Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Nymzee]

Yeah got wife and 2 young kids at home so there's always that excuse. That's how I'll get out of it if/when the anxiety kicks in on the day.

Don’t let it get that far. Just tell them now you’re away for that weekend with your family. Christmas surprise etc.

Once you tell them you can forget all about it for another year.

 

[Tipp blue]

Thanks for the advice mate. I'll try and mention it to someone on my team.

My anxiety has been pretty stable for a while now, but I take steps to avoid certain triggers. Unfortunately social events are one of those triggers.

How many colleagues at your work? Is there enough to suggest a private function say dinner a few drinks and then after a while who ever wants can make for the clubs, there's 75 other teachers in my school and that's what we do, I just head home after the food and a little while talking. Maybe a social situation where its just those you know would be god for you.

 

[Tipp blue]

Does any one else listen to some music when they feel down, there are a couple of pieces I listen too that make me feel better one is an instrumental that has been proven to reduce anxiety here's a link the other is REM everybody hurts, even though I've been good mantally for a few years I still just like to listen to these from time to time, especially REM everybody hurts I've heard many people say that this song got them over a very difficult time as it reminds you that you're not alone and not the only one feeling that way. I just figured I'd post this as it might help someone.

 

[efcforever]

How many colleagues at your work? Is there enough to suggest a private function say dinner a few drinks and then after a while who ever wants can make for the clubs, there's 75 other teachers in my school and that's what we do, I just head home after the food and a little while talking. Maybe a social situation where its just those you know would be god for you.

It's a big place but this do is just for my team so about 15 of us. Initially a proper meal was suggested and I was in favour of that. The majority just want to get completely wasted though (each to their own).

 

[Tipp blue]

It's a big place but this do is just for my team so about 15 of us. Initially a proper meal was suggested and I was in favour of that. The majority just want to get completely wasted though (each to their own).

In fairness I wouldn't blame you for not going I wouldn't go either if it was just a race to basically pass out. No thanks rather save my money and do something nice with the wife and kids.

 

[efcforever]

Does any one else listen to some music when they feel down, there are a couple of pieces I listen too that make me feel better one is an instrumental that has been proven to reduce anxiety here's a link the other is REM everybody hurts, even though I've been good mantally for a few years I still just like to listen to these from time to time, especially REM everybody hurts I've heard many people say that this song got them over a very difficult time as it reminds you that you're not alone and not the only one feeling that way. I just figured I'd post this as it might help someone.

I find this very calming. It's a piano version of 'Where is my Mind'.

 

[Billy Dean]

Does any one else listen to some music when they feel down, there are a couple of pieces I listen too that make me feel better one is an instrumental that has been proven to reduce anxiety here's a link the other is REM everybody hurts, even though I've been good mantally for a few years I still just like to listen to these from time to time, especially REM everybody hurts I've heard many people say that this song got them over a very difficult time as it reminds you that you're not alone and not the only one feeling that way. I just figured I'd post this as it might help someone.

I do that. I tend to listen to stuff from the 90s if I'm in a bad way. I think because it reminds me of when I was a carefree teenager haha

 

[anjelikaferrett]

It's that time of year again when people at work are talking about the Xmas do. Many of you know that I have social anxiety and try to avoid these things. My strategy this year has been to fly under the radar and avoid telling people I'm not going. However it's come out today that I'm not attending and people are trying to encourage me to go. It doesn't help that the night out seems to be based around getting as drunk as possible (not my idea of a good time). I hate to let people down when it seems like they genuinely want me to come along. Wouldn't be so bad if it was just a meal or something but I think I'll be avoiding this do.

Not the biggest problem in the world of course. Just hate social anxiety!

In my current job I'm mentoring some new people to help them get signed off as fully trained. I check their work. One guy is a huge, very loud, very scary looking biker. Because we've been working closely together he confided in me that he has mental health issues including anxiety and low self esteem. Now I've got to know him I can see that the loud, brashness is a bit of a front, he's quite a sensitive soul and hugely lacking in self confidence. The topic of Christmas dos came up and the conversation with him in the team went like this "Are you coming?" "Nah, I'm a miserable tw*t and a horrible drunk. I'm like the Grinch" Everybody laughed, nobody thinks any less of him. Probably won't work for everybody but you could try his approach!

 

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

@efcforever In this type of situation, I have lied in the past. I don't need or want to tell my coworkers about my mental health issues. You can tell them your mom is sick, dog is sick, the car is sick or whatever works for you. I'd get more anxiety worrying about telling my coworkers about my anxiety, etc. Do what is best for you!!

 

[Creature]

It's that time of year again when people at work are talking about the Xmas do. Many of you know that I have social anxiety and try to avoid these things. My strategy this year has been to fly under the radar and avoid telling people I'm not going. However it's come out today that I'm not attending and people are trying to encourage me to go. It doesn't help that the night out seems to be based around getting as drunk as possible (not my idea of a good time). I hate to let people down when it seems like they genuinely want me to come along. Wouldn't be so bad if it was just a meal or something but I think I'll be avoiding this do.

Not the biggest problem in the world of course. Just hate social anxiety!

Over the years I've done the whole 'can't make it, prior engagement etc' but in the end I just said I don't do staff parties. No excuses, just refer to vague bad experiences in the past, and you'd 'learned your lesson' to avoid them long ago. They'll stop asking eventually but being firm about it avoids the constant 'oh go on you spoil sport'.
I have found most of the people attending these get togethers regret it as soon as it's over and spend the next week 'hiding' as much as possible.

You may hopefully find a couple of like minded co workers that you are happy to spend a few hours out for a quite beer and these tend to be the most memorable times were good friendships can develop.

It certainly better than spending time in the corner of a loud sweaty crammmmed 'disco' where you can't talk, hear or make out anything worthy of wasting a few hours. Or the end of a table were everybody is in conversation and you're twiddling your thumbs watching the clock.

Don't feel pressured into getting into a situation you know you won't be happy with. The minute any party etc is over I guarantee they will forget who was there anyway ........apart from the one who made a fool of themselves.

Be comfortable in your own skin and let the world think what it wants.......the chances are 99.9% of people are worrying about what the world thinks of them and not about other people.

And listen to the stories of the fools the weeeks after and you'll be very glad you 'missed out'.

Just my thoughts on these things after way too many years seeing and surviving these situations.

 

[COYBL25]

Over the years I've done the whole 'can't make it, prior engagement etc' but in the end I just said I don't do staff parties. No excuses, just refer to vague bad experiences in the past, and you'd 'learned your lesson' to avoid them long ago. They'll stop asking eventually but being firm about it avoids the constant 'oh go on you spoil sport'.
I have found most of the people attending these get togethers regret it as soon as it's over and spend the next week 'hiding' as much as possible.

You may hopefully find a couple of like minded co workers that you are happy to spend a few hours out for a quite beer and these tend to be the most memorable times were good friendships can develop.

It certainly better than spending time in the corner of a loud sweaty crammmmed 'disco' where you can't talk, hear or make out anything worthy of wasting a few hours. Or the end of a table were everybody is in conversation and you're twiddling your thumbs watching the clock.

Don't feel pressured into getting into a situation you know you won't be happy with. The minute any party etc is over I guarantee they will forget who was there anyway ........apart from the one who made a fool of themselves.

Be comfortable in your own skin and let the world think what it wants.......the chances are 99.9% of people are worrying about what the world thinks of them and not about other people.

And listen to the stories of the fools the weeeks after and you'll be very glad you 'missed out'.

Just my thoughts on these things after way too many years seeing and surviving these situations.

Excellent post and some great advice there.

 

[efcforever]

Over the years I've done the whole 'can't make it, prior engagement etc' but in the end I just said I don't do staff parties. No excuses, just refer to vague bad experiences in the past, and you'd 'learned your lesson' to avoid them long ago. They'll stop asking eventually but being firm about it avoids the constant 'oh go on you spoil sport'.
I have found most of the people attending these get togethers regret it as soon as it's over and spend the next week 'hiding' as much as possible.

You may hopefully find a couple of like minded co workers that you are happy to spend a few hours out for a quite beer and these tend to be the most memorable times were good friendships can develop.

It certainly better than spending time in the corner of a loud sweaty crammmmed 'disco' where you can't talk, hear or make out anything worthy of wasting a few hours. Or the end of a table were everybody is in conversation and you're twiddling your thumbs watching the clock.

Don't feel pressured into getting into a situation you know you won't be happy with. The minute any party etc is over I guarantee they will forget who was there anyway ........apart from the one who made a fool of themselves.

Be comfortable in your own skin and let the world think what it wants.......the chances are 99.9% of people are worrying about what the world thinks of them and not about other people.

And listen to the stories of the fools the weeeks after and you'll be very glad you 'missed out'.

Just my thoughts on these things after way too many years seeing and surviving these situations.

Thanks for this.

Actually managed to grab a minute with someone I feel comfortable talking to this morning and explained things to them. They understood of course.

I think I'm just going to show my face for an hour and then slip out. Some people are having a quick bite to eat first. That should be ok.

 

[roydo]

Thanks for this.

Actually managed to grab a minute with someone I feel comfortable talking to this morning and explained things to them. They understood of course.

I think I'm just going to show my face for an hour and then slip out. Some people are having a quick bite to eat first. That should be ok.

Good for you.

And when you get home, pat yourself on the back and feel proud that you took a small step, that you were in control of.

 

[David09]

I'm so down at the moment going through a divorce. The issue I have at the moment is my wife just being arkward and my daughter of 13 always agreeing with her.
I've picked my daughter up at between 1800 to 1830 every Friday to take her to a swimming lesson since the start of September . But tonight I got a mouthful off my ex and then me and my daughter has a massive row because I hadn't text to confirm a time and she wasn't ready when I knocked the door.
For over 2 months I've gone off for an hours run then picked my daughter up! What have I done wrong?
I then find out from my daughter that despite it being my weekend to have her again in two weeks my ex wife has booked tickets to a play with her family without even consulting me and my daughter just said" hay dad that's life and it goes on so just deal with it" which really hurt so I then went absolutely mad and said " I need to move out of my bedsit back home then if this is how I'm treated" which resulted in my daughter screaming at me whilst I'm driving " stop saying that. You left in September and it's not your house"
I am being totally honest here when I say I have threatened to move back home a few times and it must be awful for my daughter to here it but how do I stop myself saying it and keep my anger under control when I feel under so much pressure to be a good dad because that's all I'm really living for now?
I am awaiting anger management on the nhs but I no telling my wife and daughter I'm moving back in is just unworkable and a horrible threat to my child.
I was basically forced out of our mortgaged house at the start of September after my wife's compulsive lying over money debt and an affair she had with a work colleague.
I just can't cope with the arguments with my daughter but my ex wife not even giving me a couple of bedside draws or cooking utensils for my bedsit has driven me wild after everything else she has done to me

 

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

Does any one else listen to some music when they feel down, there are a couple of pieces I listen too that make me feel better one is an instrumental that has been proven to reduce anxiety here's a link the other is REM everybody hurts, even though I've been good mantally for a few years I still just like to listen to these from time to time, especially REM everybody hurts I've heard many people say that this song got them over a very difficult time as it reminds you that you're not alone and not the only one feeling that way. I just figured I'd post this as it might help someone.

I listen to music a lot to help my mood. I have songs I listen to if I am stressed out and need to relax. If I am getting sad, I listen to certain songs to brighten my mood. I also watch favorite TV shows and movies to help my mood sometimes. For me, it really helps a lot.