Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Yes, a couple of times. I am thinking about going back if I can find someone good. Are you speaking about CBT? Can you give me a little more information? I think the people I saw were Freudians.

It wasn't really CBT. My counselling was more about getting to the route of what was causing my anxiety and examing the thought process. I was blaming myself and taking responsibility for things I had no control over. I was also putting other people's feelings ahead of my own, by this I don't mean my family and close friends, I'm talking about casual acquantances. Counselling helped me correct this thought process.

I'll add that it was my 3rd attempt at counselling. The first two counsellors were perfectly nice but I just didn't seem to click and feel comfortable with them.

One thing that was great for me about this counsellor is that she would always check if I was comfortable following the steps she had suggested. I used to cancel sessions with my other counsellors because I knew I hadn't done my 'home work.

 

[efcforever]

Didn't think I'd be writing this but after today I really need to vent a bit.


In my works today I officially put in a grievance against a colleague for bullying and sexual harassment. I work in a team of 5 but the room is filled with about 15 people overall and is quite small and not noisy, people can generally overhear other's conversations. The team I work in, we all have a good work relationship for the most part, everyone gets on and engages in a bit of work banter, myself included. It's a nice blend of personalities. Except for today, one female colleague went too far by repeatedly sexual and degrading, comments intended to belittle me, in full ear-shot of other people. I don't want to post exactly what she said because it was all HIGHLY inappropriate and she did it several times over the course of the day in a very mean-spirited way.

It's not on, I shouldn't have to go to work and have my personal life scrutinised. I purposefully stay a very private person after all the drama in my last job, I don't give much away about what I get up too or with whom outside of there, I save baring my soul for places like this thread or with very trusted friends. All of my colleagues respect that except this one person who keeps making these horribly snide remarks, all of which are sexual in nature and designed to belittle me. I've managed to stay professional and not react, that's what she wants, I've just kept a stiff upper lip whilst inside feeling very upset and uncomfortable. I don't think she has a problem with me, I just don't think she has any social grace and enjoys picking on what she thinks is an easy target to amuse herself. Well it's not on.

I've raised the issue with HR whom were very understanding and supportive, I'm hopeful it will be dealt swiftly. It may cause people to perhaps think less of me, they might think I've been over-sensitive, but I mean it when I say some of the things this woman is saying about me in front of everyone are appalling and unprofessional. I won't stand for it and neither should anyone be expected too. Tomorrow will be interesting.

Sorry to hear about this mate. Like others have said, she is out of order and it is completely inappropriate. Let us know how you get on with it all.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Unfortunately mum has had another setback. She was doing a lot of breathing on her own but has succumbed to a chest infection again as she is so weak. I traveled over from Sheffield and back to see her today and had a long chat with one of the doctors. For the first time they were talking about what might happen if things don't go right this time. Quality of life, secondary problems etc, basically she was close to refusing treatment but has agreed to give it another try. Things are looking fairly bleak for her. It's so hard to see a strong and dignified woman basically trapped in a failing body.

So sorry to hear that. Thinking of you x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

It’s not good news. I’m somehow managed to get a cancer in the knee ffs.

Not great but we're here for you x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

You see mate that's not intended to be harmful the way I read it. This woman I'm dealing with is completely different, she is trying to belittle me. I'll share just one thing she has said, this was literally today. I was being asked by someone else, in a fairly light-hearted manner, about whether or not I'm seeing anybody. I sensibly choose to keep schum and not give a proper answer, quite frankly I don't think it's anyone's business. Everyone else took the hint but you know what she turns around and says in front of everyone?

"He doesn't have a girlfriend, he just has his hand."

And that's one of the lighter examples. Comments like that are pathetic and are outright bullying. I won't sit there and take it even though I didn't react in the moment.

That's disgusting, bang out of order, unprofessional and probably sexual harassment. An HR manager once told me, when we were jointly delivering anti-bullying training, that in the past she had been subject to many inappropriate comments from a male colleague over a long period of time. She confided in her friend - another HR person who said that she should say to that person, very politely, "Can I ask you why you think you have the right to speak to me like that?" Sh e tried it and it put him on the spot. He had no answer. End of dodgy comments.

Obviously won't fit every situation. Have any of your colleagues called her out on it?

 

[EFCPaul]

That's disgusting, bang out of order, unprofessional and probably sexual harassment. An HR manager once told me, when we were jointly delivering anti-bullying training, that in the past she had been subject to many inappropriate comments from a male colleague over a long period of time. She confided in her friend - another HR person who said that she should say to that person, very politely, "Can I ask you why you think you have the right to speak to me like that?" Sh e tried it and it put him on the spot. He had no answer. End of dodgy comments.

Obviously won't fit every situation. Have any of your colleagues called her out on it?

My colleagues clearly feel uncomfortable with her comments towards me, there is nervous feeling in the air whenever she opens her big gob and another girl, bless her, tried her best to reign her in by saying:

"He's (me) just a private person aren't you love? He likes to keep things that go on outside of here to himself and that's fine. A lot of lads are private in ways we're (women) not. "

It went in one ear, out the other. She is that type of person, loud, abrasive, rude, can't take a hint, etc. I had an official meeting with my team leader today, told him how disgusted I was with her comments and how if it was the other way around I'd be sacked. He took my side and said yes, she cannot be saying things like that and asked how best I wanted him to deal with her, either by pulling her to one side and telling her off or by doing a team meeting and laying down the law to everyone about how the company wants to stamp out any vulgar language in the office full-stop. I said the latter would probably be the better option, it means I can stay anonymous. That meeting will happen Monday now I assume.

If, after this meeting where the law is going to be laid down, she carries on with it and makes one more comment I will be going to HR and requesting to take the issue even further. She's not getting away with it, ignorance should not be an excuse for sexual harassment. It has made me very upset, I've been in a foul mood for a few days because of it and it's affected my work performance. My sister is absolutely fuming over it and wants to confront her in person (the irony lol) but I've told her that's not how to deal with this.

The more I think about the more I can't believe she's been that ignorant, who in their right mind thinks it's acceptable to talk to anyone like that? It's been a huge mistake on her part and she needs to be held accountable.

 

[efcforever]

My colleagues clearly feel uncomfortable with her comments towards me, there is nervous feeling in the air whenever she opens her big gob and another girl, bless her, tried her best to reign her in by saying:

"He's (me) just a private person aren't you love? He likes to keep things that go on outside of here to himself and that's fine. A lot of lads are private in ways we're (women) not. "

It went in one ear, out the other. She is that type of person, loud, abrasive, rude, can't take a hint, etc. I had an official meeting with my team leader today, told him how disgusted I was with her comments and how if it was the other way around I'd be sacked. He took my side and said yes, she cannot be saying things like that and asked how best I wanted him to deal with her, either by pulling her to one side and telling her off or by doing a team meeting and laying down the law to everyone about how the company wants to stamp out any vulgar language in the office full-stop. I said the latter would probably be the better option, it means I can stay anonymous. That meeting will happen Monday now I assume.

If, after this meeting where the law is going to be laid down, she carries on with it and makes one more comment I will be going to HR and requesting to take the issue even further. She's not getting away with it, ignorance should not be an excuse for sexual harassment. It has made me very upset, I've been in a foul mood for a few days because of it and it's affected my work performance. My sister is absolutely fuming over it and wants to confront her in person (the irony lol) but I've told her that's not how to deal with this.

The more I think about the more I can't believe she's been that ignorant, who in their right mind thinks it's acceptable to talk to anyone like that? It's been a huge mistake on her part and she needs to be held accountable.

Mate I completely I agree. I can't understand how someone thinks it's ok to treat another person like this. I hope she gets what's coming to her. Hopefully the team meeting on Monday will bring a stop to it. If she makes another comment after that themn she has made things even worse for herself.

 

[EFCPaul]

Mate I completely I agree. I can't understand how someone thinks it's ok to treat another person like this. I hope she gets what's coming to her. Hopefully the team meeting on Monday will bring a stop to it. If she makes another comment after that themn she has made things even worse for herself.

Thanks mate. I don't think the girl has it in for me or anything, we haven't worked together very long and haven't butted heads on anything before now and I honestly don't want to see her get into serious trouble where her job is at risk. It seems to just be an extreme case of ignorance, where she's putting her foot in her mouth and not even realising it. If it was once or twice, and said quietly, I'd get on with it. That would just be office politics. She's done it repeatedly though, I've been writing them down and she says it so loudly for about 20 people to hear that it's absolutely cringeworthy.

My team leader said that when she's made aware of the issue she'll probably be mortified and sorry, but without sounding horrible, that does not make me feel any better. It has ruined my moods all week and caused me a lot of stress. She's obviously not to know about my ongoing mental health struggles that often leave me emotionally fragile but bloody hell, this is just ridiculous way to talk to someone. Ignorance is not an excuse for what js so clearly an unacceptable way to talk to a work colleague.

 

[Big Swede]

Thanks mate. I don't think the girl has it in for me or anything, we haven't worked together very long and haven't butted heads on anything before now and I honestly don't want to see her get into serious trouble where her job is at risk. It seems to just be an extreme case of ignorance, where she's putting her foot in her mouth and not even realising it. If it was once or twice, and said quietly, I'd get on with it. That would just be office politics. She's done it repeatedly though, I've been writing them down and she says it so loudly for about 20 people to hear that it's absolutely cringeworthy.

My team leader said that when she's made aware of the issue she'll probably be mortified and sorry, but without sounding horrible, that does not make me feel any better. It has ruined my moods all week and caused me a lot of stress. She's obviously not to know about my ongoing mental health struggles that often leave me emotionally fragile but bloody hell, this is just ridiculous way to talk to someone. Ignorance is not an excuse for what js so clearly an unacceptable way to talk to a work colleague.

Mate, one thing that I think is important in this is that your boss does not give the decision to you whether this should be a team meeting or a 1 to 1 between the boss and the girl you are referring to. A boss should simply take the responisiblity of this of course after hearing your opinion. Without knowning any details, and what you write, I think that a 1 on 1 with the boss may be more of a solution since you state this may be down to ignorance and not wishing any harm and that she quite simply needs to be made aware of this. I know what mental problems at work means (had some of myself) and being honest asking the right people for help was the solution for me. Take care mate!

 

[MrD]

@EFCPaul sorry to geg in but I know where you're coming from regarding you want her to be stopped but you also don't really want her to lose her job over anything and that but just remember, she is the one who has been out of order.

If she gets in trouble or even let go then it's all on her. Try not to feel responsible for her actions. (Being unemployed I'm no work place pro but it's not fair to be put out by her and then to feel some sort of weight on your shoulders regarding her job)

Hope it gets sorted mate.

 

[EFCPaul]

Mate, one thing that I think is important in this is that your boss does not give the decision to you whether this should be a team meeting or a 1 to 1 between the boss and the girl you are referring to. A boss should simply take the responisiblity of this of course after hearing your opinion. Without knowning any details, and what you write, I think that a 1 on 1 with the boss may be more of a solution since you state this may be down to ignorance and not wishing any harm and that she quite simply needs to be made aware of this. I know what mental problems at work means (had some of myself) and being honest asking the right people for help was the solution for me. Take care mate!

Thanks for the kindness mate. I reported the incident to my team leader who technically isn't my boss, he's more like the go-between between me and the bosses. He took my side 100% and said it will be put on record so it is being taken seriously as far as I can tell. It's more a case of whether this girl/woman (she's a few years older) gets the message because she'd already shown she can be quite ignorant. Eithet way it's totally unacceptable.

 

[EFCPaul]

Update for anyone interested.

I get in to the office about half 10 today and because of the weather my coat is drenched. My colleagues say stuff like "awww poor you" but this girl says "that's probably the best you've ever been."

I didn't hide my anger very well. I didn't answer her but did give her a nasty look. She says back "who are you snarling at you f***ing little rat!"

We've said nothing since and i'm on my break now. Told my team leader over text I've had enough and want to take the matter further, we hadn't even had our supposed meeting yet and my colleagues we're clearly cringing . She was called in by the team leader before and I assume told unequivocally (I hope). The atmosphere isn't very nice still though and it probably won't be for the next few days.

 

[wgtwiddle]

Update for anyone interested.

I get in to the office about half 10 today and because of the weather my coat is drenched. My colleagues say stuff like "awww poor you" but this girl says "that's probably the best you've ever been."

I didn't hide my anger very well. I didn't answer her but did give her a nasty look. She says back "who are you snarling at you f***ing little rat!"

We've said nothing since and i'm on my break now. Told my team leader over text I've had enough and want to take the matter further, we hadn't even had our supposed meeting yet and my colleagues we're clearly cringing . She was called in by the team leader before and I assume told unequivocally (I hope). The atmosphere isn't very nice still though and it probably won't be for the next few days.

Very interested, I wager many have been in this situation.

This link might provide some guidance...

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

Wish you well!

 

[FC sexy xxx]

Update for anyone interested.

I get in to the office about half 10 today and because of the weather my coat is drenched. My colleagues say stuff like "awww poor you" but this girl says "that's probably the best you've ever been."

I didn't hide my anger very well. I didn't answer her but did give her a nasty look. She says back "who are you snarling at you f***ing little rat!"

We've said nothing since and i'm on my break now. Told my team leader over text I've had enough and want to take the matter further, we hadn't even had our supposed meeting yet and my colleagues we're clearly cringing . She was called in by the team leader before and I assume told unequivocally (I hope). The atmosphere isn't very nice still though and it probably won't be for the next few days.

a grown up women calling someone a fcking rat in the workplace? She sounds a bit inbred tbh .

 

[COYBL25]

Update for anyone interested.

I get in to the office about half 10 today and because of the weather my coat is drenched. My colleagues say stuff like "awww poor you" but this girl says "that's probably the best you've ever been."

I didn't hide my anger very well. I didn't answer her but did give her a nasty look. She says back "who are you snarling at you f***ing little rat!"

We've said nothing since and i'm on my break now. Told my team leader over text I've had enough and want to take the matter further, we hadn't even had our supposed meeting yet and my colleagues we're clearly cringing . She was called in by the team leader before and I assume told unequivocally (I hope). The atmosphere isn't very nice still though and it probably won't be for the next few days.

It doesn't sound to me like this girl is going show any contrition mate.

As @MrD says, you aren't responsible for her behaviour and if she gets in trouble / the boot, it's her doing not yours.

She's a bully and once she'd finished with you, she'd have moved onto someone else, they always do.