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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

flippa said:
Serious emotional turmoil at the moment. On top of the usual bullying at work, and trying to sell my flat, and all the other day to day cra@p that we all have, I found out last week that my brother is engaged, and has been for at least 8 months. And literally no-one in my family told me. No one. Even after a few weeks ago, when I found out they'd organised a big family event behind my back, I told them how much it upsets and hurst me when they behave like I'm not a valid member of the family- you'd have thought that would've been a good opportunity to say " well, actually, there's something else you should probably know.."

It's just shi!t. When you can't even rely and trust on your family, what the hell else is there.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
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aww mate I totally get you there, I havnt spoken to a member of my family since xmas, because my wife deleted my cousin off facebook (who she had never met, she only added her to invite her to our wedding last june, and she let us down on the week of)

she deleted her because she decided to open her own business and kept messaging my wife about it, but didn't reply to any of her messages about the wedding, but thought it was OK to market to her

I got ambushed on xmas day and was told "she had always hated my wife" (for no legit reason) and I actually stormed out before we had even been given any presents, and left our presents for them because im not spiteful

makes me want to cry everyday that my whole family have practically disowned me because of deleting someone from facebook, and even though my dad and brother agree with me, they are on her side as they live with her and don't want to upset the apple cart

I feel like if I see any of them I wont be able to control my rage, and that worries me, travelling round the city looking over my shoulder for fear of running into them

I turned 30 in april, and didn't even receive a card from them

this is actually the first time ive said all this out in the open other than to people close to me, and it felt really good
 
flippa said:
Serious emotional turmoil at the moment. On top of the usual bullying at work, and trying to sell my flat, and all the other day to day cra@p that we all have, I found out last week that my brother is engaged, and has been for at least 8 months. And literally no-one in my family told me. No one. Even after a few weeks ago, when I found out they'd organised a big family event behind my back, I told them how much it upsets and hurst me when they behave like I'm not a valid member of the family- you'd have thought that would've been a good opportunity to say " well, actually, there's something else you should probably know.."

It's just shi!t. When you can't even rely and trust on your family, what the hell else is there.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
Click to expand...
Wow. Unfortunately families don't come with a guarantee that they will be nice to you and treat you with respect. Maybe it's time to cut them adrift and keep the people who have your best interests at heart in your life. It sounds harsh but they are toxic and will drain you of every shred of self confidence you have. Or keep them in your life but on your terms.
 
flippa said:
Serious emotional turmoil at the moment. On top of the usual bullying at work, and trying to sell my flat, and all the other day to day cra@p that we all have, I found out last week that my brother is engaged, and has been for at least 8 months. And literally no-one in my family told me. No one. Even after a few weeks ago, when I found out they'd organised a big family event behind my back, I told them how much it upsets and hurst me when they behave like I'm not a valid member of the family- you'd have thought that would've been a good opportunity to say " well, actually, there's something else you should probably know.."

It's just shi!t. When you can't even rely and trust on your family, what the hell else is there.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
Click to expand...

Haven't you had similar before with them !!!!!!!!!!!!


Ps - As @anjelikaferret says, could be time to cut them off.

I haven't spoken to my sister now for 5/6 yrs over stuff that she said about one of my kids. I won't ever speak to her again and it's not something I lose sleep over.

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
 
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COYBL25 said:
Caught the last fifteen.

From what I saw, they seemed to be presenting an extreme case as the norm ?
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Yes, trying to create a causal link between anti-depressants (SSRIs) and murder.It is an absolute disgrace, conveniently ignoring that people with mental health issues are more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators;making people scared and therefore less likely to seek help. The logic seems to be: 40m people were prescribed SSRIs in 2016.Some people murder other people.Some murderers take SSRIs = SSRIs cause murder. Sensationalist journalism at its very worst. And calling it A Prescription For Murder defies belief.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Yes, trying to create a causal link between anti-depressants (SSRIs) and murder.It is an absolute disgrace, conveniently ignoring that people with mental health issues are more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators;making people scared and therefore less likely to seek help. The logic seems to be: 40m people were prescribed SSRIs in 2016.Some people murder other people.Some murderers take SSRIs = SSRIs cause murder. Sensationalist journalism at its very worst. And calling it A Prescription For Murder defies belief.
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I've noticed they've tweeted some stuff, bactracking.

Like the BBC usually but this is not on.
 
SiEdmo said:
aww mate I totally get you there, I havnt spoken to a member of my family since xmas, because my wife deleted my cousin off facebook (who she had never met, she only added her to invite her to our wedding last june, and she let us down on the week of)

she deleted her because she decided to open her own business and kept messaging my wife about it, but didn't reply to any of her messages about the wedding, but thought it was OK to market to her

I got ambushed on xmas day and was told "she had always hated my wife" (for no legit reason) and I actually stormed out before we had even been given any presents, and left our presents for them because im not spiteful

makes me want to cry everyday that my whole family have practically disowned me because of deleting someone from facebook, and even though my dad and brother agree with me, they are on her side as they live with her and don't want to upset the apple cart

I feel like if I see any of them I wont be able to control my rage, and that worries me, travelling round the city looking over my shoulder for fear of running into them

I turned 30 in april, and didn't even receive a card from them

this is actually the first time ive said all this out in the open other than to people close to me, and it felt really good
Click to expand...

Hey, I'm glad at least my post gave you the opportunity to voice these feelings. I hope eventually you get some resolution with them all x
 

anjelikaferrett said:
Wow. Unfortunately families don't come with a guarantee that they will be nice to you and treat you with respect. Maybe it's time to cut them adrift and keep the people who have your best interests at heart in your life. It sounds harsh but they are toxic and will drain you of every shred of self confidence you have. Or keep them in your life but on your terms.
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Yes, I guess that's something I've been learning/ realizing over the past 2 years. I have been working really hard on working out my own terms etc, but it's incredibly hard when we used to be what others would term "a close family". Trying to unpick the toxic relationships within that dynamic, and particularly the ones that do not serve me well, is a slow and painful process. As @COYBL25 said, yes, I've been through similar with them before, it seems like two steps forward, one step back...

It's hard to cut them off completely, as that's scary, not least because I don't have a family (or partner) of my own, so there's really no-one else there for me. I know that it's a balance of negotiating how to have a relationship that is healthy, and I did think I was doing well on moving forward with that- but then to find out they've been withholding information for months seems like I haven't actually got anywhere.
 
flippa said:
Yes, I guess that's something I've been learning/ realizing over the past 2 years. I have been working really hard on working out my own terms etc, but it's incredibly hard when we used to be what others would term "a close family". Trying to unpick the toxic relationships within that dynamic, and particularly the ones that do not serve me well, is a slow and painful process. As @COYBL25 said, yes, I've been through similar with them before, it seems like two steps forward, one step back...

It's hard to cut them off completely, as that's scary, not least because I don't have a family (or partner) of my own, so there's really no-one else there for me. I know that it's a balance of negotiating how to have a relationship that is healthy, and I did think I was doing well on moving forward with that- but then to find out they've been withholding information for months seems like I haven't actually got anywhere.
Click to expand...

Console yourself with the fact that there's no such thing as a " normal " family.

Even the families that appear outwardly normal aren't when you scratch the surface.

I think it's just trying to find the best way to manage them and the way they are ?.

I can't work out why they'd withhold your brothers engagement from you, surely that's masive family news under any circumstances !
 
COYBL25 said:
Console yourself with the fact that there's no such thing as a " normal " family.

Even the families that appear outwardly normal aren't when you scratch the surface.

I think it's just trying to find the best way to manage them and the way they are ?.

I can't work out why they'd withhold your brothers engagement from you, surely that's masive family news under any circumstances !
Click to expand...

The answer I got from my dad was, it would be a breaking of trust. No explanation as to why it was allowed to go on for 8 months. My brother hasn't bothered to even respond. His pathetic excuse when he finally told me was he'd been waiting for the right moment- and yet, not once in all those months had he bothered to pick up the phone, or, you know, perhaps send a message saying "can we meet/ talk, I've got something important to tell you." If it looks like bulls***, smells like bulls***, then yeah, it's bulls***.
 
flippa said:
The answer I got from my dad was, it would be a breaking of trust. No explanation as to why it was allowed to go on for 8 months. My brother hasn't bothered to even respond. His pathetic excuse when he finally told me was he'd been waiting for the right moment- and yet, not once in all those months had he bothered to pick up the phone, or, you know, perhaps send a message saying "can we meet/ talk, I've got something important to tell you." If it looks like bulls***, smells like bulls***, then yeah, it's bulls***.
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That's a crippling read Flip. You are very strong mate but the bigger picture though is you; do you sleep well? Have you hurt? Have you upset? Have you justified your exile? I don't know and there are questions you need to answer to yourself. I suspect that you are hurt beyond what you could do to others. Tomorrow though is a new day to be created, if yesterday didn't work try something new, rise up with a hello and don't react to the response other than they know you offer nothing but good grace
 
Had my 2nd councilling session yesterday. Went well, she's given me a few things to work on. It's about retraining my mind, my mind has worked a certain way for a long time so it needs retraining on certain things.

She compared it to going to the gym once a month and expecting to get fit. It's hard work to change your thought processes but it can be done with a lot of effort.
 

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