Scumbag. Good riddance.
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Former Everton Centre Forward Duncan Ferguson steps into management.....
- Thread starter The Penalty Box Dancer
- Start date
Cost of living in 2039 is absolutely killing me and I just can't afford the season ticket for me and the 19 kids.
So with a heavy heart, I've sold Billy Ray to a travelling family and now just have to have pay for mine and the other 18 little ones.
Farewell Billy Ray, my little 31 year old apple of your father's eye, may you have peace and tranquility working the ticket line on the dodgems
UTFC!
So with a heavy heart, I've sold Billy Ray to a travelling family and now just have to have pay for mine and the other 18 little ones.
Farewell Billy Ray, my little 31 year old apple of your father's eye, may you have peace and tranquility working the ticket line on the dodgems
UTFC!
NeroCeasar
Player Valuation: £6m
Which one of the 18 got his harpoon? I hope for everyone's sake it wasn't Cyrus you gave it to
Of course not, Cyrus got the Bow & Arrow and Maverick got Billy Ray's Harpoon though Goose did chase him round the chicken pen trying to take it off him lol
Kids eh, damn harpoon grabbing goblins!
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Chesterfield vs AFC Fylde
30th July 2039
It was the first game of the new campaign and life without Duncan Ferguson. Fylde travelling to rivals Chesterfield after last season's dramatic finish when they snuck into the play-offs. A new season could mean anything, Brentford got off to a flier winning 2-0 against Fleetwood the night before and new additions for Fylde could see them add additional strength in key areas. The goalkeeper and defence remained as usual and Henderson went with Francis Johnson and Tommy Smyth in central midfield. The 18 year old being given his debut on opening day. Ollie Bellairs also got his debut playing on the left wing and Bytheway and Craddock occupied the attacking third with Grant Thomas playing ahead of them in a 4-2-3-1. The two youngsters Warren Hodge and Elliot Richardson were both named as substitutes for the trip and what a big occasion it could be to play for their local team. Sam Pride wasn't named in the matchday squad, the 35 year old recently signed for Fylde but was not part of the squad. The first real chance came on 29 minutes when Jay Preece played the ball over the top from the right and Thomas held off his marker to get the shot off but it was well saved. Craddock was at fault a few minute later when his clearance was poor, Blissett found Clarke inside the box and he put it into the bottom corner on 33 minutes. The goal sparked both teams into life and Chesterfield almost got a second but Breacker was down to get it away. Ollie Bellairs had a chance at the far post and it was beaten away by the keeper. Vince Bytheway was just not in the game so Henderson made the call on 55 minutes to give young Warren Hodge his first team debut! What a moment for the 17 year old! Preece found Craddock in space on 60 minutes, he came forward unopposed and played the low ball across the box towards Bellairs who done well to beat his marker and get a shot in across goal from a tight angle that went into the top corner! 1-1! Bellairs with a goal on his debut! Grant Thomas passed to Craddock who played it to Smyth, Smyth gave it forward to Hodge and again to Craddock who then slotted a nice through ball into the area and Grant Thomas poked it past the keeper, 2-1 to Fylde on 65 minutes! Better football from Fylde! Craddock was in great form, he passed forward to Bellairs who struck first time and smashed the post. Tommy Smyth went off on 73 minutes after a good solid debut in midfield. Stewart Milby came on to replace him. Not long to go, Milby passed to Hodge on the edge of the box and he played it in for Thomas to seal the victory making it 3-1! It wasn't over yet, 90 minutes on the clock and Craddock was having a stormer, he played it over the top, Bellairs brushed his man aside and smashed it past the keeper, his second of the game, 4-1 to The Coasters! What a second half from Fylde! It must have been the words from Euan Henderson that sparked a magnificent second half!
EH: It was emphatic! I told them at half-time that they were second best and were losing to every player on the pitch, we had to get in their face and step our game up higher up the field. That is how we dominated. Craddock was exceptional, Bellairs is a natural goalscorer, we just looked good in that second half and there's no excuse for not working hard.
PLAYER RATINGS
AFC Fylde vs Portsmouth
3rd August 2039
It was a humid evening in Kirkham for Fylde's first home fixture of the season against Portsmouth. Henderson was impressed with the weekend's display and Warren Hodge got his first start, Vince Bytheway dropped to the bench. Hodge and Smyth seemed to have developed a good early partnership and the tricks on show were a delight for the supporters. Thomas was put through on goal by Johnson after his run from deep but his shot was kept out. Obasi got the ball on the Portsmouth left and crossed for Bottensien but as Jordan went up for the header he used his arm and a penalty was awarded to Portsmouth. Ollie Abrahams put the ball down, took a couple of steps back and sent Breacker the wrong way making it 1-0 after 28 minutes played at Mill Farm. As the first half was drawing to a close, Portsmouth had a free-kick in a dangerous area, Glenn Kenny was handy with free-kicks and his low shot couldn't be stopped as it beat Breacker too easily, 2-0 and all to do for Fylde. With less than 30 minutes to go, Bellairs turned on the magic weaving in and out of three Portsmouth players and found Craddock at the far post to tap in! 2-1! Henderson made changes after the goal and it was Craddock who went off despite scoring being replaced by David Hill and Warren Hodge got a warm applause when he was replaced by Bytheway. At one end Bytheway was trying to create for Thomas but he was having an off day in front of goal, Hill hit the bar from the edge of the box and the ball was quickly played upfield as Obasi fed it through to Barry Day who made it 3-1 on 78 minutes. Thomas went off looking disappointed with himself, Stuart Greene came on and Hill moved up front. Preece pumped the ball into the box, Bellairs nodded it down for Smyth who tried the shot but it was blocked and it fell to Hill who knocked it in! 3-2! Ten minutes to go! Fylde were getting forward and Portsmouth sat back to soak up pressure, Greene tried a shot but it went straight over the bar. Portsmouth came and took all three points this evening. Fylde showed some good attacking moves and were getting the ball down the channels and into dangerous areas but Portsmouth took their chances and deserved their win.
PLAYER RATINGS
Crewe Alexandra vs AFC Fylde
6th August 2039
The transfer window was closed and it was time to go with with what you had. Henderson was still tinkering with his favoured line-up and Stuart Greene got a start behind Grant Thomas. 8 minutes into the match and Smyth moved the ball right to Craddock who quickly cut in on his left, found space and smashed a low shot into the bottom left corner! The keeper had no chance of thst thunderbolt! Crewe replied instantly when Smith got it forward to Gill who held off Barrett and levelled. Fylde were struggling to get back into the game and just after half-time it was all too easy for Chris Smith who took an optimistic low shot that beat the defence and the keeper to give Crewe the lead. Henderson made a double change on 63 minutes, Bytheway and Hill came on for Thomas and Greene. Vince Bytheway made his 473rd appearance for Fylde and now holds the record for most appearances beating Morgan Feeney's 472. It was a poor performance from Fylde. Shades away from what we seen last season and players Chris need to take responsibility out there.
EH: We could have lost that by about three or four but Breacker made some good saves to keep us in the game. Unfortunately we couldn't make an impact on the game and it's disappointing to come away with nothing.
PLAYER RATINGS
AFC Fylde vs Cheltenham Town
League Cup First Round
9th August 2039
After two league defeats it was time to turn our attention to the first round of the League Cup. Cheltenham had taken 7 points from their opening 3 games and were setting their stall out for the season as promotion contenders. Henderson changed his team, opting for a 4-4-2 with 16 year old defender Elliot Richardson getting his debut next to Sean Jordan. Chris Moffatt, Sam Pride and Stewart Milby came into midfield and Thomas partnered Hodge in attack. It was all Cheltenham in the first half but they were not getting a clear shot on goal, Fylde were sitting in two banks of four and inviting pressure. Breacker went long with the goal kick on 48 minutes and Hodge flicked it on for Thomas who ran at the defence and looked to get the shot away with with left foot but was body checked by Lock and won his side a penalty! Thomas took the kick and sent the keeper the wrong way before tucking it into the bottom corner! Francis Johnson came on for Sam Pride who just wasn't clicking in the Fylde midfield. With 20 minutes to go, Johnson was key in changing the tempo, he got Moffatt on the ball and his ball to the far post towards Bytheway was sublime but Bytheway put it wide. David Hill came on for Warren Hodge who wasn't having a great game up top but it's not his natural position. Breacker was having a good game in goal and wasn't being troubled, Umoh went close when his rising shot went over the bar. Richardson looked nervous at times but Jordan was supportive of his partner. Richardson had a good game and went off with 6 minutes to go for John Tomaszko. Cheltenham were pushing hard for the equaliser in stoppage time and Bytheway done well to head behind from two corners. The third cross into the box was closed down by Bytheway but it came to Danny Ashmore whose deflected shot beat Breacker and made it 1-1 on 91 minutes. Fylde went for the winner, Milby got it wide to Brooks on the right, he crossed for Moffatt and his header was tipped over the bar, what a save. Johnson took the corner and Hill headed across goal, it was a heart in mouth moment. Thomas got it wide to Moffatt and he crossed for Hill but this time the keeper caught it. The match is over, there'll be no extra time and it will be decided on penalties. Grant Thomas stepped up first for Fylde, straight into the bottom corner! Dom Tear against Jason Breacker and he went low, Breacker didn't even move, 1-1. It's the veteran Bytheway and he sent Peacock the wrong way putting into the top corner! Adamson went low for Cheltenham and made it 2-2 sending Breacker the wrong way. Chris Moffatt was not a regular penalty taker and his kick was saved easily by Peacock! Crosskill had the chance to make it 3-2 and he did but Breacker almost got a hand to it. David Hill on thr fourth kick for Fylde and he makes it 3-3 with no problem at all with a top corner beauty. Butcher-Wordsworth kept the Cheltenham advantage by easily beating Breacker. Dale Alexander with the chance to keep Fylde in the game and he went for the top right corner but it was kept out! Cheltenham are the winners and will go through to the League Cup Second Round!
EH: There were some questionable performances today and I expected better. We didn't look like scoring from open play but our defence was organised well and there were some good performances in that respect. Young Elliot done well tonight and he should take heart from that, we didn't concede while he was on the pitch so he can take credit for his showing. Of course I'm disappointed to be out of the cup so early, I always want us to go as far as possible.
PLAYER RATINGS
30th July 2039
=
It was the first game of the new campaign and life without Duncan Ferguson. Fylde travelling to rivals Chesterfield after last season's dramatic finish when they snuck into the play-offs. A new season could mean anything, Brentford got off to a flier winning 2-0 against Fleetwood the night before and new additions for Fylde could see them add additional strength in key areas. The goalkeeper and defence remained as usual and Henderson went with Francis Johnson and Tommy Smyth in central midfield. The 18 year old being given his debut on opening day. Ollie Bellairs also got his debut playing on the left wing and Bytheway and Craddock occupied the attacking third with Grant Thomas playing ahead of them in a 4-2-3-1. The two youngsters Warren Hodge and Elliot Richardson were both named as substitutes for the trip and what a big occasion it could be to play for their local team. Sam Pride wasn't named in the matchday squad, the 35 year old recently signed for Fylde but was not part of the squad. The first real chance came on 29 minutes when Jay Preece played the ball over the top from the right and Thomas held off his marker to get the shot off but it was well saved. Craddock was at fault a few minute later when his clearance was poor, Blissett found Clarke inside the box and he put it into the bottom corner on 33 minutes. The goal sparked both teams into life and Chesterfield almost got a second but Breacker was down to get it away. Ollie Bellairs had a chance at the far post and it was beaten away by the keeper. Vince Bytheway was just not in the game so Henderson made the call on 55 minutes to give young Warren Hodge his first team debut! What a moment for the 17 year old! Preece found Craddock in space on 60 minutes, he came forward unopposed and played the low ball across the box towards Bellairs who done well to beat his marker and get a shot in across goal from a tight angle that went into the top corner! 1-1! Bellairs with a goal on his debut! Grant Thomas passed to Craddock who played it to Smyth, Smyth gave it forward to Hodge and again to Craddock who then slotted a nice through ball into the area and Grant Thomas poked it past the keeper, 2-1 to Fylde on 65 minutes! Better football from Fylde! Craddock was in great form, he passed forward to Bellairs who struck first time and smashed the post. Tommy Smyth went off on 73 minutes after a good solid debut in midfield. Stewart Milby came on to replace him. Not long to go, Milby passed to Hodge on the edge of the box and he played it in for Thomas to seal the victory making it 3-1! It wasn't over yet, 90 minutes on the clock and Craddock was having a stormer, he played it over the top, Bellairs brushed his man aside and smashed it past the keeper, his second of the game, 4-1 to The Coasters! What a second half from Fylde! It must have been the words from Euan Henderson that sparked a magnificent second half!
EH: It was emphatic! I told them at half-time that they were second best and were losing to every player on the pitch, we had to get in their face and step our game up higher up the field. That is how we dominated. Craddock was exceptional, Bellairs is a natural goalscorer, we just looked good in that second half and there's no excuse for not working hard.
PLAYER RATINGS
AFC Fylde vs Portsmouth
3rd August 2039
=
It was a humid evening in Kirkham for Fylde's first home fixture of the season against Portsmouth. Henderson was impressed with the weekend's display and Warren Hodge got his first start, Vince Bytheway dropped to the bench. Hodge and Smyth seemed to have developed a good early partnership and the tricks on show were a delight for the supporters. Thomas was put through on goal by Johnson after his run from deep but his shot was kept out. Obasi got the ball on the Portsmouth left and crossed for Bottensien but as Jordan went up for the header he used his arm and a penalty was awarded to Portsmouth. Ollie Abrahams put the ball down, took a couple of steps back and sent Breacker the wrong way making it 1-0 after 28 minutes played at Mill Farm. As the first half was drawing to a close, Portsmouth had a free-kick in a dangerous area, Glenn Kenny was handy with free-kicks and his low shot couldn't be stopped as it beat Breacker too easily, 2-0 and all to do for Fylde. With less than 30 minutes to go, Bellairs turned on the magic weaving in and out of three Portsmouth players and found Craddock at the far post to tap in! 2-1! Henderson made changes after the goal and it was Craddock who went off despite scoring being replaced by David Hill and Warren Hodge got a warm applause when he was replaced by Bytheway. At one end Bytheway was trying to create for Thomas but he was having an off day in front of goal, Hill hit the bar from the edge of the box and the ball was quickly played upfield as Obasi fed it through to Barry Day who made it 3-1 on 78 minutes. Thomas went off looking disappointed with himself, Stuart Greene came on and Hill moved up front. Preece pumped the ball into the box, Bellairs nodded it down for Smyth who tried the shot but it was blocked and it fell to Hill who knocked it in! 3-2! Ten minutes to go! Fylde were getting forward and Portsmouth sat back to soak up pressure, Greene tried a shot but it went straight over the bar. Portsmouth came and took all three points this evening. Fylde showed some good attacking moves and were getting the ball down the channels and into dangerous areas but Portsmouth took their chances and deserved their win.
PLAYER RATINGS
Crewe Alexandra vs AFC Fylde
6th August 2039
=
The transfer window was closed and it was time to go with with what you had. Henderson was still tinkering with his favoured line-up and Stuart Greene got a start behind Grant Thomas. 8 minutes into the match and Smyth moved the ball right to Craddock who quickly cut in on his left, found space and smashed a low shot into the bottom left corner! The keeper had no chance of thst thunderbolt! Crewe replied instantly when Smith got it forward to Gill who held off Barrett and levelled. Fylde were struggling to get back into the game and just after half-time it was all too easy for Chris Smith who took an optimistic low shot that beat the defence and the keeper to give Crewe the lead. Henderson made a double change on 63 minutes, Bytheway and Hill came on for Thomas and Greene. Vince Bytheway made his 473rd appearance for Fylde and now holds the record for most appearances beating Morgan Feeney's 472. It was a poor performance from Fylde. Shades away from what we seen last season and players Chris need to take responsibility out there.
EH: We could have lost that by about three or four but Breacker made some good saves to keep us in the game. Unfortunately we couldn't make an impact on the game and it's disappointing to come away with nothing.
PLAYER RATINGS
AFC Fylde vs Cheltenham Town
League Cup First Round
9th August 2039
=
After two league defeats it was time to turn our attention to the first round of the League Cup. Cheltenham had taken 7 points from their opening 3 games and were setting their stall out for the season as promotion contenders. Henderson changed his team, opting for a 4-4-2 with 16 year old defender Elliot Richardson getting his debut next to Sean Jordan. Chris Moffatt, Sam Pride and Stewart Milby came into midfield and Thomas partnered Hodge in attack. It was all Cheltenham in the first half but they were not getting a clear shot on goal, Fylde were sitting in two banks of four and inviting pressure. Breacker went long with the goal kick on 48 minutes and Hodge flicked it on for Thomas who ran at the defence and looked to get the shot away with with left foot but was body checked by Lock and won his side a penalty! Thomas took the kick and sent the keeper the wrong way before tucking it into the bottom corner! Francis Johnson came on for Sam Pride who just wasn't clicking in the Fylde midfield. With 20 minutes to go, Johnson was key in changing the tempo, he got Moffatt on the ball and his ball to the far post towards Bytheway was sublime but Bytheway put it wide. David Hill came on for Warren Hodge who wasn't having a great game up top but it's not his natural position. Breacker was having a good game in goal and wasn't being troubled, Umoh went close when his rising shot went over the bar. Richardson looked nervous at times but Jordan was supportive of his partner. Richardson had a good game and went off with 6 minutes to go for John Tomaszko. Cheltenham were pushing hard for the equaliser in stoppage time and Bytheway done well to head behind from two corners. The third cross into the box was closed down by Bytheway but it came to Danny Ashmore whose deflected shot beat Breacker and made it 1-1 on 91 minutes. Fylde went for the winner, Milby got it wide to Brooks on the right, he crossed for Moffatt and his header was tipped over the bar, what a save. Johnson took the corner and Hill headed across goal, it was a heart in mouth moment. Thomas got it wide to Moffatt and he crossed for Hill but this time the keeper caught it. The match is over, there'll be no extra time and it will be decided on penalties. Grant Thomas stepped up first for Fylde, straight into the bottom corner! Dom Tear against Jason Breacker and he went low, Breacker didn't even move, 1-1. It's the veteran Bytheway and he sent Peacock the wrong way putting into the top corner! Adamson went low for Cheltenham and made it 2-2 sending Breacker the wrong way. Chris Moffatt was not a regular penalty taker and his kick was saved easily by Peacock! Crosskill had the chance to make it 3-2 and he did but Breacker almost got a hand to it. David Hill on thr fourth kick for Fylde and he makes it 3-3 with no problem at all with a top corner beauty. Butcher-Wordsworth kept the Cheltenham advantage by easily beating Breacker. Dale Alexander with the chance to keep Fylde in the game and he went for the top right corner but it was kept out! Cheltenham are the winners and will go through to the League Cup Second Round!
EH: There were some questionable performances today and I expected better. We didn't look like scoring from open play but our defence was organised well and there were some good performances in that respect. Young Elliot done well tonight and he should take heart from that, we didn't concede while he was on the pitch so he can take credit for his showing. Of course I'm disappointed to be out of the cup so early, I always want us to go as far as possible.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
Gutless cowards to a man this team. And if i wasn't such a coward myself I'd yell stuff from the terraces just quietly enough so the players didn't hear it and hit me.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
EFL TROPHY GROUP STAGE DRAW
Another day, another season, another bad start, another wreckless one night stand, another dodgy curry, another tattoo, another binbag of clothes for mum......but one things changed, there's a gaping hole in my soul (which reminds me to buy glue to fix the bottom of my shoe), there's an emptiness deep in my gut (is it the yearning for a full English I wonder?), there's a little patch of liquid on my pillow from tears spilled (or has Jimmy Savlon the next door neighbour been up to his old hair gel tricks again?)....and I remember, it's because Big Dunc has gone
Hello Duncan my old friend
I've come to kidnap you again
Because a vision softly creeping
I watched you while you were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Was Lois Lane
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams, I swam alone
Through Kopite tears and cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I met Hendo dressed as a tramp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a Disco light
A dirty night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light, I saw
Ten thousand Coasters, maybe more
Big Dunc talking without speaking
Hendo hearing without listening
I was writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"The village bike said I, "You do not know,
maccas todger still it grows
Hear his words that he might teach you
Take his harpoon that it might reach you"
And those words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And Stacey bowed aand Tracy prayed
To the neon macca they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
Then the sign said, "The words on the prophets are written on the subway walls
In tenement halls"
And i farted in the sound of silence
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
I didn't cry when I lost my mum when the mackerel trawler she was on got hit by the great tsunami of 2034.Another day, another season, another bad start, another wreckless one night stand, another dodgy curry, another tattoo, another binbag of clothes for mum......but one things changed, there's a gaping hole in my soul (which reminds me to buy glue to fix the bottom of my shoe), there's an emptiness deep in my gut (is it the yearning for a full English I wonder?), there's a little patch of liquid on my pillow from tears spilled (or has Jimmy Savlon the next door neighbour been up to his old hair gel tricks again?)....and I remember, it's because Big Dunc has gone
Hello Duncan my old friend
I've come to kidnap you again
Because a vision softly creeping
I watched you while you were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Was Lois Lane
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams, I swam alone
Through Kopite tears and cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I met Hendo dressed as a tramp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a Disco light
A dirty night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light, I saw
Ten thousand Coasters, maybe more
Big Dunc talking without speaking
Hendo hearing without listening
I was writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"The village bike said I, "You do not know,
maccas todger still it grows
Hear his words that he might teach you
Take his harpoon that it might reach you"
And those words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And Stacey bowed aand Tracy prayed
To the neon macca they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
Then the sign said, "The words on the prophets are written on the subway walls
In tenement halls"
And i farted in the sound of silence
But I'll cry now.
NeroCeasar
Player Valuation: £6m
I know who will be on the receiving end of my first harpoon of the year if this keeps up.
@maccavennie anything to be said for a visit to Hendo from mammy? Just to set him straight on a few things
@maccavennie anything to be said for a visit to Hendo from mammy? Just to set him straight on a few things
She's living with him mate, he's completely lost his focus.....his Ford Focus that is as they got done by a pair of swingers in the local Lidl car park.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Classic Hendo!
I was on that trawler too and i didn't cry for your mum either, in fact i pushed her overboard just as a joke.
But I'm in tears now.