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Mate, speak with @matty1878 he can maybe share some sympathies, I can totally share it mate. I would take a dog over 90% of people I know.
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Thanks. Tbh, I just want tomorrow/today to be over with now. If its okay I will post again in few days, when hopefully the healing process has begun a little bit. Deffo has helped me posting it though.
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
Maybe, you're right, but it doesn't matter. There's no 'willy waving' in here. The thread is open to all & open to whatever they need to say...no restrictions aside from respect.
As pointed out by others, a dog can be an extension of you or your family. 14 years is a long time & it's coincidentally the age that my last dog passed away at. I haven't had a dog since, but there's other reasons for that.
As much as it's a sad time for you, your eldest will be hit hard by this news I imagine. To be honest, I don't know the best way to do it but, if you were going to replace your Dog, would you consider it sooner rather than later? Do you think that might help your Son through it? I think the younger one will get by ok. He might just 'tag along' with those that are most upset but I reckon he'll recover quicker...IMHO.
Don't fret mate it's not about that.
larrygobfiend
Player Valuation: £40m
Go and see a decent brief.
Everything that you do or say from now on may affect the outcome.
I know you probably want holy vengeance right now, but a brief will look at the situation clinically and without emotion.
Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold
You're dead right, but it's so frustrating. I have black and white evidence that she's been carrying on, but she's still denying it. When confronted she just gets angry and starts calling me for all sorts.
The only thing I'm really bothered about is our mutual friends. I know she's started spinning a web with them already to limit any damage. I'm tempted to just show them all the evidence, but do I need the hassle and is it fair on them?
I'm angry and bitter. She made believe it was all me for the past 2 months. If I hadn't of rattled through her work phone I'd still be beating myself up about it. She put me on the brink.
The anger and calling you for all sorts, is text book deflection. Children do it without even realising they're doing it. She's trying to turn it around so you're the bad guy in all this. Same with spinning the web with your friends.
She knows she's in the wrong and is trying to save face.
I'd leave you're friends out of it mate, as what you'll be doing by showing them the evidence, is asking them to choose sides, which isn't fair. You'll find out which of them really are friends when it all comes out and I'll wager that a few of them will choose to believe her.
I know the temptation to fire back must be great mate, as it it'll make you feel better, but it achieves nothing in the long run.
Let a brief handle everything, that way it's all cold, clinical and on record.
Hi mate, sorry I'm late into this, apologies.
We've lost two dogs in the past two / three years and my eldest lad is of a similar age to your lad.
The first dog we lost was 14 and had to be put down due to ill health, the second was 10mths old and got ran over nearly a month ago.
My lad was very uspset when the old dog had to be put down, but he understood that she'd been ill ( cancer ) for quite a long time and it was her time.
( I was more upset tbh, as she helped me through some really bad times when I'd suffered from a prolonged period of depression - she was what got me out of the house everyday and she was always there for me )
When the pup got ran over, he handled it much differently. He shut down, cried himself to sleep every night for three weeks, made himself ill ( tonsillitis) and withdrew from pretty much everything that he previously enjoyed - sport, going out with his mates etc.
I reckon it was because the death of the pup was out of the blue and he believed that the pup was " his dog ", rather than the family dog, like the old one. He just couldn't cope with the grief and we were genuinely starting to get worried about him. ( we got another puppy last week, which seems to have stopped his grieving )
When the old dog was put down, we buried her in the local woods by us, which is were we walked her everyday.
That way he knew that she was still there and he could see her when he wanted to. The pup is buried next to her now, so he can see him when he wants too. ( He goes once or twice a week and tidys the graves up )
I think the dogs having graves that he can visit, has helped him come to terms with it mate and may he something worth considering ?
People who've never had dogs won't understand how much you can love an animal so much, but when they go it's like losing a family member.
I hope this helps in some way and my heart goes out to you and your family x
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
COYBL25. I suggested to fozzman that quickly replacing the dog for the kids might be an option. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this as you've been through it, & what you actually did?
We replaced the Pup after three weeks, as an act of desperation, due to the pit my lad had sunk into.
He was initially very angry and resistant- " he's only been dead three weeks and you want to replace him ".
However we slowly brought him round and let him be involved in the process of choosing the new one - that helped greatly.
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
@fozzman
I can relate to the bold above exactly.
We've had cats and dogs, the cats, Ermintrude and Vienna, and our Labrador, Elvis all passed after having had 'good innings'... and they're all buried in my back garden.
Elvis died in my arms about three hours before my father passed away... and part of me still thinks my Dad, who loved Elvis, passed to keep him company and take him on heavenly walkies.
We had a Japanese Akita who some ****hole poisoned by throwing a sponge soaked in antifreeze over my garden fence, she too is buried in the garden and knowing they're all still with us was and still is a source of solace and many, many happy memories.
Our current dog is 10 years old and, God willing, still has a good few years left to be great company with and a tremendous source of fun for us.
I can't bear to think of the inevitable for him, so I'm going now.
I hope you and your boys come through this tough time, and remember all the fun you had with your dog and the unconditional love he/she gave you in return.
Thank you for your advice. Christ you've been through it, i'm very sorry for your loss. We are getting our dog creamated and the ashes put in our garden. I think this will give us all somewhere (and something) to focus on. I am hoping my eldest will be okay in time. It has been a long time coming tbh, and I have been priming him for some time now. With regards to another dog, we will, but will give it some time before we do.
We (myself and my wife) are back from the vets now (amazing how many things in house make us think of the dog) and are getting ready to pick our eldest up from school.
Thank you everybody for your kind words.
They are part of our family mate. I still get upset now over myne even tho I have another it's so surreal but it does get better with time Mate and you will look back and see the great life you and you family have been able to give. When the time is right mate and also grieve as its natural. don't have anyone say it's a dog ever as its not. They are life and we are there's a dog will love you more then they will love themselves. If you ever wanna talk matey I'm here. Keep your chin up mate
Fletch
Player Valuation: £5m
Been through this myself, had some bad feelings for a few months and then one day I was painting the eaves,came down the ladder and caught her on the phone to her BF, she didn't know I was listening. It all came out, was messy, painful, but I pulled through as you will. Protect yourself with your house, I lost everything and started again, I mean everything.
Above everything, keep your dignity, don't involve mutual friends and you'll come out the better man, she will also realise one day she's the one made the mistake, by which time you'll be right as rain.