Because it was summer, I was able to get a huge fake Christmas tree at a very good price from our local department store. When I took it up to the cashier, the cashier asked me, "You gonna put that up yourself?" I said, "That's disgusting, I'm gonna put it in my living room."
The missus asked me to do the 'Liverpool' position whilst having sex last night, " what's that one" I asked, "You're on top for ages and then cum second" she replied.