kithnou
Player Valuation: £70m
Great for you. Keep us posted
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
That's great news. I'm glad that you're also seeing it as a positive experience.
GwladysBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
Been to the doctors and I have now been referred to Inclusion Matters again. I hold more hope this time around, I wasn't as honest about my feelings the last time I went down this route.
Hi all,
Don't post in here at all, I just read the posts on Everton and noticed this thread a while back. It's a great idea and is quite reassuring that there are a lot of people in the same boat. Not the most ideal thing we would like to have in common... but reassuring all the same!
I'm not really sure what to write about my own feelings. For a few years now I have felt like I have been sinking further and further into just sadness and depression. Currently (and for the past year or so), I would say my depression has seemed at its worst. I can never really attribute it to any one thing in particular so always feel ridiculous trying to explain myself; I just end up not saying all that I really want to say due to the embarrassment! I have though talked to some people including my parents, but not in massive detail to them; it just feels embarrassing. I understand that is a step and anyone I have told has been supportive, but I start to expect maybe more from people... like more of an understanding... and I get frustrated if people aren't saying what I think they should be, or acting how I think they should be! But then again, I am not sure how they should be acting... often I feel like it's a bit of a cry for help if I break down and talk about my depressing feelings, as if I want the person to show how much they care for me. I suppose it's like I seek constant reassurance.
Back to attributing it to things... I regret that I have never done much with my life (in my opinion)... I am 26 years old and working part-time in a supermarket whilst I study Psychology through the Open University. I would say I'm a bright girl and could turn my hand to a lot of things... I suppose when I was younger I just assumed that I would fall into something great and it's never happened. I understand only I can change that, but I have tried so many things in life and have always ended up not enjoying things. I have worked full time in admin jobs (not for me at all!), I have studied through Open Uni, then stopped that to do music at college, then stopped that to do full time uni, then stopped that to go back to open uni... I just feel like I'm very stop start and can't enjoy myself. It also feels like I am just moaning! But I would say that ending up in the position I am in has not been for want of trying; hence my frustration... What am I doing wrong? My current job is totally fine and quite enjoyable really but I still can't stop the negative thoughts, like I expect myself to be doing something amazing.
I've always been a quiet, laidback person... Quietly getting on with things. But I think as time goes on, I am just losing it with myself because I want to make the most of my life. I get horrendous occasions of dreading death and the thought scares me so much. I have to tell myself to stop thinking about things like that. I just can't comprehend that we all have to go through that uncertain experience etc. Being laidback, not much used to affect me, but I am finding that little disagreements and the likes are really affecting me and I get angry and want to punch and hit things and often do! It feels like that nervous energy building up that you just can't get rid of and I just want to scream it away! I get extremely low and feel 'what is the point?' thoughts quite often. Although I have never thought about harming myself seriously, I have sometimes scratched at my skin and pulled at my hair through sheer frustration; this links into the wanting to scream/punch things.
I went to the GP last year about my low feelings and saw a therapist through the NHS but because I went the second time and felt a bit better, they just discharged me. Now I realise this didn't help me in the long term. Or maybe the therapist thought I was just making it up! I do have really good days and then for no reason I will have a really bad day. I am going to the doctors again today to discuss my feelings and seek advice. I will probably end up going to therapy again but I am sceptical. Last time, I felt embarrassed talking about stuff, like they thought I was making it up. I just can't help feeling that way. I have never wanted to go on medication but I am wondering if it would help take the edge off whilst I go through some therapy treatments.
I just want more people to talk to about all this stuff. I have friends and get on well with people, but no friend is really close. I have a supportive boyfriend. I need more people who understand fully.
This has been a bit of an essay so I apologise! But feels better for writing stuff down sometimes.
Don't post in here at all, I just read the posts on Everton and noticed this thread a while back. It's a great idea and is quite reassuring that there are a lot of people in the same boat. Not the most ideal thing we would like to have in common... but reassuring all the same!
I'm not really sure what to write about my own feelings. For a few years now I have felt like I have been sinking further and further into just sadness and depression. Currently (and for the past year or so), I would say my depression has seemed at its worst. I can never really attribute it to any one thing in particular so always feel ridiculous trying to explain myself; I just end up not saying all that I really want to say due to the embarrassment! I have though talked to some people including my parents, but not in massive detail to them; it just feels embarrassing. I understand that is a step and anyone I have told has been supportive, but I start to expect maybe more from people... like more of an understanding... and I get frustrated if people aren't saying what I think they should be, or acting how I think they should be! But then again, I am not sure how they should be acting... often I feel like it's a bit of a cry for help if I break down and talk about my depressing feelings, as if I want the person to show how much they care for me. I suppose it's like I seek constant reassurance.
Back to attributing it to things... I regret that I have never done much with my life (in my opinion)... I am 26 years old and working part-time in a supermarket whilst I study Psychology through the Open University. I would say I'm a bright girl and could turn my hand to a lot of things... I suppose when I was younger I just assumed that I would fall into something great and it's never happened. I understand only I can change that, but I have tried so many things in life and have always ended up not enjoying things. I have worked full time in admin jobs (not for me at all!), I have studied through Open Uni, then stopped that to do music at college, then stopped that to do full time uni, then stopped that to go back to open uni... I just feel like I'm very stop start and can't enjoy myself. It also feels like I am just moaning! But I would say that ending up in the position I am in has not been for want of trying; hence my frustration... What am I doing wrong? My current job is totally fine and quite enjoyable really but I still can't stop the negative thoughts, like I expect myself to be doing something amazing.
I've always been a quiet, laidback person... Quietly getting on with things. But I think as time goes on, I am just losing it with myself because I want to make the most of my life. I get horrendous occasions of dreading death and the thought scares me so much. I have to tell myself to stop thinking about things like that. I just can't comprehend that we all have to go through that uncertain experience etc. Being laidback, not much used to affect me, but I am finding that little disagreements and the likes are really affecting me and I get angry and want to punch and hit things and often do! It feels like that nervous energy building up that you just can't get rid of and I just want to scream it away! I get extremely low and feel 'what is the point?' thoughts quite often. Although I have never thought about harming myself seriously, I have sometimes scratched at my skin and pulled at my hair through sheer frustration; this links into the wanting to scream/punch things.
I went to the GP last year about my low feelings and saw a therapist through the NHS but because I went the second time and felt a bit better, they just discharged me. Now I realise this didn't help me in the long term. Or maybe the therapist thought I was just making it up! I do have really good days and then for no reason I will have a really bad day. I am going to the doctors again today to discuss my feelings and seek advice. I will probably end up going to therapy again but I am sceptical. Last time, I felt embarrassed talking about stuff, like they thought I was making it up. I just can't help feeling that way. I have never wanted to go on medication but I am wondering if it would help take the edge off whilst I go through some therapy treatments.
I just want more people to talk to about all this stuff. I have friends and get on well with people, but no friend is really close. I have a supportive boyfriend. I need more people who understand fully.
This has been a bit of an essay so I apologise! But feels better for writing stuff down sometimes.
the golden visionary
Player Valuation: £35m
first off dont apologise for seeking help you wrote that because you needed to, there's no shame in that, secondly your alot stronger than you think, the fact that you wrote that is evidence enough.
regarding trying to stop the negative thoughts, that's a pointless task and will ultimately send you further into the depressive thought process. Accept these thoughts for what they are..negative thoughts. Once you recognise its a negative though you can address it as such.
too many people think that being negative is bad. Its neither good or bad its just negative. In my experience of exactly the same situation it was the acceptance that set me free, figuratively speaking .
depression is a physical illness brought on by a chemical imbalance that is scientific fact.
but the stigma attached means we are fearful of exposing ourselves to the general misunderstanding, and we feel alone which only makes it worse. We feel ashamed and we shouldn't. Like its our fault they dont understand, and because they cannot grasp the emptiness they say the stuff that is relevant to them, when they feel down.
most of the time the advice people give doesn't help at all it drives a wedge between them and you as your left thinking what's the point you don't know....
it was only after i worked this out that i finally opened up to the psychologist and made massive progress
medication helps if you get the right one for you, i was lucky that my doctor was quite good and put me on a pill which suited me, but as everyone is different you need to discuss it with yours, but from experience i recommend medication.
i hope this helps, good luck in your recovery
I found your post incredibly moving and I can only imagine how many times you wrote it and re wrote it. Without stating the obvious the fact you're female and posted this is even more incredible, considering some of the male orientated smut that gets posted on here !.
The Golden Visionary posts some brilliant stuff there in his reply and I,d just to add a little bit, which is mainly based on my own experiences as a long time sufferer. Outside of the medical profession, the only people who understand depression / anxiety are people who have suffered from it or are suffering from it. Your parents may empathise but won't understand how you feel. It's only natural to be embarrassed too when you told them,due to the stigma attached to mental illness. You're going to have good days and bad days with depression as that's the chemical imbalance at work. There doesn't have to be any particular reason for this, it's just the way it is.
You talk about not achieving anything yet ?. You're 26 how many people do you know who have ?. Yes a few of them may be a few years into a professional job after Uni, but these are the lucky ones who always knew what they wanted to do even as kids. The rest of us, just like you, kind of bimble along until we strike it lucky and find something that we like.
You're still in the bimbling stage trying various things out, it's normal don't beat yourself up about it.
You don't sound like a failure to me, quite the opposite, you've experienced a lot for your age, it's just that your seeing it as a negative rather than a positive.
Medication is entirely up you, but be guided by your GP. It can certainly help, but can take a while before the right one / dose is found.
Lastly, have a look at this site - THE MENTAL HEALTH FORUM. It's run by the NHS and is an online community of suffers of every type of mental illness. Non judgemental and you will 100% find at least one person on there who is going through what you are going through.
Keep posting and let us all know how you're getting on.
Last edited:
kithnou
Player Valuation: £70m
Good for you mate. All the best
kithnou
Player Valuation: £70m
Great advice for @efc_girl guys. Definitely professional advice and communication is the way to go.
On another note...26?? You are so young. I had no idea if I was coming or going at 26! lol.
Cut yourself some slack, enjoy your youth, have some fun
Keep us posted in here with your movements. I know you will be fine
Wow thanks for all the positive comments! I know I'm still so young so it kind of adds to the frustration that I am letting things get to me! I need to cut myself some slack definitely, but I think I have just been so bored so far and I can't see much of a way out of it... It's just built up! I have never been career focussed in my life and won't ever be, so that's another frustration where I am wondering why I am beating myself up about not having what appears to be the best job in the world... I don't want the best job in the world! It's this way of thinking that I need to try and detach myself from... As previously mentioned, I am quite happy in my current job as the hours pass quickly and I finish at midday every shift so get lots of leisure time whilst still earning money that is enough for me. I want to be a bit more positive about things because yeah I may be a bit more of a negative person (I am an Evertonian after all...!) but it can feel very draining and I get fed up of my brain reacting badly to things that I think should be an insignificance!
Anyway, I went to the GP yesterday and I got the usual form to fill out for a referral to mental health. I'll fill it out and await an appointment. I have to say I am sceptical though; I felt quite negative yesterday as I just can't see it helping haha. I also know that I need to do it because it may well help. See what I mean, the back and forth in my brain does my head in!!
On a positive day, all of this seems a bit dramatic... but it just hits me heavily sometimes and I just wake up feeling awful. I feel better that I obviously have some new found support on here and we are all also suffering from being Everton fans so we can help each other haha!
Anyway, I went to the GP yesterday and I got the usual form to fill out for a referral to mental health. I'll fill it out and await an appointment. I have to say I am sceptical though; I felt quite negative yesterday as I just can't see it helping haha. I also know that I need to do it because it may well help. See what I mean, the back and forth in my brain does my head in!!
On a positive day, all of this seems a bit dramatic... but it just hits me heavily sometimes and I just wake up feeling awful. I feel better that I obviously have some new found support on here and we are all also suffering from being Everton fans so we can help each other haha!
I did notice the lack of a female presence on here! But that comes with being a football forum I suppose! To be honest I'm comfortable talking about this seeing how caring and understanding you all are on previous posts. You're to the point and that is refreshing trust me! Females don't often give that direct advice in my experience because it can just go back to them. Might be wrong but that's from my experience!
You make a great point about negativity not being good or bad, it's just negative. I will definitely be taking that on board! Thanks for all the detailed advice. A great help.
Whatever works for you is the way forward, there's no right or wrong way to get better, a lot of it is just guess work and we're all different too. Always remember it's not just you, there's thousands of people like me, like you, like the others who post on this thread who have problems. The thing about mental health is that it's no respecter of class, gender, status, wealth, race, it's universal and can affect anyone. Keep on posting and good luck.