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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

COYBL25 said:
Before you get in touch with her, is there anyway you can do a bit of digging via your brother to see what`s caused her to have a change of heart ?

The last bit - " life is too short ", says to me that something may have happened to make her get in touch.

I`d try and get as full picture as possible before contacting her - forewarned is forearmed etc.

If you do meet up again I`d meet up at a neutral venue to start with and deffo not hers. That way she`ll be less liable to kick off, plus she`s away from her comfort zone.
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followed this advice, spoke to my bro, he said nothing major going on, she actually had to get my number from him which he thought was strange as it was out of the blue

we have agreed to meet in a costa in between both our houses, as you say should keep the convo civil in public

see what happens eh, my mrs has just said don't let her make you feel like the problem, and have you apologising, as she uses them tactics on everyone

ive said no, this meeting is an interview for her, if she is not in a good place mentally, and remorseful for the situation (even if not remorseful for the actual issues) then it goes no further

cheers mate, great help as always, you are indeed a scouser (no offence if your not actually a scouser, I mean it as a compliment haha)
 
SiEdmo said:
followed this advice, spoke to my bro, he said nothing major going on, she actually had to get my number from him which he thought was strange as it was out of the blue

we have agreed to meet in a costa in between both our houses, as you say should keep the convo civil in public

see what happens eh, my mrs has just said don't let her make you feel like the problem, and have you apologising, as she uses them tactics on everyone

ive said no, this meeting is an interview for her, if she is not in a good place mentally, and remorseful for the situation (even if not remorseful for the actual issues) then it goes no further

cheers mate, great help as always, you are indeed a scouser (no offence if your not actually a scouser, I mean it as a compliment haha)
Click to expand...

Lol.

I can totally relate to your situation mate, as I haven`t spoken to my sister for well 5/6 yrs, maybe more.

My mum has tried to mediate in the past and my sister point blank refuses to back down, even though she is / still is the root cause of the problem and won`t back down. She has actually escalated the situation, by instructing her daughter not to speak to my lad in school ( they`re in the same year )

If she got in touch out of the blue, I`d be very very suspicious, as she only ever does anything if it benefits her in some way ( sound familiar )

Ps - the L25 in my user name is a bit of a clue !!
 
SiEdmo said:
followed this advice, spoke to my bro, he said nothing major going on, she actually had to get my number from him which he thought was strange as it was out of the blue

we have agreed to meet in a costa in between both our houses, as you say should keep the convo civil in public

see what happens eh, my mrs has just said don't let her make you feel like the problem, and have you apologising, as she uses them tactics on everyone

ive said no, this meeting is an interview for her, if she is not in a good place mentally, and remorseful for the situation (even if not remorseful for the actual issues) then it goes no further

cheers mate, great help as always, you are indeed a scouser (no offence if your not actually a scouser, I mean it as a compliment haha)
Click to expand...
He’s from the south end mate so he is part WOOL by default. A sound and helpful part WOOL though .

Happy as always to help . I hope things go well for you .
 
SiEdmo said:
Hi all, I really need some help

obviously ive been quite vocal In here recently about having a breakdown and being diagnosed manic depressive with bipolar tendencies and being in a much better place on medication now etc

well I had also spoke in here a while back over cutting ties with my family over lies my bipolar mother (who has stopped her meds at that time) had spread about me and my wife

well almost 2 years on my mum has just text me out the blue this morning saying "don't you think its time we called a truce, there is no winners and losers and life is too short"

I can only assume she has seen pics of my 7 month old lad via my brother and that has caused her to finally get in touch

I don't know what to do, or what to say in reply, and I feel like im going to have a panic attack over it

I have always said id be more than willing to be the bigger person if she ever made the first move, but was not willing to make the first move myself as she is the kind of person who would just assume I wanted something from her

I know it will have taken the world for her to send that message, and I am willing to at least converse at this point, but I don't know what to say

any advice is much appreciated guys

(shows the immense value of this thread that other than my wife and best friend this is the first place I have turned to)
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Go for it. Life is too short. I fell out with my twin sister and didn't talk a great deal to her for a number of years.
She sadly died in January, aged 56, and I do wish that I had made more of an effort to contact her.
We were totally different personalities, but, neither of us were particularly tolerant of each other.
 
EvertonCJ said:
Go for it. Life is too short. I fell out with my twin sister and didn't talk a great deal to her for a number of years.
She sadly died in January, aged 56, and I do wish that I had made more of an effort to contact her.
We were totally different personalities, but, neither of us were particularly tolerant of each other.
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It takes two to reconcile though mate.

I wouldn`t beat yourself up too much.

The old adage - " you can choose your friends, but you can`t choose your family " rings loud and true.

I`ve had this out with my mum - I wouldn`t choose to be friends with a parasitic, manipulative, sponger, who invented and illness to get sick benefits and everything that goes with it, which is my sister.

So why should I give the vile creature the time of day, just because she is my sister ?

Families eh ???
 

SiEdmo said:
Hi all, I really need some help

obviously ive been quite vocal In here recently about having a breakdown and being diagnosed manic depressive with bipolar tendencies and being in a much better place on medication now etc

well I had also spoke in here a while back over cutting ties with my family over lies my bipolar mother (who has stopped her meds at that time) had spread about me and my wife

well almost 2 years on my mum has just text me out the blue this morning saying "don't you think its time we called a truce, there is no winners and losers and life is too short"

I can only assume she has seen pics of my 7 month old lad via my brother and that has caused her to finally get in touch

I don't know what to do, or what to say in reply, and I feel like im going to have a panic attack over it

I have always said id be more than willing to be the bigger person if she ever made the first move, but was not willing to make the first move myself as she is the kind of person who would just assume I wanted something from her

I know it will have taken the world for her to send that message, and I am willing to at least converse at this point, but I don't know what to say

any advice is much appreciated guys

(shows the immense value of this thread that other than my wife and best friend this is the first place I have turned to)
Click to expand...

Tell her that's she's right and life is too short and that you should try and see if you can sort out your differences because it's obvious she cares about you otherwise she wouldn't have sent the text.
 
COYBL25 said:
Lol.

I can totally relate to your situation mate, as I haven`t spoken to my sister for well 5/6 yrs, maybe more.

My mum has tried to mediate in the past and my sister point blank refuses to back down, even though she is / still is the root cause of the problem and won`t back down. She has actually escalated the situation, by instructing her daughter not to speak to my lad in school ( they`re in the same year )

If she got in touch out of the blue, I`d be very very suspicious, as she only ever does anything if it benefits her in some way ( sound familiar )

Ps - the L25 in my user name is a bit of a clue !!
Click to expand...

oh yeah hahaha, ive always just seen that as Come On You BLues 25 hahaha
.
doi!
 
SiEdmo said:
Hi all, I really need some help

obviously ive been quite vocal In here recently about having a breakdown and being diagnosed manic depressive with bipolar tendencies and being in a much better place on medication now etc

well I had also spoke in here a while back over cutting ties with my family over lies my bipolar mother (who has stopped her meds at that time) had spread about me and my wife

well almost 2 years on my mum has just text me out the blue this morning saying "don't you think its time we called a truce, there is no winners and losers and life is too short"

I can only assume she has seen pics of my 7 month old lad via my brother and that has caused her to finally get in touch

I don't know what to do, or what to say in reply, and I feel like im going to have a panic attack over it

I have always said id be more than willing to be the bigger person if she ever made the first move, but was not willing to make the first move myself as she is the kind of person who would just assume I wanted something from her

I know it will have taken the world for her to send that message, and I am willing to at least converse at this point, but I don't know what to say

any advice is much appreciated guys

(shows the immense value of this thread that other than my wife and best friend this is the first place I have turned to)
Click to expand...

Get in touch, life IS too short.
 
SiEdmo said:
meeting up with her at 10am tomorrow morning for a chat, needless to say my arse is gone, literally mind racing through all possibilities of what could get said, hopefully she is in a good place mentally herself and we can begin to make amends, emphasis on the word begin
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Have you agreed a set sort of duration for this? Maybe it would make you feel a little more at ease if you say like "we'll meet for an hour; air everything etc." then after the hour - whether it goes well or not so well - you can leave.
 

Nymzee said:
Have you agreed a set sort of duration for this? Maybe it would make you feel a little more at ease if you say like "we'll meet for an hour; air everything etc." then after the hour - whether it goes well or not so well - you can leave.
Click to expand...

no but when I said 10am I said it was because I was busy afterwards, so I have that as an out
 
SiEdmo said:
meeting up with her at 10am tomorrow morning for a chat, needless to say my arse is gone, literally mind racing through all possibilities of what could get said, hopefully she is in a good place mentally herself and we can begin to make amends, emphasis on the word begin
Click to expand...
I hope it all works out for you mate. Just be careful. I tried to fix things a couple of years a go with my three sisters and dad. We met once and no contact since. My dad didn't even bother to turn up. I'll not try again. I realised he is just a selfish selfish man.
One of my sister's has just got married but I refused to go after my treatment as there only brother and also the treatment of my soon to be ex wife and daughter.
I would also agree with other people saying life is to short though. Maybe shorter again for some people
 
My family has been destroyed by estrangement. I have deep sympathy with anyone going through similar.

I think your gut instinct is your best guide as to what to do, if you are contemplating making an approach or if a family member has contacted you offering an olive branch.

I remember some good advice that I got some time ago. Reconciliation can mean different things to different people. For some, it can be an once-off meeting, for others it might mean a card at Christmas, and for some it will be something far closer to the restoration or re-creation of what is considered a more 'normal' parent-child or sibling relationship.

It's very sad and a difficult issue to deal with, particularly as Christmas approaches.
 

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