Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[jaycee]

Guys, how do anti-depressants actually work?

I don't know whether they'd work for me or not. I've been self diagnosed depressed since i was 14 (now 39). It's a long story i don't really wanna get into yet but i feel that i'm depressed because of things that have happened to me and they way my life is, the way i am, things i honestly can't do anything about.

Then it seems that other people who are depressed are so despite their life, it's their brain which causes it.

I know i've probably explained that terribly, apologies. I believe anti depressants work on the latter people because they deal with the chemicals in the brain, is that right?

Whereas i i'm not sure if they will work for me because they won't be able to change the fact that i'm me and they can't change that.

I have good days and bad days, up's and down's but the anger and hatred is still there, just soemtimes i manage to bury it deep down and almost forget about it for a little bit, eventually it comes back and just goes in cycles.

I know you'll say speak to a doctor but it's really hard and i'm still building up the courage (i did see one when i was 19 but it just made me feel worse than i was so kinda put me off). I'd kinda managed to level myself out and cope with things for the last few years but last couple of months i've gone really low, almost feel like i've goven up because there is no point anymore (but don't worry, i'm way too scared to kill myself) so that kinda makes things worse because i know i have no way out so i'm stuck like this.

I'm also awful at explaining my feelings, i just clam up and literally cannot speak, this is god damn hard just typing so how can a doctor help me if i can't tell them the problem?

So i just feel so completly stuck and pointless, i'm just drifting along aimlessly, and what kind of life is that? No wife, no kids, isn't that what life's for?

They will help you,dont think of them as a cure,they are more like a crutch when you have a broken leg,the hardest part you have already done by admitting here you have a problem,the doctor wont think any worse of you than if you went in with a headache
The pills will level your mood swings,get you on an even keel,counselling can be arranged through your GP which will help you find focus in your life

 

[Groucho]

Guys, how do anti-depressants actually work?

I don't know whether they'd work for me or not. I've been self diagnosed depressed since i was 14 (now 39). It's a long story i don't really wanna get into yet but i feel that i'm depressed because of things that have happened to me and they way my life is, the way i am, things i honestly can't do anything about.

Then it seems that other people who are depressed are so despite their life, it's their brain which causes it.

I know i've probably explained that terribly, apologies. I believe anti depressants work on the latter people because they deal with the chemicals in the brain, is that right?

Whereas i i'm not sure if they will work for me because they won't be able to change the fact that i'm me and they can't change that.

I have good days and bad days, up's and down's but the anger and hatred is still there, just soemtimes i manage to bury it deep down and almost forget about it for a little bit, eventually it comes back and just goes in cycles.

I know you'll say speak to a doctor but it's really hard and i'm still building up the courage (i did see one when i was 19 but it just made me feel worse than i was so kinda put me off). I'd kinda managed to level myself out and cope with things for the last few years but last couple of months i've gone really low, almost feel like i've goven up because there is no point anymore (but don't worry, i'm way too scared to kill myself) so that kinda makes things worse because i know i have no way out so i'm stuck like this.

I'm also awful at explaining my feelings, i just clam up and literally cannot speak, this is god damn hard just typing so how can a doctor help me if i can't tell them the problem?

So i just feel so completly stuck and pointless, i'm just drifting along aimlessly, and what kind of life is that? No wife, no kids, isn't that what life's for?

The mechanism of each one is a bit different. To use a common one as an example, citalopram, what it will do is remove the anxiety feelings that can swamp clear thought, and help you logically thnk things through to a calm and sensible conclusion without the panic, which can so often cloud thought and feed anxiety.

 

[EFCPaul]

Guys, how do anti-depressants actually work?

I don't know whether they'd work for me or not. I've been self diagnosed depressed since i was 14 (now 39). It's a long story i don't really wanna get into yet but i feel that i'm depressed because of things that have happened to me and they way my life is, the way i am, things i honestly can't do anything about.

Then it seems that other people who are depressed are so despite their life, it's their brain which causes it.

I know i've probably explained that terribly, apologies. I believe anti depressants work on the latter people because they deal with the chemicals in the brain, is that right?

Whereas i i'm not sure if they will work for me because they won't be able to change the fact that i'm me and they can't change that.

I have good days and bad days, up's and down's but the anger and hatred is still there, just soemtimes i manage to bury it deep down and almost forget about it for a little bit, eventually it comes back and just goes in cycles.

I know you'll say speak to a doctor but it's really hard and i'm still building up the courage (i did see one when i was 19 but it just made me feel worse than i was so kinda put me off). I'd kinda managed to level myself out and cope with things for the last few years but last couple of months i've gone really low, almost feel like i've goven up because there is no point anymore (but don't worry, i'm way too scared to kill myself) so that kinda makes things worse because i know i have no way out so i'm stuck like this.

I'm also awful at explaining my feelings, i just clam up and literally cannot speak, this is god damn hard just typing so how can a doctor help me if i can't tell them the problem?

So i just feel so completly stuck and pointless, i'm just drifting along aimlessly, and what kind of life is that? No wife, no kids, isn't that what life's for?

I have always found them to be a help mate when I've given them the proper amount of time to work, taking them infrequently is a definite no-no.

I started off on Citalopram 10mgs, about 4 months ago and I took 1 a day. That's a very light dosage. They helped a little bit at first but before long I began to spiral even worse as things continued to get on top of me and I eventually stopped taking them, I went cold turkey for about a week. In that week I completely spiralled, had thoughts about serious self-harm and even suicide. I went back the doctor and requested to be bumped up to 20mgs and promised I'd stick with them when he warned me of the problems coming off them so suddenly causes. Been on them the 20s for about 3 weeks and have definitely felt an improvement now they've kicked in. I plan to stay on 20mgs Citalopram for the foreseeable future, coming off them or running out is a very scary thought after what happened last time. I ideally don't want to have to take them for the rest of my life, I would hope that at some point I will feel happy and comfortable enough with where I am in my life and how I feel to wean myself off any medications. As of now though I'm fine with them and taking my tablet is now just part of my daily routine.

Anti-depressants are not a cure magical feel-instantly-better drug, there is no such thing as that sadly. I still have bad days, days where my head is all over the place with paranoia and dark thoughts. It's just those days aren't as often as they used to be, for me the good days now outnumber the bad. What they do is help you stay a bit more clear-handed which will in turn massively help you to work out how to deal with or get past your problems yourself.

Good luck mate.

 

[flippa]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

 

[EFCPaul]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

That's rubbish, reeks of pure ignorance and I can't stand that personally. How old are you and your brother, is he younger or older?

I have a brother with minor learning difficulties and my mum goes out of her way to make sure he's happy and comfortable all of the times, occasionally leading me to feel she is putting him before everyone else just because he'll throw a moody otherwise. I've had some blazing rows with her and outright accused her of favouritism face-to-face and we've both gotten very upset but I don't regret any of it, I still feel the same now even though we've had no problems for ages. Would you consider pulling her to the side and, not having an argument, but having a very serious talk with her about how you feel? How much it hurts your feelings and how marginalised you feel? Make sure the message is rammed home and that the last time you mentioned it wasn't just a one-off? You know your own mother so you know how she'd react to this suggestion, it's just you can't let it bottle up because you'll end up lashing out. She has to know that what she's doing is deeply upsetting you.

It's frustrating I know, dealing with families is a delicate matter. Our parents are people at the end of the day just like us and every person in the world has flaws. It's just some people need others to let them know directly how their actions are negatively affecting another person otherwise they'll never stop and think.

 

[jaycee]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

Anything like this is difficult to answer,is there a big age difference,does he live closer so is in contact more?
Lots of families are disjointed units,I have a brother I hadnt spoken to in 20 years,until this year when my ma was close to dying we wouldnt even look at each other,now we are civil at best,all tou can do is explain how you feel abd ask why they dont feel the need to involve you in what should be a celebration

 

[kithnou]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

Is your brother doing anything to support you here, or a huge part of the issue?
The only other recommendation I can provide is harsh as we are talking about family. But, at some stage you may need to just learn the art of "not giving a ****"? It's hard, but you have your family to worry about and if none of your parents/siblings have your back here, then try and just let it go?

 

[hallamblue]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

Unfortunately, as the saying goes, you can't choose your family. If they don't respect you, or consider your feelings that is their issue not yours. You need to find what's good about you and reaffirm it to yourself. Do you have any friends? A good friend is often worth more than any family member. I am sorry about your family situation, but you need to say "stuff you, you aren't respecting me and I want to spend my life with people who do'. Good luck.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

guys, I'm having the biggest wobble I've had in ages and need an objective point of view. Short version, pretty much most of my anxiety and depression issues come from the way I am treated in my family. My brother is basically the apple of my mothers eye , can do no wrong etc, and the whole family unit has always had to revolve around his wants and needs, with me always as an after thought. when I've challenged this it's always construed as me being "difficult."

Tonight I found out that my father's entire 70th birthday party has been planned out behind my back, with my brother being consulted but not me. So long as it fitted with him, then everything was fine. The thought that I might have anything to say or contribute literally did not pass anyone's minds. The only reason I even found out was because I specifically asked.

I feel so hurt, upset and literally back to square one of therapy, I literally don't know what to do or how to address this situation. What's worse is, this comes after 2+ years of my expressing how marginalised I feel within the family .

I'm so sorry to hear this. As I posted recently I spent my whole adult life trying, and failing, to gain the approval of my mother - she was always much more interested in her boys (my two brothers) than her one daughter. Sad to say you you will probably never change their attitude. You are just going to have to accept it but understand that it really isn't you being difficult. Both @EFCPaul and @hallamblue are right - have a word with them and say how hurt you feel but also, eventually, you do need to say "s*d this. I know I'm an alright person. It's you who are being obstructive and making me feel like rubbish."

 

[EFCPaul]

Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.

 

[Groucho]

Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.

In your defence, he sounds like a nob.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.

Go sick, citing gross and aggressive bullying. It may help you later on if you decide to take this further.

@anjelikaferret can you offer any advice ?

 

[EFCPaul]

Go sick, citing gross and aggressive bullying. It may help you later on if you decide to take this further.

@anjelikaferret can you offer any advice ?

I'm in two minds, I don't feel I have anything to be ashamed of so going back there and showing my face doesn't bother me. It's just I'm tired of being spoken too and treated like crap so I've started lashing out badly.

I have a cake in the oven and hopefully it comes out just right, a friend is confident it will and I'll be away soon anyway. Just today reaffirmed that it's not a healthy working environment.

 

[efcforever]

Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.

I admire you for standing up for yourself.

Sounds like you to get out of that job though mate.

 

[efcforever]

Go sick, citing gross and aggressive bullying. It may help you later on if you decide to take this further.

@anjelikaferret can you offer any advice ?

How's your lad doing now mate?