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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
I still don't get it.
Whisky with coke. What a waste.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
What did the pirate day on his 80th birthday ?
Aye matey.
Aye matey.
Alanbileysfeathercut
Player Valuation: £70m
Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other one says, "Well, I’m a big metal fan."
The other one says, "Well, I’m a big metal fan."
The binman chronicles
Player Valuation: £80m
Visual gag : (colon).
Went to a strange christening yesterday. Instead of holy water the priest poured four cans of lager on the child’s head.
Apparently the baby had been Fostered
Apparently the baby had been Fostered
deipnosophist
Player Valuation: £80m
Had to remove the question mark as well...
Bishop Thumpety-Thump
Player Valuation: £15m
I once made a belt from some old watches.
It was a complete waste of time.
It was a complete waste of time.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Alanbileysfeathercut
Player Valuation: £70m
After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions,Pat and Mick decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small sweet stand, paying 30p for each box of sweets and then selling it for 30th.
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of sweets, yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
"You see?" Pat snarled at Mick. "I told you we should have bought a larger stand!"
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of sweets, yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
"You see?" Pat snarled at Mick. "I told you we should have bought a larger stand!"
Alanbileysfeathercut
Player Valuation: £70m
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and
continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and
continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."