Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

efcforever said:
I'm doing alright lately thanks. I had several counselling sessions recently which have helped. I'm still on the meds and I expect to be on them for the foreseeable future.

Have you ever tried counselling?
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Biggest mistake I made, multiple times, was coming of my meds too early.
It's after a few months you feel better almost normal and you start kidding yourself that you don't need them anymore

Counselling for me is what works, I still go, and she's right on to me, she knows when I'm deflecting and when I'm bullshitting her.

The hardest thing I had to do was let go of the people who were detrimental to my situation, some were friends for 20 years but i had to do it.

Now I'm a bit better I can reconnect with these people on my terms
 
the golden visionary said:
Biggest mistake I made, multiple times, was coming of my meds too early.
It's after a few months you feel better almost normal and you start kidding yourself that you don't need them anymore

Counselling for me is what works, I still go, and she's right on to me, she knows when I'm deflecting and when I'm bullshitting her.

The hardest thing I had to do was let go of the people who were detrimental to my situation, some were friends for 20 years but i had to do it.

Now I'm a bit better I can reconnect with these people on my terms
Click to expand...

I came off my meds a couple of years ago and it was a slow and steady decline. I have learned my lesson on that one and I will talk to my GP if I ever consider doing it again. I've also had counselling and it's really helped. I'm taking a break from that at present.

I also had to put some distance between myself and someone who was making it more difficult for me. It was difficult but it had to be done for my own health.
 
The Dunc said:
My GP sent me to a sleep clinic but they only tested for sleep apnea.
I had thought that the palpatations caused the insomnia, but now he says it's the other way around and it's a phycological problem. He offered no help after, other than saying we're the same age and he has no health issues ( implying that neither should I) and it was through work I've been put on a NHS run CBT program.
I'm slowly working through this thread from the start to try and identify if I belong here.
Do I think I'm depressed, No. I deal with people all the time who are and don't recognize it in myself.
Do I suffer from anxiety, No. Most things wash over me.
Now I can see similarities with others on this thread.
I have an iva through financial stupidity even though I have a well paid job.
I have dealt with extremely traumatic circumstances in my job that I think about from time to time, including horrific deaths and people living through incredibly tough situations.
I got passed over for promotion last year when everyone thought I was a dead cert ( coz they think I'm so clever).
My 15 yr old son told my wife he is gay, he won't tell me because he thinks I won't like him anymore, so I avoid it and haven't spoken about it with him.
The truth is I couldn't care less about that, but, and this is the worst bit, I get stupidly angry with him over trivial things like the state of his bedroom, or getting detention at school. I get so mad I scare myself that I'm going to strike him.
I love him to bits and will do anything for him, I'd die and I'd kill for him, but it's hard to admit that i have little in common with him, and the older he gets the more we grow apart.
I've worked shifts for 15 yrs, but took time off in April because I was falling asleep during the day as I was so tired through lack of sleep. I'm not back to full shifts or full hours yet. My workmates have been fine, but I secretly think I'm letting them down because there's nothing physically wrong with me.
Trivial nonsense I know. Yet here I am at 3am writing this rubbish down when all I want to do is sleep. I start work at 5pm tomorrow and go until 3am, I can't carry on like this.
Click to expand...
I got sent for a CT scan then the sleep study after having non stop head aches for a couple of years. I’ve being diagnosed with PMLS ( legs moving in sleep which causes stressful dreams etc ) so now I’ve got this oxygen machine to help me sleep but I’m not sure it does much good tbh.
 
The Dunc said:
I'm slowly working through this thread from the start to try and identify if I belong here.
Click to expand...
No membership criteria here mate. Type away.

The Dunc said:
...they think I'm so clever...
...he thinks I won't like him anymore...
...think I'm letting them down...
Click to expand...
There's a lot going on here & the above highlights how you are dealing with perceptions somewhat. These are all conversations you could have & tick each one off the list.

Speak to HR & ask for an assessment of yourself with regards to the promotion. If you have a process, use it. They might point out something to you that you hadn't considered.
Speak to your Son. See if you can let him in a little. It's a lot to put on a 15 year old but if he's come out, then I think he could handle it. Let him know how you're dealing with stuff & how you're scared that a silly transgression could tip you over.
Speak to your colleagues. The very fact that this thread exists is testament to how attitudes are changing. Your colleagues may be looking out for you because they already know somethings not right.

The Dunc said:
My wife thinks I'm a bit of a 'hard man' and I can deal with anything, I could never let her know I'm weaker than she thinks.
Click to expand...
I found this line from earlier very sad. I rely heavily on my Wife as a confidant, a sounding board perhaps but, most importantly, the one person I trust without question. I 100% accept that we're all different & that I don't have the first idea of your home situation, but are you so certain that she'd like you less if you told her about your feelings? You've been with her for so long, I bet if you chatted about it, she'd tell you the things she's noticed about you that have changed.

The Dunc said:
I have dealt with extremely traumatic circumstances in my job that I think about from time to time, including horrific deaths and people living through incredibly tough situations.
Click to expand...
If you're in the Emergency Services (no need to confirm or deny) then I have had a similar set of experiences as a Volunteer Firefighter. I have no doubt that you've seen a lot more than I have but after a near death experience that I, literally & emotionally, got through unscathed, I did notice doubt creeping into my thoughts over time. I started to overthink what happened & all the possible alternative actions that we could have taken. It happens.
The Dunc said:
Trivial nonsense I know.
Click to expand...
No its not.
 

The Dunc said:
My GP sent me to a sleep clinic but they only tested for sleep apnea.
I had thought that the palpatations caused the insomnia, but now he says it's the other way around and it's a phycological problem. He offered no help after, other than saying we're the same age and he has no health issues ( implying that neither should I) and it was through work I've been put on a NHS run CBT program.
I'm slowly working through this thread from the start to try and identify if I belong here.
Do I think I'm depressed, No. I deal with people all the time who are and don't recognize it in myself.
Do I suffer from anxiety, No. Most things wash over me.
Now I can see similarities with others on this thread.
I have an iva through financial stupidity even though I have a well paid job.
I have dealt with extremely traumatic circumstances in my job that I think about from time to time, including horrific deaths and people living through incredibly tough situations.
I got passed over for promotion last year when everyone thought I was a dead cert ( coz they think I'm so clever).
My 15 yr old son told my wife he is gay, he won't tell me because he thinks I won't like him anymore, so I avoid it and haven't spoken about it with him.
The truth is I couldn't care less about that, but, and this is the worst bit, I get stupidly angry with him over trivial things like the state of his bedroom, or getting detention at school. I get so mad I scare myself that I'm going to strike him.
I love him to bits and will do anything for him, I'd die and I'd kill for him, but it's hard to admit that i have little in common with him, and the older he gets the more we grow apart.
I've worked shifts for 15 yrs, but took time off in April because I was falling asleep during the day as I was so tired through lack of sleep. I'm not back to full shifts or full hours yet. My workmates have been fine, but I secretly think I'm letting them down because there's nothing physically wrong with me.
Trivial nonsense I know. Yet here I am at 3am writing this rubbish down when all I want to do is sleep. I start work at 5pm tomorrow and go until 3am, I can't carry on like this.
Click to expand...

Hi mate,

Don't ever think that what you're posting is rubbish or trivial, as there's no such thing on here.

By the sounds of it, you've been in a prolonged and very stressful situation with your job for a long long time, whether you recognise it or not. The shifts, the things you have to deal with all take their toll and eventually something has to give.

I'm guessing that you're either in the emergency services or something to do with hospital. Surely your HR dept must have some kind of support service for its employees, as they have a duty of care ?.

If not, have you thought about paying to go and see someone who specialises in helping people such as your self ?.
I know it'd be expensive, but it would speed up the process of getting help measurably.

With regards to GP, he sounds like a waste of space, you can always ask to see another, it's your right.

I suffered similar problems with the first GP and eventually changed to another within the practice.

The second GP I saw, couldn't have done more and really got the ball rolling for me, with regards things like CBT, changing my meds until I was on the right ones, rather than just writing out scripts.

There's a gay lad who posts on here @EvertonRhys, who offers some wonderful advice. Maybe he could help with the situation with your lad ?.

If you want to talk to me about anything at all mate, don't hesitate to PM, I'll always get back to you x
 
The Dunc said:
My GP sent me to a sleep clinic but they only tested for sleep apnea.
I had thought that the palpatations caused the insomnia, but now he says it's the other way around and it's a phycological problem. He offered no help after, other than saying we're the same age and he has no health issues ( implying that neither should I) and it was through work I've been put on a NHS run CBT program.
I'm slowly working through this thread from the start to try and identify if I belong here.
Do I think I'm depressed, No. I deal with people all the time who are and don't recognize it in myself.
Do I suffer from anxiety, No. Most things wash over me.
Now I can see similarities with others on this thread.
I have an iva through financial stupidity even though I have a well paid job.
I have dealt with extremely traumatic circumstances in my job that I think about from time to time, including horrific deaths and people living through incredibly tough situations.
I got passed over for promotion last year when everyone thought I was a dead cert ( coz they think I'm so clever).
My 15 yr old son told my wife he is gay, he won't tell me because he thinks I won't like him anymore, so I avoid it and haven't spoken about it with him.
The truth is I couldn't care less about that, but, and this is the worst bit, I get stupidly angry with him over trivial things like the state of his bedroom, or getting detention at school. I get so mad I scare myself that I'm going to strike him.
I love him to bits and will do anything for him, I'd die and I'd kill for him, but it's hard to admit that i have little in common with him, and the older he gets the more we grow apart.
I've worked shifts for 15 yrs, but took time off in April because I was falling asleep during the day as I was so tired through lack of sleep. I'm not back to full shifts or full hours yet. My workmates have been fine, but I secretly think I'm letting them down because there's nothing physically wrong with me.
Trivial nonsense I know. Yet here I am at 3am writing this rubbish down when all I want to do is sleep. I start work at 5pm tomorrow and go until 3am, I can't carry on like this.
Click to expand...


Hiya mate. None of what you're saying sounds like trivial nonsense to me. What I would say though, even though not nearly as young as your son, is that I've come through from the other side of your situation (similar to your son.)

My dad actually was violent with me, and not to do with the fact I was gay, but just because he wasn't able to communicate with me for his inability. I found that out after having around 10-15 years of a really bitter- resentful relationship with him. We're still not great these days, but it is a hell of a lot better and bridges can certainly be built.

What's key is don't beat yourself up if you feel you have little in common- that's just what happens. I'm virtually identical to my stepdad in many ways, and completely different to my dad (which also troubles him.) But funnily enough, I'm exactly like my dad in mannerisms, and self- deprecation etc. So maybe you have more in common than you think.

As you say, him being gay makes no difference to you whatsoever, and maybe it's the fact that you haven't got that honest relationship with him that makes you so frustrated with the everyday things like a messy room? My dad was slightly different as he's old-school and quite uncomfortable with gay stuff (and racism too- proper Daily Mail reader...) Anyway, when I came out to him it wasn't great, and reaffirmed my thoughts that he'd be useless with it.

Only now have we both got past those differences, and it's taken many rows too.

Perhaps you could do the first thing- and have that conversation with him? As awkward as it is for you, for a 15 year old lad, you can bet he's got a million inhibitions and insecurities about himself. Once you've simply let him know that it makes no difference to you, maybe he'll be more approachable and you can use each other to share your problems?

Tough spot you're in, but just by being honest now, you'll get many happy years of father/ son relationship stuff that you're not getting now. It may not be in the orthodox way- but hopefully just as happy.

Be open and have the conversation, and see where it goes. If you need any advice about how to approach it PM me, but just be relaxed. Hopefully that in turn will help with your other issues. Feeling empowered by sorting out what must be a hugely challenging situation will hopefully give you some confidence approaching your other challenges.

Best of luck though, and keep us updated and keep using this thread. It's pretty cathartic! :)
 
BiggyRat said:
No membership criteria here mate. Type away.


There's a lot going on here & the above highlights how you are dealing with perceptions somewhat. These are all conversations you could have & tick each one off the list.

Speak to HR & ask for an assessment of yourself with regards to the promotion. If you have a process, use it. They might point out something to you that you hadn't considered.
Speak to your Son. See if you can let him in a little. It's a lot to put on a 15 year old but if he's come out, then I think he could handle it. Let him know how you're dealing with stuff & how you're scared that a silly transgression could tip you over.
Speak to your colleagues. The very fact that this thread exists is testament to how attitudes are changing. Your colleagues may be looking out for you because they already know somethings not right.


I found this line from earlier very sad. I rely heavily on my Wife as a confidant, a sounding board perhaps but, most importantly, the one person I trust without question. I 100% accept that we're all different & that I don't have the first idea of your home situation, but are you so certain that she'd like you less if you told her about your feelings? You've been with her for so long, I bet if you chatted about it, she'd tell you the things she's noticed about you that have changed.


If you're in the Emergency Services (no need to confirm or deny) then I have had a similar set of experiences as a Volunteer Firefighter. I have no doubt that you've seen a lot more than I have but after a near death experience that I, literally & emotionally, got through unscathed, I did notice doubt creeping into my thoughts over time. I started to overthink what happened & all the possible alternative actions that we could have taken. It happens.

No its not.
Click to expand...

Absolutely amazing and comprehensive advice :)
 
EvertonRhys said:
Hiya mate. None of what you're saying sounds like trivial nonsense to me. What I would say though, even though not nearly as young as your son, is that I've come through from the other side of your situation (similar to your son.)

My dad actually was violent with me, and not to do with the fact I was gay, but just because he wasn't able to communicate with me for his inability. I found that out after having around 10-15 years of a really bitter- resentful relationship with him. We're still not great these days, but it is a hell of a lot better and bridges can certainly be built.

What's key is don't beat yourself up if you feel you have little in common- that's just what happens. I'm virtually identical to my stepdad in many ways, and completely different to my dad (which also troubles him.) But funnily enough, I'm exactly like my dad in mannerisms, and self- deprecation etc. So maybe you have more in common than you think.

As you say, him being gay makes no difference to you whatsoever, and maybe it's the fact that you haven't got that honest relationship with him that makes you so frustrated with the everyday things like a messy room? My dad was slightly different as he's old-school and quite uncomfortable with gay stuff (and racism too- proper Daily Mail reader...) Anyway, when I
came out to him it wasn't great, and reaffirmed my thoughts that he'd be useless with it.

Only now have we both got past those differences, and it's taken many rows too.

Perhaps you could do the first thing- and have that conversation with him? As awkward as it is for you, for a 15 year old lad, you can bet he's got a million inhibitions and insecurities about himself. Once you've simply let him know that it makes no difference to you, maybe he'll be more approachable and you can use each other to share your problems?

Tough spot you're in, but just by being honest now, you'll get many happy years of father/ son relationship stuff that you're not getting now. It may not be in the orthodox way- but hopefully just as happy.

Be open and have the conversation, and see where it goes. If you need any advice about how to approach it PM me, but just be relaxed. Hopefully that in turn will help with your other issues. Feeling empowered by sorting out what must be a hugely challenging situation will hopefully give you some confidence approaching your other challenges.

Best of luck though, and keep us updated and keep using this thread. It's pretty cathartic! :)
Click to expand...

Great stuff as always Rhys .
 
COYBL25 said:
Great stuff as always Rhys .
Click to expand...

Strange isn't it, when there's the LGBT weekends in the football, and you get those people saying 'It's not an issue anymore...' that there are so many people (just in this thread) that face so many different challenges when it comes to gay issues.

This is a good group for LGBTQ+ mental health if anyone needs it. @GwladysBlue hope you're alright too?

https://www.mindout.org.uk/
 

EvertonRhys said:
Strange isn't it, when there's the LGBT weekends in the football, and you get those people saying 'It's not an issue anymore...' that there are so many people (just in this thread) that face so many different challenges when it comes to gay issues.

This is a good group for LGBTQ+ mental health if anyone needs it. @GwladysBlue hope you're alright too?

https://www.mindout.org.uk/
Click to expand...

Apart from the insomnia, I`m good Rhys.

You just get used to being tired all the time, that in the end it just becomes normal :(
 
EvertonRhys said:
Glad you're doing alright. Tough that though. I've always been the opposite and struggle waking up- so can't offer many tips I'm afraid! Hope it eases a little soon- maybe the mad Christmas period will help a little with that?
Click to expand...
Nah, its here to stay mate, managing it is the key.

Excercise and drinking in moderation being the key things mate.
 
The Dunc said:
My GP sent me to a sleep clinic but they only tested for sleep apnea.
I had thought that the palpatations caused the insomnia, but now he says it's the other way around and it's a phycological problem. He offered no help after, other than saying we're the same age and he has no health issues ( implying that neither should I) and it was through work I've been put on a NHS run CBT program.
I'm slowly working through this thread from the start to try and identify if I belong here.
Do I think I'm depressed, No. I deal with people all the time who are and don't recognize it in myself.
Do I suffer from anxiety, No. Most things wash over me.
Now I can see similarities with others on this thread.
I have an iva through financial stupidity even though I have a well paid job.
I have dealt with extremely traumatic circumstances in my job that I think about from time to time, including horrific deaths and people living through incredibly tough situations.
I got passed over for promotion last year when everyone thought I was a dead cert ( coz they think I'm so clever).
My 15 yr old son told my wife he is gay, he won't tell me because he thinks I won't like him anymore, so I avoid it and haven't spoken about it with him.
The truth is I couldn't care less about that, but, and this is the worst bit, I get stupidly angry with him over trivial things like the state of his bedroom, or getting detention at school. I get so mad I scare myself that I'm going to strike him.
I love him to bits and will do anything for him, I'd die and I'd kill for him, but it's hard to admit that i have little in common with him, and the older he gets the more we grow apart.
I've worked shifts for 15 yrs, but took time off in April because I was falling asleep during the day as I was so tired through lack of sleep. I'm not back to full shifts or full hours yet. My workmates have been fine, but I secretly think I'm letting them down because there's nothing physically wrong with me.
Trivial nonsense I know. Yet here I am at 3am writing this rubbish down when all I want to do is sleep. I start work at 5pm tomorrow and go until 3am, I can't carry on like this.
Click to expand...

None of what you have posted is trivial mate. I know it's difficult but keep posting. There's always people on this site to offer support.
 
Thanks for all the responses, there's a lot to think about.
The reason I listed all that was I've been thinking about every problem I have. I'm told my palpatations and insomnia are phycological so I'm trying to find the cause. The thing is none of this is constantly on my mind and I'm not thinking about it when I go to bed, all I'm thinking about is getting to sleep. So I'm struggling to see why it's phycological and what the cause is. If I can't see it, how am I supposed to fix it?
 

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