Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Gwladysover]

Really struggling with balancing socializing and my concerns about Covid. One of my mates wants a bunch of us to go up and visit this weekend for his 30th birthday but I know they will all want to go to crowded indoor bars. I'm very concerned about developing Long Covid (apparently 1 in 5 Americans who've had Covid do). I already battle with migraines, depression, anxiety, and the associated fatigue from those. Couldn't imagine the struggle if those symptoms get exacerbated long term by Covid

I understand your concerns but as @MikelsGoat says COVID isn’t going anywhere. It can be a challenge going back into the world, worrying about “what if” but you are worrying about something that may never happen. Life is for living and I hope you are able to put your fears to one side and enjoy yourself once again. On a personal note, I decided I would rather risk COVID than live without the kisses and hugs of my grandchildren. Best wishes.?

 

[Blue Parkender]

My dad starts his Chemo today and if I'm completely honest i don't want him to have it.

Neither do most of my family, my mum, his sisters, but he doesn't know that and its his choice in the end.

The reasons why is his cancer (Mesothelioma) cannot be cured and right now he is his normal self. I know that Chemo kills all good and bad cells in your body which is why you become weak from it and basically your immune system is none existent. He has a quality of life now and can do everything he wants to but he could be floored of the treatment and that's my worry. The oncologist told me that chest infections flu's etc are very dangerous when you're taking Chemo.

I've seen too many people go rapidly downhill when the start their treatment. Chemo is fantastic for certain cancers and obviously can cure them but for my dads it's going to do next to nothing against the cancer, quality of life is my main concern for him now. I would rather he lived for 8-10 months relatively pain free than 12 months destroyed by the Chemo or susceptible to getting hospitalized from an infection because his immune system is down.

I can understand your concern, I have stage 4 bone cancer and Christmas 2020 I was given 12 to 18 months. I'm still here and feeling good ( renewed my season ticket ) and intend to see the season out. I was not offered Chemo as my cancer has spread to far I get a 6 monthly injection which is keeping me going for now. Good luck to your dad hope it gives him a lot more time.?

 

[JLW]

I can understand your concern, I have stage 4 bone cancer and Christmas 2020 I was given 12 to 18 months. I'm still here and feeling good ( renewed my season ticket ) and intend to see the season out. I was not offered Chemo as my cancer has spread to far I get a 6 monthly injection which is keeping me going for now. Good luck to your dad hope it gives him a lot more time.?

Thanks, So sorry to hear mate!
What a warrior you are, amazing, love the positivity you have, keep going.

Wish you all the luck in the world mate and keep us updated in here.

My dad went to the hospital yesterday and they've told him they will see him again in 3 months time so we are all more than happy with that.

 

[jonnyboy316]

Been feeling very empty and down as of late. Have always been an introverted person, but neither shy nor lonely but I'm feeling that living alone in my mid 40s is becoming more and more difficult. I work long hours in a demanding job, and that is both a blessing and a curse.

After I've been to the gym and work, and done household work, it's not unusual for me to be in bed by 9pm each night, and I do that at weekends as well. Even though Everton's struggles felt stressful and exhausting, they were a distraction in their own way. I feel now that there is nothing intrinsic to look forward to, and every day is the same.

It's actually my social skills that are lacking I think. I know people will say take a night class, take up a new hobby, volunteer etc but I just have no motivation to do any of those things. I have been on meds for anxiety/depression but not taking any currently, and have had CBT and counselling. I talk to my GP regularly and he is empathetic but outside of more therapy, I get the impression that even he is at a loss to suggest anything.

I think its a form of functional depression that I have. I meet all my obligations, and coping well at work, and I take regular and intensive exercise. I'm physically well and eat well. It's just this creeping emptiness. I'm almost dare to say it, looking forward to the start of the season again just as it will provide something for my mind to focus on.

This resonates. Football gives you a sense of belonging. Something that you can immerse yourself in

 

[davids]

Never usually watch much daytime UK TV but from what I've seen over the last couple of weeks the advertising could definitely trigger mental health issues, saturated with funeral service,cancer,blindness, diabetes,Yemen, Ukraine,trachoma, equity release to pay for cremation, insurance for the death of a spouse...and fifteen minutes later we go again. Almost wants to make you switch channel to watch one of the BBC's many antique based shows?

 

[Woolverhampton_Blue]

Had such a good run the last few months. Alcohol and cocaine threatening to destroy everything, again.

Has anyone here had success with AA? I’ve been to meetings in the past but never stuck the 12 steps.

 

[Spotty]

Had such a good run the last few months. Alcohol and cocaine threatening to destroy everything, again.

Has anyone here had success with AA? I’ve been to meetings in the past but never stuck the 12 steps.

Blue, there is a large element of reflective thinking in the 12 steps. I think there is a positive aspect in the " programm " in that someone sponsors you. They will have close ties with you and be there for you. Supportive. I recall someone telling me there was a requirement / expectation you apologised to those loved ones and friends you yourself feel you have " wronged ".

Please don't quote me on this, I'm relaying my knowledge of the 12 steps however, things may have changed. I expect there is a lot of " trial and error ", relapses and the journey towards sobriety is likely to be quite lengthy and painfull at times. The rewards ? Everything I suspect you want them to be, a clear mind, not dependent on alcohol and being a contended person who is happy to abstain and is aware of the " pitfalls ". Very rarely I post on here and will wsay to someone, " if I was you " because it's about being informed and then making choices, however, I see no harm in you trying it, having had a very honest discussion with yourself. The AA has a lot of people with lived experiences with alcohol so there is a lot of people who will be familiar with what your going through.

Me, I can't have a normal " relationship " with alcohol, I have a very ALL IN personality. A family with its fair share of heavy drinkers, I am very happy to be abstinent, but for many years experienced physical and mental health problems with drinking too much. I look back and think / reflect and think " did I really do / behave like that !? " I'm a people lover, and for me my drinking stopped me being a good person. Painfull to think of and reflect on it sometimes Blue, so painfull are the memories for me. Take care my friend and wish you all the best on your journey. I'm sure I speak for many in wishing you good luck.

 

[Zezti]

Been a long while since I last posted in here but I feel a lot better than I did then. I've not found work but I feel stronger, have met a woman and feel a bit more purpose in my life. Some bad things have happened though; a girl I went to school with has recently been diagnosed with cancer, and my step-great-grandmother passed away from dementia and her funeral is on wednesday, so feel very reminded of mortality lately.

 

[Gwladysover]

Been a long while since I last posted in here but I feel a lot better than I did then. I've not found work but I feel stronger, have met a woman and feel a bit more purpose in my life. Some bad things have happened though; a girl I went to school with has recently been diagnosed with cancer, and my step-great-grandmother passed away from dementia and her funeral is on wednesday, so feel very reminded of mortality lately.

Good to hear that you are feeling better and things are improving for you. Sad that you have also had some bad news recently - sending you my best wishes?

 

[macker71165]

hi fellow evertonians been on this site a while now and seen this thread but bypassed it cs it didnt concern me ... untill NOW
so here goes.. on friday my 24 yr old daughter tried to take her life i was out and was contacted by my 16 year old daughter who answerd the door too police who had had a call of my older daughters mate that my daughter was in trouble sure enough the police came in and found her in a drunken overdosed state with superficial self harm wounds
this is a big shock for my wife and me and all the family.... she was taken too hospital and is fine atm it turns out my daughter has and has had a eating disorder for yrs and none of us knew about she covered this with going gym and building a muscular body but has slipped a disc so cant go for a while i did notice she was losing weight but didnt think much about it what brought it to this situation was her friend saying she cant deal with her all the time and needed to tell us am really bad at this kind of stuff and trying to understand whats going on... now its all in the open it seems she been paying for her own treatment as well as going to her gp on the sly.. now she has been allowed home and the hospital has put some help in place for her i have managed too get her some time of work etc now she saying to my wife she sorry etc but wont eat because i took her laxatives of her. i know this is going too be a long process but can anyone advise me do i give her laxitives back ? am sorry if this sounds like mumbo jumbo also sorry if my post doesnt make sense but i feel spaced out myself with worry would be grateful for any feed back... thnx in advance coyb

 

[Spotty]

hi fellow evertonians been on this site a while now and seen this thread but bypassed it cs it didnt concern me ... untill NOW
so here goes.. on friday my 24 yr old daughter tried to take her life i was out and was contacted by my 16 year old daughter who answerd the door too police who had had a call of my older daughters mate that my daughter was in trouble sure enough the police came in and found her in a drunken overdosed state with superficial self harm wounds
this is a big shock for my wife and me and all the family.... she was taken too hospital and is fine atm it turns out my daughter has and has had a eating disorder for yrs and none of us knew about she covered this with going gym and building a muscular body but has slipped a disc so cant go for a while i did notice she was losing weight but didnt think much about it what brought it to this situation was her friend saying she cant deal with her all the time and needed to tell us am really bad at this kind of stuff and trying to understand whats going on... now its all in the open it seems she been paying for her own treatment as well as going to her gp on the sly.. now she has been allowed home and the hospital has put some help in place for her i have managed too get her some time of work etc now she saying to my wife she sorry etc but wont eat because i took her laxatives of her. i know this is going too be a long process but can anyone advise me do i give her laxitives back ? am sorry if this sounds like mumbo jumbo also sorry if my post doesnt make sense but i feel spaced out myself with worry would be grateful for any feed back... thnx in advance coyb

Macker you must be worried, understandably. She may have wanted to kill herself but from what you've said bud, her actions to me indicate a cry for help. She's hurting and the overdose is a way of telling people " I need help ". Not hard for any daughter to purposefully want to distress parents. One " positive " is at least you now know she is struggling and along with other family members can be very supportive for her. She'll be relieved deep down that dad knows she needs help as she knows your love for her is unconditional. I would like to think that at some point, someone from the mental health team will sit down with her, chat, and assess her current needs.

Self harming is a way for your daughter to inappropriately deal with the stress she is experiencing. It's not a suicide attempt in any way, but for some reason she feels the self harm helps her cope, and yes, self harm can / does help people " feel better ". The laxatives she can get any time macker. As you've asked directly whether or not to give them back to her, might I suggest you ask her supportively why she wants them. Weight loss is the very obvious reasons, but you could say that as you care and love her, your not going to give her them back. As I said Macker, if she wants laxatives she'll get them, but it is a worry that she feels the need to use them . I don't know how old she is or whether she has an issue with her weight, but her self esteem is at at rock bottom, and unfortunately, if she's a teen, body image is massive, especially as a teen. I've just spent 7 years working in a CAHMS Unit and your daughter's behaviours are often the " norm " for many teen girls.

Are you worried ?, Of course you are but your daughter's actions are a cry for help. She's stressed about something and it's important to find out what's going on for her. She's not a " freak " or " abnormal " as she may be thinking. She's a young lady, struggling with a few issues and is dealing with them in a harmfull way. She needs to know Macker she is is loved, cherished and importantly normal. Re assure her that the problems she's experiencing she can get help with and she can recover and move on with her life. It's a good thing Macker you are aware of her issues and you can support her accordingly. I will close by informing you there is no time scale on getting better. Let her recovery take shape, slowly if needs be and small steps. She WILL get there with support.

I've got a few shifts coming up but if you want to DM me please do, I will help in any way I can. Please don't worry too much.Your daughter will get the support and help she needs and help her realise, she DOES have the skills that will help her cope better. Take care Macker.

 

[Earwigjoe]

hi fellow evertonians been on this site a while now and seen this thread but bypassed it cs it didnt concern me ... untill NOW
so here goes.. on friday my 24 yr old daughter tried to take her life i was out and was contacted by my 16 year old daughter who answerd the door too police who had had a call of my older daughters mate that my daughter was in trouble sure enough the police came in and found her in a drunken overdosed state with superficial self harm wounds
this is a big shock for my wife and me and all the family.... she was taken too hospital and is fine atm it turns out my daughter has and has had a eating disorder for yrs and none of us knew about she covered this with going gym and building a muscular body but has slipped a disc so cant go for a while i did notice she was losing weight but didnt think much about it what brought it to this situation was her friend saying she cant deal with her all the time and needed to tell us am really bad at this kind of stuff and trying to understand whats going on... now its all in the open it seems she been paying for her own treatment as well as going to her gp on the sly.. now she has been allowed home and the hospital has put some help in place for her i have managed too get her some time of work etc now she saying to my wife she sorry etc but wont eat because i took her laxatives of her. i know this is going too be a long process but can anyone advise me do i give her laxitives back ? am sorry if this sounds like mumbo jumbo also sorry if my post doesnt make sense but i feel spaced out myself with worry would be grateful for any feed back... thnx in advance coyb

I think you're going to have to speak to the doctor about how best to go forward with this. I think contact with mental health team would be appropriate too as its often a cry for help. Goodluck brother.

 

[Earwigjoe]

"I've got a few shifts coming up but if you want to DM me please do, I will help in any way I can. @Spotty youre a star mate. ?

 

[Spotty]

hi fellow evertonians been on this site a while now and seen this thread but bypassed it cs it didnt concern me ... untill NOW
so here goes.. on friday my 24 yr old daughter tried to take her life i was out and was contacted by my 16 year old daughter who answerd the door too police who had had a call of my older daughters mate that my daughter was in trouble sure enough the police came in and found her in a drunken overdosed state with superficial self harm wounds
this is a big shock for my wife and me and all the family.... she was taken too hospital and is fine atm it turns out my daughter has and has had a eating disorder for yrs and none of us knew about she covered this with going gym and building a muscular body but has slipped a disc so cant go for a while i did notice she was losing weight but didnt think much about it what brought it to this situation was her friend saying she cant deal with her all the time and needed to tell us am really bad at this kind of stuff and trying to understand whats going on... now its all in the open it seems she been paying for her own treatment as well as going to her gp on the sly.. now she has been allowed home and the hospital has put some help in place for her i have managed too get her some time of work etc now she saying to my wife she sorry etc but wont eat because i took her laxatives of her. i know this is going too be a long process but can anyone advise me do i give her laxitives back ? am sorry if this sounds like mumbo jumbo also sorry if my post doesnt make sense but i feel spaced out myself with worry would be grateful for any feed back... thnx in advance coyb

Hi Macker, further to my previous post, click on this link bud explains a lot of things in a plain speak way. The " MIND " Website is one I particularly recommend as it a fantastic resource for information and most importantly, as I said explains it so everyone understands it.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/eating-problems/about-eating-problems/

 

[macker71165]

Big thnx guys. I feel bit emotional that you'd got back to me and really so grateful for your advice.. I really am tired. Am not going too work am creeping about the house trying to be detective. My daughter says am suffocating her but am really really worried. I probley need help myself. I've had a rough few yrs. Full of emotional pain thru personal probs. But. Without me going thru that I really wouldn't be strong enough too cope with this ( blessing in disguise hey ?). Anyways my daughter has gone out today to a friend's. I feel guilty for smothering her but unless you got kids you'll understand. I got too stop my [Poor language removed]. When talking too her I suspect. Something happened to her when she was young by the way she hinted but doesn't want too talk about it. So now my mind is a bit f&$#@d. I just wanna sort it. Listen boys. Thnx again for getting back too me and offers of support. Really makes me emotional you think it was me with her problem. Anyways. Much love guys. Coyb