Cellardweller
Player Valuation: £8m
The inventor of Velcro has died.
RIP
RIP
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
I asked my wife what her favourite inuendo was.
She said "Oh that's a hard one"
She said "Oh that's a hard one"
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I went to the Doctors for advice about losing weight. He said, "Don't eat anything fatty".
I said, "What, like bacon, sausages and burgers ?"
He replied, " No fatty, don't eat anything".
I said, "What, like bacon, sausages and burgers ?"
He replied, " No fatty, don't eat anything".
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I can cut a piece of wood in half by just looking at it.
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Cellardweller
Player Valuation: £8m
I heard my boss is looking to sack the person with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.
Seathestars
Player Valuation: £60m
Doctor : You really need to stop masturbating
Me : Why?
Doctor : ‘cos I need to start the examination now
Me : Why?
Doctor : ‘cos I need to start the examination now
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
canuckblue
Player Valuation: £50m
WAs at the beach this morning and saw a trailer advertising Lobster tails for £2.
So I paid the fella £2 and ..
“Once upon a time there was a lobster...”
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! …
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!", she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man.
'Whooza talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi.'
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! …
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!", she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man.
'Whooza talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi.'