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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

On the discussion a few pages back about feeling like you’ve wasted your life;

I’m turning 30 in two months and constantly have thoughts looking back on my 20s feeling like I’ve wasted them and not become the person I wanted too, then have periods where I’m very happy with where i’am and what the future holds.

Always thought the biggest difference between men and women is that we look back and they look forward. It’s what’s makes the midlife crisis.

It’s not a healthy thing to do but it’s human nature to look back and feel like where did all that time go and what did I do with it.

I’m looking to the future now and it brings a lot of excitement but also a lot of anxiety.

My girlfriend was recently made redundant through obvious reasons and she’s started to look for jobs in Liverpool for us to get our own place and start a future together.

That’s a great thing to look too and makes me genuinely excited, but at the back of my mind there’s the doubt, and the anxiety of what if it goes wrong? Am I really ready? Am I just settling for the sake of it?

At the same time, that’s what life is. A constant conflict between the mind and your happiness/contentment. It will always tell you things could’ve been better, things could be better, and we all wallow in those thoughts at times, but it’s important we take time out to find gratitude in life.
 
Charro said:
On the discussion a few pages back about feeling like you’ve wasted your life;

I’m turning 30 in two months and constantly have thoughts looking back on my 20s feeling like I’ve wasted them and not become the person I wanted too, then have periods where I’m very happy with where i’am and what the future holds.

Always thought the biggest difference between men and women is that we look back and they look forward. It’s what’s makes the midlife crisis.

It’s not a healthy thing to do but it’s human nature to look back and feel like where did all that time go and what did I do with it.

I’m looking to the future now and it brings a lot of excitement but also a lot of anxiety.

My girlfriend was recently made redundant through obvious reasons and she’s started to look for jobs in Liverpool for us to get our own place and start a future together.

That’s a great thing to look too and makes me genuinely excited, but at the back of my mind there’s the doubt, and the anxiety of what if it goes wrong? Am I really ready? Am I just settling for the sake of it?

At the same time, that’s what life is. A constant conflict between the mind and your happiness/contentment. It will always tell you things could’ve been better, things could be better, and we all wallow in those thoughts at times, but it’s important we take time out to find gratitude in life.
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Regarding risk, the best indicater for future risk is your past history with risk. We all try to avoid the mistakes we've made in the past for obvious reasons. Your probably just frightened of the unknown - is it going to go wrong, how will I cope ? - but that unknown us what makes it intriguing. All you can do is try to minimise the risk. I quote this by Oscar Wilde a lot. It's so applicable to ALL OF US. " The only thing that spoils your plans for life, is life itself ". Something that happens to me a lot is life is going swimmingly and then bam, something unexpectedly bad happens - comes in threes normally. Crack on with it mate, protect yourself as much as you can, minimise risk but, life will intervene whether we like it in or not. It's how we cope that matters.
 
Paul1986 said:
I have that train of thought too. I'm 35 next year, yet still live at home, in a job I don't particularly like and single, whereas my friends who I've grown up with, have well-paid careers and are either married or in long-term relationships.

I have a habit of putting things off and saying 'I'll do that next year' etc and never take that risk or jump that I need too.

Now i fear with COVID completely changing the world, my chances of improving my life and doing what I want planned to do will never materialise as the prospects of a new job, getting my own place or meeting someone is remote now due to circumstances.

Not saying I'm depressed but it's certainly playing on my mind a lot during these tough times.
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The last couple of years, I've started putting '10 things to do in a year' in my outlook notes. Nothing too unrealistic. For this year a couple of examples was for me to get a new passport after it had expired a couple of years ago and I kept putting it off. Another was for me to run a 5k after I'd been running for a few years but never for that distance even though I thought I could do it. Try it, I find every month I aim to do one thing and find it motivates me to get through the list.
 

Charro said:
On the discussion a few pages back about feeling like you’ve wasted your life;

I’m turning 30 in two months and constantly have thoughts looking back on my 20s feeling like I’ve wasted them and not become the person I wanted too, then have periods where I’m very happy with where i’am and what the future holds.

Always thought the biggest difference between men and women is that we look back and they look forward. It’s what’s makes the midlife crisis.

It’s not a healthy thing to do but it’s human nature to look back and feel like where did all that time go and what did I do with it.

I’m looking to the future now and it brings a lot of excitement but also a lot of anxiety.

My girlfriend was recently made redundant through obvious reasons and she’s started to look for jobs in Liverpool for us to get our own place and start a future together.

That’s a great thing to look too and makes me genuinely excited, but at the back of my mind there’s the doubt, and the anxiety of what if it goes wrong? Am I really ready? Am I just settling for the sake of it?

At the same time, that’s what life is. A constant conflict between the mind and your happiness/contentment. It will always tell you things could’ve been better, things could be better, and we all wallow in those thoughts at times, but it’s important we take time out to find gratitude in life.
Click to expand...

Its human nature - people always think the grass is greener hence why so many people end up cheating on partners etc.

Its difficult moving in together at first like, im around the same age as you and loved going out on the ale when I lived alone and you could tell a few white lies to the missus such as what time you was out til whereas now we live together whenever im permitted out I couldn't rock back home at 5am and not expect an ear bashing the following day!

But ultimately its worthwhile especially when you have a kid. I would personally rent first though and see how it goes if you have any niggling doubts - even though its dead money there is alot less risk involved should you decide its not for you than the hassle of needing to sell and all the legal/costs involved.
 
ForeverBlue92 said:
Its human nature - people always think the grass is greener hence why so many people end up cheating on partners etc.

Its difficult moving in together at first like, im around the same age as you and loved going out on the ale when I lived alone and you could tell a few white lies to the missus such as what time you was out til whereas now we live together whenever im permitted out I couldn't rock back home at 5am and not expect an ear bashing the following day!

But ultimately its worthwhile especially when you have a kid. I would personally rent first though and see how it goes if you have any niggling doubts - even though its dead money there is alot less risk involved should you decide its not for you than the hassle of needing to sell and all the legal/costs involved.
Click to expand...

My brother and his bird at the time bought a house then split up. Was an absolute mess to sort out.
 
Over in the States, my anxiety seems to ramp up with the rising COVID numbers. Was bad at first, started getting better, and now acting up again. At least now I have a routine and schedule with work being back open again, but then that opens up anxiety about getting it from work. Working with my therapist on rolling with the punches of life instead of trying to control them.
 
I've been out of work in Italy since March. No money from the government, no possibility of unemployment benefits and to top it all the small businesses I work for haven't paid up for jobs done in January, February since they're struggling too.
I work in live sound so there's not much optimism about a quick return.
I haven't been able to see my family back home in the UK since January.
It's a bit grim really but I feel lucky. I got some inheritance through just before it kicked off so I can eat and pay the rent for a year.
My parents, my partner and my kids are healthy. I love my friends.
A lot of people are suffering much worse than me here in Italy let alone in India.
 

I don't know if it's because I'm just maturing a bit now (feel like it could have gone completely the other way if it was a few years ago) but the pandemic has really made me appreciate that you really shouldn't worry about your age, or what you should have done by now... Just like that it can be completely out of your hands. Just have to accept the powerlessness and how perilous life can be, not to stress over stuff and just well, try your best.
.
 
I have been stressed out so much recently. I have been awful to be with. There is a lot that needs sorting in my life but you need to try and focus on small stuff that makes you happy. Its easy to say but not so easy to do at times. I am definitely a worrier and not a warrior. Try to take each day as it comes, one day at a time. But don't just read that as a meaningless throw away sentence - try and think about what it means, otherwise like me you will waste your life worrying about nothing, whilst all the goodness passes you by. Amen
 

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