Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Had a dip the last few days but haven't felt right for a while. It's been caused by a multitude of things out of my control and I haven't helped myself with a few things that are in my control.

Work has gone really crap and I've started to really procrastinate during the day. Certain people I get on with the most are leaving for other jobs and a new lad has brought in and been sat next to me. He's a nice lad but we have completely different interests so there's not much for us to talk about (to be honest I find him a bit boring). There's been no more incidents with the rude girl but we don't even talk to each other now which is fine but it makes for a rubbish atmosphere. The new team leader is another person who's friendly and easygoing but being honest he's way out of his depth and working under him isn't particularly enjoyable. I'm not a manager of any kind yet every night it's left on me to lock up the building and to remember the key in the morning because no one else can be bothered with the responsibility.

Social life isn't going great either. Was meant to go out with two friends on Saturday but for the umpeenth time one of them let us other two down at the last minute. Told the other one that's it's time I cut loose from them now (they come as a pair) because I'm fed up of it and won't be treated like an arse, the lad who bailed usually doesn't respond to texts or phone calls when you want to know what's going on, he just leaves you hanging. I've had enough of that. Still went out anyway with some other friends but didn't really enjoy myself and wished I'd not bothered at all in the end, clubbing just isn't my scene at the moment.

Been on and off Citalopram for several months. I was prescribed 20mg about 9 months ago and was on them daily since then with mixed results. The last time I went to see the Doctor just before Christmas we talked about how long I'd been on them and he said he would want to wean me off of them soon. I said I didn't like the sound of that because I didn't feel ready so he prescribed me for a bit longer. But since then I've tried to come off them myself, several times now I've tried to go 2 or 3 days without taking any and each time I've felt a bad dip in my moods so I start taking them again. I've also drank a fair bit of the time in these periods of not taking them which definitely won't have helped but I only drink because it means getting out the house.

My anxiety over the future has really taken ahold recently and it's really upsetting me. I read so much into actions of other people and over-think about what they're intentions could be and how is my life going to play out, will things be the way they are now forever? More often than not I reach negative conclusions and just retreat inwards even more, which leads to going out drinking, which leads to lack of sleep and hangovers, which leads to crap moods. It's a vicious circle. And as I already mentioned, throw being on and off medication on top of all that it means I spend a lot of days in a trance.

I'm going to see the doctor again as soon as possible and get his professional opinion on what to do with the medication situation. I've clearly gone about things the wrong way so I'll ask him if he thinks it's better if I stay on them solidly for the next while or just come off them altogether, get them out of my system entirely, then see how I feel from there?

Probably for the best if I curb the drinking for a while too, it's not helping. I go out to the same place with another friend normally once a week and for a long time I liked going there because we've gotten friendly with the staff (I fancy one of them) but I've come to realise it's doing more harm than good and I've got to break the routine to get a happier mind.

I'm feeling a bit lost overall but hopefully making these steps will help.

I was first put on Citalopram about 7 years ago. I've decided to come off them without discussing it with the doctor twice and both times it was a huge mistake. It took me months to stabilise again when I got back on them. I now take 40mg daily and won't be coming off them for the foreseeable future. I also take a beta blocker 3 times a day to combat the physical symptoms of anxiety. Both help greatly. I'd get the doctor to review it, you need to find the right meds and doses.

I would definitely try to cut back on the alcohol. I just don't bother with it all these days as it just triggers my anxiety.

As for the work thing and being the one to lock up every night, that would bug me. Tell your team leader that you don't like having sole responsibility for this and suggest a rota is devised so that everyone takes a turn at having the keys.

Hopefully if you get the right balance of meds your moods might level out and other things will fall into place.

All the best mate.

 

[efcforever]

Following on from this, mum fought back, and managed to get off the ventilator and onto a ward. I even took the boys to see her over the weekend. The doctors were talking about plans for her medium term care and possibly moving her to a different hospital to recuperate. She was on a bit of oxygen through a tube in her nose but was able to walk a little on a zimmer frame. In short, I was feeling really positive for her. Then I got a call last night to say she was back in intensive care, and this morning I rang and she is in an oxygen hood and has lots of fluid on her lungs. I thought I'd shut myself off from emotion after crying so much when the doctors had said she looked like she might not make it, but this news has really hit me hard. If I'd looked at it dispassionately I would realise she was still really ill (apparently my eldest said that to my wife), but I'd got it into my head that she was going to be alright and now I'm in bits. It's such a roller-coaster of emotions and I never did like roller-coasters.

Really sorry to hear this. How is your mum now? Any update since this morning?

 

[COYBL25]

@EFCPaul some really good advice there from @FC sexy xxx and @efcforever about messing around with your meds.

Anti depressants aren`t physically addictive, but are designed to try to " right " any possible chemical imbalance in your brain, that`s causing your problems, hence why it can take a while for them to work / get it right.

Any lowering of dose or stopping altogether, should be done following consultation with your GP

 

[Thacko]

Evening all.

Long-time GOT member (don’t post anywhere near as much as I could but I’m a very active lurker as it were. Not much to write home about Everton-wise these days mind...) and a reader of this fantastic thread, without adding to it until now.

Just wanted to throw my hat in to the thread. I’ve come to realise (through my third stint of therapy, same guy each time) that I’ve had depression for quite a while (since I was a child) and have always put it down to me being lazy/apathetic or shoehorning explanations in that seem socially acceptable for extreme behaviour. I’ve always been prone to moments or days or weeks even of nothingness. Just a really flat, inactive nothingness. Sometimes I just feel jaded or grumpy, sometimes I’ve been unable to get up the stairs. One time I spent the best part of a year lying to everyone I knew, telling them all about the lectures and tutorials I was taking at university when all the time I was in a pub having a few and reading the paper. I spent months and months doing literally nothing but I told nobody about it. It took them a while but they caught up with me and threw me out. But I lied to EVERYONE the whole time - my parents, my flat mates, my girlfriend, everyone. That pretty intense adolescent moment aside, it’s something that’s gotten worse in the last couple of years. It’s been exacerbated by my father’s relatively short illness and death, a year ago today. He was 67 which I think is too young these days. I’m 35 and, while I know many people lose parents at much, much younger ages (my wife included), I just feel too young for something like that. Funnily enough I’m posting here on this day...!

Recently my wife has been working away (in Italy) and I’ve not been so great on my own. She’s back in about 10 days which is great but it’s been difficult coping with stuff without her. She’s doing an awesome job so I’ve totally avoided giving out to her about anything because I don’t want to worry her or take away from her experience. But I’ve realised I’ve got nobody else I can share this stuff with, I’m a pretty solitary person even though I’ve got friends I think are amazing, I just don’t feel able to pick up the phone or text anyone or whatever.

One question I’d like to ask is about anti-depressants/medication for symptoms of depression. Does it help? It’s something I’m wary of getting into but I wonder if my fears might be a bit over-cautious? I have a weekly session with a therapist but I still have moments or hours or days at a time where I feel rubbish and I’m wondering if there might be something out there that I’m not using that I should be that would totally enhance the therapy and get me on a more even keel.

Thanks to everyone for this brilliant thread, it’s fantastic and very important. Cheers.

 

[hallamblue]

Really sorry to hear this. How is your mum now? Any update since this morning?

They don't know why her lungs got so much fluid on them so quickly. They are running tests, but to be honest they've been doing that for most of the last 3 months. They found a specific chest infection last time and treated it and I was hoping that had been the problem all along which was why I had got my hopes up. Now I am back to thinking her respiratory system is not working properly, which means she will keep getting infections until she can't fight them off any more. It's basically slow mental torture, and after 3 months of it I am struggling to cope. Living a long way away doesn't help either, as I feel guilty that I can't spend more time supporting her and my dad.

 

[efcforever]

They don't know why her lungs got so much fluid on them so quickly. They are running tests, but to be honest they've been doing that for most of the last 3 months. They found a specific chest infection last time and treated it and I was hoping that had been the problem all along which was why I had got my hopes up. Now I am back to thinking her respiratory system is not working properly, which means she will keep getting infections until she can't fight them off any more. It's basically slow mental torture, and after 3 months of it I am struggling to cope. Living a long way away doesn't help either, as I feel guilty that I can't spend more time supporting her and my dad.

You're doing everything you can and I'm sure your parents appreciate it.

Keep us updated as we are all here to support you.

 

[COYBL25]

Evening all.

Long-time GOT member (don’t post anywhere near as much as I could but I’m a very active lurker as it were. Not much to write home about Everton-wise these days mind...) and a reader of this fantastic thread, without adding to it until now.

Just wanted to throw my hat in to the thread. I’ve come to realise (through my third stint of therapy, same guy each time) that I’ve had depression for quite a while (since I was a child) and have always put it down to me being lazy/apathetic or shoehorning explanations in that seem socially acceptable for extreme behaviour. I’ve always been prone to moments or days or weeks even of nothingness. Just a really flat, inactive nothingness. Sometimes I just feel jaded or grumpy, sometimes I’ve been unable to get up the stairs. One time I spent the best part of a year lying to everyone I knew, telling them all about the lectures and tutorials I was taking at university when all the time I was in a pub having a few and reading the paper. I spent months and months doing literally nothing but I told nobody about it. It took them a while but they caught up with me and threw me out. But I lied to EVERYONE the whole time - my parents, my flat mates, my girlfriend, everyone. That pretty intense adolescent moment aside, it’s something that’s gotten worse in the last couple of years. It’s been exacerbated by my father’s relatively short illness and death, a year ago today. He was 67 which I think is too young these days. I’m 35 and, while I know many people lose parents at much, much younger ages (my wife included), I just feel too young for something like that. Funnily enough I’m posting here on this day...!

Recently my wife has been working away (in Italy) and I’ve not been so great on my own. She’s back in about 10 days which is great but it’s been difficult coping with stuff without her. She’s doing an awesome job so I’ve totally avoided giving out to her about anything because I don’t want to worry her or take away from her experience. But I’ve realised I’ve got nobody else I can share this stuff with, I’m a pretty solitary person even though I’ve got friends I think are amazing, I just don’t feel able to pick up the phone or text anyone or whatever.

One question I’d like to ask is about anti-depressants/medication for symptoms of depression. Does it help? It’s something I’m wary of getting into but I wonder if my fears might be a bit over-cautious? I have a weekly session with a therapist but I still have moments or hours or days at a time where I feel rubbish and I’m wondering if there might be something out there that I’m not using that I should be that would totally enhance the therapy and get me on a more even keel.

Thanks to everyone for this brilliant thread, it’s fantastic and very important. Cheers.

Hi mate,

Welcome to the thread.

I can only speak from my own experience of anti depressants and say that once they`ve found the right one for you, they make you feel as "normal " as you possibly can.

The initial difficulty, is finding the right one / right dose, as it`s not an exact science and in all honesty, it`s hit and miss - that`s just the way it is.

They all do slightly different things, in different ways, but the object of all of them is to re balance the chemicals in your brain, that are out of kilter.

Go to your GP and be totally honest - the more info they`ve got, the more he / she can help.

Your first course should be for 2/3 wks, then you`ll have a review to see how you`re doing on them.

If you don`t feel they are working or there are side effects, you`ll start on another type.

This process can go for a while, until they find the right one for you.

I now manage with out them through a mixture of exercise, minimal drinking, herbal stuff etc.

A big part of getting better, is the acceptance that you`re not well ( you have already ) and learning to manage it / live with it.

Once I`d accepted it mate, it was much easier to start fixing it, as fighting it and denial just makes it much worse.

Keep posting and let us know how you get on x

 

[SiEdmo]

i read about this last night . The city is getting worse for this kind of thing . You’ve only got to scan the echo to see the types of acts of violence are getting more frequent and brutal . Senseless loss of life . Condolences mate sadly things like this are out of anyone’s control .

its horrendous these days, im only 30 (only he says) but the change of what "a night out" is now compared to a few years ago when I was out every weekend is ridiculous

I used to go out, go on a pub/bar crawl and then try (unsuccessfully most of the time) to get me leg over, there was always the crowd you could tell where looking for trouble, but they were quite obvious, and you could give them a wide birth

these days, people go out to drink water, take drugs and cause mayhem, and the most difficult thing is, you cant even tell who the types are these days

I know a girl who was really close mates to the lad who got killed at that parklife festival a few years ago, and even though I didn't know him the thought that he got killed because he asked people to stop hitting his GF on the head with an inflatable (is what I heard happened anyway) is just unfathomable

ive got a lad on the way, and not only do I dread the world he is coming into, I dread him becoming one of these monsters, its actually giving me nightmares thinking of what I can do to make sure he is a nice lad

RIP to anyone whose lives are taken with unnecessary violence

 

[SiEdmo]

Evening all.

Long-time GOT member (don’t post anywhere near as much as I could but I’m a very active lurker as it were. Not much to write home about Everton-wise these days mind...) and a reader of this fantastic thread, without adding to it until now.

Just wanted to throw my hat in to the thread. I’ve come to realise (through my third stint of therapy, same guy each time) that I’ve had depression for quite a while (since I was a child) and have always put it down to me being lazy/apathetic or shoehorning explanations in that seem socially acceptable for extreme behaviour. I’ve always been prone to moments or days or weeks even of nothingness. Just a really flat, inactive nothingness. Sometimes I just feel jaded or grumpy, sometimes I’ve been unable to get up the stairs. One time I spent the best part of a year lying to everyone I knew, telling them all about the lectures and tutorials I was taking at university when all the time I was in a pub having a few and reading the paper. I spent months and months doing literally nothing but I told nobody about it. It took them a while but they caught up with me and threw me out. But I lied to EVERYONE the whole time - my parents, my flat mates, my girlfriend, everyone. That pretty intense adolescent moment aside, it’s something that’s gotten worse in the last couple of years. It’s been exacerbated by my father’s relatively short illness and death, a year ago today. He was 67 which I think is too young these days. I’m 35 and, while I know many people lose parents at much, much younger ages (my wife included), I just feel too young for something like that. Funnily enough I’m posting here on this day...!

Recently my wife has been working away (in Italy) and I’ve not been so great on my own. She’s back in about 10 days which is great but it’s been difficult coping with stuff without her. She’s doing an awesome job so I’ve totally avoided giving out to her about anything because I don’t want to worry her or take away from her experience. But I’ve realised I’ve got nobody else I can share this stuff with, I’m a pretty solitary person even though I’ve got friends I think are amazing, I just don’t feel able to pick up the phone or text anyone or whatever.

One question I’d like to ask is about anti-depressants/medication for symptoms of depression. Does it help? It’s something I’m wary of getting into but I wonder if my fears might be a bit over-cautious? I have a weekly session with a therapist but I still have moments or hours or days at a time where I feel rubbish and I’m wondering if there might be something out there that I’m not using that I should be that would totally enhance the therapy and get me on a more even keel.

Thanks to everyone for this brilliant thread, it’s fantastic and very important. Cheers.

Hi Mate, Well done for speaking up, take a lot

My experience on tablets and stuff was that I felt almost too level, like although I wasn't depressed/angry/erratic, I was very....erm....beige shall we say.

Couldn't find enjoyment, everything was just meh, not good, not bad (I think it calmed me a bit too much on one occasion as I collapsed smashing my head against the floor)

So I stopped taking them, and just try to exercise/eat well/learn to manage feelings better etc, and although I am prone to an 'episode' (probably not the best way to describe it) I feel it works best for me in the long term, enjoyment of life kind of way

each to their own though, its very much a trial and error type situation, and its all about getting where you need to be, regardless of how you get there or how long it takes

but every step is a positive one mate, even the backwards step can be if we are aware of it and understand it

 

[FC sexy xxx]

its horrendous these days, im only 30 (only he says) but the change of what "a night out" is now compared to a few years ago when I was out every weekend is ridiculous

I used to go out, go on a pub/bar crawl and then try (unsuccessfully most of the time) to get me leg over, there was always the crowd you could tell where looking for trouble, but they were quite obvious, and you could give them a wide birth

these days, people go out to drink water, take drugs and cause mayhem, and the most difficult thing is, you cant even tell who the types are these days

I know a girl who was really close mates to the lad who got killed at that parklife festival a few years ago, and even though I didn't know him the thought that he got killed because he asked people to stop hitting his GF on the head with an inflatable (is what I heard happened anyway) is just unfathomable

ive got a lad on the way, and not only do I dread the world he is coming into, I dread him becoming one of these monsters, its actually giving me nightmares thinking of what I can do to make sure he is a nice lad

RIP to anyone whose lives are taken with unnecessary violence

It’s horrible mate . It wouldn’t bother me if I never had another proper night out in town . Far too many little beauts knocking about who think they are mad . It’s like a snarling competition In certain bars . Few bevvys round dale st and a meal then home suits me

 

[SiEdmo]

It’s horrible mate . It wouldn’t bother me if I never had another proper night out in town . Far too many little beauts knocking about who think they are mad . It’s like a snarling competition In certain bars . Few bevvys round dale st and a meal then home suits me

exactly mate, daytime drinking amongst arl fogeys is the safest bet (better laugh as well tbh)

plus there has always been something in coming out of a pub rotten and its still light, I like that haha

can tell im about to be dad for the first time, im 30 and im already coming out with "in my day", god help me

stay safe everyone, its just....not...worth...it

 

[Jacob]

Following on from this, mum fought back, and managed to get off the ventilator and onto a ward. I even took the boys to see her over the weekend. The doctors were talking about plans for her medium term care and possibly moving her to a different hospital to recuperate. She was on a bit of oxygen through a tube in her nose but was able to walk a little on a zimmer frame. In short, I was feeling really positive for her. Then I got a call last night to say she was back in intensive care, and this morning I rang and she is in an oxygen hood and has lots of fluid on her lungs. I thought I'd shut myself off from emotion after crying so much when the doctors had said she looked like she might not make it, but this news has really hit me hard. If I'd looked at it dispassionately I would realise she was still really ill (apparently my eldest said that to my wife), but I'd got it into my head that she was going to be alright and now I'm in bits. It's such a roller-coaster of emotions and I never did like roller-coasters.

Its a white knuckle ride even when your spirits are raised then suddenly lowered. Sadly, that's the nature of serious illness so for your own sake, try and keep an open mind about what the doctors say. Your Mum has fought back before...mine did when things looked bleak more than a few times. My big brother who we looked after with cancer was the same. And yes, there will come the time when the fight is too much and, likewise, you will know when she awaits the end of her suffering. They may be able to get rid of the fluid by diuretics so things could improve by your next call. You can only do what you've always done - support your Mum. Its a horrible time I know so well and the heartache youre going through now is the price tag for the love you have for her.....and that is very much to your credit as such a good son.

 

[Zezti]

Been a couple months but this post isn't really about me.
I never did go back to the Dr in end with the two depression/anxiety tests I filled out (got a 'moderate' in both). I've seen the NHS is under huge pressure this winter and appointments are rarer than diamond at my GP. I'm doing okay to be honest. Seriously disenthused/pissed at my university but feeling ok in brain. I might try and get an appt at a later date. It's not a primary concern right now, honestly.

The thing I really need some advice over is my dad. Rather, for my dad. Friday night he and my mum went out to the pub with two friends, they came back here and continued their drinks for some time. After that and they went to bed my dad came in my room and while visibly tipsy, essentially said he's afraid he might have prostate cancer. He said they were talking about it at the pub and the symptoms apply to him. He seemed really defeated and when I said "you're not a doctor, you don't know that" he said he knows his body. To make matters worse, they received a call from my brother while at the pub.

My brother had open heart surgery about 5 years ago and had a pig's valve replacement for his leaky aortic valve. At the time, we were told it would last 10 years on average. But my brother has run something like 20 marathons and started a running club (he won BBC south west's unsung sporting hero award) and he feels something in his chest is going wrong again and if it is the valve has been exhausted, he'd need another big operation.

This has made my dad more averse to going to the doctors and getting checked out, saying he wouldn't want to put my brother and the rest of the family under more stress. I told him that doesn't change anything and he still needs to get checked out. I made him promise that night he would call the doctors on Monday (yesterday) but he still didn't do it. He's scared to go in case the worst is confirmed. I really don't know what to do in this situation. If it is cancer, then everyday that goes by will make a big difference.

 

[COYBL25]

Been a couple months but this post isn't really about me.
I never did go back to the Dr in end with the two depression/anxiety tests I filled out (got a 'moderate' in both). I've seen the NHS is under huge pressure this winter and appointments are rarer than diamond at my GP. I'm doing okay to be honest. Seriously disenthused/pissed at my university but feeling ok in brain. I might try and get an appt at a later date. It's not a primary concern right now, honestly.

The thing I really need some advice over is my dad. Rather, for my dad. Friday night he and my mum went out to the pub with two friends, they came back here and continued their drinks for some time. After that and they went to bed my dad came in my room and while visibly tipsy, essentially said he's afraid he might have prostate cancer. He said they were talking about it at the pub and the symptoms apply to him. He seemed really defeated and when I said "you're not a doctor, you don't know that" he said he knows his body. To make matters worse, they received a call from my brother while at the pub.

My brother had open heart surgery about 5 years ago and had a pig's valve replacement for his leaky aortic valve. At the time, we were told it would last 10 years on average. But my brother has run something like 20 marathons and started a running club (he won BBC south west's unsung sporting hero award) and he feels something in his chest is going wrong again and if it is the valve has been exhausted, he'd need another big operation.

This has made my dad more averse to going to the doctors and getting checked out, saying he wouldn't want to put my brother and the rest of the family under more stress. I told him that doesn't change anything and he still needs to get checked out. I made him promise that night he would call the doctors on Monday (yesterday) but he still didn't do it. He's scared to go in case the worst is confirmed. I really don't know what to do in this situation. If it is cancer, then everyday that goes by will make a big difference.

Hi mate, I don`t know a lot about prostrate cancer, but I was watching something on the tv the other day about it.

You can get a testing kit online relatively cheaply, which you then post back and they send you the results, if you`re dad can`t face going to the GP .

Ps - I`ve read about your brother, he`s an amazing fella, I`m sure he`ll get through this, no matter what x

 

[hallamblue]

Mum has died. She passed away at 5pm. She chose to go which I'm glad about, as the situation was hopeless and the hospital were only prolonging the inevitable. Dad managed to get there in time, and was holding her hand when she went. I'm travelling over now to be with him. It's a surreal feeling, knowing that I'll never speak to her again.