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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Does she have any family members to hand or close friends who could be with her during the daytime or give her some support or even just a helping hand with the housework maybe. The treadmill you're on will change in time as the baby gets older but you must be knackered working then coming home to do the cleaning up and cooking. Can maybe the Health Visitor give a hand with advice on establishing a different routine - one that will help you both. The little fella is the centre of your world of course, but you don't need to run yourselves totally ragged. When he goes down, couldn't you switch the baby monitor on and have some time together (even if its only an hour or so) when you can both relax and discuss your days etc. Talk to other new Mums and Dads if the opportunity arises and see what they do now and how they cope. Don't despair...it will get better.
 
SiEdmo said:
Hi All,

I've posted a lot in here before about minor depression and constantly feeling like im stuck in a rut etc

Just wanted to speak about my life the past few weeks in the hope talking feels like a weight off.

Me and the Mrs has our first kid on 19/04, he's 6 weeks old today. I was so excited throughout her pregnancy, this little person who would rely on us so much I would be full of purpose.

Well the reality seems to have gone the other way, me and the Mrs are arguing constantly, I am working full time, and as soon as I get home I do all of the housework, cooking cleaning shopping etc etc etc, by the time all this is done every night it is like 10pm if not later, and then she goes to bed with the little man, and basically demands I sit with her until like 11/11.30 to keep her company while she puts him down. Then I go to sleep on the couch as a) she cant bear my snoring, b) in her words what is the point me getting woken up when he wants feeding (she is breastfeeding) c) when I hear him stirring in the night I cannot sleep for fear he is going to wake up

The last week or so, she has really started to resent this life of mine she has created in her head, its like she thinks she is in this alone, and me going to work and doing all the housework is me living the life of riley (and I think at 11.30 when I go to sleep on the couch she assumes I am having some sort of party)

Little does she know that I hate this life at the minute

So she has started saying things to me like she feels like a single parent, (yeah, one whose house is always clean and stocked with food magically) and that because I leave her every night (my son is not going to want to know me)

We are now at the point where we argue so much every day its like we are on the verge of divorce

I am sat in work everyday not wanting to go home.

In short I feel like this baby has ruined our marriage, (although i love him, i sort of resent him for how its all turned out) and seeing as she is the only person I have (I don't speak to my family anymore) if this does fall apart I can see no reason I want to exist anymore

Sorry if this doesn't read right, just sort of pouring my thoughts out as they come

I don't really know what to do, im totally lost
Click to expand...
I feel your pain mate, as my eldest lad was born with chronic colic, which meant he hardly slept for the first six months.

We got no help at all from family members and ended up doing shifts, so one of us was asleep, whilst the other was awake with the baby.

It was horrendous and put enormous pressure on us. We`d have blazing rows over nothing, it was mainly all down to sleep deprivation.

The way we came through it, was on one day a week, we`d take it in turns to get a proper sleep, which normally meant the other doing 12 hours straight. That one nights proper sleep kept us both going during the rest of the week.

The first kid is scary, as you have no idea what your doing, no one does.

Your missus will be scared, shattered and dare I say hormonal.

If anyone at all has offered to help you mate, grab it with both hands, as it`ll take a load of pressure off the pair of you.

It will get easier once everything settles down. The really hard part is what you`re going through now.
 
Thanks for your comments all, we had a much better night last night, had a talk like you all suggested, she understands a bit more now coz she just saw it as "im in work all day while she has the baby, and I am being selfish needing 30 mins", but when I explained it as "im in work all day and then busy with the house and the baby in the night where she then gets some respite coz I am home, that I need 30 mins or so before bed for me"

I think it all came to a head yday due to him not sleeping a wink all night, he slept much better last night and we are different people this morning

hardest thing ever this baby malarkey, no one can quite prepare you can they haha
 

@SiEdmo

I was exactly the same, and the only thing i can recommend is this book ( dont laugh )http://www.contentedbaby.com/books-Contented_Baby.htm

Believe me you're not alone in thinking its hard, you 100% need support from family at these dead hard times, even if only for an hour, so don't be proud and ask for help, both of you, regarding the sleeping, once you crack that absolutely everything else is a breeze. I swear by that book and had my daughter sleeping from 8PM until 7am ish from 6 weeks as a result of it.

Good luck la
 
SiEdmo said:
Thanks for your comments all, we had a much better night last night, had a talk like you all suggested, she understands a bit more now coz she just saw it as "im in work all day while she has the baby, and I am being selfish needing 30 mins", but when I explained it as "im in work all day and then busy with the house and the baby in the night where she then gets some respite coz I am home, that I need 30 mins or so before bed for me"

I think it all came to a head yday due to him not sleeping a wink all night, he slept much better last night and we are different people this morning

hardest thing ever this baby malarkey, no one can quite prepare you can they haha
Click to expand...
I didn't really know what tiredness was until I had my first daughter. She didn't sleep through the night for the first two years. You then have to go into work and then try and perform as if you've had a full night's sleep.
She's now 21 and is at University. She costs a lot more, but, at least we get a good night's sleep now.
 
Bryan said:
@SiEdmo

I was exactly the same, and the only thing i can recommend is this book ( dont laugh )http://www.contentedbaby.com/books-Contented_Baby.htm

Believe me you're not alone in thinking its hard, you 100% need support from family at these dead hard times, even if only for an hour, so don't be proud and ask for help, both of you, regarding the sleeping, once you crack that absolutely everything else is a breeze. I swear by that book and had my daughter sleeping from 8PM until 7am ish from 6 weeks as a result of it.

Good luck la
Click to expand...

cheers mate il give it a look

yeah I know what you mean about support, but with me not speaking to my family, we only have her mum, and with 2 other young grandkids there is only so much she can do haha
 
EvertonCJ said:
I didn't really know what tiredness was until I had my first daughter. She didn't sleep through the night for the first two years. You then have to go into work and then try and perform as if you've had a full night's sleep.
She's now 21 and is at University. She costs a lot more, but, at least we get a good night's sleep now.
Click to expand...

yeah people in work have been joking saying It gets better, only like 17 years to wait, and it makes me want to sob at the thought haha
 

SiEdmo said:
yeah people in work have been joking saying It gets better, only like 17 years to wait, and it makes me want to sob at the thought haha
Click to expand...
Our second daughter slept through the night pretty much from the start and we didn't do anything different. The worst thing is when other parents who are lucky enough to have a child who sleeps through the night look at you as if you are doing something wrong.
 
EvertonCJ said:
Our second daughter slept through the night pretty much from the start and we didn't do anything different. The worst thing is when other parents who are lucky enough to have a child who sleeps through the night look at you as if you are doing something wrong.
Click to expand...

What makes it worse, is that fact that some other mums seem to have this innate ability, to make other mums feel like shiz about themselves too.

The usual one is lying about the fact their kid sleeps like an angel, yet when you speak to the dad, he tells a completely different story.
 
COYBL25 said:
What makes it worse, is that fact that some other mums seem to have this innate ability, to make other mums feel like shiz about themselves too.

The usual one is lying about the fact their kid sleeps like an angel, yet when you speak to the dad, he tells a completely different story.
Click to expand...

yeah i know a version of this couple haha, the mum says "look at my little angel" and the dad "i feel like leaving him on the side of the motorway sometimes" hahaha
 
SiEdmo said:
Hi All,

I've posted a lot in here before about minor depression and constantly feeling like im stuck in a rut etc

Just wanted to speak about my life the past few weeks in the hope talking feels like a weight off.

Me and the Mrs has our first kid on 19/04, he's 6 weeks old today. I was so excited throughout her pregnancy, this little person who would rely on us so much I would be full of purpose.

Well the reality seems to have gone the other way, me and the Mrs are arguing constantly, I am working full time, and as soon as I get home I do all of the housework, cooking cleaning shopping etc etc etc, by the time all this is done every night it is like 10pm if not later, and then she goes to bed with the little man, and basically demands I sit with her until like 11/11.30 to keep her company while she puts him down. Then I go to sleep on the couch as a) she cant bear my snoring, b) in her words what is the point me getting woken up when he wants feeding (she is breastfeeding) c) when I hear him stirring in the night I cannot sleep for fear he is going to wake up

The last week or so, she has really started to resent this life of mine she has created in her head, its like she thinks she is in this alone, and me going to work and doing all the housework is me living the life of riley (and I think at 11.30 when I go to sleep on the couch she assumes I am having some sort of party)

Little does she know that I hate this life at the minute

So she has started saying things to me like she feels like a single parent, (yeah, one whose house is always clean and stocked with food magically) and that because I leave her every night (my son is not going to want to know me)

We are now at the point where we argue so much every day its like we are on the verge of divorce



I am sat in work everyday not wanting to go home.

In short I feel like this baby has ruined our marriage, (although i love him, i sort of resent him for how its all turned out) and seeing as she is the only person I have (I don't speak to my family anymore) if this does fall apart I can see no reason I want to exist anymore

Sorry if this doesn't read right, just sort of pouring my thoughts out as they come

I don't really know what to do, im totally lost
Click to expand...

First up - congratulations.

It's a massive change to your life. Babies don't come with instructions and you just have to pretty much make it up as you go along. Your wife's hormones will still be all over the place, she's tired and probably doesn't appreciate all that you are doing.. Have you thought about getting a breast pump so she can express milk and you can do some of the night feeds- let her get a full night's kip and you have some Daddy baby time together.

You could talk to the midwife/health visitor when you take the baby for his next check up.
 

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