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Divorce help

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Damo_1878 said:
Make sure such diary is NOT ACCESSIBLE TO HER, even accidentally.

Or any notes or anything else. Just some advice. Even if you have to leave the notes at a friend or family.

It can be taken the wrong way, as it's about protecting you. Whereas it could be viewed the wrong way.

Especially if you are looking for an amicable separation/divorce

My advice if you can leave the diary securely either with family (mother/father or brother or sister etc)
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Good shout this, id go so far as to say it applies to everything online too. Personal Email accounts, personal bank accounts, anything with comms or financial info would be worth changing passwords even if you don’t think she has access.
Exc Shared stuff.
 
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Little Ralphy said:
Anyone been through a divorce in the UK?

Where did you find help etc. I’ve seen a few sites but everything for men seems to ask for money upfront and everything for women is free!

It’s also mostly about getting access to the kids but I shouldn’t have an issue with that part hopefully.

Anyone who has been through it able to offer any guidance where I could find out information etc please? Or anyone get good help from somewhere and could point me in that direction?

Feels like the mrs is walking around the house with a calculator, threatening me with all sorts. All the financial burden appears to be on me. Is this always the case?
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If I’m not mistaken most solicitors will offer 30 min free consultation; have a look on Google and see if any do. Book in with them and they’ll provide proper legal advice

Edit: see others have said the same. Its the best option
 
Bedfordblue said:
Good shout this, id go so far as to say it applies to everything online too. Emails accounts, bank accounts, anything with comms or financial info would be worth changing passwords even if you don’t think she has access.
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Do not do that to joint bank/financial accounts if she's a named party

because restricting access could be viewed very very negatively. It would look like you are acting unilaterally and unreasonably.

Just anything in your own name that she should not have access to anyway. Such as email accounts etc.
 
Damo_1878 said:
Do not do that to joint bank/financial accounts if she's a named party

because restricting access could be viewed very very negatively. It would look like you are acting unilaterally and unreasonably.

Just anything in your own name that she should not have access to anyway. Such as email accounts etc.
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Indeed - meant personal / individual stuff.
 

Little Ralphy said:
Thanks I started a diary a while back as her behaviour became increasingly erratic especially with the kids. I’ll start adding more detail as it happens.

Things aren’t good now though, one minute they will be but the next she’s on her phone and then asking how much my car is worth!
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Sell your car to a mate for mates rates. Buy it back when you are shot. This is not legal advice.
 
@Little Ralphy another small bit of advice. Try to ensure you never lose your temper and always be totally and utterly reasonable in everything you do. It's tough and there can be times that you can feel provoked because it's a stressful time
But look at the big picture. If it's not going to work with this wife of yours then ultimately what you want is your/your kids interests maintained and an amical separation/divorce where you both get what you want and need, within reason

Take the high ground and keep that always in your mind

Get some professional advice and of course do talk to friends (for moral support) but try to ensure they don't become involved. Them getting involved isn't necessary, and remember it's about trying for the amicable separation/divorce
 

Moneyhelper have a page with lots of information and links.


They have a divorce calculator tool too but i've never looked at it so not sure if it's useful at all.

Keep the head up mate. Talk to friends when you can. One of my friends went through a very tough divorce and since it has all been finalised he has got a new lease of life so theres light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Damo_1878 said:
@Little Ralphy another small bit of advice. Try to ensure you never lose your temper and always be totally and utterly reasonable in everything you do. It's tough and there can be times that you can feel provoked because it's a stressful time
But look at the big picture. If it's not going to work with this wife of yours then ultimately what you want is your/your kids interests maintained and an amical separation/divorce where you both get what you want and need, within reason

Take the high ground and keep that always in your mind

Get some professional advice and of course do talk to friends (for moral support) but try to ensure they don't become involved. Them getting involved isn't necessary, and remember it's about trying for the amicable separation/divorce
Click to expand...

Cheers mate. I suspect someone has told her something along these lines as I’ve noticed recently she’s deliberately trying to wind me up and provoke me, getting in my face for no reason as well, I’ve never touched her in that way but it’s like she’s trying to get me to if that makes sense. I was hoping it’d never get nasty and we’d just sort stuff out amicably, but she’s long since past that point now.
 
Damo_1878 said:
@Little Ralphy another small bit of advice. Try to ensure you never lose your temper and always be totally and utterly reasonable in everything you do. It's tough and there can be times that you can feel provoked because it's a stressful time
But look at the big picture. If it's not going to work with this wife of yours then ultimately what you want is your/your kids interests maintained and an amical separation/divorce where you both get what you want and need, within reason

Take the high ground and keep that always in your mind

Get some professional advice and of course do talk to friends (for moral support) but try to ensure they don't become involved. Them getting involved isn't necessary, and remember it's about trying for the amicable separation/divorce
Click to expand...
Further to that i would say keep evidence of everything.

If you buy clothes or food for the kids keep a note of it. If you give them pocket money keep a note of it. If you pay for anything in the house like gas, electric, food etc then make it trackable for example if you send money to a joint account then write in the note of the transaction what its for or if you deal in cash then note the withdrawl from the machine and create a text message trail.

It sounds tedious but may be useful at some stage.
 
Little Ralphy said:
Cheers mate. I suspect someone has told her something along these lines as I’ve noticed recently she’s deliberately trying to wind me up and provoke me, getting in my face for no reason as well, I’ve never touched her in that way but it’s like she’s trying to get me to if that makes sense. I was hoping it’d never get nasty and we’d just sort stuff out amicably, but she’s long since past that point now.
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Well its very important that you don't. The advice if she starts doing that is to leave the room gracefully.

A bit of advice if that starts. Go for a pleasant walk ideally ask a friend if you can fill up a coffee flask and go for a walk even with an umbrella. It clears the head but also keeps you out of any trouble.

Stay strong. Remember it's all a challenge at the moment but the big picture is to get to a better position in future.
 
I never bothered to divorce mine, we just separated and I stayed in the house with the kids, when I eventually sold it I gave him a share of the profit. After 17 years he died suddenly so I was legally entitled to his life insurances but I was fair and split it 3 ways between my two sons and the woman he was living with at the time.
 

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