Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[SiEdmo]

First up - congratulations.

It's a massive change to your life. Babies don't come with instructions and you just have to pretty much make it up as you go along. Your wife's hormones will still be all over the place, she's tired and probably doesn't appreciate all that you are doing.. Have you thought about getting a breast pump so she can express milk and you can do some of the night feeds- let her get a full night's kip and you have some Daddy baby time together.

You could talk to the midwife/health visitor when you take the baby for his next check up.

Hi, thanks for you reply, yeah we have a pump and she has expressed, I even had a dad and lad day last weekend while she was out with her mates (something she forgot very quick)

It kind of messed her/him up a bit though, as the next day he was obviously trying to treat her like a bottle, and wasn't happy with how slow he was getting fed after getting it quick from me haha

We had a better weekend this weekend so feel im in a bit of a better place

She had a snap at me in her dads in front of her family as I didn't get her something as quick as she liked, but she noticed she had upset me and when we next locked eyes across the room she mouthed im sorry with a sad face, so I think she is getting where I am coming from now

she obviously just loses all composure when hes screaming, but as long as she is now able to realise when the situation calms down that's a start

 

[efcforever]

Hi All,

I've posted a lot in here before about minor depression and constantly feeling like im stuck in a rut etc

Just wanted to speak about my life the past few weeks in the hope talking feels like a weight off.

Me and the Mrs has our first kid on 19/04, he's 6 weeks old today. I was so excited throughout her pregnancy, this little person who would rely on us so much I would be full of purpose.

Well the reality seems to have gone the other way, me and the Mrs are arguing constantly, I am working full time, and as soon as I get home I do all of the housework, cooking cleaning shopping etc etc etc, by the time all this is done every night it is like 10pm if not later, and then she goes to bed with the little man, and basically demands I sit with her until like 11/11.30 to keep her company while she puts him down. Then I go to sleep on the couch as a) she cant bear my snoring, b) in her words what is the point me getting woken up when he wants feeding (she is breastfeeding) c) when I hear him stirring in the night I cannot sleep for fear he is going to wake up

The last week or so, she has really started to resent this life of mine she has created in her head, its like she thinks she is in this alone, and me going to work and doing all the housework is me living the life of riley (and I think at 11.30 when I go to sleep on the couch she assumes I am having some sort of party)

Little does she know that I hate this life at the minute

So she has started saying things to me like she feels like a single parent, (yeah, one whose house is always clean and stocked with food magically) and that because I leave her every night (my son is not going to want to know me)

We are now at the point where we argue so much every day its like we are on the verge of divorce

I am sat in work everyday not wanting to go home.

In short I feel like this baby has ruined our marriage, (although i love him, i sort of resent him for how its all turned out) and seeing as she is the only person I have (I don't speak to my family anymore) if this does fall apart I can see no reason I want to exist anymore

Sorry if this doesn't read right, just sort of pouring my thoughts out as they come

I don't really know what to do, im totally lost

Hi mate. I'm having a similar experience to you recently. We already have a 2 year old and we also welcomed our 2nd child into the world on 7th March so he's about 12 weeks old now.

I can relate to what you've said in your post. I work during the day and then come home and do my share of the house work, give my 2 year old daughter her tea, get her ready for bed, cook our tea and then try to settle my son. My wife and I are both shattered and we have argued quite a bit.

I can tell you from experience that it gets better. We went through the same thing with our 2 year old but now she is in a good routine and she is an absolute joy. You'll get there with your little one, it just requires alot of patience.

Don't want to pry but has your wife had much time away from the baby since he was born? I know you're worn out aswell but I'd suggest if your wife has a night out or a spa day for example she will feel more relaxed (or more human as I like to say), it could be the first step to easing the situation.

Message me any time if you want to chat or just vent as it sounds like I can relate.

 

[SiEdmo]

Hi mate. I'm having a similar experience to you recently. We already have a 2 year old and we also welcomed our 2nd child into the world on 7th March so he's about 12 weeks old now.

I can relate to what you've said in your post. I work during the day and then come home and do my share of the house work, give my 2 year old daughter her tea, get her ready for bed, cook our tea and then try to settle my son. My wife and I are both shattered and we have argued quite a bit.

I can tell you from experience that it gets better. We went through the same thing with our 2 year old but now she is in a good routine and she is an absolute joy. You'll get there with your little one, it just requires alot of patience.

Don't want to pry but has your wife had much time away from the baby since he was born? I know you're worn out aswell but I'd suggest if your wife has a night out or a spa day for example she will feel more relaxed (or more human as I like to say), it could be the first step to easing the situation.

Message me any time if you want to chat or just vent as it sounds like I can relate.

Hi Mate,

Yeah if you look at my last post just before this reply, I had him all day last weekend while she was out with her mates, she was made up for it at the time, but as I said it got forgotten very quickly

Cheers for the reply, ill probably take you up on a chat in the future haha

 

[efcforever]

Hi Mate,

Yeah if you look at my last post just before this reply, I had him all day last weekend while she was out with her mates, she was made up for it at the time, but as I said it got forgotten very quickly

Cheers for the reply, ill probably take you up on a chat in the future haha

Hadn't read all the posts so sorry for missing that. I'd just managed to grab a quick few minutes at work lol.

It's frustrating as you probably feel like you never do anything for yourself. It definitely gets better.

 

[SiEdmo]

Hadn't read all the posts so sorry for missing that. I'd just managed to grab a quick few minutes at work lol.

It's frustrating as you probably feel like you never do anything for yourself. It definitely gets better.

haha I know mate, I think part of the problem is we aren't seeing each other as husband and wife at the min, its mother and father,

her birthday is on the 9th of july and her mum is having the baby so hopefully we have a nice day/night and remember we actually like each other haha

 

[hallamblue]

So my great year continues. Mum dead, dad isolated at home ( although I've sorted out increased care for him) and now my wife says she's not sure she wants to be married to me anymore. I suppose on the bright side there's not much else that could go wrong. I suppose the kids could disown me and I could lose my job to complete the set!!

 

[chrismpw]

So my great year continues. Mum dead, dad isolated at home ( although I've sorted out increased care for him) and now my wife says she's not sure she wants to be married to me anymore. I suppose on the bright side there's not much else that could go wrong. I suppose the kids could disown me and I could lose my job to complete the set!!

Geesh mate, you're not having a good time, that's a bad run. Did your wife give you reasons for this? Is it something you can fix?

 

[hallamblue]

Geesh mate, you're not having a good time, that's a bad run. Did your wife give you reasons for this? Is it something you can fix?

We've had a tough time the last few years, plus it's that age (mid forties) where I think everyone starts questioning their life decisions and wondering whether they should start again while they are still young enough.

 

[chrismpw]

We've had a tough time the last few years, plus it's that age (mid forties) where I think everyone starts questioning their life decisions and wondering whether they should start again while they are still young enough.

Yeah, I went through that too. It happens but doesn't mean your kids will feel the same. Crap time for it though, when you need some support from the missus.

My dad died when I was 28 and before that me and the missus had decided we were going nowhere and had decided to split. We hung on though, for my dad's (and mum's) sake, until he'd gone. Stressful times. When it was all over I clambered into my car with a tent and went ferrel in wales for 4 weeks to discover myself. It was the most liberating and wonderful experience of my life.

 

[hallamblue]

Yeah, I went through that too. It happens but doesn't mean your kids will feel the same. Crap time for it though, when you need some support from the missus.

My dad died when I was 28 and before that me and the missus had decided we were going nowhere and had decided to split. We hung on though, for my dad's (and mum's) sake, until he'd gone. Stressful times. When it was all over I clambered into my car with a tent and went ferrel in wales for 4 weeks to discover myself. It was the most liberating and wonderful experience of my life.

Yes her timing could have been better, but that's life I suppose. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with my mum dying, as she was my rock, but I seem to have done, so my belief is if I can get through that I can get through anything. Hope I don't have to find out though!!

 

[chrismpw]

Yes her timing could have been better, but that's life I suppose. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with my mum dying, as she was my rock, but I seem to have done, so my belief is if I can get through that I can get through anything. Hope I don't have to find out though!!

People do, they have to, but its not easy. There are always people in here to help you out fella.
Sorry for your loss mate.

 

[jinkyali]

So...

For the first time in over 15 months, I had a 'bad spell'.

The anxiety I suffer from was triggered again by a similar situation currently which first caused my anxiety to begin over a decade ago.

Had around four weeks of horribleness. Gone back on the pills. Need to get back to my counsellor.

From March 17 to beginning of May, I felt invisible. A changed man to the one who felt trapped and crippled previously on and off for 8 years or so.

I exercised loads, ate great, got married, wife is pregnant, bought dream house, got a dog, promotion at work and then WHACK. Most of May and all of June thus far its had me; I was in tears on the spare room floor head in hands Monday night.

Back to the doctor yesterday; back to the counsellor tonight. Feel better already.

I am most disappointing that I have slipped back; I thought I had got on top of it and I maybe showed it not enough respect. Since coming off the pills, I stopped counselling, reduced my exercise and concentrated on other stuff (like getting a house ready for baby, more responsibilites at work etc). I know full well these things help and I failed to act.

Hell, I havent even posted in this thread or the forum much. I have avoided my friends. Been ratty, irritable. A shadow of my real self.

In the words of Stevie G, 'we go again'.

 

[buskwhi2]

So...

For the first time in over 15 months, I had a 'bad spell'.

The anxiety I suffer from was triggered again by a similar situation currently which first caused my anxiety to begin over a decade ago.

Had around four weeks of horribleness. Gone back on the pills. Need to get back to my counsellor.

From March 17 to beginning of May, I felt invisible. A changed man to the one who felt trapped and crippled previously on and off for 8 years or so.

I exercised loads, ate great, got married, wife is pregnant, bought dream house, got a dog, promotion at work and then WHACK. Most of May and all of June thus far its had me; I was in tears on the spare room floor head in hands Monday night.

Back to the doctor yesterday; back to the counsellor tonight. Feel better already.

I am most disappointing that I have slipped back; I thought I had got on top of it and I maybe showed it not enough respect. Since coming off the pills, I stopped counselling, reduced my exercise and concentrated on other stuff (like getting a house ready for baby, more responsibilites at work etc). I know full well these things help and I failed to act.

Hell, I havent even posted in this thread or the forum much. I have avoided my friends. Been ratty, irritable. A shadow of my real self.

In the words of Stevie G, 'we go again'.

Life is sent to test us.

Sounds like you know what sort of things help for you - exercise, counselling (looking after yourself) so making sure you get back to doing those things is important.

Your friends will understand. Keep going buddy!

 

[buskwhi2]

Alan Brazil on talksport is an absolute dinosaur. Basically saying that Danny Rose is wrong to talk about his mental health problems so close to the World Cup.
Sorry Alan, you’re right - everyone should just hide how they feel and not open up.
Quickly switched off.

Edit. Just to add he also said that he’s experience time when he’s been down and had “the hump” and he’s got on with it so hopefully Danny can do the same. Clearly doesn’t understand anything about depression.

 

[wgtwiddle]

Alan Brazil on talksport is an absolute dinosaur.
Quickly switched off.

Agreed. He was of the same attitude re. Robin Williams. Very unhealthy and unhelpful attitude.