jonnyg
Player Valuation: £5m
26, had a marriage and a house planned so it's a shock that he'd risk all that.
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I've been there but it was younger brother. Quite honestly the most awful period of my life. The shame and embarrassment nearly killed my parents as well as putting huge financial strain on them as they had to pay a lot of his household bills and I never thought i would spend Sunday afternoons visiting a prison. i still don't know what exactly went off, I haven't actually talked to him about it ever but he has never been in trouble since and during the period when my Mum was terminally ill, he was fantastic.
i went through loads of emotions - i wanted to kill him for how much he had hurt our family (me, my other brother, our parents, his kids) by being a tit- he's an intelligent bloke so should have not got involved. However the bottom line was that he is my brother, I love him and I couldn't disown him.there for him
Talk to your brother, he probably feels terrible about it, you don't have to discuss what he did, just say you are there for him. be non-judgemental if you can.
Happy to talk by pm if you need to.
jonnyg
Player Valuation: £5m
Thank you for this.
oliverwri
Player Valuation: £1m
never been open about this sort of thing anywhere, so it feels a bit weird for me to post it here, but i don't really have anywhere else to talk about it... none of my mates are that receptive to the more emotional things. so hear goes
girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly a few days ago and it has broken me. went on holiday for ten days, come home to find out she doesn't love me anymore. haven't left my bed more than a few times to eat all weekend. when its not the memories that sting, its the regrets, that sinking feeling that i'm no longer her number one, the hopelessness and the shock that tears me apart. i don't know what to do. feels like i've lost not only a girlfriend but the best friend i've ever had, and a family member all in one. she was the only person i've ever loved or has ever loved me - it's just devastating.
girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly a few days ago and it has broken me. went on holiday for ten days, come home to find out she doesn't love me anymore. haven't left my bed more than a few times to eat all weekend. when its not the memories that sting, its the regrets, that sinking feeling that i'm no longer her number one, the hopelessness and the shock that tears me apart. i don't know what to do. feels like i've lost not only a girlfriend but the best friend i've ever had, and a family member all in one. she was the only person i've ever loved or has ever loved me - it's just devastating.
Hi Oliver, first of all I've been there myself many years ago and I know exactly how you're feeling and the thoughts you currently have which you have bravely shared with us are exactly the same as I and probably everyone else that has been in your position will have had.
First of all you must look after yourself, although it may be difficult hold your head up high, don't punish yourself, make sure you eat properly you will may low esteem but you have done nothing wrong here. If there is absolutely no chance of a reconciliation and you have a shared property or investment it may go against the grain but you must seek legal advice sooner rather than later.
Believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel and you may feel a little worse for a short time, then every day you will get a little stronger, your friends and relatives will help you through this.
There are many others on here who have shared your experience and can give you good advice from a different angle, please let us know how you are doing there is always someone ready to listen.
Good luck my friend you will come out the other side of this have faith.
NCLBlue
Player Valuation: £8m
I felt this like a wrench in my stomach as you've wrote it and it's absolutely awful! Really feel for you mate. I was where you are not too long ago.
I moved in with my girlfriend of 3 years at the time in August 2015, the culture shock of having less money and more responsibility and stress triggered a bout of severe depression in me that I hadn't treated - this all caused a rift and our relationship broke down in December 2015 as she did not love me anymore and cannot see her seeing me that way again. I had to move in with family sleeping on a sofa.
I literally didn't eat a meal and was eating crackers and drinking Budweiser every night and spirits when it ran out! I lost so much weight and was off sick for months. I couldn't imagine doing anything in my life as everything I did was with her. Every time I was drunk I made a clip of myself and ending up in states sitting outside clubs whilst my mates are were wanting me to go and 'get under someone else'. Don't know about you but I knew that wouldn't help me! No more drink for me for then.
After a few weeks of allowing myself to feel like turd (it sucks and you have to go through it eventually no matter how much numbing you want to do). I knew I had to start rebuilding myself. I reached out to friends I hadn't really seen much and was really surprised at how much they involved me again. I forced myself to do the things I couldn't bear to. Bought weights for the house as I knew I wouldn't bother with the gym.
Looked at stuff I could do with my 'freedom' like travelling or new PS4 games (often claimed she was a FIFA widow). And removed myself from social media to stop myself from looking at anything which would bring me down!
Got myself some new clobber and a haircut and slowly but surely confidence built back up and although I was thinking about what I had lost I realised that you never really know what's going to happen next in life. And learning to be inquisitive about that and to lose all expectations about your future can be quite liberating.
Something absolutely boss could happen tomorrow. I was thinking of ridiculous stuff at first like imagine I won the lottery tomorrow she would be fuming. Just as a laugh, you just need to allow yourself to grieve but you'll know when you reach a point your appetite comes back or you've spent enough time in bed that's your time to start getting yourself back.
End of the day that person thinks they don't love you? Pfft - why not, that's not your fault that's them. I bet you've gone through all these reasons as to why she doesn't - and of course there will be parts of you that you may think okay I was out of order then or a bit of a loser on more than one occasion but you learn from it. Please don't allow what she has said and how you feel now to derail you or take as a huge hit on yourself because it likely isn't all down to you.
Best thing is to get yourself back and the rest will follow - whatever happens you need to be at your best as soon as you feel ready. Really sorry you're feeling that way - I know nothing what people can say can make it feel any better but wherever you can find any inspiration or something to aspire to grab it and run with it and you'll be on your way to feeling boss again.
Deulofeumygod
Player Valuation: £35m
Never posted in here before but i have my first counselling appointment tomorrow. 45 minutes and face to face not via phone. Basically been 'diagnosed' with severe symptoms of anxiety, moderate symptoms of depression and moderately severe levels of psychological distress (which surprised and shocked me). Been taking 50mg of sertralin for the last few months. Probably been feeling like this for ten plus years but been in denial about any kind of issue.
Just wondered if anyone could tell me what i should expect tomorrow and just help me alleviate worries i'm having about it.
Sorry if this has all been gone through before. Thanks in advance.
Just wondered if anyone could tell me what i should expect tomorrow and just help me alleviate worries i'm having about it.
Sorry if this has all been gone through before. Thanks in advance.
Hi mate.
Nothing at all to worry about tomorrow as it'll just be a settling in session for you and the councillor.
She / he will try to make you feel as comfortable about what to expect, you'll be given a small tick box questionaire, which will give the councillor a rough guide to how you are.
It's all very informal and the more open / honest you are, the more they have to work with.
It's gonna feel very hard to start with, to talk about your problems, but as you move on it'll hopefully become much easier.
Good lick and let us know how you get on x
Deulofeumygod
Player Valuation: £35m
Thanks mate.
I just had to fill in an online questionnaire which i did not enjoy and find myself questioning all the answers i give which probably is not a good start.
I will let you know tomorrow. Thanks for replying.
Everyone has their heart broken at least once mate.
There's no right way or wrong way to deal with it, just look after yourself as best you can, until you feel able to pick up the pieces and gradually start again.
Physical excercise is great way to take your mind off it for a while and make you feel better afterwards.
I know this probably the least tying you feel like doing right now, but it'll help give you some positivity in your life.
I'd say the fact that your questioning the answers is a good thing, as your thinking about stuff that you don't normally think deeply about.
Don't be frightened by it, look at it this way.
You're head can be " broken " same as your arm.
There's a few of us on here that are long term anxiety sufferers and can offer practical help and advice.
Deulofeumygod
Player Valuation: £35m
Never thought of it that way. Ill type up as best i can how tomorrow goes. Thanks.
Just be as open and honest as you can mate, that way you'll get the most out of it. It's easy to tell these people what you think they want to hear and in turn almost play down your own problems, I've definitely been there and done that more than once.
It's only more recently when I've talked about stuff I'm not usually comfortable with and tried techniques that I'd probably have passed off as hippy nonsense previously that I've felt the biggest benefit. A lot of the anxiety stuff is about gradually putting yourself in situations that would normally trigger anxiety, it's ridiculously hard to do but it gets easier the more you put into practice what you learn.
Keep us updated and all the best mate.
FC sexy xxx
Player Valuation: £35m
stay clear of the ale unless your around good mates in a good atmosphere. Get in the gym it even helps a fat beaut like me . And make plans . Even if it's just a weekend break to watch a football game with a mate . Most of all cut ALL ties with her . As hard as that might be .MOST IMPORTANTLY Do not overthink about the situation it will drive you insane. Good luck lad.
larrygobfiend
Player Valuation: £40m
Sorry to hear this, mate. I went through something like this about four months ago. I remember the feelings well and it was hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The early weeks are the worst so you're gonna have to just soldier through it I'm afraid. Try to be open and speak to people close to you about it if it's possible. Bottling it up doesn't help at all.
Please listen to some of the advice people have given you. Exercising and keeping yourself busy really does help.
The key is turning the negatives and to positives. As a result of my split, I've become closer to my family, I've spent much more time with my friends, I can now go and see Everton more and I'm gonna fulfil a dream of travelling to Japan on my own.
I've also met somebody else who's completely different to my ex. We have a completely different dynamic and to be honest, it's quite refreshing and I feel much better about myself.
Good luck, mate. Keep posting. Folk on here are really helpful.