Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

efcforever said:
Really appreciate the advice and I know you're right. I'm not sure how I'll handle things going forward if I'm honest. The temptation to just stick to my comfort zone is very strong but I will keep persevering.
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It's very hard to push yourself to do something that every fibre of your brain is screaming at you not to do mate, but that's exactly what you have to do to overcome it.

I used to force myself to out to my local with my best mate every Saturday night for a few pints and watch match of the day.

Eventually it became such a ritual, that I stopped thinking about it and the anxiety completely went.

Saturday night with my mate became part of my comfort zone.

However things like Weddings continued to blow my mind for a long long time.

I'm fine with things like that now, but I still suffer badly when my inlaws come to stay, as they wind me us so much, I just don't want them in the house.


It's one step at a time mate.
 
Not having the best of nights, ruminating in my head is spreading like wildfire at the moment. Been for a walk but it's not really helped. Going to watch some TV and hope something good is on.
 
COYBL25 said:
It's very hard to push yourself to do something that every fibre of your brain is screaming at you not to do mate, but that's exactly what you have to do to overcome it.

I used to force myself to out to my local with my best mate every Saturday night for a few pints and watch match of the day.

Eventually it became such a ritual, that I stopped thinking about it and the anxiety completely went.

Saturday night with my mate became part of my comfort zone.

However things like Weddings continued to blow my mind for a long long time.

I'm fine with things like that now, but I still suffer badly when my inlaws come to stay, as they wind me us so much, I just don't want them in the house.


It's one step at a time mate.
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I can certainly relate to the in laws thing. Mine are ok in small doses but they can be very intense. I've become much better at just going with the flow where they are concerned.
 
EFCPaul said:
Not having the best of nights, ruminating in my head is spreading like wildfire at the moment. Been for a walk but it's not really helped. Going to watch some TV and hope something good is on.
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'Mind talk' as I call it is terrible. You've got to find a way to break the cycle, which is easier said than done. I'm going to try some reading, see if that takes my mind off things.
 
efcforever said:
Really appreciate the advice and I know you're right. I'm not sure how I'll handle things going forward if I'm honest. The temptation to just stick to my comfort zone is very strong but I will keep persevering.
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Good of you to persevere, I know it's hard mate, you should start small and build up to bigger things. You can do it as slow as you like. It will be okay in the end; it's a bit like exercise. You could call up your friend for something next week and do something that you feel almost completely comfortable in; in an optimal place for you. You can use tricks like time constraints, what also works for me is going for a run/walk beforehand, stuff like that...

If you're seeking therapy again; the therapist can help you cope with your manifestations of your anxiety so that they become more bearable (if he/she is competent; remember though that you have to have a connection with your therapist, so if you notice that he/she isn't for you just switch).
 

larrygobfiend said:
You're dead right, but it's so frustrating. I have black and white evidence that she's been carrying on, but she's still denying it. When confronted she just gets angry and starts calling me for all sorts.

The only thing I'm really bothered about is our mutual friends. I know she's started spinning a web with them already to limit any damage. I'm tempted to just show them all the evidence, but do I need the hassle and is it fair on them?

I'm angry and bitter. She made believe it was all me for the past 2 months. If I hadn't of rattled through her work phone I'd still be beating myself up about it. She put me on the brink.
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Phones always give it away! She will be doing everything to justify her actions which unfortuntely for you means slagging you off to anyone who will listen. Hopefully your true friends will know better. Give it six months mate it will burn out, then she will just be left looking pretty stupid. Sad for you but just look after number one, be yourself, and know that you did nothing wrong in comparison. Even if things are bad you should sort them either way, once you start the lying and manipulation which she has then there is only one party to truly blame. Take each day as it comes, there are decent girls out there and you will find one.
 
Fletch said:
Been through this myself, had some bad feelings for a few months and then one day I was painting the eaves,came down the ladder and caught her on the phone to her BF, she didn't know I was listening. It all came out, was messy, painful, but I pulled through as you will. Protect yourself with your house, I lost everything and started again, I mean everything.

Above everything, keep your dignity, don't involve mutual friends and you'll come out the better man, she will also realise one day she's the one made the mistake, by which time you'll be right as rain.
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This
 

COYBL25 said:
How's your kids getting on mate ?

It's been a few days now x
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My eldest took it understandably very bad, but over the last couple of days he has started to pull through, and is much better now. I took him out of school for 2 days, and he went back yesterday. He said he got upset couple of times, but got through it. My youngest (3 in Sep) didn't really notice for a couple of days, and when he did eventually ask where he was, we told him he's on holiday. Which he seems to have accepted hook, line and sinker. Going as far as telling us that "Charlie has gone to Haven!" Which has tickled us a bit tbh.

Over these last few days there has been a lot of things that has helped and comforted me such as having my family, sorting through old pics/vids of Charlie, having his ashes in the house (going to put them in the garden), sponsoring a dog (Dogs Trust, great idea btw), beers and tears (lots of both) etc. But one of the biggest helps has been coming on hear and talking about it. Thank you to everybody for taking the time to read my posts and to all the people who have replied. You are all good people. Thank you.

Don't be sad for my dog he had a great life and a very peaceful passing. As I said on Tuesday, anyone with a pet (doesn't have to be a dog) please make an extra fuss of them over the weekend. Thanks again.
 
fozzman said:
My eldest took it understandably very bad, but over the last couple of days he has started to pull through, and is much better now. I took him out of school for 2 days, and he went back yesterday. He said he got upset couple of times, but got through it. My youngest (3 in Sep) didn't really notice for a couple of days, and when he did eventually ask where he was, we told him he's on holiday. Which he seems to have accepted hook, line and sinker. Going as far as telling us that "Charlie has gone to Haven!" Which has tickled us a bit tbh.

Over these last few days there has been a lot of things that has helped and comforted me such as having my family, sorting through old pics/vids of Charlie, having his ashes in the house (going to put them in the garden), sponsoring a dog (Dogs Trust, great idea btw), beers and tears (lots of both) etc. But one of the biggest helps has been coming on hear and talking about it. Thank you to everybody for taking the time to read my posts and to all the people who have replied. You are all good people. Thank you.

Don't be sad for my dog he had a great life and a very peaceful passing. As I said on Tuesday, anyone with a pet (doesn't have to be a dog) please make an extra fuss of them over the weekend. Thanks again.
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We've told my youngest lad that our pup is on "big "holiday too.

The only problem is that he keeps asking why everyone is so sad because he's on holiday !

Ps - here's our new girl - Jessie ( the kids named her )


IMG_1695.webp
 

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