Martina Navratilova won a tennis championship just a few weeks before her 50th birthday. You’re only at your peak when you tell you yourself you’re at it.
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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues
- Thread starter Groucho
- Start date
Martina Navratilova won a tennis championship just a few weeks before her 50th birthday. You’re only at your peak when you tell you yourself you’re at it.
brieverton
Player Valuation: £50m
I'm 44 and think like this a lot. It's common I'd say, particularly at this age.
You enjoy playing the guitar so that's great. Keep doing it. In that regard, you only have yourself to please. If you enjoy it, chances are you're good at it. It doesn't matter whether you are or not anyway, you decide what's good.
If you can identify other things personally and professionally that you can do to improve your situation, that's great too. They cannot be trivial things if they help your mindset.
I have no secrets as to what works in life, and as I say, quite often feel I have wasted my 20s and 30s in a lot of ways. I, like you though, cannot get that time back.
Overall I think my situation has improved a lot over the last two years so for myself, I say that's something. It's meant that I could deal with the pandemic for example in a much better state physically and mentally and I remind myself I am resilient and I will cope, with inevitable bad days included. I've had a lifetime of issues with anxiety, paranoia, and low self-esteem.
I do have an issue lately with creating "busyness" as a deflection mechanism but it's better than drink, gambling, drugs, or such vices. I can be quite obsessive with cleanliness and "order" around the house, and clean and re-arrange furniture quite a lot. After a long week at work, I spent most of yesterday cleaning for example. The house was already clean. I feel if I sit still for a second, and dwell, I'll veer into negativity and a bad thought process.
I do go for CBT but haven't done so since lockdown. I wonder if I have OCD.
It is a bit silly and I tell myself that but at least the house is spick and span.
ForeverBlue92
Player Valuation: £80m
Was gonna say sounds a bit like a mid life crisis type worry there mate - I get them moments and I've not even turned 30 just yet lol
I started doing BJJ when I was about 16/17 but over the years due to personal factors like uni, weekends out on the ale, getting in a serious relationship, having a kid etc. at times I did put my training on hold for periods.
When I was a Blue belt I experienced similar to what you feel - there is a concept in BJJ called "blue belt blues" where the transition from Blue to Purple belt is big and no matter how much you train you struggle to see progress at times and alot of people who do BJJ end up quitting at Blue Belt stage because of it and it made me consider it a few times.
But last year I finally got my purple belt - moral of the story is you can always look back and question had you spent more time doing something/not taking breaks in your hobby that you would be better at it now / have achieved something/more alot quicker but ultimately it does you no good thinking that way - you cant change the past but you can still put things right and achieve what you want to achieve.
Billy Dean
Player Valuation: £70m
I think it might be a pretty typical thing to go through for people our age mate. I'm 40 and have the same feeling sometimes. I could/should have done this/that and made my life more interesting. Probably most people could say the same. You can't be perfect in everything you do.
That's it, I'm buying a Corvette!
I really am quite happy with almost everything, I just think that, for the most part, any massive change is goign to be a bad one.
Billy Dean
Player Valuation: £70m
I know someone who got bored of being an engineer and at 40 went back to uni and studied medicine. That's what, 7 years of study? Became a doctor in his late 40s and was able to work fr 20-odd years doing what he really wanted to do.
Billy Dean
Player Valuation: £70m
Yeah good point. Not really. I am really quite happy in a lot of ways.
Christ, this really is a midlife crisis isnt it haha
Billy Dean
Player Valuation: £70m
Haha yeah maybe. I do wonder if it's just a pretty typical thing for men our age to go through. Have you seen Trainspotting 2? It's sort of all about that too.
Have not actually. Have had it for ages, just never got around to watching it. Will give it a go this week. First one was brilliant, loved it.
I have that train of thought too. I'm 35 next year, yet still live at home, in a job I don't particularly like and single, whereas my friends who I've grown up with, have well-paid careers and are either married or in long-term relationships.
I have a habit of putting things off and saying 'I'll do that next year' etc and never take that risk or jump that I need too.
Now i fear with COVID completely changing the world, my chances of improving my life and doing what I want planned to do will never materialise as the prospects of a new job, getting my own place or meeting someone is remote now due to circumstances.
Not saying I'm depressed but it's certainly playing on my mind a lot during these tough times.
I have a habit of putting things off and saying 'I'll do that next year' etc and never take that risk or jump that I need too.
Now i fear with COVID completely changing the world, my chances of improving my life and doing what I want planned to do will never materialise as the prospects of a new job, getting my own place or meeting someone is remote now due to circumstances.
Not saying I'm depressed but it's certainly playing on my mind a lot during these tough times.
Just remember COVID isn't forever and the measures that are in place aren't forever. It can be easy to let things like the 2m rule be an easy crutch for say not dating - I did the same at the very start but it shouldn't be. Try make a list of what achievable things you want to complete in your life in say the next 5 years and then break down everything you can do to help those achievements become realised. Don't worry about those things happening but focus on the small wins you get on the path to them.
Obviously a relationship, as an example, requires two parties but you can also put yourself out there more, change your appearance if needed, things like that. It's all about a positive mindset and setting yourself attainable targets.
Good advice. Appreciate that mate. I really am my own worst enemy at times.
Riddick, is it that you " think " you should be happier. I don't know but have you got a good job or have a nice family. Sounds to me you are experiencing something called " anhedonia ". Basically it means your not enjoying the things that normally give you pleasure. Maybe it's too cosy for you, it's not " bad " but it may be unexciting, boring and monotonous. A lot of " celebs " experience it apparently. Maybe you perhaps need to try something different, something more taxing. It may seem odd to suggest it but do you volunteer, give " something back ". ? Might make you feel good about yourself. Don't know your personal circumstances but reading between the lines, it seems you " shouldn't " be feeling low / down, but you do. I sometimes think " son, stop moaning, you've got a good job, nice family why moan ". I would look at doing something that raises your spirits, something that will help someone, a sort of " I'm glad I did that, someone really appreciated what I did for them and you know what, I feel good for doing it ". Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick.
You are 100% right. I am...or should be...really happy in my life. I bought a house I have no business having, I love my wife and she's defintely settled down for me(she's quite fit). I don't exactly love my job but who does? I have 3 dags etc.
You aren't wrong in the slightest, it was more along the "i need to vent" crap. I think half my issue is I had an amazing life before the real world came crashing in, I had about a decade of backpacking around the world. Loved it. This is just mundane but thats really what life is mostly. Glimpses of special in between a whole lot of nothing.