Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brendan Janus]

I wouldn’t like her to go through it, it’s just my nature. She seems pretty low herself and he is using his love bombing technique to reel her in, before he goes the full on narcissistic sociopaths that I am used to.

No, I know, but you've got to do what is right for you & your daughter, ironically the ex Wife left me for a coercive bully in the end, she didn't know that at the time, she moved in with him, then moved out from him, but are still together, how does that work then, madness !!

 

[tommye]

No, there are no joint accounts, they are all in my name.
He’s a menace, just preys on the vulnerable, I’d hate for her to go through what we are. If I say something to her he’ll never go and we’ll incur his wrath but if I don’t say anything she’ll have it all to deal with.

Would you like me to change your locks for you so when he's next out he can't get back in?
I won't charge you.

 

[coollino]

How are you getting on @Brendan Janus

 

[Twinkletoes123]

No, I know, but you've got to do what is right for you & your daughter, ironically the ex Wife left me for a coercive bully in the end, she didn't know that at the time, she moved in with him, then moved out from him, but are still together, how does that work then, madness !!

It’s called bread crumbing, they treat you like crap and when you start to pull away they start treating you like a Princess to real you back in, then when you think they’ve changed for the better, they repeat the process. I have no idea how I’ve ended up like this but they are skilled manipulators. I used to look at people in abusive relationships and wonder why they put up with it, now I totally understand how insidious they are and the damage it causes to the mental and physical health of the victims they inflict this damage to.

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Would you like me to change your locks for you so when he's next out he can't get back in?
I won't charge you.

Thank you so much for your kind offer but I am in South West Wales, the last time I locked him out he put a steel block through my door.

 

[paultheblue]

No, there are no joint accounts, they are all in my name.
He’s a menace, just preys on the vulnerable, I’d hate for her to go through what we are. If I say something to her he’ll never go and we’ll incur his wrath but if I don’t say anything she’ll have it all to deal with.

From the posts you have made I assume that he is not the father of your daughter which in the case of the enevitable split will make things less complicated.
It really does sound that you need professional help.

 

[tommye]

Thank you so much for your kind offer but I am in South West Wales, the last time I locked him out he put a steel block through my door.

Big brave shithouse. ?


If you do decide to change the locks any decent locksmith will help you and advise you on any additional security issues if you explain your situation.

I hope the POS is out of your life soon. For your daughters sake too.
Best of luck to you both X

 

[Twinkletoes123]

From the posts you have made I assume that he is not the father of your daughter which in the case of the enevitable split will make things less complicated.
It really does sound that you need professional help.

My daughter is 20 and from a previous long term relationship. I have been with my husband for 15 years, if we were to split there should be no issues due to renting. I have had some sort of therapy but that’s stopped now. I was referred to the crisis team but every time I called them they said they had a waiting list.

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Big brave shithouse. ?


If you do decide to change the locks any decent locksmith will help you and advise you on any additional security issues if you explain your situation.

I hope the POS is out of your life soon. For your daughters sake too.
Best of luck to you both X

Thank you, I said this time last year that it would be my last Christmas with him under this roof, I hope that it won’t be too long now.

 

[coollino]

You say that you`re mates are all happy to do it, how do you know, have you tried to talking to them ? ( I know how hard that is )

Maybe for some of them, it`s situational peer pressure, same as it is for you ?

I don`t know how old you are mate, but sometimes you have to make some very hard life decisions for your own well being.

If your mates won`t accept you, unless you`re taking coke, then they`re not really your mates, as all you doing is enabling each other.

I had all this crap off some of my " mates " when I cut down massively on the ale, years ago, due to the meds I was on at the time and the fact that the hangovers were turbo charging my anxiety.

The lads I`m still mates with now, fully accept and understand that I can`t drink like them, because of what it does to me the following day.

Fair point, I'd be very surprised if everyone wanted to spend 50-90 a night, weekly or whatever and not including drink

Could be worth going for a weekend in the peak District or something very similar with everyone, where coke isnt quite as easy to pick up. Or Norfolk. You might all get pissed and realise it's fun without it. Like in a hostel or something


@LocalNative

 

[roydo]

Thank you so much for your kind offer but I am in South West Wales, the last time I locked him out he put a steel block through my door.

I am pretty sure I suggested this to you last year. For the love of god, for you, and more importantly your daughter, you have to get professional help with this. To me, its clear that you know this "man" is bad news, but you dont seem to have the support to firmly address it. That is by no means a criticism, far from it.

Family, friends, police, GP, support groups all have access to the stuff you need. It may, well it will, feel horrible, esp this time of year/daughter, but junk this tosser and let him move on. DO NOT think you are protecting someone else through your own misery. Once he is in the system, like a hotel in California, you/he can never leave. Good luck. Xx

 

[Brendan Janus]

How are you getting on @Brendan Janus

Struggle everyday mate, thanks for asking !!

 

[blue to the bone]

Some of you may remember me from last Christmas, my life hasn’t improved, I’m still in the same place that I swore last year I wouldn’t be again.
I have asked my husband to leave numerous times to get the usual retorts of in a couple of days, which never materialises. He hasn’t changed, he drinks non stop, is verbally abusive, intimidates, doesn’t allow me any boundaries, is awful to my daughter, I could go on and on. He’s messaging his next unsuspecting victim, I just want him gone.

Sorry to hear this. Had hoped things would have improved

 

[Brendan Janus]

It’s called bread crumbing, they treat you like crap and when you start to pull away they start treating you like a Princess to real you back in, then when you think they’ve changed for the better, they repeat the process. I have no idea how I’ve ended up like this but they are skilled manipulators. I used to look at people in abusive relationships and wonder why they put up with it, now I totally understand how insidious they are and the damage it causes to the mental and physical health of the victims they inflict this damage to.

Do you know, you've hit hit right bang on the head there, I didn't know it was named bread crumbing, never heard of that, but that is the situation my ex Wife is in, abused mentally & physically & then treated like a princess, & she falls for it everytime !!

 

[paultheblue]

My daughter is 20 and from a previous long term relationship. I have been with my husband for 15 years, if we were to split there should be no issues due to renting. I have had some sort of therapy but that’s stopped now. I was referred to the crisis team but every time I called them they said they had a waiting list.

I am probably telling you about places you already know but have you tried

Hafan Cymru
This is a charitable housing association based in Wales that deal with women in your situation.
The number is 01267 225555 It is closed at the moment but there is an out of hours number.
Also based in Wales
Live Fear Free 0808 8010 800