Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Recently handed my notice in at a company I worked at for last 4 years. I was treated pretty horrendously despite the last 4 years coinciding with my divorce, adapting to not seeing my two daughters 5 days a week, subsequent house move, skin cancer and the tragic death of my little cousin (avatar). It's not as if I took loads of time off or moaned about things, I got on with my job to the best of my ability but it clearly wasn't good enough and I was constantly feeling under pressure and targeted, which in the end made me quite ill of late.

Felt I had no choice as I was offered no Leeway at all in a fairly senior position where the pressure is high for someone who hasn't gone through as much as I have.

I'm now in a precarious position for the first time in my life, I feel so down about being in this position despite my best efforts to keep everything together.

My girlfriend has been incredible and I am actively trying to pursue career options but I have bills to pay and daughters to keep. It's a truly rubbish situation I feel I am due a break.

Just thought I'd share as I have been seriously low since it happened.

Thanks for reading.

My heart goes out to you mate, as I`ve been a very similar position with work years ago and that`s what made me ill.

Considering everything else that`s happened, you sound like you`ve managed things very well for a long time.

@anjelikaferrett is very good at unfair work related stuff ?.

I`m not an expert, but from what you`ve said their, constructive dismissal springs to mind.

 

[LydiateLee]

My heart goes out to you mate, as I`ve been a very similar position with work years ago and that`s what made me ill.

Considering everything else that`s happened, you sound like you`ve managed things very well for a long time.

@anjelikaferrett is very good at unfair work related stuff ?.

I`m not an expert, but from what you`ve said their, constructive dismissal springs to mind.

Thank you mate much appreciated.

To be fair I want to put the place behind me and move on, I've sought advice on that and my chances would be slim. I hold my hands up I did make mistakes but my manager showed no discretion at all.

Job hunting is tough especially when the pressure is on.

 

[COYBL25]

Thank you mate much appreciated.

To be fair I want to put the place behind me and move on, I've sought advice on that and my chances would be slim. I hold my hands up I did make mistakes but my manager showed no discretion at all.

Job hunting is tough especially when the pressure is on.

I know mate, I did all kinds just to make ends meet for quite a while.

My advice to you would be to try any contacts / mates who might help first ( if you haven`t already ).

Don`t discount any jobs offered to you, even if you`re wildly over qualified and the money is rubbish.

Being in any sort of work is better than sitting at home slowly going mad with worry / anxiety, plus it won`t be forever.

 

[LydiateLee]

I know mate, I did all kinds just to make ends meet for quite a while.

My advice to you would be to try any contacts / mates who might help first ( if you haven`t already ).

Don`t discount any jobs offered to you, even if you`re wildly over qualified and the money is rubbish.

Being in any sort of work is better than sitting at home slowly going mad with worry / anxiety, plus it won`t be forever.

Really appreciate the advice mate, thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

[COYBL25]

Really appreciate the advice mate, thank you for taking the time to respond.

No problem mate, keep posting and I`m sure @anjelikaferrett will offer advice too.

At the time leaving my job seemed like the end of the world, but when I look back now, it was actually one of the best things I ever did.

Go through every single direct debit / standing order and get rid of anything you`re paying for that you don`t really need - things like gym membership etc. Have a look at your gas/ leccy / broadband etc and see if you can get it cheaper elsewhere.

I saved around a £100 a month when I went through mine, after I was fresh out of work.

 

[dion]

Recently handed my notice in at a company I worked at for last 4 years. I was treated pretty horrendously despite the last 4 years coinciding with my divorce, adapting to not seeing my two daughters 5 days a week, subsequent house move, skin cancer and the tragic death of my little cousin (avatar). It's not as if I took loads of time off or moaned about things, I got on with my job to the best of my ability but it clearly wasn't good enough and I was constantly feeling under pressure and targeted, which in the end made me quite ill of late.

Felt I had no choice as I was offered no Leeway at all in a fairly senior position where the pressure is high for someone who hasn't gone through as much as I have.

I'm now in a precarious position for the first time in my life, I feel so down about being in this position despite my best efforts to keep everything together.

My girlfriend has been incredible and I am actively trying to pursue career options but I have bills to pay and daughters to keep. It's a truly rubbish situation I feel I am due a break.

Just thought I'd share as I have been seriously low since it happened.

Thanks for reading.

I was off work for 7 months, been back now for about 4. Know what you feel about the pressure that employers put on you. I've got a mortgage and a family and have to work. Still on tablets but I'm determined that I'm not going to let the Bas----s get the better of me. All the best mate. We will all get there in the end

 

[brieverton]

I have had my own struggles and can relate to these recent posts.

I would just say to everyone to make an extra effort to look after yourselves during a rough patch. I mean things like eating well, physical exercise, hobbies, time with family and friends, and talking to people you can trust. There is a tendency to shut ourselves away and feel undeserving when we are feeling down and feeling stressed, but this only adds to our difficulties in the long run.

We can only look after our loved ones when we look after ourselves.

I was out of work for a period and after emerging from a rut, I learned that getting up at the same time as I would for a "regular" day was a big help in addition.

The biggest thing I find is that my judgement was impaired when I wasn't looking after myself. It was mostly small things, and I'm not really talking about cognitive function here, more I felt I had lost the ability somewhat to make "sensible" decisions and calls having tried to make decisions when I was tired and stressed. You end up depending more on coping behaviours like drinking and eating to excess, gambling etc.

The better job you can do of looking after yourself, the better you will function physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I hope that doesn't come across as a lecture, but I have been there as well so I know more than well enough the road travelled, and the bumps.

Keep strong all.

 

[LydiateLee]

I have had my own struggles and can relate to these recent posts.

I would just say to everyone to make an extra effort to look after yourselves during a rough patch. I mean things like eating well, physical exercise, hobbies, time with family and friends, and talking to people you can trust. There is a tendency to shut ourselves away and feel undeserving when we are feeling down and feeling stressed, but this only adds to our difficulties in the long run.

We can only look after our loved ones when we look after ourselves.

I was out of work for a period and after emerging from a rut, I learned that getting up at the same time as I would for a "regular" day was a big help in addition.

The biggest thing I find is that my judgement was impaired when I wasn't looking after myself. It was mostly small things, and I'm not really talking about cognitive function here, more I felt I had lost the ability somewhat to make "sensible" decisions and calls having tried to make decisions when I was tired and stressed. You end up depending more on coping behaviours like drinking and eating to excess, gambling etc.

The better job you can do of looking after yourself, the better you will function physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I hope that doesn't come across as a lecture, but I have been there as well so I know more than well enough the road travelled, and the bumps.

Keep strong all.

Great post that.

I've had a positive day today. Secured 3 very promising interviews for jobs with much more money than my old one lined up for next week. Also shot a 78, my best ever round of golf.

Really appreciate the comments from last night, they helped.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Recently handed my notice in at a company I worked at for last 4 years. I was treated pretty horrendously despite the last 4 years coinciding with my divorce, adapting to not seeing my two daughters 5 days a week, subsequent house move, skin cancer and the tragic death of my little cousin (avatar). It's not as if I took loads of time off or moaned about things, I got on with my job to the best of my ability but it clearly wasn't good enough and I was constantly feeling under pressure and targeted, which in the end made me quite ill of late.

Felt I had no choice as I was offered no Leeway at all in a fairly senior position where the pressure is high for someone who hasn't gone through as much as I have.

I'm now in a precarious position for the first time in my life, I feel so down about being in this position despite my best efforts to keep everything together.

My girlfriend has been incredible and I am actively trying to pursue career options but I have bills to pay and daughters to keep. It's a truly rubbish situation I feel I am due a break.

Just thought I'd share as I have been seriously low since it happened.

Thanks for reading.

You could try to claim constructive dismissal - it's hard to prove but if you felt that the only option you had was to resign then they have effectively sacked you. Might be worth speaking to ACAS about your situation. Did they offer you any support during all the difficulties you had, did they make any allowances for the effect your personal situation was having on your work life? Did they offer you any support? if they did not then you may have a case. Happy to discuss privately.

 

[summerisle]

A piece on Paul Merson.

https://iwradio.co.uk/2018/05/18/me...paul-merson-opens-up-on-drink-and-drugs-pain/

Mental Health Awareness Week: Paul Merson opens up on drink and drugs pain


Paul Merson has opened up during Mental Health Awareness Week on how drink, drugs and gambling pushed him to a dark place and hopes he can help others.


The Arsenal legend and now Sky Sports pundit struggled with mental health issues during his playing career, though admits everything looked fine from the outside.

Merson was playing for one of the world’s most successful football clubs and holding down a starting position week-in week-out, but was hampered by inner demons.

It was a mad cycle, I’d gamble so much that I’d drink and when I drunk I’d be out so I’d score. But it was the come-downs, Merson told Sky Sports.

I used to live 10 minutes from the training ground and it used to take me an hour to get to work because if a car was behind me for 30 seconds I’d pull over because I’d think they were going to kill me.

Merson’s state of mental health was made worse by his struggles with addiction.

The first time I ever took cocaine, I went into a pub to meet a mate of mine in Boreham Wood. I walked into the wrong pub, full of Arsenal fans, all taking drugs. [They asked] ‘Do you want some?’ but no, not for me.

I went home but knew next weekend I was going back. It was the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had in my life but all week I knew I was going back.

I played Everton on the Saturday, chipped Neville Southall and scored a good goal and I was excited all the way home and thought, ‘I’m just going straight to the pub, I’m going to that pub’ and it was like it wasn’t me.

I used to drive to work in the mornings with the paranoia and I could literally hear in my head going ‘just pull in front of the truck. If you pull in front of it it’ll smash you and you’ll be dead’. Constantly having that voice in my head.

Merson has urged people to always seek out help wherever possible and constantly talk if they have mental health issues.

One thing I kept on telling myself was ‘I am sick, I’m not a bad person’, but when I am sick that’s not me. I think it’s an illness and people who have got it are sick, they’re not well but they’re not bad people.

There is help out there, I’ve seen it, I’ve seen a million good stories. More good stories outweigh the bad ones. When you hear the bad stories they’re as sad as they come but there is help out there and you have to talk.

Mental Health Awareness Week is hosted by the Mental Health Foundation. Click here for more information

 

[thebluenosebolt]

A piece on Paul Merson.

https://iwradio.co.uk/2018/05/18/me...paul-merson-opens-up-on-drink-and-drugs-pain/

Mental Health Awareness Week: Paul Merson opens up on drink and drugs pain


Paul Merson has opened up during Mental Health Awareness Week on how drink, drugs and gambling pushed him to a dark place and hopes he can help others.


The Arsenal legend and now Sky Sports pundit struggled with mental health issues during his playing career, though admits everything looked fine from the outside.

Merson was playing for one of the world’s most successful football clubs and holding down a starting position week-in week-out, but was hampered by inner demons.

It was a mad cycle, I’d gamble so much that I’d drink and when I drunk I’d be out so I’d score. But it was the come-downs, Merson told Sky Sports.

I used to live 10 minutes from the training ground and it used to take me an hour to get to work because if a car was behind me for 30 seconds I’d pull over because I’d think they were going to kill me.

Merson’s state of mental health was made worse by his struggles with addiction.

The first time I ever took cocaine, I went into a pub to meet a mate of mine in Boreham Wood. I walked into the wrong pub, full of Arsenal fans, all taking drugs. [They asked] ‘Do you want some?’ but no, not for me.

I went home but knew next weekend I was going back. It was the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had in my life but all week I knew I was going back.

I played Everton on the Saturday, chipped Neville Southall and scored a good goal and I was excited all the way home and thought, ‘I’m just going straight to the pub, I’m going to that pub’ and it was like it wasn’t me.

I used to drive to work in the mornings with the paranoia and I could literally hear in my head going ‘just pull in front of the truck. If you pull in front of it it’ll smash you and you’ll be dead’. Constantly having that voice in my head.

Merson has urged people to always seek out help wherever possible and constantly talk if they have mental health issues.

One thing I kept on telling myself was ‘I am sick, I’m not a bad person’, but when I am sick that’s not me. I think it’s an illness and people who have got it are sick, they’re not well but they’re not bad people.

There is help out there, I’ve seen it, I’ve seen a million good stories. More good stories outweigh the bad ones. When you hear the bad stories they’re as sad as they come but there is help out there and you have to talk.

Mental Health Awareness Week is hosted by the Mental Health Foundation. Click here for more information

I watched some of his interview and it made me think very differently about him. Great that he came through ok. I think we sometimes forget that by being successfull at a young age having fanny, money and drugs thrown at you from any and all angles has to be almost impossible to dodge one let alone 3. A great watch if you can find a stream.

 

[efcforever]

Haven't posted for a while. Felt like the past few weeks I've been going backwards. I've noticed a few of my early warning signs, such as getting irritable and worrying obessessivy over minor things. I'm trying so hard to be ok, keep getting up every morning and telling myself to be positive but small things keep causing me to break.

I've just now tried to reach out to a family member to chat but they brushed me off. They were probably just busy or tired.

Anyway. Just needed to get things off my chest.

All the best to everyone.

 

[thebluenosebolt]

Haven't posted for a while. Felt like the past few weeks I've been going backwards. I've noticed a few of my early warning signs, such as getting irritable and worrying obessessivy over minor things. I'm trying so hard to be ok, keep getting up every morning and telling myself to be positive but small things keep causing me to break.

I've just now tried to reach out to a family member to chat but they brushed me off. They were probably just busy or tired.

Anyway. Just needed to get things off my chest.

All the best to everyone.

Deffo the best place to do it mate. That sounds exactly like me a few years ago. I was put on citalopram ?!? I think....it helped tons. Now I cant remember what I was ever irritated by. I love this drug. It took away the sleeplesness, the rage, the feeling unwell. I'm still on it years after and frankly I got my marriage back after nearly loosing her so I am a massive fan of seritonin enhancers. Thing with this though..what works for some may not work for others. Go see your GP mate.

 

[efcforever]

Deffo the best place to do it mate. That sounds exactly like me a few years ago. I was put on citalopram ?!? I think....it helped tons. Now I cant remember what I was ever irritated by. I love this drug. It took away the sleeplesness, the rage, the feeling unwell. I'm still on it years after and frankly I got my marriage back after nearly loosing her so I am a massive fan of seritonin enhancers. Thing with this though..what works for some may not work for others. Go see your GP mate.

I'm already on Citalopram and beta blockers. I've been stable for months. I had a panic attack though a couple of weeks ago (first one I've had for ages), just can't seem to level out since then.

We welcomed our 2nd child into the world 10 weeks ago, so I'm a bit sleep deprived which obviously won't help.

I will have to get myself back to the GP if things don't get better soon.

 

[thebluenosebolt]

I'm already on Citalopram and beta blockers. I've been stable for months. I had a panic attack though a couple of weeks ago (first one I've had for ages), just can't seem to level out since then.

We welcomed our 2nd child into the world 10 weeks ago, so I'm a bit sleep deprived which obviously won't help.

I will have to get myself back to the GP if things don't get better soon.

New babies are fantastic but will stretch anyones resolve. Sleep deprivation is hell. I have four so completely understand where your coming from. All I can say is it does get better with time....but it can be the most challenging of times. I remember holding my screaming 6 month old daughter at 3 in the morning and sobbing myself....she actually then smiled at me...i swore she was the devil incarnate. Shes 23 now and the apple of my eye.. .i promise the bad times are way outweighed with the good. Hang in there mate !!