Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Yes, this has been ongoing for months. I read so much into everything. One moment I'm convinced all the signs are there, the next my confidence evaporates and I tell myself it was all in my head and if I ask now I'll get turned town and be left embarrassed. My head is cabbaged

You that know you're over thinking things mate, talk about it next time you see your councillor?

 

[EFCPaul]

You that know you're over thinking things mate, talk about it next time you see your councillor?

That won't be for a few weeks yet. I'm in the same place as her right now, looking at her. Desperate to ask, even to be told no so it would then be over for good.

 

[COYBL25]

That won't be for a few weeks yet. I'm in the same place as her right now, looking at her. Desperate to ask, even to be told no so it would then be over for good.

I know it'll be hard, but wait until you've seen your councillor.

You've waited this long, another couple of weeks isn't going to make much difference ?

 

[EFCPaul]

I know it'll be hard, but wait until you've seen your councillor.

You've waited this long, another couple of weeks isn't going to make much difference ?

A councillor can't help me with this is, it's my own fears and insecurities that can't be cured.

I've decided to avoid her from now on. She's not at all at fault, it's my problem and mine alone but seeing her is upsetting me. I beat myself up when i'm in her presence. I'm just cutting it out, least for now, is probably for the best until I'm well

 

[COYBL25]

A councillor can't help me with this is, it's my own fears and insecurities that can't be cured.

I've decided to avoid her from now on. She's not at all at fault, it's my problem and mine alone but seeing her is upsetting me. I beat myself up when i'm in her presence. I'm just cutting it out, least for now, is probably for the best until I'm well

It'll give you something to work towards mate

 

[Groucho]

A councillor can't help me with this is, it's my own fears and insecurities that can't be cured.

I've decided to avoid her from now on. She's not at all at fault, it's my problem and mine alone but seeing her is upsetting me. I beat myself up when i'm in her presence. I'm just cutting it out, least for now, is probably for the best until I'm well

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

[EvertonRhys]

It just feels that no matter how good things can be going, it always drags me back down to earth.

I'm terrified that on the weekend when I was really drunk, I may have let my guard down and I've gave off that impression. Vaguely remember someone questioning it. I'm just hoping they'd have been equally as drunk to not remember.

I've heard some of my cousins, the ones who I'll go for a drink with after the match, then into town, etc. say some really horrible things about gays. I don't want to be outcast from them.

It's the same in work, the longer I don't have a girlfriend, which isn't going to happen, the more and more I start to look suspect. When some of the fellas have said it jokingly in work, I've turned bright red.

I'm on a really important course in work this week and I just know I'm going to fail it because I'm so distracted. I've been having a series on full on severe anxiety attacks since Sunday.

Just don't know what to do anymore. Happiness is only ever short-lived for me, until the next drama comes along.

Just want out of it.

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much with it at the moment.

Those feelings that you'll be alienated from your cousins are completely natural. As are all of the other feelings, so whatever you, firstly don't beat yourself up about it.

I had plenty of occasions hearing things people said about gays prior to coming out that made me think I never would- from friends/ family too. But I also think in some ways I may have distorted what they said to sound worse than it actually was.

These days mates do say things still, but I tell you what, most of the time it's just playing around and in no way aimed at me. They'll be just as 'brutal' to themselves/ others for other things too. I bet 95% of them wouldn't alienate you for who you are, but once again, if they do, then they're absolute pricks anyway, and they seriously aren't worth wasting your emotions on.

I'd also bet that given you haven't had a girlfriend in some time (ever?) and given how you say you've gone red in situations and have been asked about your sexuality when drunk- that people have their suspicions anyway? If so, they still care about you even though they're not sure whether you are straight or gay.

I just can't say enough, and plead with you, to not keep it in, as by the looks of it, you're tearing yourself apart and losing precious years as it is- keeping it in. It's mega bad now, and by sharing who you are with those you care about, it will only get better. If only for the fact that you are no longer pretending to be someone you're not.

If it helps, I came out over a period of six months or so. First to my very very best friend (a girl) who knew would be cool. She was. Her boyfriend at the time was also a best friend I'd known since primary school who I was terrified about finding out. We approached it together and he couldn't have been more amazing. Step by step, you can approach those more daunting ones. But you won't have to do it alone.

Find that ONE person who could help you through telling that next person, and so on. Not one person I care about today has rejected me for who I am. Yes there were challenges, but I still meet up with my straight mates (who have said all of that [Poor language removed] you talk about) and I still go to the footy etc etc.

That's your way out of it. It's going to be tough. I'd suggest first getting some counselling from a charity (mind etc.) Those sessions unlike NHS ones aren't time-bound and you get plenty of time to go through things that will give you that confidence in yourself. Then go for it.

Or go for it now, to that one person you can trust, no matter how close they are to you friend-wise/ family-wise. There will be one person you can rely on I bet. Message me dude, even on FB/ email or whatever if you need a friend at all to help with anything whatsoever.

Baby steps though- only think of the next thing. Not about the whole situation as what you're saying, I guarantee, won't be the reality of what does happen. X

 

[EvertonRhys]

GB - there are LGBT support groups out there, online and offline. I suspect there are very many people in similar predicaments and have the same concerns and anxieties. I think, perhaps, you may be over worrying about the response you may get from your cousin's/mates but only time will tell. However, todays news is tomorrow's chip wrapping and if they think anything of you then they will simply shrug their shoulders and get on with it. Your not a threat to them and the majority of gay people l know - including my own daughter and her male cousin - are in a much happier place because they were true to themselves and came out rather than suffer in silence. They are accepted for what they are and are both in loving relationships. You deserve to share that happiness. And your still a Blue and we are a family.

Are you Liverpool-based @GwladysBlue?

https://sites.google.com/site/merseymarauders/

 

[Safc-mark-91]

Hope everyone is well. First week back at work after months on sick. Some prat at work found my 'Beating Depression' leaflet (I stupidly brought it in work and forgot to put in my work bag and bring it home) He decided to send out an email to me (with my colleagues included in the email) which said "Get laid and man up " with a stupid smiley face!

Guy is known for pulling pranks and comes across as a total arrogant idiot. He tries too hard to be our 'class clown' and loves talking about his semi-professional football career and his new car...

I'm not one for taking things to heart but it's really annoyed me. When I asked what he meant by it he said he found my leaflet and thought it "would be funny and helpful" to make a joke of it. Not only did he have no right to look at stuff in my drawer but to condesend me to my mates and colleagues like that? I then had people asking if I was okay as apparently, everyone now knows why I was off for so long, which I wanted to keep private. I probably would have laughed it off if he had just sent it directly to me, but to include everyone? Just made me feel like a complete 'you know what'. I didn't over-react, I just kept my head down and pretended not to be bothered, but inside I felt anger and embarrassment.

Obviously, I'm far too old to be telling tales and crying to the managers as we're not in school. He just made an already nervous/stressful return to work even harder. Especially as people are asking questions.

I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive but I didn't see the funny side. Not sure what you Think?

Apart from that, I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps, hoping by the weekend I'll be in a better place. I love my Saturday's as I dedicate all day to football! Got the Sunderland match I'm going to and looking forward to tonight's Champions League games. Staying off drink as that tends to make my depression worse - Especially after a really bad day.

I hope everyone is doing a little better than me.

Take care everyone and sorry for boring you with a tale from work, just knocked the stuffing out of me a bit. It's partly my fault for leaving it there, just I've been all over the place this week. I'll have to be more careful next time.

Keep fighting the fight everyone!

 

[wgtwiddle]

Guy is known for pulling pranks and comes across as a total arrogant idiot. He tries too hard to be our 'class clown' and loves talking about his semi-professional football career and his new car...

I'm not one for taking things to heart but it's really annoyed me. When I asked what he meant by it he said he found my leaflet and thought it "would be funny and helpful" to make a joke of it. Not only did he have no right to look at stuff in my drawer but to condesend me to my mates and colleagues like that? I then had people asking if I was okay as apparently, everyone now knows why I was off for so long, which I wanted to keep private.
I hope everyone is doing a little better than me.

Keep fighting the fight everyone!

You're not being sensitive, you're being human. Your colleague sounds somewhat lacking in empathy. I should take succour from the colleagues asking if you're ok.

I returned to work last year after some weeks off with anxiety. Everyone was fine about it, even so my take was along the lines of, this happened to me, I endured it and I'm back. It could happen to anyone.

I never see it as a fight, it' a struggle, not something to be fought. Something to be understood, adjusted to. If you look upon it as a fight, then you're just fighting yourself. Just my take.

 

[Safc-mark-91]

You're not being sensitive, you're being human. Your colleague sounds somewhat lacking in empathy. I should take succour from the colleagues asking if you're ok.

I returned to work last year after some weeks off with anxiety. Everyone was fine about it, even so my take was along the lines of, this happened to me, I endured it and I'm back. It could happen to anyone.

I never see it as a fight, it' a struggle, not something to be fought. Something to be understood, adjusted to. If you look upon it as a fight, then you're just fighting yourself. Just my take.

I think you're right mate. Thanks, needed reassurance that I was right to think it was a really odd, sly thing to do.

I see what point you're making about the 'fight' comment and it made sense having reflected on your post. I choose that word deliberately as for me depression is exactly that. I've had years of a civil war like struggle being fought out in my head. Some days, the 'Good side' wins and I can focus on having a good day and positive outlook. Unfortunately, some times the 'Dark' side wins and I slip back into a big dark hole and I feel like my entire body is shutting down, where I become subject to a torture like struggle and overwhelming sense of sadness. So, for me personally it is a fight, everyday, every hour. I know my perspective on 'Good v Evil' is a really strange way of describing my illness, but that's genuinely what it feels like. Such is my ridiculous mindset. Sorry if I made that sound like a Star Wars quote, with my "Good side" and "Dark side" references!

I think you're also right about fighting yourself, that's also what it feels like at times, like I'm fighting myself.

I think your outlook is much better, makes more sense but when people ask about my depression - "Its a fight" is the first thing that comes to mind.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much with it at the moment.

Those feelings that you'll be alienated from your cousins are completely natural. As are all of the other feelings, so whatever you, firstly don't beat yourself up about it.

I had plenty of occasions hearing things people said about gays prior to coming out that made me think I never would- from friends/ family too. But I also think in some ways I may have distorted what they said to sound worse than it actually was.

These days mates do say things still, but I tell you what, most of the time it's just playing around and in no way aimed at me. They'll be just as 'brutal' to themselves/ others for other things too. I bet 95% of them wouldn't alienate you for who you are, but once again, if they do, then they're absolute pricks anyway, and they seriously aren't worth wasting your emotions on.

I'd also bet that given you haven't had a girlfriend in some time (ever?) and given how you say you've gone red in situations and have been asked about your sexuality when drunk- that people have their suspicions anyway? If so, they still care about you even though they're not sure whether you are straight or gay.

I just can't say enough, and plead with you, to not keep it in, as by the looks of it, you're tearing yourself apart and losing precious years as it is- keeping it in. It's mega bad now, and by sharing who you are with those you care about, it will only get better. If only for the fact that you are no longer pretending to be someone you're not.

If it helps, I came out over a period of six months or so. First to my very very best friend (a girl) who knew would be cool. She was. Her boyfriend at the time was also a best friend I'd known since primary school who I was terrified about finding out. We approached it together and he couldn't have been more amazing. Step by step, you can approach those more daunting ones. But you won't have to do it alone.

Find that ONE person who could help you through telling that next person, and so on. Not one person I care about today has rejected me for who I am. Yes there were challenges, but I still meet up with my straight mates (who have said all of that [Poor language removed] you talk about) and I still go to the footy etc etc.

That's your way out of it. It's going to be tough. I'd suggest first getting some counselling from a charity (mind etc.) Those sessions unlike NHS ones aren't time-bound and you get plenty of time to go through things that will give you that confidence in yourself. Then go for it.

Or go for it now, to that one person you can trust, no matter how close they are to you friend-wise/ family-wise. There will be one person you can rely on I bet. Message me dude, even on FB/ email or whatever if you need a friend at all to help with anything whatsoever.

Baby steps though- only think of the next thing. Not about the whole situation as what you're saying, I guarantee, won't be the reality of what does happen. X

I did have that one person who I told first. It was my best mate who meant everything to me. Here is an extract of when I first came out in this thread back in 2014 (shows how much of my life I'm wasting):

I'm 21 years old and even writing this down now, knowing I'm likely to never see any of you is hard. I'm a closeted gay, though out to two of my close friends, it can be hard to hide this secret life from your parents and family.

One of them close friends, the first one I told in December 2013, turned out to also be a closeted gay. I didn't know this until last year. We'd known and been mates with each other for 12 years. Stupidly we'd slept together last year and a couple of times since. He reacted badly twice and I was on the receiving end of a brutal beating last time. He has a girlfriend. Haven't spoken to him now since May, nor seen him since February. He was my main support network. Now I just feel like I was only ever in his life because he fancied me and knew that he had the control for it to happen.

When I told my mum and dad in 2014, I thought that would be it, it's done. My Dad didn't take it great at first, though. They thought it best not to tell the rest of the family. They support and love me, they've no problem with it themselves now, but still haven't told any of the extended family.

So now, I've just carried on living this false life, instead of being open about it. I've lied to everyone in work, I've lied to my family, I've lied to every possible mate I've had since then. I even lied to a girl I was going out with last year.

I've retreated so far back into the closet, I can't even see Narnia anymore.

I'm under so much pressure and to make it worse, I have an exam tomorrow for a course in work I've been doing that I just know I'm going to fail. I have to go into work then with that hanging over me.

 

[COYBL25]

Hope everyone is well. First week back at work after months on sick. Some prat at work found my 'Beating Depression' leaflet (I stupidly brought it in work and forgot to put in my work bag and bring it home) He decided to send out an email to me (with my colleagues included in the email) which said "Get laid and man up " with a stupid smiley face!

Guy is known for pulling pranks and comes across as a total arrogant idiot. He tries too hard to be our 'class clown' and loves talking about his semi-professional football career and his new car...

I'm not one for taking things to heart but it's really annoyed me. When I asked what he meant by it he said he found my leaflet and thought it "would be funny and helpful" to make a joke of it. Not only did he have no right to look at stuff in my drawer but to condesend me to my mates and colleagues like that? I then had people asking if I was okay as apparently, everyone now knows why I was off for so long, which I wanted to keep private. I probably would have laughed it off if he had just sent it directly to me, but to include everyone? Just made me feel like a complete 'you know what'. I didn't over-react, I just kept my head down and pretended not to be bothered, but inside I felt anger and embarrassment.

Obviously, I'm far too old to be telling tales and crying to the managers as we're not in school. He just made an already nervous/stressful return to work even harder. Especially as people are asking questions.

I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive but I didn't see the funny side. Not sure what you Think?

Apart from that, I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps, hoping by the weekend I'll be in a better place. I love my Saturday's as I dedicate all day to football! Got the Sunderland match I'm going to and looking forward to tonight's Champions League games. Staying off drink as that tends to make my depression worse - Especially after a really bad day.

I hope everyone is doing a little better than me.

Take care everyone and sorry for boring you with a tale from work, just knocked the stuffing out of me a bit. It's partly my fault for leaving it there, just I've been all over the place this week. I'll have to be more careful next time.

Keep fighting the fight everyone!

That's bang out of order mate and by rights he should be disciplined. It's the very definition of bullying in the work place and I'd wager if you made an issue of it, he'd have got the boot. What good would that do you though ?.

I admire your strength mate, as a lot of people wouid've walked straight out and gone sick.

He's a total knob head mate and you've proved that you're the bigger man by the way you handled it.

 

[Groucho]

Hope everyone is well. First week back at work after months on sick. Some prat at work found my 'Beating Depression' leaflet (I stupidly brought it in work and forgot to put in my work bag and bring it home) He decided to send out an email to me (with my colleagues included in the email) which said "Get laid and man up " with a stupid smiley face!

Guy is known for pulling pranks and comes across as a total arrogant idiot. He tries too hard to be our 'class clown' and loves talking about his semi-professional football career and his new car...

I'm not one for taking things to heart but it's really annoyed me. When I asked what he meant by it he said he found my leaflet and thought it "would be funny and helpful" to make a joke of it. Not only did he have no right to look at stuff in my drawer but to condesend me to my mates and colleagues like that? I then had people asking if I was okay as apparently, everyone now knows why I was off for so long, which I wanted to keep private. I probably would have laughed it off if he had just sent it directly to me, but to include everyone? Just made me feel like a complete 'you know what'. I didn't over-react, I just kept my head down and pretended not to be bothered, but inside I felt anger and embarrassment.

Obviously, I'm far too old to be telling tales and crying to the managers as we're not in school. He just made an already nervous/stressful return to work even harder. Especially as people are asking questions.

I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive but I didn't see the funny side. Not sure what you Think?

Apart from that, I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps, hoping by the weekend I'll be in a better place. I love my Saturday's as I dedicate all day to football! Got the Sunderland match I'm going to and looking forward to tonight's Champions League games. Staying off drink as that tends to make my depression worse - Especially after a really bad day.

I hope everyone is doing a little better than me.

Take care everyone and sorry for boring you with a tale from work, just knocked the stuffing out of me a bit. It's partly my fault for leaving it there, just I've been all over the place this week. I'll have to be more careful next time.

Keep fighting the fight everyone!

If I said what I thought about your man in work I’d have to infract myself.

It’s him who has to man up, clearly he’s a little boy in terms of maturity.

 

[jinkyali]

You're not being sensitive, you're being human. Your colleague sounds somewhat lacking in empathy. I should take succour from the colleagues asking if you're ok.

I returned to work last year after some weeks off with anxiety. Everyone was fine about it, even so my take was along the lines of, this happened to me, I endured it and I'm back. It could happen to anyone.

I never see it as a fight, it' a struggle, not something to be fought. Something to be understood, adjusted to. If you look upon it as a fight, then you're just fighting yourself. Just my take.

If he worked for me I would sack him.