Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[larbert toffee]

A difficult time. I lost my father to a car crash and my mother a couple months later in childbirth when I was not yet 6 years old (1973). Today would have been my father's 75th birthday and I have been in a funk about it all day. I'm blessed beyond belief to have been raised by my father's brother and his wife whom I called Dad and Mom as they integrated me nearly flawlessly into their family where cousins became siblings and remain so to this day. But I remember my first Dad especially on days like this. It still hurts.

You all are such a wonderful community and I also feel blessed to have found GOT and EFC. Thank you for giving me space to somewhat anonymously vent my pain. It'll pass. Especially made possible when given room by friends to share.

Thank you all.

As previously mentioned out of a sad situation what a lovely story and what a fantastic family you must have.
You are more than entitled to have days where you feel sad for your losses and it's nice you feel comfortable enough in this environment to share your uplifting story.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

A difficult time. I lost my father to a car crash and my mother a couple months later in childbirth when I was not yet 6 years old (1973). Today would have been my father's 75th birthday and I have been in a funk about it all day. I'm blessed beyond belief to have been raised by my father's brother and his wife whom I called Dad and Mom as they integrated me nearly flawlessly into their family where cousins became siblings and remain so to this day. But I remember my first Dad especially on days like this. It still hurts.

You all are such a wonderful community and I also feel blessed to have found GOT and EFC. Thank you for giving me space to somewhat anonymously vent my pain. It'll pass. Especially made possible when given room by friends to share.

Thank you all.

That’s a lot to have been through mate, I’m really sorry.

Great to hear you’ve been surrounded by amazing family though and they certainly seem to have done an incredible job raising you.

Of course you’re going to feel down about it all, especially on important dates like yesterday. Vent away, we’ll always be about to lend an ear.

 

[David09]

A difficult time. I lost my father to a car crash and my mother a couple months later in childbirth when I was not yet 6 years old (1973). Today would have been my father's 75th birthday and I have been in a funk about it all day. I'm blessed beyond belief to have been raised by my father's brother and his wife whom I called Dad and Mom as they integrated me nearly flawlessly into their family where cousins became siblings and remain so to this day. But I remember my first Dad especially on days like this. It still hurts.

You all are such a wonderful community and I also feel blessed to have found GOT and EFC. Thank you for giving me space to somewhat anonymously vent my pain. It'll pass. Especially made possible when given room by friends to share.

Thank you all.

Keep sharing mate. I found this page about 3 years a go when in a right mess. I found just getting things out in the open has really helped me.
A sad day for you mate but try to remember the good times.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

A difficult time. I lost my father to a car crash and my mother a couple months later in childbirth when I was not yet 6 years old (1973). Today would have been my father's 75th birthday and I have been in a funk about it all day. I'm blessed beyond belief to have been raised by my father's brother and his wife whom I called Dad and Mom as they integrated me nearly flawlessly into their family where cousins became siblings and remain so to this day. But I remember my first Dad especially on days like this. It still hurts.

You all are such a wonderful community and I also feel blessed to have found GOT and EFC. Thank you for giving me space to somewhat anonymously vent my pain. It'll pass. Especially made possible when given room by friends to share.

Thank you all.

Bless you. That's a lovely post x

 

[brieverton]

Hey lads a few of you might be able to relate to this and thought here would be as good a place as any for advice. So I’ve a history of depression and suicidal thoughts and stuff like that, I’ve posted on here a few times over the past few years even.

Well I thought I generally had everything mostly under control for the last few years even with the pandemic but it’s all come crumbling down these past few days. I’m 24 and I’ve just lost my best friend, my dog that I’ve had since I was 12.

He was old I know and I was beginning to accept he was gonna pass soon but unfortunately he got into an accident and due to his age the vet wasn’t able to do much. I got to say a little goodbye to him but not anything close to what I imagined.

This is the first real time in my life I’ve had to grieve for someone or something I truly care about and it’s absolutely tearing me apart. I’ve basically done nothing but lay in bed and cry for 2 days and I’m now currently writing this in the middle of the night because I can’t get the little lad out of my head.

I know some people might say he’s only a dog and get over it or whatever but I’ve had him for half of my life and literally every part of my life that I remember he was there too, I’m trying to imagine how I’m gonna be without him.

I just feel awful about the whole thing between feelings of guilt, sadness, anger and anxiety about his life and my own. I loved him as much as anyone else in my family and like I said he was my best friend. I know I’m a grown man now but I feel like a helpless child without him and I don’t know what I’ll do.

I’m in a real bad place now honestly and I’m gonna miss him so much, I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope not seeing him around or feeding him or anything. He’s just gone and I barely got to say goodbye to him.

I’m just a mess now even thinking about him the poor fella. I’m gonna miss you so much little buddy.

I'm so so sorry mate. I lost Toffee, in my avatar, on February 3rd. 150 days exactly today. You have absolutely done the right thing reaching out here, and I'd encourage you when ready, to tell people, anyone that is appropriate for you.

I say to people I lost a member of my family earlier this year, and it's still raw.

There is no getting around it, this is a terrible time. You have to be kind to yourself as much as possible, you'll find almost everyone to be kind and understanding. And if they are not, they don't understand the bond between humans and animals/dogs, and I feel a little sadness for what those people have missed.

You cared mate, cared deeply, and you go on caring. Take care of yourself.

 

[18Chris87]

Hey lads a few of you might be able to relate to this and thought here would be as good a place as any for advice. So I’ve a history of depression and suicidal thoughts and stuff like that, I’ve posted on here a few times over the past few years even.

Well I thought I generally had everything mostly under control for the last few years even with the pandemic but it’s all come crumbling down these past few days. I’m 24 and I’ve just lost my best friend, my dog that I’ve had since I was 12.

He was old I know and I was beginning to accept he was gonna pass soon but unfortunately he got into an accident and due to his age the vet wasn’t able to do much. I got to say a little goodbye to him but not anything close to what I imagined.

This is the first real time in my life I’ve had to grieve for someone or something I truly care about and it’s absolutely tearing me apart. I’ve basically done nothing but lay in bed and cry for 2 days and I’m now currently writing this in the middle of the night because I can’t get the little lad out of my head.

I know some people might say he’s only a dog and get over it or whatever but I’ve had him for half of my life and literally every part of my life that I remember he was there too, I’m trying to imagine how I’m gonna be without him.

I just feel awful about the whole thing between feelings of guilt, sadness, anger and anxiety about his life and my own. I loved him as much as anyone else in my family and like I said he was my best friend. I know I’m a grown man now but I feel like a helpless child without him and I don’t know what I’ll do.

I’m in a real bad place now honestly and I’m gonna miss him so much, I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope not seeing him around or feeding him or anything. He’s just gone and I barely got to say goodbye to him.

I’m just a mess now even thinking about him the poor fella. I’m gonna miss you so much little buddy.

Hello mate,

A pet, be it whatever, is part of your family and that you have sat and grieved and thought about your dog so much is a testament to how much love you had for him and shows what a compassionate and caring person you are.

You gave him 12 years of happiness, memories, comfort, companionship, calmness, and kindness. Everytime you secretly let him kip on your bed, snuck him an extra treat or even sat in the same room with him meant the world to him. As much as I imagine he's probably helped you through some rough times - especially during the last year.

It's cruel that your goodbye was robbed and that the time he had left with you was cut short before you could come to terms with it. It's never easy to focus on the whole picture, but what you gave him and his impact on your life will always be carried with you; regardless of how it ended for the poor thing.

Keep your chin up mate, your dog would have done anything to see you happy and smiling, as you would have done for him, never forget that!

 

[Kurt.]

Thanks for the messages lads. The past few days have of course been tough but day after day it is getting a little better, trying to keep myself busy and only look at the positives. I still have one dog who's a sister of the one who passed, I've focused on not only getting myself out of the dumps but keeping her emotions up as well. Dogs are obviously smart animals so she definitely is missing her best friend too so my goal is to give her a happy fulfilled life now that she's on her own now too. She's obviously old as she's from the same litter as well so who knows how long we might have her but like I said I want to give her the best possible life I can now and that'll help me in the long run knowing I gave these 2 a great life, even if they weren't with us for as long as I would've liked.

I've lost 2 dogs in the past few years and both times it was heartbreaking. I think i may have mentioned it on here before but somebody gave me some wonderful words of comfort, your dog was a massive part of your life, but you were a constant in all of their life.

 

[efcforever]

I'm just hoping that writing things down might help me in some way so here goes.

I posted on here a few years ago and since then I've been doing well mentally. Over the last few years I have felt strong and have been taking most things in my stride.

Unfortunately the last few weeks I felt myself slipping and some of my old negative habits have been showing up again, stuff like obsessing over various things and general feelings of anxiety.

My wife is a nurse and since Covid started her mental health deteriorated and she became quite unwell. She is only now showing signs of improvement. Whilst she's been unwell I have picked up most of the slack at home in terms of house work, child care and managing the finances. During this time my wife would do her best to check on me and make sure I was coping OK. The truth is I was coping fine and was feeling the strongest I've ever felt my whole life.

It's started to catch up with me now though and I can feel myself starting to struggle. I really want to nip it in the bud before I get worse.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if I'm making sense but I really wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.

 

[larbert toffee]

I'm just hoping that writing things down might help me in some way so here goes.

I posted on here a few years ago and since then I've been doing well mentally. Over the last few years I have felt strong and have been taking most things in my stride.

Unfortunately the last few weeks I felt myself slipping and some of my old negative habits have been showing up again, stuff like obsessing over various things and general feelings of anxiety.

My wife is a nurse and since Covid started her mental health deteriorated and she became quite unwell. She is only now showing signs of improvement. Whilst she's been unwell I have picked up most of the slack at home in terms of house work, child care and managing the finances. During this time my wife would do her best to check on me and make sure I was coping OK. The truth is I was coping fine and was feeling the strongest I've ever felt my whole life.

It's started to catch up with me now though and I can feel myself starting to struggle. I really want to nip it in the bud before I get worse.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if I'm making sense but I really wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.

Mate, you make perfect sense and the.main thing is you realise that things are in your words "slipping ' a little so you're well placed to do something about it.
Covid has in some way affected almost all of us in one way or another either physically or probably even more mentally.
First of all, it's good to hear your wife's health is improving, that would have been a struggle for you, I know that from my own experience, you have also shown character and resilience in coming back from this situation previously.
There are other good people on here better qualified than I to suggest what you do next to help alleviate your situation.
Best of luck mate, I've no doubt at all you can manage yourself to feeling in a better place, keep us posted.

 

[efcforever]

Mate, you make perfect sense and the.main thing is you realise that things are in your words "slipping ' a little so you're well placed to do something about it.
Covid has in some way affected almost all of us in one way or another either physically or probably even more mentally.
First of all, it's good to hear your wife's health is improving, that would have been a struggle for you, I know that from my own experience, you have also shown character and resilience in coming back from this situation previously.
There are other good people on here better qualified than I to suggest what you do next to help alleviate your situation.
Best of luck mate, I've no doubt at all you can manage yourself to feeling in a better place, keep us posted.

Thanks mate.

I definitely have better coping strategies than I did previously so that should help me.

I have been foolishly taking on more and more and insisting that I could cope. Taking some silly sense of pride in it all.

 

[Earwigjoe]

I'm just hoping that writing things down might help me in some way so here goes.

I posted on here a few years ago and since then I've been doing well mentally. Over the last few years I have felt strong and have been taking most things in my stride.

Unfortunately the last few weeks I felt myself slipping and some of my old negative habits have been showing up again, stuff like obsessing over various things and general feelings of anxiety.

My wife is a nurse and since Covid started her mental health deteriorated and she became quite unwell. She is only now showing signs of improvement. Whilst she's been unwell I have picked up most of the slack at home in terms of house work, child care and managing the finances. During this time my wife would do her best to check on me and make sure I was coping OK. The truth is I was coping fine and was feeling the strongest I've ever felt my whole life.

It's started to catch up with me now though and I can feel myself starting to struggle. I really want to nip it in the bud before I get worse.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if I'm making sense but I really wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.

Your post makes perfect sense mate. Depression sucks us all in especially more in these last 2 years - more and more of us are getting those Chicken Little days, weeks, months were we feel our whole world is collapsing in around us. Its something we cant just snap ourselves out of and many reading your post sadly will be able to relate to. Happiness is the shortest lasting emotion and state of mind we have. You propably feel yourself slipping because your wife isnt able to be as strong for you as before- your rock seems to be slipping from you as it is for her at the moment. Definitely speak to your GPs and get some help for both of you, try to remember the words and questions your wife used with you to pull you up and give them back to her hopefully the 2 of yous can help each other through these hard times. @Spotty will give you far better advice than me but keep strong brother but meanwhile try to focus on your marriage, family, faith whatever it is that makes you happy.

 

[COYBL25]

I'm just hoping that writing things down might help me in some way so here goes.

I posted on here a few years ago and since then I've been doing well mentally. Over the last few years I have felt strong and have been taking most things in my stride.

Unfortunately the last few weeks I felt myself slipping and some of my old negative habits have been showing up again, stuff like obsessing over various things and general feelings of anxiety.

My wife is a nurse and since Covid started her mental health deteriorated and she became quite unwell. She is only now showing signs of improvement. Whilst she's been unwell I have picked up most of the slack at home in terms of house work, child care and managing the finances. During this time my wife would do her best to check on me and make sure I was coping OK. The truth is I was coping fine and was feeling the strongest I've ever felt my whole life.

It's started to catch up with me now though and I can feel myself starting to struggle. I really want to nip it in the bud before I get worse.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if I'm making sense but I really wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.

My missus is a nurse mate and I know they`ve been very good supporting staff, who`ve started to burn out due to what`s been going on, has she been receiving any help from work ? This may something you may want to access if she hasn`t.

Also, would it be possible for you and your missus to take a break somewhere, when the kids are off school, just a few days away to unwind and forget about life ?

Obviously, dependent on your domestic circumstances

 

[efcforever]

My missus is a nurse mate and I know they`ve been very good supporting staff, who`ve started to burn out due to what`s been going on, has she been receiving any help from work ? This may something you may want to access if she hasn`t.

Also, would it be possible for you and your missus to take a break somewhere, when the kids are off school, just a few days away to unwind and forget about life ?

Obviously, dependent on your domestic circumstances

She was offered support from work and telephone counselling. The trouble is she is very opposed to any kind of counselling as she is worried that certain things from her childhood will be brought up. I know from experience you really have to commit to it if you have counselling and it's a sore subject for her.

We are thinking of a short break later in the year if we can get something sorted.

 

[efcforever]

Your post makes perfect sense mate. Depression sucks us all in especially more in these last 2 years - more and more of us are getting those Chicken Little days, weeks, months were we feel our whole world is collapsing in around us. Its something we cant just snap ourselves out of and many reading your post sadly will be able to relate to. Happiness is the shortest lasting emotion and state of mind we have. You propably feel yourself slipping because your wife isnt able to be as strong for you as before- your rock seems to be slipping from you as it is for her at the moment. Definitely speak to your GPs and get some help for both of you, try to remember the words and questions your wife used with you to pull you up and give them back to her hopefully the 2 of yous can help each other through these hard times. @Spotty will give you far better advice than me but keep strong brother but meanwhile try to focus on your marriage, family, faith whatever it is that makes you happy.

Thanks for the kind words mate. She has just had her medication reviewed and increased. It may be time for me to speak to the GP as well.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

I'm just hoping that writing things down might help me in some way so here goes.

I posted on here a few years ago and since then I've been doing well mentally. Over the last few years I have felt strong and have been taking most things in my stride.

Unfortunately the last few weeks I felt myself slipping and some of my old negative habits have been showing up again, stuff like obsessing over various things and general feelings of anxiety.

My wife is a nurse and since Covid started her mental health deteriorated and she became quite unwell. She is only now showing signs of improvement. Whilst she's been unwell I have picked up most of the slack at home in terms of house work, child care and managing the finances. During this time my wife would do her best to check on me and make sure I was coping OK. The truth is I was coping fine and was feeling the strongest I've ever felt my whole life.

It's started to catch up with me now though and I can feel myself starting to struggle. I really want to nip it in the bud before I get worse.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if I'm making sense but I really wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.

Course it makes sense mate.

While it is terrible that your wife was unwell, the extra responsibilities sound like they imbued you with a bit of a sense of purpose/direction/control. Maybe now she's on the mend you feel like you're going to have to relinquish some control and you are worried about it?

In any event, after such a turbulent period this could be a chance for the two of you to put your heads together and create a "new normal" way of working together to make sure everyone's mental health is good?

Good luck to you both.