Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

The Dunc said:
If I can't see it, how am I supposed to fix it?
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Generally, these things creep up on you & the change is so gradual that you don't see it. That's why it's important for your closest friends to be honest with you & vice versa, because they will notice the change often before you.

It's also the reason why professional support is vital. I've previously mentioned, many times, that when I would discuss issues with my Psychologist he would name each & every one of them. In short, they were known issues that have been studied & remedied! I can't tell you the relief I felt when I learned that what I was going through was nothing new (new to me of course) and that others had been through it before.
 
BiggyRat said:
Generally, these things creep up on you & the change is so gradual that you don't see it. That's why it's important for your closest friends to be honest with you & vice versa, because they will notice the change often before you.

It's also the reason why professional support is vital. I've previously mentioned, many times, that when I would discuss issues with my Psychologist he would name each & every one of them. In short, they were known issues that have been studied & remedied! I can't tell you the relief I felt when I learned that what I was going through was nothing new (new to me of course) and that others had been through it before.
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Ok I get that. I'm just struggling right at the start of the online CBT program. I'm supposed to write thought feeling behaviour cycles, and detail what physical reactions I get to given situations. The problem is that palpatations start randomly and build throughout the day for no apparent reason, culminating in me not being able to sleep at all. This happens on good days when nothing negative has happened as well as stressful days, so how do I know what's relevant? I can say a physical reaction is palpatations, but cannot say it's been caused by any particular thought or feeling. Or i can say I go to bed thinking I'm not going to sleep and the reaction is that I don't sleep. But I don't see how that's going to help.
 
The Dunc said:
Ok I get that. I'm just struggling right at the start of the online CBT program. I'm supposed to write thought feeling behaviour cycles, and detail what physical reactions I get to given situations. The problem is that palpatations start randomly and build throughout the day for no apparent reason, culminating in me not being able to sleep at all. This happens on good days when nothing negative has happened as well as stressful days, so how do I know what's relevant? I can say a physical reaction is palpatations, but cannot say it's been caused by any particular thought or feeling. Or i can say I go to bed thinking I'm not going to sleep and the reaction is that I don't sleep. But I don't see how that's going to help.
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Ok, understood. Didn't realise it was in reference to that program. I have no experience of the CBT program sorry, but I'm sure someone here will be able to give some insight for you.

;)
 
The Dunc said:
Ok I get that. I'm just struggling right at the start of the online CBT program. I'm supposed to write thought feeling behaviour cycles, and detail what physical reactions I get to given situations. The problem is that palpatations start randomly and build throughout the day for no apparent reason, culminating in me not being able to sleep at all. This happens on good days when nothing negative has happened as well as stressful days, so how do I know what's relevant? I can say a physical reaction is palpatations, but cannot say it's been caused by any particular thought or feeling. Or i can say I go to bed thinking I'm not going to sleep and the reaction is that I don't sleep. But I don't see how that's going to help.
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Morning mate, I`m no expert but I`d say that you need professional help ,to unlock whatever is there in your head, that`s causing this ?
 
The Dunc said:
Ok I get that. I'm just struggling right at the start of the online CBT program. I'm supposed to write thought feeling behaviour cycles, and detail what physical reactions I get to given situations. The problem is that palpatations start randomly and build throughout the day for no apparent reason, culminating in me not being able to sleep at all. This happens on good days when nothing negative has happened as well as stressful days, so how do I know what's relevant? I can say a physical reaction is palpatations, but cannot say it's been caused by any particular thought or feeling. Or i can say I go to bed thinking I'm not going to sleep and the reaction is that I don't sleep. But I don't see how that's going to help.
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Hi mate. I had counselling this year and it helped to highlight how distorted my thought processes were/are. These were thought cycles I'd had for as long as I could remember so to me it was completely normal. It was these thoughts that were causing huge amounts of anxiety in me. Counselling helped me recognise this and taught me ways to break the thought cycles when they start.

Maybe counselling would be a better option for you than CBT. You can talk to your GP about if or pay privately. Paying privately is obviously expensive but you get treatment much quicker.
 

EvertonRhys said:
Strange isn't it, when there's the LGBT weekends in the football, and you get those people saying 'It's not an issue anymore...' that there are so many people (just in this thread) that face so many different challenges when it comes to gay issues.

This is a good group for LGBTQ+ mental health if anyone needs it. @GwladysBlue hope you're alright too?

https://www.mindout.org.uk/
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Hi mate,

I’ve not been too bad recently, tbh. Got in at 4 this morning, but I’ve managed to actually manage my alcohol intake when I’ve been out lately. I’ve been getting myself waters every so often at the bar to make sure I’m not getting too bevied and it seems to be working.

My issues around being gay can be linked back to a toxic ‘friendship’ I had from the age of 11 until earlier this year. After sleeping together, I was then badly beaten up by him, but that is more to do with his issues with being gay. I posted it in here the day it happened, got some great help in what was the worst moment of my life.

He still tries to contact me every so often through the group chat that we're both in with mutual friends, but I've ignored him and haven't seen him for nearly a year. Quite proud of myself, actually. The first time he hit me, I went back to him and just did it again. The last time it was that bad that I had to take time off work because I couldn't move without my back being in agony.

Domestic violence only really gets talked about with women, but some closeted men can be really violent to other men if they feel they're on the verge of being outed and/or not able to stop themselves doing something that they feel is wrong.

Going to start going to boxing lessons in the new year with my cousin. Not to fight, purely because I'm going to Ibiza next summer and want to be in good shapelol

I hope all is well with you.
 
GwladysBlue said:
Hi mate,

I’ve not been too bad recently, tbh. Got in at 4 this morning, but I’ve managed to actually manage my alcohol intake when I’ve been out lately. I’ve been getting myself waters every so often at the bar to make sure I’m not getting too bevied and it seems to be working.

My issues around being gay can be linked back to a toxic ‘friendship’ I had from the age of 11 until earlier this year. After sleeping together, I was then badly beaten up by him, but that is more to do with his issues with being gay. I posted it in here the day it happened, got some great help in what was the worst moment of my life.

He still tries to contact me every so often through the group chat that we're both in with mutual friends, but I've ignored him and haven't seen him for nearly a year. Quite proud of myself, actually. The first time he hit me, I went back to him and just did it again. The last time it was that bad that I had to take time off work because I couldn't move without my back being in agony.

Domestic violence only really gets talked about with women, but some closeted men can be really violent to other men if they feel they're on the verge of being outed and/or not able to stop themselves doing something that they feel is wrong.

Going to start going to boxing lessons in the new year with my cousin. Not to fight, purely because I'm going to Ibiza next summer and want to be in good shapelol

I hope all is well with you.
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I’m not sure that’s a sexuality issue- sounds like a domestic violence issue to me.
 
Groucho said:
I’m not sure that’s a sexuality issue- sounds like a domestic violence issue to me.
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He was never violent in all the years I’d known him. For 10/11 years we’d been best mates, he was one of the best people. Anytime I was worried or anything, I’d go to him and everything would just feel better. Obviously now given what has happened, that friendship was built on a lie about our true feelings.

We went to a really rough school, and I mean rough. We were both popular in the year, though. We both managed to hide it well because of football. It’s hard growing up in an environment like that, it messes with your head, especially at such an impressionable age. If someone jokingly called me a queer, as lads do when joking, I’d go home and worry myself sick that the next day I would be outed. I imagine he must’ve been doing the same.

I always remember when I was 14 and there was this girl in my year who was really into me and she told other people in my year that I wouldn’t sleep with her. I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I genuinely don’t think he’s a bad person. I’d do anything to have the real him back in my life, but too much has happened to ever go back to that now. Something that will always make me sad when I think back.

What I don’t understand is why he didn’t come out to me when I did to him. He waited three years and when he’s got a girlfriend.

As I say, I’m just focusing on myself for now. Hopefully I’ll find someone to be with in the future.
 

GwladysBlue said:
He was never violent in all the years I’d known him. For 10/11 years we’d been best mates, he was one of the best people. Anytime I was worried or anything, I’d go to him and everything would just feel better. Obviously now given what has happened, that friendship was built on a lie about our true feelings.

We went to a really rough school, and I mean rough. We were both popular in the year, though. We both managed to hide it well because of football. It’s hard growing up in an environment like that, it messes with your head, especially at such an impressionable age. If someone jokingly called me a queer, as lads do when joking, I’d go home and worry myself sick that the next day I would be outed. I imagine he must’ve been doing the same.

I always remember when I was 14 and there was this girl in my year who was really into me and she told other people in my year that I wouldn’t sleep with her. I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I genuinely don’t think he’s a bad person. I’d do anything to have the real him back in my life, but too much has happened to ever go back to that now. Something that will always make me sad when I think back.

What I don’t understand is why he didn’t come out to me when I did to him. He waited three years and when he’s got a girlfriend.

As I say, I’m just focusing on myself for now. Hopefully I’ll find someone to be with in the future.
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Apologies if I misunderstood
 
Groucho said:
Apologies if I misunderstood
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No need to apologise, mate. As I say, it was domestic violence, but I think it was something more deep-rooted and to do with his issues.

I’d been the first man he’s been with. He finally gave in to his true self and he hated himself for doing it, so took all that pent up anger out on me.

That’s only my theory, but I think it’s quite reasonable.

Being gay is a hard life. It’s emotionally draining, but everyone has their own problems going on, gay or straight.

@The Dunc if your son is gay, all I can say is just listen to him. Even start the conversation about it yourself. I wish my Dad had of.
 
GwladysBlue said:
Hi mate,

I’ve not been too bad recently, tbh. Got in at 4 this morning, but I’ve managed to actually manage my alcohol intake when I’ve been out lately. I’ve been getting myself waters every so often at the bar to make sure I’m not getting too bevied and it seems to be working.

My issues around being gay can be linked back to a toxic ‘friendship’ I had from the age of 11 until earlier this year. After sleeping together, I was then badly beaten up by him, but that is more to do with his issues with being gay. I posted it in here the day it happened, got some great help in what was the worst moment of my life.

He still tries to contact me every so often through the group chat that we're both in with mutual friends, but I've ignored him and haven't seen him for nearly a year. Quite proud of myself, actually. The first time he hit me, I went back to him and just did it again. The last time it was that bad that I had to take time off work because I couldn't move without my back being in agony.

Domestic violence only really gets talked about with women, but some closeted men can be really violent to other men if they feel they're on the verge of being outed and/or not able to stop themselves doing something that they feel is wrong.

Going to start going to boxing lessons in the new year with my cousin. Not to fight, purely because I'm going to Ibiza next summer and want to be in good shapelol

I hope all is well with you.
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You should be proud of yourself, as a lot of people take the easy option when feeling down / lonely and go back to the abusive partner.

" it`s better to be with a wrongun, than no one at all ".

Your posts are much more positive than last year too.

Stay strong mate ;)
 
COYBL25 said:
You should be proud of yourself, as a lot of people take the easy option when feeling down / lonely and go back to the abusive partner.

" it`s better to be with a wrongun, than no one at all ".

Your posts are much more positive than last year too.

Stay strong mate ;)
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Thanks mate. I’m feeling a lot better - just hope it stays that way.

Most of it is down to cutting down on the drinking.
 
GwladysBlue said:
Hi mate,

I’ve not been too bad recently, tbh. Got in at 4 this morning, but I’ve managed to actually manage my alcohol intake when I’ve been out lately. I’ve been getting myself waters every so often at the bar to make sure I’m not getting too bevied and it seems to be working.

My issues around being gay can be linked back to a toxic ‘friendship’ I had from the age of 11 until earlier this year. After sleeping together, I was then badly beaten up by him, but that is more to do with his issues with being gay. I posted it in here the day it happened, got some great help in what was the worst moment of my life.

He still tries to contact me every so often through the group chat that we're both in with mutual friends, but I've ignored him and haven't seen him for nearly a year. Quite proud of myself, actually. The first time he hit me, I went back to him and just did it again. The last time it was that bad that I had to take time off work because I couldn't move without my back being in agony.

Domestic violence only really gets talked about with women, but some closeted men can be really violent to other men if they feel they're on the verge of being outed and/or not able to stop themselves doing something that they feel is wrong.

Going to start going to boxing lessons in the new year with my cousin. Not to fight, purely because I'm going to Ibiza next summer and want to be in good shapelol

I hope all is well with you.
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Great that you're doing better mate, really chuffed to hear that! I bet the water in between drinks helps with the hangovers too!

Keep going :) I'm doing well. Managed three straight months in full time work now- something I haven't managed since 2013!

Things can get better- they can get worse again too but worth focussing on those good times as they are worth it :)
 

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