Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[anjelikaferrett]

Second interview done.

Thought I came across well (same as the first interview last week) but I'm worried the practical tests let me down.

Don't think I failed the tests, but perhaps didn't do as well as I know I could have.

Although I realise that may be the nerves kicking in.

Nice one. Hope you get it. If you don't, ask them for some feedback. They might give you a few pointers as to why you didn't get it that you could consider for the future. Or, as happened to me on far too many occasions, they might say "We really liked you but there was just somebody who better met the requirements" which is wholly annoying and very frustrating.

 

[TheAlmightyFloater]

Well done mate it's another step forward I wish you all the best and if you're out of luck on this occasion the experience you get from it will be invaluable for the future and at least you now know what's expected of you.

Cheers mate

Nice one. Hope you get it. If you don't, ask them for some feedback. They might give you a few pointers as to why you didn't get it that you could consider for the future. Or, as happened to me on far too many occasions, they might say "We really liked you but there was just somebody who better met the requirements" which is wholly annoying and very frustrating.

I'm inclined to think any rejection may be partly because I might not live as close as the other candidates. We discussed relocating at the interview so it's definitely going to be a factor in their decision.

 

[Woolly Blue]

Thanks @anjelikaferrett @COYBL25 and @BiggyRat - I mentioned to my boss that I've been having these weird fatigue symptoms and she seems to think it's stress and is sympathetic to it so that's quite positive. Just a perfect storm of things going on the last year or so. Massive workload increase, new role (promotion), new people coming in around me who have a lower opinion of my abilities than the ones there before them (at least that's my perception, I don't have solid evidence on that). And to top it all I don't really enjoy it. I'm looking to move in another direction all together but it's taking some time

Ask your boss if there's any training or mentoring related to stress management available. Quite a few companies are waking up to the fact that it pays to make sure your staff can cope with stress in the workplace.

If there isn't then my advice is as follows. It might not be appropriate to your work situation, but some of it likely is.

First, and most importantly, learn how and when to say No. If you can't realistically do what you're being asked to then, then say so, explain why it's not possible, and, ideally offer an alternative. But the most important bit is saying No. It's not easy to do, and can be quite scary at first, but I started doing it years ago and our company now have a reputation for being realists who, if we say we'll deliver something at a certain time, will do so unless external influences stop us.

Secondly, if you're at all in control of a situation ( eg you've been asked to estimate how long something will take ), be realistic and don't commit yourself to something you can't do without working all the hours god sends. If you do have some level of control, and you struggle balancing your workload, ask for some help with time management.

Try to take a step back occassionally and look at the bigger picture and decide which if your tasks are the most important. There are always priorities.

If all else fails and the job is making you miserable, then start looking for another one. You're probably much more highly regarded by your management than you give yourself credit for, so when the requests for references start coming through then they might sit up and take notice.

If you do end up leaving the job and they do exit interviews then explain why you're leaving. Chances are it'll make no difference to how they treat folk in the future, but if they don't know, they certainly won't change !

 

[kanie46]

Anyone on here been prescribed Sertraline?

 

[Ashtonian]

I was wondering if anyone can give me a little bit of advice?

It is tied into the thread theme as i guess the results will have a longer term effect on me than i would like.

As mentioned over in another thread i had issues within work with a collegue and went down the greivance route. I spoke to an HR advisor yesterday and she recommended me sitting down and talking to said collegue, basically the mediation they have to follow as part of the process. I am hopefully going to have a chat with my assistant manager on the subject today as i did accept the suggestion with it being the official route and didn't want to appear stubborn over the matter. My concerns is that putting me in that situation takes some blame from him and rather than 'pull him up' about his actions, it is still excusing them and having me talking to him seems like it is me bending over backwards for his actions.

But anyway, what i was asking for help over was what do i do? In any mediation meeting i would have to ask him why he has an issue with me on a personal level. Predictably he will deny he has one (as there is nothing i have done to offend him!) so where does that leave me? I won't feel comfortable sitting on the table with him as no-one will actually pull him up for any way he feels he can speak to me, including 2 team leaders who have been there point blank. So yeah, i have many issues in my team, which after christmas i am looking for a new job so hopefully that is the long term solution either way. But short term, how do i deal with that? I already feel isolated and alone as it is without not knowing if i will get something silly publicly thrown at me again, even picking up the same email can result in that. (BTW same fella is nice to everyone else so imagine how that would look if he is having a go at me to others).

Do i ask to be moved away? What sort of protection can i get in that regard? I don't want to make a big scene but at the same time it will start having a mental impact on me whilst i have to face that every day.

 

[COYBL25]

I was wondering if anyone can give me a little bit of advice?

It is tied into the thread theme as i guess the results will have a longer term effect on me than i would like.

As mentioned over in another thread i had issues within work with a collegue and went down the greivance route. I spoke to an HR advisor yesterday and she recommended me sitting down and talking to said collegue, basically the mediation they have to follow as part of the process. I am hopefully going to have a chat with my assistant manager on the subject today as i did accept the suggestion with it being the official route and didn't want to appear stubborn over the matter. My concerns is that putting me in that situation takes some blame from him and rather than 'pull him up' about his actions, it is still excusing them and having me talking to him seems like it is me bending over backwards for his actions.

But anyway, what i was asking for help over was what do i do? In any mediation meeting i would have to ask him why he has an issue with me on a personal level. Predictably he will deny he has one (as there is nothing i have done to offend him!) so where does that leave me? I won't feel comfortable sitting on the table with him as no-one will actually pull him up for any way he feels he can speak to me, including 2 team leaders who have been there point blank. So yeah, i have many issues in my team, which after christmas i am looking for a new job so hopefully that is the long term solution either way. But short term, how do i deal with that? I already feel isolated and alone as it is without not knowing if i will get something silly publicly thrown at me again, even picking up the same email can result in that. (BTW same fella is nice to everyone else so imagine how that would look if he is having a go at me to others).

Do i ask to be moved away? What sort of protection can i get in that regard? I don't want to make a big scene but at the same time it will start having a mental impact on me whilst i have to face that every day.

@anjelikaferrett and @big bobs beard can normally help with stuff like this ?

 

[chrismpw]

I was wondering if anyone can give me a little bit of advice?

It is tied into the thread theme as i guess the results will have a longer term effect on me than i would like.

As mentioned over in another thread i had issues within work with a collegue and went down the greivance route. I spoke to an HR advisor yesterday and she recommended me sitting down and talking to said collegue, basically the mediation they have to follow as part of the process. I am hopefully going to have a chat with my assistant manager on the subject today as i did accept the suggestion with it being the official route and didn't want to appear stubborn over the matter. My concerns is that putting me in that situation takes some blame from him and rather than 'pull him up' about his actions, it is still excusing them and having me talking to him seems like it is me bending over backwards for his actions.

But anyway, what i was asking for help over was what do i do? In any mediation meeting i would have to ask him why he has an issue with me on a personal level. Predictably he will deny he has one (as there is nothing i have done to offend him!) so where does that leave me? I won't feel comfortable sitting on the table with him as no-one will actually pull him up for any way he feels he can speak to me, including 2 team leaders who have been there point blank. So yeah, i have many issues in my team, which after christmas i am looking for a new job so hopefully that is the long term solution either way. But short term, how do i deal with that? I already feel isolated and alone as it is without not knowing if i will get something silly publicly thrown at me again, even picking up the same email can result in that. (BTW same fella is nice to everyone else so imagine how that would look if he is having a go at me to others).

Do i ask to be moved away? What sort of protection can i get in that regard? I don't want to make a big scene but at the same time it will start having a mental impact on me whilst i have to face that every day.

I don't know any of your actual details in this, but it sounds to me that in any mediation, the best way to deal with it is to assume there may have been a misunderstanding that has caused the actions, rather than a vindictive agenda.
Outline your perceptions of the situation, and make clear that this is how you see it, without making accusations (which is aggressive and is more likely to get an aggressive response). Then ask them to explain why your perceptions might be wrong, or if there is something you said or did that might have brought about resentment you perceive. Make your "adversary" relaxed and you're more likely to get to the truth. What's more, you're taking the lead, and the moral high ground by not making accusations, but asking for their interpretation.

 

[Ashtonian]

I don't know any if your details in this, but it sounds to me that in any mediation, the best way to deal with it is to assume there may have been a misunderstanding that has caused the actions, rather than an agenda.
Outline your perceptions of the situation, and make clear that this is how you see it, without making accusations (which is aggressive and is more likely to get an aggressive response). Then ask them to explain why your perceptions might be wrong, or if there is something you said or did that might have brought about resentment you perceive.

To be honest, i think the real reason is the following, which is childish and petty i know but not out of the ordinary for where i work!

Before me, generally the third person in the team struggled to do the job. So you had 2 good mates over years together who are the team ,and a third who isn't very good. Over time they leave and is replaced by another. So when i started and not only didn't rely on them to learn the job but actually could do it, he immeditatly didn't like me. How dare someone be able to do this job as good as me? Sort of thing. So i think any personal dislike of me stems from there, so no matter what we discussed i don't think there would be any clear answer or solution.

but from what you said, as silly as it sounds, why should i have to do that? Why would i be in that position? If i spoke to anyone else like the way he feels is ok then i would be hauled in the office, disciplined and made to apologise! That is what has really got me in all of this, there is no reprecussions and if i dare ask for support i get made to talk about these issues with them which gives them massive leeway to nod along and promise to change etc.

 

[chrismpw]

Perhaps by being good at what you did and not asking for help, he saw that as arrogance and it got you off to a bad start - especially as he was missing his pal, and the third person in the team would have boosted their egos by making them look superior. Daft situations can arise from something as simple as that.
Something daft like a charm offensive, having the mediation in a pub and buying a beer might solve it.

On the other hand I could be talking utter cobblers.

 

[kithnou]

everything really, nothing that I can explain satisfactory. I just know. I am going to see my oncologist tomorrow so will discuss with him.

Update?

 

[wbn61]

Update?[/QUOTE'
sorry I havn't been on for what seems a long while for me but just havn't had the energy.
didn't hear back from the doc so everything seems ok

 

[anjelikaferrett]

@anjelikaferrett and @big bobs beard can normally help with stuff like this ?

@Ashtonian I'm in work at the moment. Not supposed to have smart phones in the office- security issues in the past where sensitive documents got photographed. I'm having a "comfort break" to type this (way too much info I know!) My initial thoughts are if you are claiming he is bullying you don't touch mediation with a six foot shi))y stick. Will explain later. Need to get back they'll think I'm constipated! Feel free to pm me.

 

[blueloon]

Second interview done.

Thought I came across well (same as the first interview last week) but I'm worried the practical tests let me down.

Don't think I failed the tests, but perhaps didn't do as well as I know I could have.

Although I realise that may be the nerves kicking in.

Well done mate, I don't think there's ever been an interview I've had where I haven't worried that I hadn't done as well as I should have, good luck with this hope you get the outcome you want.

 

[big bobs beard]

To be honest, i think the real reason is the following, which is childish and petty i know but not out of the ordinary for where i work!

Before me, generally the third person in the team struggled to do the job. So you had 2 good mates over years together who are the team ,and a third who isn't very good. Over time they leave and is replaced by another. So when i started and not only didn't rely on them to learn the job but actually could do it, he immeditatly didn't like me. How dare someone be able to do this job as good as me? Sort of thing. So i think any personal dislike of me stems from there, so no matter what we discussed i don't think there would be any clear answer or solution.

but from what you said, as silly as it sounds, why should i have to do that? Why would i be in that position? If i spoke to anyone else like the way he feels is ok then i would be hauled in the office, disciplined and made to apologise! That is what has really got me in all of this, there is no reprecussions and if i dare ask for support i get made to talk about these issues with them which gives them massive leeway to nod along and promise to change etc.

Sounds to me like he likes to throw his weight and opinions about - and as there has been no repercussions from that thinks it is just fine to continue like that which can be interpreted as bullying to be honest. What you need to do is pull him up next time something is said/happens, preferably in font of another colleague who's opinions you trust, and basically ask him what his problm is? Is it personal? If so why? If not why doeshe do it? He will either be too thick skinned to see a problem in which case your witness can back you up, or in the typical bully way be mortified that he has been sussed and back down and stay out of you way. Either way I would look to work elsewhere as a good work environment and suppotive colleagues is probably THE most important factor in any job, particularly where it is imperative you work as a team. Worth a pay cut for in the shot term if necessary. If management don't act they are condoning his unreasonable bhaviour - who want s to work for people like that?

 

[Ashtonian]

Sounds to me like he likes to throw his weight and opinions about - and as there has been no repercussions from that thinks it is just fine to continue like that which can be interpreted as bullying to be honest. What you need to do is pull him up next time something is said/happens, preferably in font of another colleague who's opinions you trust, and basically ask him what his problm is? Is it personal? If so why? If not why doeshe do it? He will either be too thick skinned to see a problem in which case your witness can back you up, or in the typical bully way be mortified that he has been sussed and back down and stay out of you way. Either way I would look to work elsewhere as a good work environment and suppotive colleagues is probably THE most important factor in any job, particularly where it is imperative you work as a team. Worth a pay cut for in the shot term if necessary. If management don't act they are condoning his unreasonable bhaviour - who want s to work for people like that?

I have a team leader on my desk and they did nothing about it. Literally half arsed interference after it got heated. so yeah in terms of pulling them up like you say ideally i would love to do that but it the fact it happens so randomly, it is hard to predict when the next outburst will be. In terms of a new job i am looking after christmas is over, i will go sideways into an area that intrigues me sure, anything to get away from the office. But i will have a chat with my AM when he has time next just to paint out that Mediation isn't an option, been there before, not changed anything, and to be honest it feels like they are condoning his actions as nothing more than a disagreement between us rather than any acts of bullying.

I have even had a response before form a team leader of 'it seems like you are trying to cause trouble' when genuinely asking for support in my issues. The amount my issues have been downgraded is quite amazing, would literally take them pinning me down and hitting me before they would take notice i am having real issues that need support over.