Had a dip the last few days but haven't felt right for a while. It's been caused by a multitude of things out of my control and I haven't helped myself with a few things that are in my control.
Work has gone really crap and I've started to really procrastinate during the day. Certain people I get on with the most are leaving for other jobs and a new lad has brought in and been sat next to me. He's a nice lad but we have completely different interests so there's not much for us to talk about (to be honest I find him a bit boring). There's been no more incidents with the rude girl but we don't even talk to each other now which is fine but it makes for a rubbish atmosphere. The new team leader is another person who's friendly and easygoing but being honest he's way out of his depth and working under him isn't particularly enjoyable. I'm not a manager of any kind yet every night it's left on me to lock up the building and to remember the key in the morning because no one else can be bothered with the responsibility.
Social life isn't going great either. Was meant to go out with two friends on Saturday but for the umpeenth time one of them let us other two down at the last minute. Told the other one that's it's time I cut loose from them now (they come as a pair) because I'm fed up of it and won't be treated like an arse, the lad who bailed usually doesn't respond to texts or phone calls when you want to know what's going on, he just leaves you hanging. I've had enough of that. Still went out anyway with some other friends but didn't really enjoy myself and wished I'd not bothered at all in the end, clubbing just isn't my scene at the moment.
Been on and off Citalopram for several months. I was prescribed 20mg about 9 months ago and was on them daily since then with mixed results. The last time I went to see the Doctor just before Christmas we talked about how long I'd been on them and he said he would want to wean me off of them soon. I said I didn't like the sound of that because I didn't feel ready so he prescribed me for a bit longer. But since then I've tried to come off them myself, several times now I've tried to go 2 or 3 days without taking any and each time I've felt a bad dip in my moods so I start taking them again. I've also drank a fair bit of the time in these periods of not taking them which definitely won't have helped but I only drink because it means getting out the house.
My anxiety over the future has really taken ahold recently and it's really upsetting me. I read so much into actions of other people and over-think about what they're intentions could be and how is my life going to play out, will things be the way they are now forever? More often than not I reach negative conclusions and just retreat inwards even more, which leads to going out drinking, which leads to lack of sleep and hangovers, which leads to crap moods. It's a vicious circle. And as I already mentioned, throw being on and off medication on top of all that it means I spend a lot of days in a trance.
I'm going to see the doctor again as soon as possible and get his professional opinion on what to do with the medication situation. I've clearly gone about things the wrong way so I'll ask him if he thinks it's better if I stay on them solidly for the next while or just come off them altogether, get them out of my system entirely, then see how I feel from there?
Probably for the best if I curb the drinking for a while too, it's not helping. I go out to the same place with another friend normally once a week and for a long time I liked going there because we've gotten friendly with the staff (I fancy one of them) but I've come to realise it's doing more harm than good and I've got to break the routine to get a happier mind.
I'm feeling a bit lost overall but hopefully making these steps will help.
