Muggins
Player Valuation: £60m
It’s a tough question as I’m not a football manager and have no qualifications.
I guess I’d spend as much time as I could with the players, get hands on at training, earn their respect, and get them to respect each other.
I get the feeling we have a group of professionals who don’t hate each other or the manager, but the closeness and group fight is just not there. I’d spend every minute I had trying to change that, and get them to buy into my thinking.
I’d tell them football is 11 v 11. Working together we can try and do anything to win, but it needs complete buy in, ie this is our chance to turn it around and be heroes! Making fans happy is a good feeling right!
I’d sit us all down in the centre circle at goodison lay back on the grass, and ask them to all contribute in a group discussion about where they think it’s all going wrong.
They wouldn’t be forthcoming initially, but with some encouragement a few more vocal players would speak, then it’ll all start coming out, then it’ll get tense etc. I’d “manage” that situation considering our current circumstances. I’d carefully monitor who’s speaking the most and who’s clearly afraid to speak, and find ways of getting them all talking, boosting individuals confidence. As soon as the group are laughing together, something has been achieved.
I’d then announce that we have found our middle ground, in the centre circle of Goodison park, our team home.
I’d tell them that davek on GOT says we are a few points from safety with half a season to play, and I agree. We control the formation, the tactics, our own destiny, shooting and shots, and our one single job regardless of the result is to play our hearts out for those fans who love us and don’t get paid the salaries we do.
I’d then take them out for dinner and pay myself. We most likely might end up on social media photos, but it would show what I’m really doing as the new boss. That will unsettle opponents as other teams players defo are on TikTok 24/7 with Multi’s the bad tits, and seeing something unexpected will throw them off. I’d also encourage my players to make jokes on behalf of the opposition. This would make them more self focused to beat the opposition as it was their idea right?
I’d then go through the lead up to match day giving press conferences saying things like, “Manager Muggins ‘understands’ there’s discontent at ${oppositionClubName}..”. Whether there is or not, is irrelevant as it’ll throw some doubt in the oppositions mind. “Look a squirrel” logic suggests non Everton fans will eat this up, as let’s face it stupid stuff happened at Everton and if you are not an Everton fan then no one actually really cares, it’s onto the next outrage for most.
Match day will be a festival of positive things for Everton FC. The shooting and shots the team decided on prioritising as a tactic has paid off, the fans are singing “spirit of the blues” in full without fear of needing to stop when the opposition press on to try and score.
Can someone else take over now please. I need to reheat my dinner.
I guess I’d spend as much time as I could with the players, get hands on at training, earn their respect, and get them to respect each other.
I get the feeling we have a group of professionals who don’t hate each other or the manager, but the closeness and group fight is just not there. I’d spend every minute I had trying to change that, and get them to buy into my thinking.
I’d tell them football is 11 v 11. Working together we can try and do anything to win, but it needs complete buy in, ie this is our chance to turn it around and be heroes! Making fans happy is a good feeling right!
I’d sit us all down in the centre circle at goodison lay back on the grass, and ask them to all contribute in a group discussion about where they think it’s all going wrong.
They wouldn’t be forthcoming initially, but with some encouragement a few more vocal players would speak, then it’ll all start coming out, then it’ll get tense etc. I’d “manage” that situation considering our current circumstances. I’d carefully monitor who’s speaking the most and who’s clearly afraid to speak, and find ways of getting them all talking, boosting individuals confidence. As soon as the group are laughing together, something has been achieved.
I’d then announce that we have found our middle ground, in the centre circle of Goodison park, our team home.
I’d tell them that davek on GOT says we are a few points from safety with half a season to play, and I agree. We control the formation, the tactics, our own destiny, shooting and shots, and our one single job regardless of the result is to play our hearts out for those fans who love us and don’t get paid the salaries we do.
I’d then take them out for dinner and pay myself. We most likely might end up on social media photos, but it would show what I’m really doing as the new boss. That will unsettle opponents as other teams players defo are on TikTok 24/7 with Multi’s the bad tits, and seeing something unexpected will throw them off. I’d also encourage my players to make jokes on behalf of the opposition. This would make them more self focused to beat the opposition as it was their idea right?
I’d then go through the lead up to match day giving press conferences saying things like, “Manager Muggins ‘understands’ there’s discontent at ${oppositionClubName}..”. Whether there is or not, is irrelevant as it’ll throw some doubt in the oppositions mind. “Look a squirrel” logic suggests non Everton fans will eat this up, as let’s face it stupid stuff happened at Everton and if you are not an Everton fan then no one actually really cares, it’s onto the next outrage for most.
Match day will be a festival of positive things for Everton FC. The shooting and shots the team decided on prioritising as a tactic has paid off, the fans are singing “spirit of the blues” in full without fear of needing to stop when the opposition press on to try and score.
Can someone else take over now please. I need to reheat my dinner.
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