Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Mate don't worry about Piper getting on. One thing i've learnt over the last couple of days, is to cherish every day with them. Charlie's peak years were when he wasView attachment 37931 about 9 or 10 (see pic att took when he was 10 or 11!) He overcame cancer (aswell as various other serious afflictions) 3 times during his life. Tbh I think I was starting to think he would go on for ever! But in the end, I think he'd just had enough, and went out on his terms. Which is comforting.

The best thing about Piper is how good she is with our daughter. My daughter is 2 in September and she adores Piper.

 

[fozzman]

I've been through this mate. Three times. Am not a saint but I did manage the best of a tough situation. Let me tell you about my beautiful Border Collie, Duffy. Firstly, I told the children everything. Our dog was old and sick and needed to have his pain ended because we all loved him and would want the best for him. Secondly, I gave them the option to be there when it was done if they wished. They both chose to be there. I knew that I had to be with our dog as the injection was given because I owed it to him - sure you feel the same about your dog. It's very tough but I focussed on stroking his head and talking to him - so he had familiar voices and sensations. Next: I asked the vet to do the job at our home to which he readily agreed. One reason I could choose that option is that I have a sizeable garden where I wanted to bury Duffy's body. If you have that option, I can recommend it as it gives some kind of closure. If not, the vet may offer you a service to dispose of your pet for you. There are also cremation services available for loved animals - my wife used one for her horse. All very dignified and respectful.

None of which makes it easier. I lost Duffy 12 years ago and am in floods of tears writing this now - I love him still and miss him. But I was able to do the right thing by him and was able to look back fondly on the happy walks we had in all weathers. Both my children who were 7 and 5 at the time showed real strength. A few weeks after we buried Duffy, my son suggested that we have a picnic in the garden next to his burial place and we all talked about our memories of him. His collar still hangs next to the fireplace.

The death of a loved one - human or animal - isnt something I've really ever really got over. I've just learned to live with the loss, the empty space which was once occupied and the memories. Of course, it helps to talk about it. So come on here and post all you like. I can tell you that writing this post has helped me - it can do the same for you. All the best for tomorrow mate.

When we do get another dog, mate(an' it wont be for a bit) I will definitely consider Duffy as a name.

 

[matty1878]

I'm crying reading some of these posts. And I don't care to admit it.

 

[COYBL25]

I'm crying reading some of these posts. And I don't care to admit it.

Must admit, I've filled up a few times.

Brings it all back

 

[EFCPaul]

This is going to sound really cheesy but in dark moments I've found some solace by listening to gospel songs. I'm Catholic and always enjoyed joining the hymns when I was little and forced to go to church by school but even if you don't consider yourself religious, just give it a try. There's something uplifting listening to choirs sing with lots of emotion. Went walking by myself earlier on and nearly burst out crying when Amazing Grace came on. I know that sounds really depressing but it's actually not, it helps you to feel like you're not actually alone as you think you are.

 

[kithnou]

This is going to sound really cheesy but in dark moments I've found some solace by listening to gospel songs. I'm Catholic and always enjoyed joining the hymns when I was little and forced to go to church by school but even if you don't consider yourself religious, just give it a try. There's something uplifting listening to choirs sing with lots of emotion. Went walking by myself earlier on and nearly burst out crying when Amazing Grace came on. I know that sounds really depressing but it's actually not, it helps you to feel like you're not actually alone as you think you are.

Whatever works to help anyone is fine I say.

 

[COYBL25]

This is going to sound really cheesy but in dark moments I've found some solace by listening to gospel songs. I'm Catholic and always enjoyed joining the hymns when I was little and forced to go to church by school but even if you don't consider yourself religious, just give it a try. There's something uplifting listening to choirs sing with lots of emotion. Went walking by myself earlier on and nearly burst out crying when Amazing Grace came on. I know that sounds really depressing but it's actually not, it helps you to feel like you're not actually alone as you think you are.

Have a listen to this band mate :

GREGORIAN.


They're a German band, that includes Sarah Brightman on vocals ( Lloyd Webbers missus )

They cover popular songs in Gregorian Chant style ( the way monks sing ) and added electronica to it.

It sounds like it shouldn't work, but it's so mellow and soothing, it's untrue, especially if you listen to it on headphones.

Their cover of - Comfortably Numb, by Pink Floyd and the Sound of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel is amazing.

Deffo worth a look

 

[efcforever]

Feeling really low, just had quite a bad anxiety attack. I have a friend who contacts me alot to go out etc. Socialising is one of the things that can bring on severe anxiety for me, it's debilitating at times. Anyway he wanted to come round and see me this weekend. I've had to tell him no, I can't explain it really but just the thought of any social situation, a break from my normal routine is too much for me to cope with. I've explained my position and been completely honest about my issues. I feel so guilty for rejecting the offer of support.

The trouble is I have to stick to a very strict routine in my life. I'm fine going to work, being at home, being with my wife and daughter, visiting family etc, but anything else and the anxiety starts.

Right now, I'm in bits, feel so guilty like I have done something really awful.

Don't know how much sense any of this makes as I am not in a good state of mind right now.

 

[COYBL25]

Feeling really low, just had quite a bad anxiety attack. I have a friend who contacts me alot to go out etc. Socialising is one of the things that can bring on severe anxiety for me, it's debilitating at times. Anyway he wanted to come round and see me this weekend. I've had to tell him no, I can't explain it really but just the thought of any social situation, a break from my normal routine is too much for me to cope with. I've explained my position and been completely honest about my issues. I feel so guilty for rejecting the offer of support.

The trouble is I have to stick to a very strict routine in my life. I'm fine going to work, being at home, being with my wife and daughter, visiting family etc, but anything else and the anxiety starts.

Right now, I'm in bits, feel so guilty like I have done something really awful.

Don't know how much sense any of this makes as I am not in a good state of mind right now.

Look up - General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Order mate.

You will see that they quite often go hand in hand with each other.

You become worried about a future social situation / going out, anything outside of your comfort zone and that turbo charges your anxiety.

I'd suggest going somewhere with your mate, that you're completely comfortable, wherever that may be ?.

I used to have near meltdowns over things like weddings etc and used to end up smashed, as speed drink due to the anxiety.

There's no quick fix for this I'm afraid, other than forcing yourself to go out and slowly chipping away at the anxiety.

 

[efcforever]

Look up - General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Order mate.

You will see that they quite often go hand in hand with each other.

You become worried about a future social situation / going out, anything outside of your comfort zone and that turbo charges your anxiety.

I'd suggest going somewhere with your mate, that you're completely comfortable, wherever that may be ?.

I used to have near meltdowns over things like weddings etc and used to end up smashed, as speed drink due to the anxiety.

There's no quick fix for this I'm afraid, other than forcing yourself to go out and slowly chipping away at the anxiety.

Thanks for replying mate. Not feeling good at the moment. I know you're right in what your saying but I can't really think clearly right now.

I tried therapy a few years back. Ironically the thought of attending the sessions made me nervous and so I withdrew from it.

I can access councilling through work. I'm considering trying it again but it would mean discussing things with my boss which I'm not sure I want to do.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks for replying mate. Not feeling good at the moment. I know you're right in what your saying but I can't really think clearly right now.

I tried therapy a few years back. Ironically the thought of attending the sessions made me nervous and so I withdrew from it.

I can access councilling through work. I'm considering trying it again but it would mean discussing things with my boss which I'm not sure I want to do.

I'm sure you don't have to tell your boss anything mate.

My first bout of therapy was a nightmare, as the woman doing it didn't have a clue. The second lot years later was much much better. Things have moved on a lot mate.

@anjelikaferret can you advise ?

 

[Armel]

Feeling really low, just had quite a bad anxiety attack. I have a friend who contacts me alot to go out etc. Socialising is one of the things that can bring on severe anxiety for me, it's debilitating at times. Anyway he wanted to come round and see me this weekend. I've had to tell him no, I can't explain it really but just the thought of any social situation, a break from my normal routine is too much for me to cope with. I've explained my position and been completely honest about my issues. I feel so guilty for rejecting the offer of support.

The trouble is I have to stick to a very strict routine in my life. I'm fine going to work, being at home, being with my wife and daughter, visiting family etc, but anything else and the anxiety starts.

Right now, I'm in bits, feel so guilty like I have done something really awful.

Don't know how much sense any of this makes as I am not in a good state of mind right now.

What @COYBL25 says. If you postpone cancel it; the next time he'll ask the anxiety will be more severe more prominent. You have to push through because they are like an ink spot; they can quickly expand and start manifesting in other areas/aspects of your life. After I had my first one suddenly I thought maybe I'll also have it there. Needless to say that did happen. You just have to do it. The first time is hard, the second time is also a bit hard. The third time (can also be the fourth/fifth just an example here) I started to enjoy myself again. It's easier said than done of course but it's the way to go.

Also I've noticed that most anxiety attacks follow this pattern:

So for some activities, say you're stressed out because you have to give a speech, you can go sooner (to the venue/office) so you peak earlier get the anxiety attack over with and do whatever you have to do. Mainly helpful for anticipation anxiety. I don't know how your anxiety attacks manifest but with me it's /tense throat/ heart palpitation/vomiting (not the end of the world, just not good for the teeth so special toothpaste is required to avoid teeth erosion). After the vomiting I always feel better. Or derealisation, tbf that's just bloody annoying. My trick is counting your limbs or such. All in all they are not very frequent you just have to know how to deal with them. Most people don't even notice when I have them.

It would be good for you to start doing things outside your routine, it really helps. Again the first, second time... it can be annoying but gradually you'll start enjoying yourself and you'll get more confidence with other things that exist outside your routine. It's a gradual process though, but you'll reap benefits.

Shouldn't feel bad about it.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I'm sure you don't have to tell your boss anything mate.

My first bout of therapy was a nightmare, as the woman doing it didn't have a clue. The second lot years later was much much better. Things have moved on a lot mate.

@anjelikaferret can you advise ?

@efcforever You don't have to tell your boss anything but I would strongly advise that you do. You wouldn't think twice about telling him/her about a physical illness. You don't have to be specific, you don't have to go into personal details or even tell your boss what'your diagnosis is. You would probably have to tell your HR department ( if you have one) more details but they should maintain your confidentiality and not discuss your illness with your boss. If you work for a small company without HR as such, tell them you are suffering from anxiety and would like to access the work based counselling service. Rehearse the conversation in your head, write it down if it helps. If you have something from your GP take that with you.

Another reason to tell them is that once they know then they have to consider if you are covered by the Equality Act and start making reasonable adjustments for you. They should give you time off to attend the counsellor and make changes to help you at work. For instance being more flexible about start/finish times; allowing you to work from home if that is feasible when you are feeling anxious.

 

[efcforever]

What @COYBL25 says. If you postpone cancel it; the next time he'll ask the anxiety will be more severe more prominent. You have to push through because they are like an ink spot; they can quickly expand and start manifesting in other areas/aspects of your life. After I had my first one suddenly I thought maybe I'll also have it there. Needless to say that did happen. You just have to do it. The first time is hard, the second time is also a bit hard. The third time (can also be the fourth/fifth just an example here) I started to enjoy myself again. It's easier said than done of course but it's the way to go.

Also I've noticed that most anxiety attacks follow this pattern:

So for some activities, say you're stressed out because you have to give a speech, you can go sooner (to the venue/office) so you peak earlier get the anxiety attack over with and do whatever you have to do. Mainly helpful for anticipation anxiety. I don't know how your anxiety attacks manifest but with me it's /tense throat/ heart palpitation/vomiting (not the end of the world, just not good for the teeth so special toothpaste is required to avoid teeth erosion). After the vomiting I always feel better. Or derealisation, tbf that's just bloody annoying. My trick is counting your limbs or such. All in all they are not very frequent you just have to know how to deal with them. Most people don't even notice when I have them.

It would be good for you to start doing things outside your routine, it really helps. Again the first, second time... it can be annoying but gradually you'll start enjoying yourself and you'll get more confidence with other things that exist outside your routine. It's a gradual process though, but you'll reap benefits.

Shouldn't feel bad about it.

Really appreciate the advice and I know you're right. I'm not sure how I'll handle things going forward if I'm honest. The temptation to just stick to my comfort zone is very strong but I will keep persevering.

 

[efcforever]

@efcforever You don't have to tell your boss anything but I would strongly advise that you do. You wouldn't think twice about telling him/her about a physical illness. You don't have to be specific, you don't have to go into personal details or even tell your boss what'your diagnosis is. You would probably have to tell your HR department ( if you have one) more details but they should maintain your confidentiality and not discuss your illness with your boss. If you work for a small company without HR as such, tell them you are suffering from anxiety and would like to access the work based counselling service. Rehearse the conversation in your head, write it down if it helps. If you have something from your GP take that with you.

Another reason to tell them is that once they know then they have to consider if you are covered by the Equality Act and start making reasonable adjustments for you. They should give you time off to attend the counsellor and make changes to help you at work. For instance being more flexible about start/finish times; allowing you to work from home if that is feasible when you are feeling anxious.

Thank you for this. It's really helpful. Not thinking too clearly at the moment but I will try and push myself to talk to my boss next week and access the counselling service.