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Gardening with Joey

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With lots of people now having more time to get out in the garden @Joey66 has been in his element dishing out invaluable advice.

Ask Joey your gardening questions here and tag @COYBL25 at the same time so that he can translate Joey's response.

I'll go first. Joey, please advise what would be best to bury my teenage son under or should I compost him? Any advice that avoids further criminal convictions would be welcome.
Thanks @Bungle for starting this thread. We've always loved Joey but you've turned him into a cult hero.
 
Right important for anyone with a lawn - as soon as a dry spell comes...last cut now with 1.2 inch showing rake any bare patches and get some grass seed mixed quite heavy in a bucket, and after forking the bare patches for drainage sow you mixture & leave it about 1.5 cm higher than your existing lawn so over the winter the rain will subside it level it will germinate or half germinate depending on the temperature -
Next spring your first cut you will have a lovely all over green lawn no maintenance till next spring the reason for the late cut is if we have snow it will not ruin your existing grass - if it is very mild it will be fine as light in the UK it will go into semi dormancy anyway - clean your lawnmower your edging shears too for next year -
 

that ain’t happening, I can live with a few lumps if that’s the case
It will only deteriorate disintegrate in time it's expensive stuff to - wait for a dry period order a ton bag of good aggregate from your builder merchants - not that big of a job - compact it light, and get metal pins off eBay - it's like fitting carpet outside a day's work if that......
 
It will only deteriorate disintegrate in time it's expensive stuff to - wait for a dry period order a ton bag of good aggregate from your builder merchants - not that big of a job - compact it light, and get metal pins off eBay - it's like fitting carpet outside a day's work if that......

Cheers Joey I’ll stick it on the to do list.
 

Mild weather plus the wet has made our grass on lawns grow far later than usual - Dry weather plus frost forecast end of this week if your lawn is 2-3 inches high is I recommend a last cut as when you cut your lawn with frost forecast, you do get a double whammy on your lawn - one it's definitely the last cut as the bruising of the lawn grass from your mower plus then even a slight ground frost that will stunt the grass completely till the spring -
The danger of leaving your lawn at 2 -3 inches if the weather turns into a cold snowy spell fallen snow that sticks later on in the winter could damage your lawn causing fusarium patch disease that spreads in the spring leaving a big reseeding job plus a lot of bother to get rid of the fungus once it establishes itself ....
I know I posted before that the last cut was a month ago but the wet mild weather has made the lawns grow - make sure it is dry enough before you attempt your lawnmower cut for the last time -
Also, a good time to clip back only dead wood on your hardy flowering perennials to about 6-8 inches any live wood leave it growing as this will eventually die back into the roots to feed the plant for next year's flowering, avoid cutting back too hard or you will reduce the amount & size of flowers you will get next year plus it tidies your garden up too.... the rest of the growth for now will eventually die back completely in its own time depending on the genus of plant you have, but it's just an all round rule of a guide to tidy dead wood away not too harshly .....
 
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Right important for anyone with a lawn - as soon as a dry spell comes...last cut now with 1.2 inch showing rake any bare patches and get some grass seed mixed quite heavy in a bucket, and after forking the bare patches for drainage sow you mixture & leave it about 1.5 cm higher than your existing lawn so over the winter the rain will subside it level it will germinate or half germinate depending on the temperature -
Next spring your first cut you will have a lovely all over green lawn no maintenance till next spring the reason for the late cut is if we have snow it will not ruin your existing grass - if it is very mild it will be fine as light in the UK it will go into semi dormancy anyway - clean your lawnmower your edging shears too for next year -
Late to this one but I’m not going near my garden until we swing back around on this rock us scum have cultivated on.
 

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