Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[big bobs beard]

Spot on - sugar and in particular caffeine are real kickers.


You don't realise how hard it is to eliminate them from your diet, until you actually try to avoid them. Sugar in particular seems to be in virtually everything we eat and drink ( bar milk and water ).

So true ! Keeping sugar to a minimum due to blood sugars being high - so hard to avoid when you make a conscious effort, makes you realise how much you have if you don't watch out.

 

[COYBL25]

Aaron's troubles will hopefully have a silver lining in more people being open about their own struggles such as this.
https://daviddownie17.wordpress.com/2017/05/03/speaking-out/
It’s a typical Monday morning. Up, shower, dressed, coffee, drive to work. Just like almost every person with that a work routine, perfectly normal scenario, right?

Well no, it isn’t. See between getting out of bed at about 7 and getting to work at 9.30, sometimes a million and one different thoughts enter my head. I think about my fiancé – why does she put up with me? I think about work – how can I get through today without feeling completely useless? I think about the next time I’m going to be doing something fun or exciting – the match, the cinema or going somewhere nice for tea. I think about losing weight – will people like me more if I shift a few pounds or will I have to keep trying to be the funny fat fella for the rest of my life to be socially accepted?
I’ve never really asked anybody if they go through that thought process, but to me it always feels like a bit of a lottery. From the second my brain switches on, I always seem to ask myself: “what sort of Dave am I going to be today?” More often than not, I have to fight against my feelings as a result of the answer to that question.

Those days when I really feel as if everyone in my life would be so much better off if they never had the burden of seeing or putting up with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never quite in a suicidal place, but sometimes I feel as if there’s no way out of feeling this way – because asking for help or telling people how I really feel will result in them looking at me differently or maybe even lead them into thinking even more that they don’t want to be around me? Sometimes I think I should just go away. Get in my car and drive. Find somewhere without having the frequent chore of hoping and praying that I’m not having a negative influence on those around me.

Every single time I arrive at the same outcome: “Just get on with it. Why should these people feel obliged to feel for me? I’m useless. They really don’t care. They may say they do, they may appear to appreciate me, but they really would rather not have to talk to me about any of this.” So I continue being the Dave they’re used to, the one that I think won’t trouble their world. Some days it takes a lot longer to get there. Those are the days when the odd person or two notices that I’m being quieter than usual; I let my mask slip leading them to believe that I might possibly not be ok. My go-to reaction then is to brush it off: “I’m busy, I’m tired” or my favourite – the standard lie: “I’m fine”.

I feel under-appreciated – I don’t think that’s through anyone’s neglect or how they treat me, it’s just how I feel. I say yes to absolutely everything asked of me because I hope that will be the thing that makes people like me, or accept me. Then I end up with too much to do and start to feel like I’m useless because it takes me forever to get it done.
See what I mean about there being no way out?

That’s my world and this is me speaking about it. I think I’ll be ok because thankfully I have the love and support of some incredible people around me. I think life is made up of stereotypes;

Me, the fun fat guy – always good for a laugh, doesn’t have a care in the world and loves life. Nothing could ever be wrong with his mental health;

The footballer – millionaire, perfect partner, perfect home, perfect life. They couldn’t possibly have any real issues that any of us can relate to, let alone any mental turmoil.

Then there’s the people who choose to speak out, to seek help and to eventually give something back to others. They’re the brave ones. Yet they’re the ones who are stereotyped more than anyone else. The common narrative: “They’re crazy, they have something wrong with them, stay away from them, they need professional help.” I think that’s why few people do actually speak out about what’s really going on. They’re afraid how what haunts them will be viewed by others. If they don’t feel socially accepted now, then what chance do they have by exposing their scars? So they keep it bottled up and allow it to fester and stagnate inside them, before one day they reach a point where they act out. Society can be a viscous circle engulfed by vanity and ego. Everyone scraps for the approval of their peers, for some that comes at the price of their own mental wellbeing.

Everyone wants to appear normal.

None of us are normal. None of us are abnormal.

When it’s all stripped back and laid bare, all of us are people with similar struggles that we dare not expose. That needs to change.

Get well soon Aaron Lennon.

Excellent post.

It never ceases to amaze me, that society at large still believes that wealth equates to mental well being.

" how can a rich footballer be unwell "

This is despite all the good work that ex players like Stan Collymore and Clarke Carlisle have done in getting it out in the open.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Well I've put things into motion with work, waiting for a date to have a meeting with HR, have called the union to be with me when it happens, see where this takes me.

Good luck x

 

[Billy Dean]

can second that, having read " healing back pain-the mind body connection" by him

Amazing stuff. Changed my life. I literally went from not being able to sit for longer than half an hour and coming out of the office struggling to hold my back up straight to basically being free to do almost anything in the space of a weekend. 2 years later practically free of back pain. Really amazing how big a role the brain plays.

 

[Jokerdan]

Aaron's troubles will hopefully have a silver lining in more people being open about their own struggles such as this.
https://daviddownie17.wordpress.com/2017/05/03/speaking-out/
It’s a typical Monday morning. Up, shower, dressed, coffee, drive to work. Just like almost every person with that a work routine, perfectly normal scenario, right?

Well no, it isn’t. See between getting out of bed at about 7 and getting to work at 9.30, sometimes a million and one different thoughts enter my head. I think about my fiancé – why does she put up with me? I think about work – how can I get through today without feeling completely useless? I think about the next time I’m going to be doing something fun or exciting – the match, the cinema or going somewhere nice for tea. I think about losing weight – will people like me more if I shift a few pounds or will I have to keep trying to be the funny fat fella for the rest of my life to be socially accepted?
I’ve never really asked anybody if they go through that thought process, but to me it always feels like a bit of a lottery. From the second my brain switches on, I always seem to ask myself: “what sort of Dave am I going to be today?” More often than not, I have to fight against my feelings as a result of the answer to that question.

Those days when I really feel as if everyone in my life would be so much better off if they never had the burden of seeing or putting up with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never quite in a suicidal place, but sometimes I feel as if there’s no way out of feeling this way – because asking for help or telling people how I really feel will result in them looking at me differently or maybe even lead them into thinking even more that they don’t want to be around me? Sometimes I think I should just go away. Get in my car and drive....

Anxiety. The 'fight or flight' syndrome. It has been with us since man first crawled out of the water and became homesapiens (a reference to Darwinism there). It is perfectly normal to feel cornered at times and under threat in difficult situations and that is when it is acceptable to feel angst. A subconscious choice is then made in weighing up the situation as to either to stand up and fight or run away.
The difference with those of us who suffer generalised anxiety is that we tend to always look for and fear the negatives. It's as if the alternative choice is not available to us and even if it was the outcome will always be negative. Our mind in its current state is doing that to us by refusing to allow us to look at the positive outcomes and, instead, focusing us on the worst case scenarios.
Consequently it affects our self esteem and our demeanour. We give off an air of worthlessness - or, at least, kid ourselves into thinking this - that feeds on our vulnerability and this perception then manifests itself by feeding the anxiety even more. We are worthless, deserve no love or friendship, success, happiness....etc.
BUT by identifying that we have no right to feel like this, that we really are no different to our peers who seemingly have control over their lives. By seeking professional health advice (and a good GP is the starting point) we are taking the first step to banishing the 'flight' and learning to 'fight'. Of that we can each be immensely proud and whilst it is only a start we learn how to control our fears, make them more objective and less subjective and re-estsblish a sense of self worth.
As the Chinese proverb says...'a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step' and that is how it may seem but the more miles we are prepared to cover the fitter we will become and the easier the journey.

 

[Jokerdan]

Oops, dont know what happened there? And l haven't been drinking, m'Lord.

 

[Eggs]

...'The Truth About Stress' is on BBC1 tonight at 9pm. It explores the latest research into the perception, experience and management of stress.

If it helps one person it's worth a watch.

 

[Blue Cheese]

Hahahaha good old NHS, got my post today, opened a letter and it was an appointment for my pain injections 21st May, brill, really need them; opened the next letter sorry Mr Cheese your appointment on 21st May has been cancelled lolololololol couldn't make this crap up.

 

[EvertonRhys]

Hahahaha good old NHS, got my post today, opened a letter and it was an appointment for my pain injections 21st May, brill, really need them; opened the next letter sorry Mr Cheese your appointment on 21st May has been cancelled lolololololol couldn't make this crap up.

Been waiting on an appointment for my sleep apnoea (spelling!?) for nearly two years now. Not helpful with the depression either. They're fantastic for some things, but wow- if only it could be uniform across the whole of the service!

 

[Groucho]

@EvertonRhys - saw your tweet mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Been waiting on an appointment for my sleep apnoea (spelling!?) for nearly two years now. Not helpful with the depression either. They're fantastic for some things, but wow- if only it could be uniform across the whole of the service!

I know you aren't exactly loaded mate, with bring a student nurse, but would it not be more beneficial just to pay and go private to speed it up.

I know that probably goes against all your principals as it does mine, but sometimes needs must x

 

[EvertonRhys]

@EvertonRhys - saw your tweet mate.

Cheers Groucho- Esk DM'd me on Twitter too

I know you aren't exactly loaded mate, with bring a student nurse, but would it not be more beneficial just to pay and go private to speed it up.

I know that probably goes against all your principals as it does mine, but sometimes needs must x

Yeah- the funds are the issue atm to be honest with you. My mum's offered to help out with getting some private help with the depression, but I've now got counselling with Mind and have just this week heard from the psychiatrist. I feel like a 70 year-old with those issues, plus severe Eczema at the moment along with the sleep apnoea, so that's taken its place on the back burner really. Wish I could check myself in for a full service or something, haha. At nearly 30, feel like it's all out of control! x

 

[EFCPaul]

Bad day.

My usual 12 hour killer shift and we were left short of people so it was made even harder. Put a proper shift in (as I feel I always do) doing heavy lifting and putting God knows how big many orders through the till, really hard work that makes you sweat and tired. The usual suspects were left to run free and do next to nothing, it angered me so much throughout the day like it always does but tonight was one time too many so I snapped.

10 mins before closing me and another worker are doing the last two orders, two really big ones, we're exhausted and both in crappy moods. The manager and three other workers (whom are all the same job title as us) literally 10 feet away from as we struggles on the tills, sitting there on their phones and reading magazines whilst laughing. Absolutely lost it so I got up and walked off to get my coat telling myself I wasn't doing one more lift for that shift. Manager caught up with me and asked what I was doing and I lost it a bit. Used some regrettable language (didn't swear AT him, but swore as I spoke) and he got angry in return so we stayed after closing time for a meeting. My other colleague stayed behind too because he had stuff of his own to say.

I told the manager that it was not fair, that others were getting paid to sit around and do literally nothing except chat to their mates whilst I do the hardest jobs and break my back all day. Told him I don't want a pat on the back, I want the same rules to apply for everyone. He wanted me to give him examples so I did. Reminded him I was told off for sitting down after a doing loads of heavy lifting whilst a minute before I'd seen him and four others literally leaning against the wall gabbing and doing nothing. His comeback?

"But that's just one my pet peeves though, when I see someone sitting at work."

I told him that wasn't an answer and then gave him more examples of favouritism which there's too many to go into but he tried to palm a few of them off as jokes or misunderstandings. Got more crappy answers like "I told (Person A) who you think is doing nothing to do this specific job. You can check the cameras if you like. You think they're doing nothing because you might not see them but they are, you're just not seeing the bigger picture. If you need help because you think you're not going to get something finished in time you need to ask."

I replied with;

"I'm not bothered about looking at people on cameras, I believe what my eyes see and I do see what they're doing. These people are doing nothing all day, being given easy life so they can hang about whilst others like me are given the sh***y end of the stick every day with the horrible stuff and it's not on. We should be treated the same because we're the same job title, they're meant to be doing the same thing I'm doing. I'm struggling half the time to do the work of 3 people because I'm left on my own because others are being allowed to just wander off and stand around. And it's not on me to have to ask for help when you're all there standing right in front on me watching. You should be telling them to chip in and pull their weight, you're the manager and you can see what's happening. It should be a team effort with something big like that and not a group standing around doing nothing, leaving one person to finish by himself."


We ended up finished with him saying;

"Well I'll take on board what you're saying and keep an eye out for it. It won't leave this room but in future speak up more, I don't know you have a problem if you don't come tell me."

I don't believe him for a second, every word will probably trickle back and more importantly nothing will change, least not in the long-term. Seems a nice guy at heart and I regret my manner with him but he clearly doesn't give a toss about any points I raised. I hit him with a few truth bombs and he didn't have any proper counter arguments, just long-winded excuses. Wish I could have argued my case even better but I went VERY dry mouthed and swore a bit, I was extremely wound up. Don't regret 90% of what I said though, it's about time I stopped bottling it up.

Whole point is my frustration has been left to build and I let it explode in an unhealthy way. Got a doctor's appointment and I'm going to tell him about and ask his advice.

Thanks to anyone reading.

 

[efcforever]

Sorry you have had a bad day, but good on you for speaking up. I would never be able to do that.

If nothing else you're manager will respect you alot more now.

 

[larrygobfiend]

Bad day.

My usual 12 hour killer shift and we were left short of people so it was made even harder. Put a proper shift in (as I feel I always do) doing heavy lifting and putting God knows how big many orders through the till, really hard work that makes you sweat and tired. The usual suspects were left to run free and do next to nothing, it angered me so much throughout the day like it always does but tonight was one time too many so I snapped.

10 mins before closing me and another worker are doing the last two orders, two really big ones, we're exhausted and both in crappy moods. The manager and three other workers (whom are all the same job title as us) literally 10 feet away from as we struggles on the tills, sitting there on their phones and reading magazines whilst laughing. Absolutely lost it so I got up and walked off to get my coat telling myself I wasn't doing one more lift for that shift. Manager caught up with me and asked what I was doing and I lost it a bit. Used some regrettable language (didn't swear AT him, but swore as I spoke) and he got angry in return so we stayed after closing time for a meeting. My other colleague stayed behind too because he had stuff of his own to say.

I told the manager that it was not fair, that others were getting paid to sit around and do literally nothing except chat to their mates whilst I do the hardest jobs and break my back all day. Told him I don't want a pat on the back, I want the same rules to apply for everyone. He wanted me to give him examples so I did. Reminded him I was told off for sitting down after a doing loads of heavy lifting whilst a minute before I'd seen him and four others literally leaning against the wall gabbing and doing nothing. His comeback?

"But that's just one my pet peeves though, when I see someone sitting at work."

I told him that wasn't an answer and then gave him more examples of favouritism which there's too many to go into but he tried to palm a few of them off as jokes or misunderstandings. Got more crappy answers like "I told (Person A) who you think is doing nothing to do this specific job. You can check the cameras if you like. You think they're doing nothing because you might not see them but they are, you're just not seeing the bigger picture. If you need help because you think you're not going to get something finished in time you need to ask."

I replied with;

"I'm not bothered about looking at people on cameras, I believe what my eyes see and I do see what they're doing. These people are doing nothing all day, being given easy life so they can hang about whilst others like me are given the sh***y end of the stick every day with the horrible stuff and it's not on. We should be treated the same because we're the same job title, they're meant to be doing the same thing I'm doing. I'm struggling half the time to do the work of 3 people because I'm left on my own because others are being allowed to just wander off and stand around. And it's not on me to have to ask for help when you're all there standing right in front on me watching. You should be telling them to chip in and pull their weight, you're the manager and you can see what's happening. It should be a team effort with something big like that and not a group standing around doing nothing, leaving one person to finish by himself."


We ended up finished with him saying;

"Well I'll take on board what you're saying and keep an eye out for it. It won't leave this room but in future speak up more, I don't know you have a problem if you don't come tell me."

I don't believe him for a second, every word will probably trickle back and more importantly nothing will change, least not in the long-term. Seems a nice guy at heart and I regret my manner with him but he clearly doesn't give a toss about any points I raised. I hit him with a few truth bombs and he didn't have any proper counter arguments, just long-winded excuses. Wish I could have argued my case even better but I went VERY dry mouthed and swore a bit, I was extremely wound up. Don't regret 90% of what I said though, it's about time I stopped bottling it up.

Whole point is my frustration has been left to build and I let it explode in an unhealthy way. Got a doctor's appointment and I'm going to tell him about and ask his advice.

Thanks to anyone reading.

Good for you, mate.