line course. Might help whilst u are waiting....

 

[COYBL25]

Nearly 12 months later, still had no contact re: councilling.

Sorry to hear that mate, shocking.

Without stating the obvious have you been back in touch to chase it up ?

 

[EFCPaul]

Head is still over the place a bit, still feeling restless and worrying all the time about things beyond my control. Nothing new has happened in work really, just the same old feelings of "me vs them" sort of thing that I've had for months.

Someone is leaving soon and they're having leaving party for her but I don't reckon I'll go, not after last time on the work's night out where they all got off without me like a gang of snides and left me feeling like an arse. Part of me wants to go and try again with the girl I asked out in a more relaxed environment but my common sense is screaming at me to avoid it because it will only turn out bad.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Thanks for the reply Anj, my official role is accounts clerk - basically admin but a little more specialised I guess. I also have the fancy title that everyone wants - Head of archives lol So im basically accounts admin and also general 'go to guy' for the company.

Having looked online the average pay is £16,203.00 and a average bonus of £890 per year.
Our bonuses are basically attendance based, if you turn up every day without sick leave then you get like £250 twice a year which is of course then tax deductible. My salary is only £13,500.00 per annum.
Having looked at similar positions it seems that the going rate on offer is £15-£18k in most places. Bonuses are at the discretion of the company I guess.

In order for me to move on and get out of this mentality of not being worth anything, my salary has to change, I feel that asking for £15,500.00 to £16,000.00 isn't asking too much especially considering the £15/16k is only for the sitting behind a desk and not including all the running around I do. Once I have a answer on this I can move on mentally and have a better opinion of myself.

How old are you and how many hours a week do you work? If you are over 25 on a very rough calculation based on that and a 37 hour week you do not seem to be earning minimum wage- £7.20 an hour. Bonuses can only count towards minimum wage in the month they are paid and the preceding month.

Also I would be very suspicious of bonuses based on attendance- automatically discriminates against anybody with a disability who may not be able to attend every day because of their disability. Of course the flip side is if anybody brought it up the employer might just stop it completely.

I think you need to have a discussion with your line manager or put it in an email if you feel more comfortable doing that. Show them the adverts. If you like your job put the spin on it to say "You know I love working here but I'm going to have to think about finding something else because of my financial situation...." You know the stuff lol

if your employers know about your medical issues ask if you can you take a friend into any meeting as a reasonable adjustment to support you.

 

[Deleted member 24970]

How old are you and how many hours a week do you work? If you are over 25 on a very rough calculation based on that and a 37 hour week you do not seem to be earning minimum wage- £7.20 an hour. Bonuses can only count towards minimum wage in the month they are paid and the preceding month.

Also I would be very suspicious of bonuses based on attendance- automatically discriminates against anybody with a disability who may not be able to attend every day because of their disability. Of course the flip side is if anybody brought it up the employer might just stop it completely.

I think you need to have a discussion with your line manager or put it in an email if you feel more comfortable doing that. Show them the adverts. If you like your job put the spin on it to say "You know I love working here but I'm going to have to think about finding something else because of my financial situation...." You know the stuff lol

if your employers know about your medical issues ask if you can you take a friend into any meeting as a reasonable adjustment to support you.

My working week is 35 hours plus 5x1 hour lunch breaks. Im now 27 so £7.20 ph applies.

I have sent a email to the chief executive asking for my contract, outlining my role and salary. Hopefully this little chapter will be sorted swiftly and i can focus on improving myself mentally and apply myself better in work. Safe to say lately i have trouble focusing and maybe my body language has slumped a little.

 

[polish]

Maybe I'm overreacting, but there's something wrong with me from some time. I recently moved to a new flat with my fiancee (it's our first home together) and started a new, fully adult life. Around this time I just lost all the joy from literaly everything. I lost motivation, started to dislike my job (looking for a new one) and started to constantly worry about our future. I feel sadness, fear, I'm very nervous and I don't remember when was the last time I just felt happy. It's been like that for quite some time and I can't get over with.

Didn't speak with anybody about it yet. It's a really weird feeling, as I always have been a person who can handle himself well and I thought I know myself.

Don't know what to do but I hope that changing a job will be a good step to bring happiness back to my life.

 

[Mrtallywacker]

I've been there mate. My old Spaniel had a massive tumour and the vet told me on the Friday that it was the end for her.
He could either put her to sleep there or then or I could have her at home the weekend to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to have her put down there and then, so I selfishly took her home for the weekend ( thinking somehow a miracle would happen and she'd get better ).

She was in such pain, I should never have taken her home. It was me being selfish.

I slept on the couch all weekend next to her, helping her drink and cleaning up after her. The last night, she came and put her head on the couch next to mine and just looked at me with such pain in her eyes, but with such love and tenderness too. It was heartbreaking, but she was telling me that it was time. The look she gave me is burnt into my brain.

After she'd been put down I sat in the car with her and cried like a baby.

Like your dog mate, she was my crutch when I was really unwell and I still miss her to bits, even though she's been gone two years and I have a pup now.

No other dog will ever replace her mate and I know from what you've posted over the years how much yours meant to you.

I buried her in the woods, that I used to walk her in, so I can go and see her when I want. This deffo helps, as if I'm thinking about her ( like now, with tears rolling down my cheeks ) I can just go and sit with her.

My heart goes out to you mate x

Good Lord I've been reading that sat next to my little dog crying my eyes out. There go we but for the grace of God eh?
God bless you all.

 

[COYBL25]

Maybe I'm overreacting, but there's something wrong with me from some time. I recently moved to a new flat with my fiancee (it's our first home together) and started a new, fully adult life. Around this time I just lost all the joy from literaly everything. I lost motivation, started to dislike my job (looking for a new one) and started to constantly worry about our future. I feel sadness, fear, I'm very nervous and I don't remember when was the last time I just felt happy. It's been like that for quite some time and I can't get over with.

Didn't speak with anybody about it yet. It's a really weird feeling, as I always have been a person who can handle himself well and I thought I know myself.

Don't know what to do but I hope that changing a job will be a good step to bring happiness back to my life.

Hi mate, how old are you ?

I'm no expert but from what you've said there, it sounds like your starting a new chapter in your life with your flat move, so it's only natural that you'll experience some anxiety and apprehension, as you look to the future.

How long have you been in your job, as it sounds like you've gone " stale " and you're doing the right thing by looking for a new one imo.

The feelings you describe, " lost all the joy " " lost motivation " " constant worry, sadness fear, anxiety, worry about the future, nervous " etc all read like text book depression.

Sometimes depression can creep in without you realising, like a malaise that you can't put your finger on. It's hard to understand until you've experienced it first hand.

My advice would be to go to your GP's and be as forthright as you have been on here. They may want to avoid antidepressants if poss and get you counselling. As that could nip it in the bud.

Also how is your sleep and moods with your missus.

They're a good indicator of problems.

If you've gone from being a good sleeper to having problems / gone from being sound with your missus to snappy and irritable all the time, these can be good indicators too.

Hope this helps mate x

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Sorry to hear that mate, shocking.

Without stating the obvious have you been back in touch to chase it up ?

Yeah. Nothing from my new GP. Back on the 30th, big couple of months this for me this