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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

EFCPaul said:
Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.
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Hi mate
Now I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but from a few posts you have had you have said you want to develop a sod'em I'm going to say what I like attitude and if they don't like it tough every time you feel wronged.
Now this is fine in theory - I have often thought and even tried it myself. however tbh it doesn't really work does it? You either get into a conflict which then lingers for ages( hence posts here) or you end up replaying events in your mind again and again which neither actually make you feel better. You somehow need to try ( and I know it's hard) to develop a totally it's not worth it attitude and just back off thinking my shift is over soon and this is not dominating my life any more its a means for a few quid till I get somewhere else. Think you would be less stressed thinking like this tbh. Not judging as I know it's hard just a bit of advice. Look at how bad some people really have it in life ( the events of last week sums it up) and think is it really worth getting so wound up?
 
COYBL25 said:
Go sick, citing gross and aggressive bullying. It may help you later on if you decide to take this further.

@anjelikaferret can you offer any advice ?
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@EFCPaul You need to get out of there. If they take it to a disciplinary will there be CCTV footage or were there any witnesses who saw what happened. Tell them you felt bullied and intimidated by his attitude. Going off sick could be a double edged sword- they might see it as a sign that you feel you were in the wrong and are too scared to go back in. However as @COYBL25 says if you don't feel you want to go back, go off with workplace stress and make sure they know that it is work causing your problems.
 
EFCPaul said:
Hi guys, had another very eventual day at work. I blew up again, worse than ever, this time at another manager. The folllowing is 100%, on my parent's and sibling's, lives the truth and nothing but the truth.

The gist of it is this, we were short-staffed and everyone was in pissy moods and staring at the clock waiting for home time. Home time was officially 4pm because of bank holiday. The acting manager for the day, a grumpy old sod whom works in the delivery bay part of the warehouse normally, gets his facts wrong and goes around telling everybody we're finishing 4:30pm so not to stop what we're doing. Everyone tells him he's wrong, it's on the rotor that we all finish at 4pm, but he refuses to listen. I get annoyed and tell him flatly in front of other workers that I'm going at 4. His response;

"You'll go when I say you can go."

Me: "No, you're wrong mate. I'm going at 4, end of."

Then I walk away but follows after me.

Him: "What did you say? Come back here now!"

Me: "No."

Him: "What do you mean no?!"

Me: "What do you think it means?"


I go to cool off because I feel myself physically boiling, my temper is coming to the surface but I want to avoid the inevitable explosion like last time. I eventually pass him again and he calls after me again. I stopped and turned around to face him and he comes towards me, he closes the distance between us. He gets right up in front of me, nose to nose. I put my hand out and barked;

Me: "Back up, now."

Him: "Don't touch me!"

Me: "Well don't get that close then!"

We talk over each other a bit arguing, it gets heated. I verbally lash out and shush him. Then started pointing in his face and exploded.

Me: "Listen, you are not my F'ing dad, you are not the F'ing teacher in school. Don't you talk to me like that because I'm a grown man, don't tell me I'll leave whenever you decide I can."

Him: "Don't point at me."

Me: "I'll point all I like, don't you dare talk to me like you're the big I am because you're a manager. I'm a grown man, don't talk to me like a bit of sh*te. You need to learn how to talk to people properly when making a point, maybe they'll then'll listen."

With that, I stormed away. He tried to carry it on but I just said we were finished. We then didn't talk for the last 10 minutes and then we all did indeed leave 4pm.

I didn't tell him to F off, I didn't call him a nasty word and I didn't front him, he got up close to me and the cameras will confirm it if they want to check them. If I get sacked I genuinely won't lose sleep, as far I'm concerned I put a rude and deluded middle-aged man in his place after he tried to first verbally and then physically intimidate me. My mum whom I've told says she agrees I didn't necessarily do anything overly wrong but she badly wants me to stop being so confrontational when I'm angry because I'm getting myself in serious trouble. I'm not proud of myself because who wants to get into it with an older man but I don't regret a word I said, even if I get sacked. I don't want the job anyway and my self-respect means the world to me.
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None of your colleagues back you up?
Is there a union rep?
 
anjelikaferrett said:
@EFCPaul You need to get out of there. If they take it to a disciplinary will there be CCTV footage or were there any witnesses who saw what happened. Tell them you felt bullied and intimidated by his attitude. Going off sick could be a double edged sword- they might see it as a sign that you feel you were in the wrong and are too scared to go back in. However as @COYBL25 says if you don't feel you want to go back, go off with workplace stress and make sure they know that it is work causing your problems.
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There will be CCTV that backs up my version of events yes, I doubt any witnesses will come to my defence though. Only two other lads were in the vicinity and I don't think they'd back me up, they're both the "keep my head down" type.

He might not even say anything, apparently I seriously embarrassed him because I was told he was walking around very quiet and beet red afterwards. I enjoyed emasculating him like that, he's had it coming for years for being such a grumpy tosser who is rude to everyone for no reason. Regardless of what happens I'm leaving one way or another.
 
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COYBL25 said:
He's made himself ill through lack of sleep from crying / developed tonsillitis.

It doesn't help, that he's torturing himself by playing clips of him and the dog on his phone over and over again,

Thanks for asking x
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So sorry to hear that. Hope he starts to feel better soon.

I'm really not sure what to suggest.

There must be therapy available to children. Maybe he could try something like that with you present to support him.
 
efcforever said:
So sorry to hear that. Hope he starts to feel better soon.

I'm really not sure what to suggest.

There must be therapy available to children. Maybe he could try something like that with you present to support him.
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Im hoping that it won't come to that.

He's on a week hols from school at the mo, where he'd normally be out with his mates on their bikes, but because he's laid up with tonsillitis, he's just brooding and making it worse.

It's totally wrecked his head tbh.
 
@EFCPaul @jaycee @kithnou @hallamblue @anjelikaferrett thank you all for your responses- it's so good to know that there are people here and listening when you're really low. I really appreciated you all replying and it really helped me when i was really just wanting to run away and not deal. I've taken my time replying, because I needed to take time to calm down my initial reaction and think clearly about how I wanted to resolve the situation- how I want things to change within this dynamic, and how to move forward.

So, I spoke to both my parents individually about what exactly it was that had upset me. I highlighted that I wasn't finger-pointing or blaming anyone, or saying it was any specific person's responsibility/fault, but that- moving forward- in future situations, that at least one of them stops for a moment and suggests that I get a phone call/ am asked before any family decisions are made, especially for events that require me to be involved. I also wrote the same to my brother by email, in the interests of fairness. So, I feel I've done the adult thing, I've explained how I feel, why i feel that way, and what I would like in the future, so hopefully things might begin to change.

I feel proud of myself that instead of childishly sulking, I approached it like a grown up- a year and half of therapy has had some impact then...
 

COYBL25 said:
Anyone got any advice on kids and grief ?.

The reason I ask is that our 10mth old pup got ran over and killed at the weekend ( no ones fault )

My eldest lad (11) has taken it very very badly - hasn't stopped crying, can't eat, can't sleep, shaking. He's been like this for the best part of two days now and looks ill.

He's dealt with grief before, as our old dog died just over two years ago.

The difference this time, is that the pup was his dog, where as our old dog was mine.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't even there when it happened.

He's buried next to my old dog in the woods by ours and he's been to the grave several times over the weekend, but when he went yesterday, he all but collapsed and I don't really want him going back for a while, as it's making him worse.

Any advice would be much appreciated
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There's an amazing charity in Manchester called Once Upon a Smile- it's set up for children who are bereaved of family members (human), but I'm sure if you dropped them an email, or gave them a call, they would have good suggestions for you of things to do, ways to approach having talks and discussions? After all, pets are a family member for most of us, so the grief is real. http://www.onceuponasmile.org.uk/about-us/our-story/
 
Can anybody recommend an anxiety and depression councillor preferably on the wirral, have registered with inclusion matters via a referral from my doctor but don't have my first telephone meeting with them until the 21st July, i feel i need help before then.
 
davepacl said:
Can anybody recommend an anxiety and depression councillor preferably on the wirral, have registered with inclusion matters via a referral from my doctor but don't have my first telephone meeting with them until the 21st July, i feel i need help before then.
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Hi mate and welcome on here .

I don't live on your side, but a I can recommend this wonderful forum, that's NHS run.

You have to register same as on here and there's a wonderful online community on there, supporting each other.

There's a massive anxiety thread on there.

Mentalhealth.org

Hope this is of some help mate x
 

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